THE NAME GAME

Dallas jewelry designer Dragon Lady sent me this one--a link to a fascinating name-o-meter which can provide hours--well, ok, minutes--of wholesome family entertainment. It's a graph which tracks the popularity of popular names since 1900. Bunny didn't even register. But it is fascinating to guess what makes which name popular when. Obviously, some names' popularity are linked to stars of the day, but others, like Cassandra and Ian have peaked inexplicably in recent years. Maybe those slightly weird or foreign-sounding names have only just sunk into our consciousness. And of course it's fun to type in names you remember from school. Seems like almost every girl I grew up with was named Lisa, Karen or Pam.

The recent (last 20 years) trend of "creatively" spelling names (eg: Lysah) or making up new ones (eg: Beyonce) has always irritated me when there are so many gorgeous old names which have fallen from favor and are due for a revival, like Daphne, Lydia and Pearl. I know they sound granny-ish cuz they've been out of style for decades. But they are real names which mean something with roots in various languages. Macy was my granny's name and it fell off the map for decades until recently--due to Macy Gray's success or some kind of grunge-y longing for something old-timey, arty or un-cheerleader-y, perhaps? Maybe Beyonce expresses something of the moment or maybe it's just plain ugly and stupid.

http://babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html

HURRAY FOR NINE INCH!

Nails, that is. I couln't name one of their songs as I'm not much of a rocker, but I wholeheartedly applaud their conviction.

From AP:

LOS ANGELES (May 28) - Nine Inch Nails dropped out of the MTV Movie Awards after clashing with the network over an image of President Bush the band planned as a performance backdrop.

The Bush image was to accompany the song "The Hand That Feeds," which obliquely criticizes the Iraq war. It includes the lyrics: "What if this whole crusade's a charade / And behind it all there's a price to be paid / For the blood on which we dine / Justified in the name of the holy and the divine."

MTV said in a statement to its news division that the network was disappointed the industrial rock band would not perform but had been "uncomfortable with their performance being built around a partisan political statement."

The Foo Fighters will perform in place of the Trent Reznor-led band at the awards being taped June 4 in Los Angeles

Reznor said in a statement posted on the band's Web site Thursday that the image of the president would have been unaltered and "straightforward."

"Apparently, the image of our president is as offensive to MTV as it is to me," he said.

Nine Inch Nails' fourth studio album and first in six years, "With Teeth," debuted this month at No. 1 in sales.

AIDSY DAIDSY AIDS PUPPET

Must be seen to be believed. Complete "with AIDS virus type hairpiece."

http://www.brevis.com/cgi-bin/catalog.cgi?/i/eqelFXkLz1

MAKING A DENT!

I'M A BELIEVER!

Now you can make your own ridiculous church signs. Thanks, Patrick, for turning me on to:

http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/index_1.php

Here's a cute one someone sent in:

HUMAN TOMATO?

Michael T writes the stupidest evites on earth. In case you aren't "lucky" enough to be on his "exclusive" shit list, here's a sample of her royal wrongness:

Hey Kids-

Who would of thought taking an x-tasy pill back in 1999 would
have produced this little party known as Motherfucker...go figure?
In any case, here we are celebrating our 5th year in old gotham.
I really hope most of you can make this event, it'll
be well worth it, believe you me!

Sunday, May 29th [Memorial Day Weekend]
Michael T, Justine D, Johnny T & Georgie Seville
present
MOTHERFUCKER @ The Roxy
5 Year Anniversary Extravaganza!
515 W.18st btwn 10th & 11th ave [212]645-5156
Doors 10pm/18 to precum/21 to shoot the gizz!/ID A MUST!

In conjunction with our 5 year anniversary we bring to you
our very first...

"ROCK N ROLL CIRCUS"

Clowns really do RULE the world...why our very own country is being run [down]
by one!

*Admission-You can drop my name at the door for reduced entry [$15 till
Mid-Night]
This is the same as an invite, however, you'll stand on the
guest list line [usually faster] and you can come with a group and still get
in for $15...can NOT do that with an invite. Only stipulation, you and
your friends MUST work a LOOK!

OPEN VODKA REDBULL BAR 10-11PM!
Free Redbull Shots 11-12!
2 4 1 Cocktails 3-4 [buy one-get one free!]

EMCEE, Tommfoolery Instigator & AIDS CARRIER for over 20 Years!
"The Misstress Formika"

Special Co-MC-The Empress Chi Chi Valenti
She'll be in RingMisstress Drag and serving it to all of the Children!

Main Floor Dj's:

Michael T-There is NOTHING in this world SADDER than a GAY CLOWN!
This creature being the SADDEST & GAYEST of them all!!

Justine D-Have you ever seen an asian clown? They're not very exciting...lot's
of chanting and chop stick tricks...snoozefest!

Dave P-We couldn't afford to hire a professional Midget so we just
hired Dave P as the next best thing...check out his "dope" Big Red Midget
Shoes!

Jess-Ahh, the forlorn, fey clown. PULEEZE! This "routine" is absolutely
nauseating!
Have plenty of stones and pebbles to pelt him with throughout the course of
the evening!

Spinning-Rock N Roll, 70's Glam & Punk Rock, Nu-Wave [U Can Sashay 2] &
Late-Nite
Kooky Cokey Clown Disco!

Live Shows Throughout the Night! Stilitwalkers, Unicyclists, Gender
Illusionists
and more!

DJ's in the "Shakes the Clown" Lounge:

Carlos D-Can you believe this one has to now be accomodated with a "DJ RIDER"
Let me share with you what's in the rider: Coke, More Coke a little More Coke
One Fat Chick and and a Lunch Pail with a skull on it!

JDH-His "DJ RIDER" is a bit more unique: Laxatives, Diet Pills and 48 cans
of redbull!

Rory Phillips-He's a bloody limey so all he wants is booze!

Spinning-Circus theme Muzak, Carnival Goth & of course, Gay Show Tunes!!

Willi Ninja & The House of Ninja, Amanda Lepore & MILAN all "professional
freaks" will be turning it out for you fuckers at 1:00. 2:00 & 3:00am!!

Year Round Freak Ron M & Year Round Black Sexy MaMa Peppermint Gummybear
will be lurking around the room...ready to pounce their next victim!


Plus, Official Launch Party for [lastnightsparty.com] the Magazine!

Lot's of Go Go Trash & Giveaways!
Distribution:Shaw Promotions.

Carnival Door Cunt Thomas...He embodies the true meaning of a BITTER clown!
Makes YOU Suckers PAY! $15 w/invite till Mid-Night $20 after w/invite
$25 w/out! [i suggest you don't forget your invitations]

Feel Free to pass Missed Cross Dresser/Bearded Lady/Transtesticle-mail
to all of your "inverted" friends!

DRESSCODE:All Clown Looks! 50's Burlesque, Vegas Show Girls,
Grim Reaper, Human Tomato, Top Hats, Boas & Cane!

Questions? Call the V-mail [212]714-5075
More info go to [www.motherfuckernyc.com]

Well, that's it kids....hope to see you fools there!

Thanks for the last 5 crazy, fucking years!

xo
Michael T.
aka...Bug Chaser T, Home Wrecker T & "THE SPREADER"

"Mr.Demille, i'm ready for my close-up"
Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard 1950

CARRIE AND BO VERSUS KERRY AND DUBYA

American I-Dull gets more 378 million more votes than the US presidential election. I'm glad we have our priorities straight. Who wants to fool with some ol' messy war thousands of miles away when they can hear a purdy song? Uh, unless their gas prices go up.

From the Detroit Free Press via http://huffingtonpost.com

There's also the theory that "Idol" taps into our love of democracy , since viewers choose who stays and who goes.

"It really makes it unpredictable," says Robert Thompson, director of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University.

On Wednesday's episode, it was announced that "Idol" got more than 500 million votes for the season.

Although the 2004 presidential election garnered 122 million votes, Thompson isn't worried. Voters got one ballot in Bush versus Kerry, he points out, while they could vote as many times as they wanted for Bo versus Carrie.

PHALLIC LOGO AWARDS

The game designers across the nation are playing is; can they design a logo and get it approved without the client realising it's a big spurting penis?

We asked our readers to send in the best cock logos from around the world for our team of experts to evaluate. Now we present to you the very cream of the cocks. For the truly bored cock-lover go to: http://www.b3ta.com/features/phalliclogoawards/

Naturally, a brazilian logo won!

MORE MONIQUE MANIA!

Please visit this site: http://www.blondeen.tvheaven.com/homepage/monique/monique.html

On it, there's a photo of Monique in front of 4 different colored wigs. When you click each wig, Monique poses in each, with ifferent make-up schemes palettes and even color contact lenses! While at her apartment, she showed me the original print this was taken from.

As if I could love her any more, I ran into visual artist/dj Scott Ewalt (responsible for some of the most glorious Wigstock posters which you can view in the press pix/Wigstock posters of my site) who informed me that Monique had recorded a very progressive track in the 1950's called Sheridan Square, sung from the viewpoint of a male hustler!

Scott knows his divas, and will name-drop at the drop of a wig-hat. But with names to drop like Tura Satana, Haji, Liz Renay and Kitten Natividad, who cares! He's off to Las Vegas with them for a stripper convention. I may have to lend him my video camera for his trip! Can you imagine?

THE REAL MADONNA/ESTHER

Go here: http://www.madonnavillage.com/goodies/videos/MadonnaVillage.com%20Superbitch.mpeg

MISSING ROOSTER

PETA'S Dan Matthews' mom sent me this joke:

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the

church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing. The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning. During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood.

MY CABLE WENT OUT...

so I finally checked out Air America. Wow! My bad for waiting so long. I totally recommend that you visit their website:

http://www.airamericaradio.com/

Click on FIND A STATION and check them out. Janeane Garofalo was sizzling! Totally refuting all the BS of the mainstream media. It made me want to patronize their fucking advertisers to keep their strong voice going!

And then this bomb dropped in a Mother Jones Minute. A memo was released recently which proves that Bush and Tony Blair had already planned to go to war with Iraq and also indicated that they would "fix" any evidence of WMD in Iraq to strengthen their case. Unfortunately, this bombshell was practically ignored by the mainstream media. Surprise, surprise! Here's an excerpt:

In its June 9 issue (on sale this week), the New York Review of Books will be the first American print publication to publish the full British "smoking gun" document, the secret memorandum of the minutes of a meeting of Tony Blair's top advisors in July 2002, eight months before the Iraq War commenced. Leaked to the London Sunday Times, which first published it on May 1, the memo offers irrefutable proof of the way in which the Bush administration made its decision to invade Iraq -- without significant consultation, reasonable intelligence on Iraq, or any desire to explore ways to avoid war -- and well before seeking a Congressional or United Nations mandate of any sort.

Want to read more? I think you should. Or as Janeane put it, "Get your head out of your asses, you right-wing troll-nuts!"

http://www.motherjones.com Once there, click on the article Secret Way To War. You will be horrified, I assure you.

WWW.YEASTRADIO.COM

Or for a slightly lighter broadcast: my technologically backward ass was wrenched into the 21st century world of podcasting by the bloated, yeast-infected, jewish lesbian Madge Weinstein. Check our our podcast on her site: http://www.yeastradio.com We got so chatty on coffee and pastries that we knocked out 2 whole shows discussing everything from Wanda Wisdom to dance music to (natch!) yeast! Give a listen!

PUNISH MY RUNWAY WITH A NASTY ATTITUDE AND A SICKENING WALK!

Click here to read an interesting NY TImes article on the Ultra Omni Ball, featuring Selvin Kool-Aid Givenchy and C J Niles-Charles, pictured.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/22/fashion/sundaystyles/22VOGUE.html

HAIR-RAISING PHIL SPECTOR!

Honey! They may not have convicted Phil of that murder, but he is definitely guilty of one of the most hideous do's of all time! And that's coming from a devoted hair-hopper like me! He wore this to court on 5/23. Looks more like the court of Louis XIV!

TAKING VING VISS MONIQUE VAN VOOREN!

From today's NY Post's Page 6:

TAKING VING

The 50 grandees invited by actress Monique van Vooren to her "country estate" in Bayside, Queens, the other afternoon had to organize a search party when a white dove belonging to a man doing magic tricks flew into the woods. "He was sitting on my shoulder and got frightened by the loud music," said Jacqueline Stone. The towering blond deejay was Lady Bunny. Helping capture the dove and celebrate the birthday of Van Vooren's son, Eric Purcell, were Orin Lehman, Andrea Reynolds and Lord Sean Plunkett. One guest presented van Vooren with a copy of "Night Sanctuary", a novel she wrote in 1981. It had been purchased at a Salvation Army in the The Bronx. The book bore a touching inscription from van Vooren to flamboyant publicist R. Couri Hay, who had apparently donated the volume to charity.

Unfortunately, there was no picture of the utterly charming Monique in the vintage cream-colored Georgio Sant'Angelo sundress with peekaboo lace hemline which the svelte fox can still fit into. Instead, the Post ran yet another photo of Britney, whose pregnant gut now sticks out further than her tits. Britney steals my look again! But you, dear readers, will recall where you saw it first!

GRANDMA'S RETIREMENT PARTY

Festive Party At Nice Restaurant $400.00











Caterer????? $800.00











Beer, Wine &Liquor $500.00











Nude Male Stripper $75.00 Per Hour












PICTURES OF GRANDMA BLOWING THE STRIPPER: PRICELESS

THERE'S A CRACK IN MY WINDSHIELD!

MASCULINE HYGIENE

From porn star/director Micheal Lucas's new blog http://www.lucasblog.com


Though english is not Michael's first language, he's a talented, humorous writer with some interesting articles (and fan's forum-postings) about sex, porn and general gay issues like the "Crystal Mess" epidemic. This post below will appeal to anyone who has ever "fucked the shit out of someone"--literally!

An excerpt from http://www.lucasblog.com/archives/2005/05/michael_lucas_u_1.html#more

It happens to the best of us: at one point or another, we’ve all been painted brown. Oh yes, I’m talking shit today, baby!
I’ve been there. You’ve been there. We’ve all been there (either as a top or a bottom). All of a sudden, what was a hot fuck turns into a smelly embarrassment. Your nose starts to wrinkle and it hits you—first the smell, then the utter humiliation.

You know that pulling out now could be disastrous. What do you do? Do you acknowledge the fact that your dick is covered with shit? Do you say something? Or do you continue to fuck, ignoring the big brown elephant that’s just squatted in the middle of the room? (Some of you might actually find this sort of stuff exciting, but that’s a whole other blog topic).

I often wonder why we, as gay men, don’t douche more often? In fact so many actors who work in my movies have never even heard of it. How can it be that a porn model doesn’t know how to douche? I often find myself explaining the process to people who should be well versed in the art of cleansing. More importantly, I think it’s just bad etiquette to say: “fuck me!” and not be ready for it. How many times have you heard this: “Oops, so sorry.” Sorry my ass! Learn how to douche!

And here are a few of the comments posted in response to this post.

You mean there are still men in this day & age who don't?! Quell Horror! When I was like 20, I once had a bottom shit all over me (I swear he'd been saving up for a week, judging by the amount packed into my pubes & all over my legs), & since then I've ALWAYS douced, whether playing top or bottom...You never know & always need to be prepared!

Hugs,
Scott


I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH YOU,I LIKED FUCKING MY DOCTOR BOYFRIEND AND SMELLING AND HAVING SHIT ALL OVER MY DICK,
IT WAS A WARM SWEET SMELL,AS IF HE SAVED IT FOR ME,ONLY FOR ME,
I FELT SO LUCKY
BIGBEN

And from me:

Michelle Lucas, you can douche yourself silly, but no matter how many times you douche, you'll always be full of shit!

And that's why I love your crazy ass so much! Now take another sip of prune daiquiri and squat for me, daddy/mommy! Come, my pudding blossom of afterbirth! Giveth me a goodeth yield from your nether-cunt while singing the Russian folk songs of the 1920's that you grew up with!

BUSH BAFFLED BY POPE'S FUNERAL

CALLING ALL PAGANS! IT'S TIME TO FIGHT BACK!

By Nicholas von Hoffman ,
The New York Observer, May 4, 2005

En garde!
A piece of treacherous language has made its way into our public
discourse. Where once words such as "religion," "Christianity" and
"Judaism" were heard, public figures now speak of "persons of faith" or
"people of faith," "the faith community" and "faith-based." Moreover,
anything "faith-based" is axiomatically good, and anyone who questions
the presumption is axiomatically bad.

These expressions divide us into believers and nonbelievers, with the
believers or persons of faith enjoying not only an alleged numerical
majority but a moral superiority as well. It follows that anyone living
outside the community of faith is a bottom-dwelling, life-hating,
secular pederast destined for pain eternal in the land of Tophat.

Saints and sinners are being lined up and divided everywhere. Have you
seen Robert Novak on TV telling all who will listen the whys of his
becoming a Roman Catholic? Woe to him who cannot claim membership among
the faithful.

The term "people of faith" has come to be used interchangeably with the
word "American." If there's a politician left in the United States who
doesn't season his speech with tremulous references to the "peoples of
faith," I can't recall his name. The Democrats-who are supposed to have
a weakness for killing the unborn and sexually assaulting the
underage-have given up their advocacy of vice and perversion; they, too,
now speak in deferential tones of the "people of faith," whose votes
they seek to corral by pious faces and reverential references to "the
God of us all."

The expression "people of faith" conveys the idea of a holy (or
not-so-holy) alliance of religions, united for good against the
disorganized forces of anarchic relativists, secularists, and people of
little or no faith. They have values-a good thing. The rest of us (few
in number though we may be) stand for what is destructive of hearth,
community and country-a bad thing.

The people of faith are sympathetic to the Republican Party and its
objectives. Democrats, intimidated by the religiosity loose in the
country, have come to accept the premise that the test of public policy
is how a measure is greeted by the faith community. At the rate the
faith juggernaut is moving to govern the nation, the once-red-hot
liberal patootie, Hillary Rodham Clinton, now a wifely Mrs. Hillary
Clinton, will soon be campaigning against Roe v. Wade. Judging by who
Ms. Clinton was in the days of yore as against who Lady Clinton is
nowadays, you would have to agree that faith can pass miracles.

Hillary is not alone. Can you think of a single person of stature in
public life who dares to challenge the people of faith? Maybe a shock
jock here or there has the onions to take on this coalition of the
altogether too godly. Nobody else does.

The closest thing we have to organized opposition to the religious
domination of public life is Americans United for the Separation of
Church and State-but though their geeky hearts are in the right place, I
wouldn't want to speculate on the location of their heads. Battling the
appointment of faith-based judges and preventing public buildings from
being festooned with Bible quotations is well and good as far as it
goes, but it isn't far enough.

Somebody or something has got to start battling religion itself. God is
the enemy-meaning the God locked up by organized religions and guarded
by ministers, priests, rabbis, popes and mullahs.

This is not a struggle to be carried on in the law courts and the
legislatures. Religionists are crawling in everywhere, swarming the
schools, movies, medicine and research labs. Their intent is to install
a faith commissar to oversee every major social institution. We don't
need lawyers here; we need fumigators. We need people in HAZMAT suits to
go in and smoke 'em out.

We need people to stand up in public against the Christo-Islamic
alliance's assaults on relativism. It's been more than a generation
since anyone with access to a significant pulpit stood up for
relativism. The clerics have made "relativism' into a dirty word instead
of what it actually is: a term for the application of reason to public
affairs.

Turn your back on relativism and you get absolutism. Show me a true
believer and I'll show you a bigot. Absolutism is at the heart of every
religion-our dogma or nothing. The absolutist foundations of every faith
preclude compromise, adjustments, deal-making, pragmatism, the changing
of opinion, the admission of new evidence-all the tools necessary for
running a complicated, polyglot, poly-religious, poly-ethnic,
poly-cultural modern, science-based, technology-dependent society. The
absolutism that underlies religious faith closes the door marked
"Reason" and opens the door labeled "Holy War."

There was a time when the evangelical Calvinist form of the Christian
religion was so prevalent that it could run American society with some
success-but that was 200 years ago. Even then, people of non-faith tried
to beat off the religious prohibitionism that strove to close the
country down on Sundays, to suppress music, dancing, baseball, Sabbath
smooching and the joy of life and replace it with on-your-knees worship
and clerical rule. The coming of large numbers of Roman Catholic
immigrants touched off the public-school wars of the 19th century.
Religious absolutism being what it is, the fight over whose dogma and
morals were to be inculcated into the students had to be resolved by
kicking all religion out of the schools. That never completely happened,
but at least God was pushed into the corner with the elimination of
school prayer and the exile of religious symbols and activities.
Recently, though, God has been making a comeback-and God help us all if
He is successful.

The alliance among the various religions embraced by the people of faith
is a tenuous one; in the end, every religion hates every other religion.
The day before Benedict XVI was elected, The Wall Street Journal ran a
front-page article about how Islam was converting people faster than the
Catholic Church-which, rousing itself from a certain evangelical torpor,
was starting to say, "No more Mr. Nice Guy! We can't let the towelheads
get ahead of us." (The language used, of course, was more decorous, but
the meaning was there.)

The triumph of absolutist faith over relativism, of religion over
secularism, will start up a new era of religious strife, if it hasn't
already begun. The history of religious contention in the West does
contain instances of peace, moments when religions signed truces and
stopped the warfare, but social peace didn't prevail until religion was
booted out of the marketplace, driven out of the halls of power and
sealed up in private homes and places of worship. Religion in private
may be a good thing; religion in public is a menace.

In the U.S., with a growing Muslim population, a super-energetic Jewish
population and an increasingly crazed Christian population, it is but a
matter of time before the "people of faith" coalition falls apart and we
get down to some good old-fashioned religious throat-slitting. Religions
are tolerant only when they lack the power to be otherwise; turning the
country over to one of them or all of them combined is daft.
Historically, the people of faith have a war-crimes record longer than
your arm.

A good guess would be that only a minority of the population is infected
with virulent forms of faith. But it's an organized minority, awash in
money. We of little faith and less zeal are neither organized nor rich
nor eaten up with a need to proselytize, and therefore we are without
defenses against God's putschists.

To stop them, we don't have to pass laws. It's not vital to get "under
God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance. What is vital is that we, the
faithless, raise a hullabaloo every time the people of faith play the
family-values card, every time they claim that their faith puts them at
the head of the line, every time they presume to decide what we should
see, hear and do. What is vital is that we bray, honk, whinny, oink and
screech at every public assertion that superstition trumps science, that
they've got a god and that those of us without one are no damn good.

Shout out the facts: They put "in God we trust" on the money, and every
year it's worth less than it was the year before.


Nicholas von Hoffman is a former columnist at The Washington Post. He
now writes a regular column for The New York Observer.

HELLO, DUBYA?

Lady Bunny here.

You threatened North Korea yesterday if they didn't dismantle their nuclear program. OK honey, let me break it down for you, cuz you're an imbecile and for some reason, a drag queen seems to have a better grasp of the situation than of the any military analysts working for you.

How the fuck is your broke, ignorant ass going to threaten anybody?

If you have the resources for another war, why not direct them towards finding Osama Been Forgotten?

Remember him? He's the guy in poor health who's hiding in a cave, yet still more agile and cunning than your whole army and it's souped-up technology? His 9/11 attack was the reason we went to war with Iraq. Even though he's not Iraqi and had no ties to Iraq's government.

But you did manage to find another muslim leader in a cave. He's been forgotten too. Remember Saddam? You deposed him. Now he can't cause the mass murder and torture of Iraqis anymore. Now the american soldiers get to do it! Yay!

At least we won the war in Iraq. Two years ago I saw you fly over to that battleship to proclaim victory. (The closest your duty-shirking butt got to combat.) How odd that the number of deaths increased AFTER the war and it just keeps on growing. Your attitude towards these "casualties" is a little too "casual". Especially when they are dying for a "pack of lies", as that brilliantly feisty George Galloway put it today.

You can't even win the war against Iraq, a poor country that couldn't even dispatch a WMD anywhere near the US if they had one. Iraq couldn't even get their paltry forces over to this country to attack us if they wanted to. This a country you can't even enforce a peaceful military occupation in and yet you are considering a threat of war against North Korea?

Who's backing you up? Recruits are way down and the pimp-ass recruiters who target low income neighborhoods are offering potential recruits tips on how to fake the required high school diplomas and cheat on drug tests. The word is out on your mess, darlin'! Even uneducated folks in low income neighborhoods know that soldiers who go to Iraq ain't never comin' back. There's no exit strategy and even your fellow republicans have denounced the poor planning of your military operations. There have also been accusations that you aren't even arming the forces with decent equipment. What kind of freak would even consider joining the army at this point? You're really going to have to scour every corner of the nation to root out soldiers of the caliber of the perverted torturer Lynndie England.

Or maybe you lied about not reinstating the draft and that was your plan all along. What's one more lie to a dyed-in-the-wool fraud like you? I hope your bratty alcoholic daughters are forced to enlist.

And why the hell shouldn't North Korea and Iran feel the need to "develop nuke-ya-lar" (as you'd pronounce it) weapons? You pegged North Korea and Iran as two cogs in "the axis of evil." Under the guise of "spreading democracy", you've thrown Iraq, Iran's neighbor into a long, bloody turmoil. What nearby nation wouldn''t develop ANYTHING NECESSARY to protect itself from you and? And in your typically bullish style of diplomacy, you refuse to have one-on-one talks with North Korea. You'd make a threat first, before even trying to work your differences out? I'd expect this behavior from a schoolyard bully, not the "leader of the free world".

No wonder these countries are going nuclear. You've turned the US into a rogue nation and people of every country in the world know it. Too bad the people in this country can't seem to grasp it. Cuz you're doing it in their name and with their tax dollars.

ARKANSAS DEATH PENALTY

NEXT BEST THING...

to kissing celebrities asses is actually (gulp!) owning one of their turds! Think Jack Black is "the shit"?

http://www.blackpitchpress.com/celebrityskin/about.htm


fecal matter: $92.00

HELP, IT'S BUNNY CALLING!

A new gay company wants to hire me to record some ringtones to sell downloads of on their site. Except for "I've fallen and I can't pick up!"and "Time to change your colostomy bag" (with fart noises), I am drawing a blank on "cute" ideas. They shouldn't be too dark or too dirty. I'm sure I would enjoy hearing those tones, but I doubt anybody would sell 'em. SO SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOMED! Thanking you in advance. --Bunion.

DISH ON BUSH DAUGHTERS!

This isn't new, but I forgot to post this heart-warming tidbit. I often exchange goss and filthy jokes with the hilarious couple who run Tea and Sympathy (an english restaurant which serves fantastic food--I know, I know, they don't even have those in England!) and they told me this right after the election.

The Bush daughters popped by McSorley's, a very popular straight pub in the East Village which always has a long line to get in. They rushed to the front of the line but the (obviously democratic) doorman told them to wait in line. Their secret service agent told the doorman who they were and asked how long the wait would be. The doorman replied were "Oh, I'd say about 4 more years."

ROBERT F. KENNEDY, JR WROTE ME!

Ok, so it was a form letter from the Natural Resources Defense Council. An excerpt:

Dear Lady. I've visited your website and noted that you are very, very beautiful. Do you have a Marilyn Monroe wig that you could put on and blow me? I'll bring the pills and booze. You can write it off as a tax-deductible contribution of whatever amount you charge for a bj these days. Actually, his letter said...

The Bush White House is quietly putting into effect radical new policies in place that will let it's corporate cronies poison our air, foul our water and devastate our wildlands for decades to come.

BUNNY NOTE: You know why they can do it quietly? Because the same corporate cronies also own the news channels and their contributions help put Bush in office. So they certainly don't want to rile up the country by giving these serious issues much airtime. I can't beleive that anyone can learn of Bush's callous attitude towards the environment and not be outraged. Surely, concern for the earth and air cuts across party politics. How can you disagree with a healthier planet, for chrissakes? There's no argument except greed! Sorry to interrupt you, Robert. Or may I call you Bobby?

This sweeping onslaught will cripple many of the safeguards that protect us from the very worst excesses of the oil, coal, logging, mining and chemical industries. It took 30 years to put these vital protections in place. But by the end of this year, this administration will be close to wiping them out.

That's not an exaggeration. That's not hyperbole. It's a fact.

BUNNY NOTE: Even if Bush cares only about his corporate cronies, how does his religion allow him to desecrate "god's earth"? How can any christian not concern themselves with this? I guess Bush just worships $ more than god. Or perhaps, as some have claimed, Bush's particular brand of born again christian thinks the world has gone so far astray that the only real solution is to ignore environmental warnings of distant damage BECAUSE IT'S HIS JOB TO HURRY THE COMING OF ARMAGEDDON. WELL, ARMAGEDDON SICK OF IT! Honey, I may look pregnant, but in truth, I'll never have kids. Yet I care more about the future of the earth's health than the fucking heterosexual president? Of course, with those spoiled rotten drunken daughters as his off-spring, I suppose his lack of concern for the future is somewhat explainable.

All it took was a stamp and 2 signatures which my Bobby-kins will forward to your President and Senator. Only a loser could not care about the environment. Unfortunately, a loser is what we've got in the White House and your signatures are needed to halt his greedy, irresponsible agenda.

See if these words from Kennedy don't get you going:


Hitting even closer to home, he described the terrible asthma attacks suffered by three of his sons that have resulted in numerous visits to hospital emergency rooms. The cause of their malady and similar afflictions suffered by thousands of other children in the region is polluted air, most of which, he said, has traveled from a handful of coal-burning, Ohio Valley power plants.

"They were supposed to retool their plants by now under the Clean Air Act, but recently President Bush finalized a new policy that says those plants can pollute forever," he said. "They've been able to literally rob the breath from our children's lungs."

Kennedy said those power plants also are responsible for 45 percent of the mercury emissions in the country.

"Half of the lakes in the Adirondacks are now sterilized from acid rain and the forest cover up the Appalachian chain to Canada is deteriorating because of acid rain," he said. "In 28 states, no freshwater fish is safe to eat." Except for Lady Bunny, who is quite delicious!

Similar devastation is occurring in West Virginia where mountaintops literally are being cut off in the search for coal and hundreds of thousands of acres of "incomparable forests with incomparable bio-diversity" are being destroyed by destructive strip-mining that makes moonscapes of once pristine land, he said. Also, runoff from these excavations is polluting the state's streams and rivers. Not to mention that the area's appalling dentistry rivals that of England!

Kennedy said the coal and utilities industries contributed $48 million in the 2000 national election and, as a result, the Bush Administration has waived environmental performance standards that are resulting in billions of dollars in ill-gotten profits. "We the American people are going to be paying that debt for generations," he added. Kennedy chastised the Bush Administration as morally if not legally corrupt: "This is the most anti-environment administration we've ever had in American history and I include the Harding Administration with the Teapot Dome Scandal-we've never seen anything like this." Kennedy said the White House is pushing for more than 200 major environmental fallbacks. During the past three years, the nation's water pollution levels have risen for the first time since passage of the Clean Water Act in 1970. Also, he said The White House has proposed new air pollution limits that allow twice as much sulfur dioxide and three times more mercury emissions than if the Clean Air Act were fully implemented.

"Already they've done tremendous permanent damage to our country," he said. "If even a fraction of those rollbacks are passed, by this time next year, we'll have no significant federal environmental law left in this country.

GET ON IT, PEOPLE! There's even a hideous tote bag for donations of over $10. http://www.nrdc.org

Granpappy's Fish

1. Rented fishing boat, $150.00
2. Bait, $ 11.00
3. Camera w/ film, $22.50.
4. Showing the world the worm you caught that biiiiig fish with and having it posted on the internet?

PRICELESS!

BUSH'S TRICYCLE RIDE

The debate rages on. Should Bush's bike ride have been interrupted during the air scare? As one CNN commentator put it, if the scare was "serious enough to evacuate the White House it was serious enough to interrupt a bike ride." Why the fuck is the moron riding a bike in the middle of a work day anyway? Unless of course, he's just a nominal puppet for Cheney and corporate interests masquerading as christian interests who only pops up to work for show. And even then, if the questions at his photo ops are going to be too difficult he may have to have that bug placed in his ear as he did during that Kerry debate.

One CNN report mentioned that The nearby Pentagon was NOT evacuated. And Rumsfeld wasn't even disturbed in his meeting. Why? Because they orchestrated the whole thing to up the fear ante so we'd back their war efforts instead of wince at the $82 billion buget just approved, the escalating bloodshed in Iraq, the protests in Afghanistan over the Qu'oran being placed on the toilet by US servicemen to shock Guantanamo terrorist detainees, the fact that US military has not met their quotas for the last 3 months and recruiters, who target low income neighborhoods, are offering possible recruits tips on how to cheat on drug tests?

BUNNY IN BILLBOARD!!!

God, I get so caught up in my politics that I forget to toot my own fucking horn! Billboard, the recording industry's bible, has seen fit to write up--the lead article, thank you!--my songwriting in Michael Paoletta's dance column. Check it out:

LADY BUNNY HOPS TO PEN AND PAPER

New York drag comedian and globe-trotting DJ Lady Bunny has appeared on screens large (“To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar”) and small (“Sex and the City,” Britney Spears’ MTV special “In The Zone & Up All Night”).

Recently, between her numerous deliciously pop-and-song-oriented DJ gigs, Bunny has been putting pen to paper. Yes, the founder of Wigstock (an annual daylong drag/music fest in Manhattan) is ready to share her songs with the world.

“I’m doing what I can to get my music heard,” Bunny says. “And it’s not just dance; it’s R&B, funk and pop, too.”

Bunny, whose songs are published by Lady Bunny Music (BMI), has inked a six-song deal with DJ Disciples’ label, Catch 22 Recordings. Half the songs are for other singers, while three will spotlight Bunny. Among the latter is the kicky “I Get High,” which Catch 22 released Feb. 22.

The track showcases a singer who has come a long was since her quirky covers of “Shame, Shame, Shame” and “The Pussycat Song” in the 90s. Bunny’s original material shows much promise, focusing on memorable hooks and melodies.

It’s no wonder that DJ/producers like Warren Rigg, Gomi and Davidson Ospina have lined up to work with her. And club divas Lonnie Gordon and Ele Ferrer have recorded Bunny’s “You’ve Got to Reach,” and “So Much More (That Just a Thug),” respectively.

“I’m aiming to be a career songwriter,” Bunny tells Billboard. “While I enjoy being the comedian and the life of the party, I get so much satisfaction from hearing my songs performed by others.”

Bunny’s five-track demo—with standout cuts “Let’s Get Jumpin’”—is making the rounds a labels here and abroad. Additional tracks can be heard at ladybunny.net. •

– Michael Paoletta, Billboard, Dance Music/Beat Box, March 26, 2005.

HUFFINGTONPOST.COM

Add this site to your toolbar. In business only 3 days, Arianna is throwing down on her news and opinion site which features blogs from the likes of David Mamet...

(excerpt) .. I have just heard that John Simon has been fired from the post he long disgraced at New York Magazine. In his departure he accomplishes that which during his tenure eluded him: he has finally done something for the American Theatre.

...and this joyous news that republican smart-ass Dennis Miller has been fired from CNBC. I think I know why. I caught a recent show and the "humor" was so lame that at one point, he snapped at the tech staff when his unfunny Conan-style ha-ha-we've-morphed-a-photo punchline bombed. After bombing a few more times, Miller "quipped" "I'm on a seven-second delay" to explain the lack of laughs. Forget his right-wing politics, the man ain't funny! Here's the dirt on how he was fired

( reprinted from http://huffingtonpost.com)

[This is a copy of the e-mail from Mark Hoffman received by “Dennis Miller” staffers at 2:02 pm PDT. Hoffman is the President of CNBC -- Kevin Bleyer's employer until 2:03 pm PDT.)

MH: "I wanted to let you all know that we will be expanding our signature Business Day programming into Primetime on the East Coast and will be adding an additional airing of "Mad Money with Jim Cramer" at 9 p.m. ET/PT."

KB: Wait a minute. That’s my time-slot.

MH: "We will be introducing a new Business Day program at 7 p.m. ET sometime in the Third Quarter. I will share additional details about this program in the coming weeks."

KB: Forget the Third Quarter. What’s happening now? How about a few more additional details re: that first paragraph?

MH: "As the Business News Leader, it is incumbent upon us to ensure that our influential, out-of-home audience has access to our signature Business Day programming throughout their business day from coast to coast".

KB: Um, can you get back to that 9pm slot?

MH: "I have spoken with Dennis Miller about these plans…"

KB:Uh-oh.

MH: "…and he has let me know that his strong preference is to leave his program immediately."

KB: But that would mean…

MH: "Therefore, the final episode of "Dennis Miller" will air this Friday, May 13."

KB: Yeah, that’s what that would mean…

MH: "Dennis is an exceptionally talented comedian with an unmatched wit and he and his team consistently delivered a very entertaining program."

KB: What’s this? Flattery?

MH: "I want to personally thank Dennis, Eddie Feldmann and their entire group."

KB: In an email?

MH: "We are all very proud of their accomplishments and wish them nothing but the best for the future."

KB: Ditto.

MH: "CNBC is a trusted, real-time investor network and our viewers rely on us for actionable information wrapped in the most compelling business stories of the day".

KB: Does this count as one?

MH: "This announcement reinforces our commitment to delivering on that expectation and our mission."

KB: Yeah. That’s what I thought.

MH: "Mark"

KB: "Mark?"

MONIQUE VAN VOOREN CALLED ME!

(left:Monique van Vooren right: Mamie van Doren)

Yes, she of the bewitching, wide-set, moon-maiden eyes! She of the platinum bouffants! She of the 60's starlet days! She of the blonde European 60's Hollywood goddess set which included Britt Eklund and Elke Sommer. She who hung with Warhol, Nureyev and Bianca at Studio 54! Called little ol' me, with her ultra-glamorous deep, heavy accent!! She requires my dj services at a "spanish-style mansion" in Bayside! Talk about a dream gig! I'm sure I'll be so mesmerized by her antiques--I mean antics--that I won't even know what to play. I must borrow some of her records from Lypstinka to gag her when I throw them in to my set! You will definitely be updated on this one! This is right up there with djing for Denise Rich with Ashford and Simpson and Kathy Sledge present! I'm in hog heaven! Oinkety-oink!

HELP FIGHT CRIME!

Take a moment to turn up the heat on crooked Republican Tom Delay. (from moveon.org.)

A month ago it looked like the scandals surrounding House Republican Majority Leader Rep. Tom DeLay couldn't get any worse. Newspapers were breaking new stories every week about lobbyist-paid golf trips, the $500,000 paid from DeLay's political coffers to his family, and back-room deals DeLay was cutting to save his hide.

Then, it got worse.

The latest scandal connects DeLay to sweatshops in the Mariana Islands making apparel with "Made in the USA" labeling while avoiding U.S. labor laws — exploiting Chinese immigrant labor. But a growing number of Republicans are going mute on DeLay's ethical abuses. They're afraid of far-right organizations — who are staunch DeLay supporters — and of retribution from DeLay himself.

The thing that will push Tom DeLay out of his leadership role is a public outcry and pressure on the Republicans who gave him that office. That's where you come in. In a few weeks, we're going to organize events across the nation to deliver our petition to fire Tom DeLay to the Republicans who still back him — either Republicans in Congress or the local Republican Party.

Take a moment to sign it now — the more signatures we can deliver to the Republican Party in New York the more pressure will build to fire DeLay as majority leader.

http://www.moveonpac.org/delay/?id=5503-1644652-FTCs7tt.POOdCkMBEYvdlg&t=1

The tangled web of backslapping relationships between DeLay, other Republicans, and lobbyists needs to be exposed to the light. So we've taken the best information out there on the connections between Republican members of Congress and Rep. Tom DeLay and we sent it to MoveOn members in Republican districts.

So far, nearly 300,000 of us have signed a petition to Congress urging them to fire Tom DeLay as majority leader. We want to collect at least 500,000 petition signatures before the beginning of June when Congress returns home for a week.

During the first week in June MoveOn members will deliver the petition to Republican members of Congress while they're home. Since you live in a Democratic district, a group of MoveOn members will deliver the petition to the local Republican Party headquarters. You can volunteer to get involved in the petition delivery when you sign the petition.

Please take a minute right now to sign our petition urging Congress to fire Tom DeLay as majority leader. After you sign let your friends, family and co-workers know about the petition by forwarding this e-mail to them.

http://www.moveonpac.org/delay/?id=5503-1644652-FTCs7tt.POOdCkMBEYvdlg&t=2

We need to turn up the heat about DeLay. As absurd as it sounds, many Republicans are actually gathering later this week at a banquet to honor DeLay.

Among his offenses, Tom Delay:

Accepted trips from corporations and later helped kill legislation they opposed
Accepted trips from the lobbyist for a foreign government in violation of House rules
Paid family members more than $500,000 out of campaign contributions
Helped sweatshops in the Mariana Islands at the behest of a lobbyist.
Promised a role in drafting legislation to a corporate donor
Tried to coerce a Congressman for a vote on Medicare
Allegedly used corporate money given to his PAC to finance Texas campaigns in violation of state law
Used Homeland Security resources in a dispute with Democrats in Texas
Diverted funds from a children's charity for lavish celebrations at the Republican convention
Threatened retaliation against interest groups that don't support Republicans
Stacked the House Ethics Committee with representatives who have contributed to his legal defense fund
Crippled the effectiveness of the House Ethics Committee by purging members who had rebuked him
Pushed for a rules change for the House Ethics process that paralyzed the panel
Sought a rule change that would have no longer "required leaders to step aside temporarily if indicted"
(See postscript below for a link to citations.)

As majority leader, DeLay is the second-ranking leader in the House of Representatives. He is responsible for developing the Republican issue agenda and sets the legislative schedule by selecting which bills the House will consider.

The ranks of government contractors and lobbyists who depend on this legislative authority have slathered DeLay, his cronies and related organizations with millions of dollars.

Please sign our petition today urging Congress to fire Tom Delay!

http://www.moveonpac.org/delay/?id=5503-1644652-FTCs7tt.POOdCkMBEYvdlg&t=3

VICTORY IN NORTH CAROLINA!

In the war against republicans' desire to unite church and state, a small but encouraging victory has been won. One Baptist pastor has been forced to resign after basically saying "God hates democrats". Wow! So even in red states like North Carolina, the born-agains are pushing their extreme agenda too hard for the average joe. It's that one-sided type of fundamentalism which condemns anyone who doesn't subscribe to their particular heavy-handed brand of christianity, and which funnily enough corresponds to Bush's "you're either for us or against us" foreign policy. Also corresponding to the Salem witch hunts, the Spanish Inqusistion and the Crusades, where misguided religious fervor led to the senseless murder and torture of hundreds of thousands. I'm sure that these religious nuts would dispute Darwin's theory of evolution and Halloween given half the chance. And you saw the brain-dead, mis-spelled signs of protestors outside Terri Schiavo's care center. At one point a lying priest claimed that Terri was holding a few stuffed animals to try and tug at a few heartstrings. Honey, you may have shoved some stuffed animals under her flabby arm but Terri wasn't HOLDING anything--except her mouth open...for 15 years! (And the real tragedy is that from most accounts, Terri was very concerned with her looks in her pre-vegetable days, so I'm sure she'd be horrified to know that such spazzy footage was aired nationally for years.)

I think it's time for intelligent, unbrainwashed, religious folk, who understand why the separation of church and state is necessary, to stand up and distinguish themselves from these uncompromising born-again fanatics. It doesn't mean that you love the Lord any less. It just means that you comprehend politics a little more. C'mon people! Falwell even blamed 9/11 on gays and abortion rights. And recently, pharmacists were organized by the religious right to stop prescribing the "day after pills", citing their religious beliefs as the reason. So some poor girl who slips up with her birth control one night, possibly in a rural area where there is only one nearby pharmacy, cannot fill her doctor's scrip due to your pharmacist's religious beliefs? Even though his beliefs fly in the face of his job description AND the law of the land? Is this your god? Because a lot of devilish things are being done in his name right now.

Yes, this was a small, but well-publicized victory. But we can't really win if you aren't fighting. And if the below article from CNN.com doesn't make your blood boil, you need a fucking transfusion!


From CNN.com: Pastor resigns after political spat
Ousted congregants say he mixed politics and religion.

WAYNESVILLE, North Carolina (AP) -- A Baptist preacher accused of running out nine congregants who disagreed with his Republican politics resigned Tuesday, two days after calling the issue "a great misunderstanding."

Speaking from the pulpit during a meeting at East Waynesville Baptist Church, the Rev. Chan Chandler told church members that it would "cause more hurt for me and my family" if he stayed.

"I am resigning with gratitude in my heart for all of you, particularly those of you who love me and my family," Chandler said, adding that the dispute was rooted in his strong feelings about abortion.

Chandler's attorney, John Pavey Jr., said the pastor has not apologized for anything he said and would continue to speak out against abortion. He said the dispute inside the church had nothing to do with politics, a contention echoed Tuesday by Chandler's supporters.

"I don't believe he preached politics," church member Rhonda Trantham said. "I don't believe anyone should tell a preacher not to preach what's in the Bible."

But some congregants of the 100-member church in western North Carolina have said Chandler endorsed President Bush from the pulpit during last year's presidential campaign and said that anyone who planned to vote for Democratic nominee Sen. John Kerry needed to "repent or resign."

The church members said he continued to preach about politics after Bush won re-election, culminating with a church gathering last week in which the nine members said they were voted out.

At Sunday's service, the 33-year-old Chandler said the flap over the church members' dismissal was "a great misunderstanding" and he tried to welcome them back.

"No one has ever been voted from the membership of this church due to an individual's support or lack of support for a political party or candidate," he said in a statement.

Blount Osborne, chairman of the church's elected deacons, said there was no warning Chandler would resign and the church had no severance agreement with him.

"That was surprising, him leaving as quick as he did. I didn't figure he'd walk that way," Osborne said.

Several church members said they agreed with Chandler on issues like abortion, but objected to him making those issues explicitly political in the church.

"I think everyone in there agrees with him on the issues. Politics was the problem," Carolyn Gaddy said.

STUFFED REPTILES ONLY!

Robin Powers contacted me about this upcoming rock-edged drag pageant in Tennessee. If you are interested in competing for the title of MISS EXTREME DIVA, by all means visit http://cabaret2.4t.com and register. If not, you may find some of the rules amusing.

Section 3 : Rules And Regulations I know, boring, but needed. The Following is a list of all the rules that must be obeyed during the pageant. ANY abuse or failure to follow these rules will result in immediate disqualification from the pageant. Further action may be taken by the Owners and/or Management of the bar at their discretion. 1) You must be at least 18 years of age to enter Miss Xtreme Diva. 2) All common sense rules apply. This Means, NO fighting with other contestants or performers, NO drug use in or on the property of the bar, NO stealing from other performers or contestants, NO vandalism of performer, contestant, or bar property. 3) No reptiles or other animals of any species, unless they are stuffed. 4) If provided, the use of a motorcycle is permitted, BUT you must consult with bar owners/management, you must provide the cycle and driver, you are permitted to drive it yourself, if you know what you are doing. 5) You may NOT use fire, water or glitter. Fog is acceptable, if kept to a minimum. 6) Talent Rules : You must be Xtreme, no matter what form of music you perform. This includes comedy, or over the top drag. The best thing to do is to pull something out of that nether region behind you. Be dark, be evil, be funny just be Xtreme with it. Music must be no more than seven minutes long. You will have a one minute setup time if needed. 7) Q&A - Answer must be no more than four minutes, and content must be relatively clean of “foul” language. Rely less on cursing to work the crowd. Leave the four letter words to the emcee. 8)You must be present at orientation, and be on time backstage at 8pm. If you are not backstage at 9pm, you will not be competing, and your application fee not returned. 9) You are allowed ONE helper backstage. ADMISSION WILL BE PAID FOR YOUR PERSONAL DRESSER ONLY. Dancers must remain in the bar area until the intermission and must return to the bar area after your Talent performance. Admission to the bar will NOT be provided for dancers. Bar Owners/Management must be provided with the name of your personal dresser. Failure to comply with these rules will result in immediate disqualification from the Miss Xtreme Diva Pageant, and forfeiture of your entry fee. You will have from orientation at 4pm until 8:30pm to make a final decision as to competing or not. At 8:31pm, if you decide to not compete, you will lose your entry fee

GRENADE THROWN AT BUSH IN GEORGIA

Just the tip of the iceberg of hatred that the rest of the whole world feels toward the US as a result of Bush's misguided and dangerous policies. Why shouldn't Iran be able to develop nuclear weapons? We have them. And our attack on Iraq (one of Iran's neighbors) has plainly shown that we'll ignore the UN's recommendations and attack a country without proof and occupy it indefinitely. We'll even have the nerve to call the long, bloody occupation Operation Iraqi "Freedom". Besides, Bush has already branded Iran part of the "axis of evil." I'm not denying the unsavory elements of both Iraqi and Irani governments. But since Bush took office, the US has joined the list of rogue nations. So why shouldn't Iran feel the need to protect itself?

Grenade 'thrown at Bush' in Georgia

Julian Borger in Washington
Wednesday May 11, 2005
The Guardian

The FBI and the US secret service were this morning investigating a report that a hand grenade had been thrown towards President Bush as he was making a speech in Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia.
The secret service, which provides Mr Bush's bodyguards, was told by Georgian authorities of a report that a device, possibly a hand grenade, was thrown to within 100ft of the stage on which the president was speaking.

According to Jonathan Cherry, a secret service spokesman, the device hit someone in the crowd and fell to the ground without detonating. It was picked up and removed by a Georgian security officer.
The Associated Press quoted a spokesman for the Georgian interior ministry, Guram Donadze, as denying any such incident had happened.

"This is an absolute lie. This did not occur," Mr Donadze said.

However, he later said that an announcement about the report would be made later today.

Mr Cherry told reporters that secret service agents were working with investigators from the FBI, the state department and the Georgian authorities to find out what happened.

WWW.EURWEB.COM

Honey, get the dirt on http://eurweb.com, an infotainment site/newsletter which really throws down when you need a gossip fix. Sample articles in this issue include an update on Foxy Brown's trial (she's accused of punching two nail salon workers!) and this wild article on why the new Chappelle Show is delayed. Here's an excerpt:

Gordon also reports that Chappelle is
looking to push the racial humor even
farther in the third season -- and network
executives are reportedly afraid he's
crossed the line.
For example, Gordon was on the
show's set in November 2004, just a
few weeks into shooting on the third
season. Chappelle was in blackface,
with white painted lips, white gloves,
a red vest, a black cane and a Pullman
Porter cap. He was dressed for a sketch
titled "The Nigger Pixie" in which Chappelle
plays a cackling, devil-on-the-shoulder
creation who serves as the self-hating
conscience of famous black men, such
as Tiger Woods and Chappelle himself.
As the minstrel-accented pixie, he kept
busting up the crew with his profane ad-libs
over footage of Woods attempting a putt.
"Dave is not compromising what he
wants to do," a source told Newsweek.
"He's waited a long time for this chance,
and he's not trying to do anything that
isn't 100 percent his vision.

WWW.BLAIRMAG.COM

If you worship Carol Channing the way I do, you may wanna check out this article by the delightful John Sanchez which starts with:

If Carol Channing didn't exist, nobody would have made her up. This singing, dancing, large-mouthed dynamo is one of America's biggest stars and--even though she is quite talented--it's hard to say exactly what the appeal is. Her face and voice are instantly recognized from Maine to Alaska, yet in her long career, she has starred in only five movies and one of them--the gangsters 'n' LSD comedy "Skidoo"--is sometimes cited as the worst movie ever made! Her biggest triumphs have been on the Broadway stage, a venue where only a fraction of her legion of admirers could possibly have caught her act. What makes her so unforgettable? It's simple! Even though she can give a heart-stopping show that ranks with the best of 'em, she goes that extra mile by making it look not only easy, but downright retarded!

To read more about Carol, see quicktime movie clips, or devour the insane article on puppetry called MADAME vs LESTER vs LADY ELAINE FAIRCHILD (Sounds like a really off category from an early 80's vogueing ball!) visit http://www.blairmag.com. The who site is gorge but these articles are contained in OLD BLAIRE's #6.

ME ON SNL 5/7

Thanks to those of you who emailed to let me know that I briefly appear on SNL this past Saturday. And I'm so sorry that you are once again forced to watch tv on a Saturday night! (Actually, tran-ma was asleep, so I missed it.)

Apparently, during a hilarious skit about about Jeff Foxworthy's gay, redneck brother, they photo-shopped Johnny Knoxville onto a pic of me from last year's Wigstock so it appeared that I was handing him a mic onstage. I've had worse co-stars.

FOR MOMMA'S DAY

I called my mom (Lady Becky) for Mother's Day and she said "I never had any problems with you." I said "Really? None?" to which she replied, "Well, you see I didn't have another one after you. And if you had been the first there might not have been a second!"

Apparently, I was quite a crybaby. To soothe me to sleep, the doctor recommended that a tablespoon of bourbon be added to my bottle. Mom said "I had never set foot in a liquor store before!" (No, mom. You'd just hung around outside them in skimpy outfits...KIDDING!) "I was afraid that a tablespoon in 5/6 bottles a day would make you an alcoholic." (So it's not my fault. Is it too late to sue for malpractice?) Then, I was prescribed Piptol by another physician. I asked what that was and mom said "I don't know. I'm not sure they still make it." Giggling, she added, "they probably took it off the maket cuz it did something bad to people." When the bourbon and Piptol failed, another doc on my "team of top-notch international specialists" recommended inserting a "sleeping suppository', and to turn off the lights and just leave me crying. (Some things never change. I still regularly find myself in dark rooms crying while someone shoves something up my ass.) Mom said "I felt like that was abandonment." (No, maw, I never felt abandoned by you, but sometimes I longed to experience it!)

I OWE MY MOTHER....big time!! (poached from the web)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

$35,000 CAB RIDE?

Sheesh! And I thought NYC was expensive! Though the ride from central Baghdad to the airport is only 6 miles long, it's so riddled with fatal booby traps that Iraqi cabbies can charge that much for the short trip, CNN recently reported. Wow. That's how safe "coalition" forces have made Iraq. American troops and Iraqis are still dying left and right, and recent findings by a presidential commission show the reason that they are there is "dead wrong." I guess with God on his side, the president need not take into account his own fucking commission's findings!

I grew up in the 70's, where a stock character on TV and film was the disgruntled Vietnam vet. Typically, the disillusioned, war-scarred vet has snapped, and is discovered to be the perpetrator of some hideous crime. Was no one else watching these shows? Did it not register with any of today's soldiers or their parents? The idea that bravely defending your country and watching your friends die by your side and enduring great trauma or torture can unhinge you, especially when you return home and the mood of the country is that much of the fight has been fought in vain? That Jane Fonda the activist, in hindsight--no matter how much you still spit on her--WAS RIGHT? Wouldn't that make you question the your involvement in the military? The government's motives for war? Is it honorable to lay down the only life you've got to defend a lie? Or is it foolish and amoral? (And before you sqawk "I know Bunny, with her x-rated act, ain't gonna preach morals!" Well, my dear, x-rated never killed anybody.")

Though a confirmed peacenik, I was actually grateful for our armed forces during the anthrax scare after 9/11. I appreciated that there was someone there not only to restore order to Manhattan should spores be released on subways, but also to find and combat whichever overseas villain was unleashing them. (Of course, then we realized that the spores were coming from within the US....government?) But these kids have been tricked. And the trick is wearing off. That's why the army recruitments are down. That's why we're hearing rumors of the draft floating around. And we're breeding a whole new generation of deeply disillusioned vets. Great fodder for script-writers, not so great for those who lose lives, limbs or their
sanity.

I've read about horrified parents who encouraged their kids to enlist to give them backbone or help pay for college. They never imagined that we'd go to war. Well, we did. Maybe those concerned parents should familiarize what themselves with what a republican hawk really is, before signing their flesh and blood up to die. And besides, though it may offer help with tuition and benefits to those with few options, an army, in war-time, is a killing machine. Live by the sword.. I'm told that college tuition costs an arm and a leg now, but really!

Kerry was slammed as disrespectful of our troops to question the war in Iraq. But what's more disrepectful towards them? QUESTIONING the reason for them being there or SENDING THEM TO DIE UNNECESSARILY, as Bush and his posse have done? Bush, YOU--I know he reads my blog regularly--are responsible for these soldiers' deaths and I hereby charge you for their MURDER. And the MURDER of all the Iraqis. How conveniently you forget your precious Bible's THOU SHALT NOT KILL when there's a little oil at stake.

And the spin runs rampant. How many weeks did we view non-stop tsunami footage on the news--2-3 whole weeks? 200,000 were lost by the tsunamis, but at the same time the death toll of Iraqi civilians, not soldiers, CIVILIANS, reached over 100,000. I wonder why we never saw these images of great loss in Iraq? Because they're Iraqi, they don't matter? Or because the government wants to spin the war into something less devastating than it is? The government has basically forbidden broadcasters to show any images of wounded or killed American soldiers, much to the displeasure of the families of the deceased, who want to honor their sacrifices. But caskets draped with flags might force us to acknowledge the huge death toll and question the validity of the war. THOSE images are real "reality tv"--not shoving worms in your stupid mouth or Paris Hilton in a pigsty--and they will not be televised. What you'll see instead are rosy images of Bush declaring the war is over (years ago) and flying over for Thanksgiving to give them a turkey. (He gave 'em a turkey, alright.) I think that's called propaganda. Too bad we call it news in this country.

On the day Lynndie England was in court answering charges of Iraqi prisoner abuse (the spelling of her name alone is enough of a crime and wait a minute--aren't torture and mass murder the reason we deposed Saddam?), CNN ran a story of a one soldier whose foot was blown off in Iraq. He was offered an honorable discharge, but he stayed on the front after receiving a prosthetic foot. Hello? Didn't you get the "dead wrong" memo? Earth to soldier! Didn't you do the math--2 feet minus 1 foot =1 foot? What part of "YOUR FUCKING FOOT HAS BEEN BLOWN OFF" didn't you understand? And you want more? Why? What sort of brainwashing technique is in place to make you continue this madness? This cheery bit of CNN propaganda ended with the guy's plans to set up a care center for future prosthetic limb-wearing vets. Wouldn't it be nobler to speak out against the war and help stop creating prosthetic limb-wearers of every nationality?

And isn't the truth that this soldier, happy to struggle on with one foot, is the exception? That army recruits are way down? That the existing troops are disgruntled, war-torn and stretched way too thin in a land of $35,000 six-mile cab rides--with no end to the war in sight? A young black college student profiled on CNN--I know, I watch too much--has a new extracurricular activity. She sets up shop on her campus with a bullhorn, trying to warn students against army recruiters who downplay the risks involved in signing up. She said she'd devote as much time as she could between her studies to shouting the recruiters down. Right on, sister-girl! I wish more Americans had your style of patriotism and outrage. If they did, there might be a lot less trusting American soldiers who died senselessly. And before you cry "You aren't supporting out troops who give their lives for you!" please understand, the troops' lives are EXACTLY what I'm supporting. I'm denouncing the policies which put them in harm's way for the wrong reasons. Uh, and did I mention we have no exit strategy in Iraq?

WHEN THE PRESIDENT TALKS TO GOD

I totally missed this fantastic song performed by Bright Eyes on Jay Leno. Watch video at: http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2670176 Supposedly, the song is available as a free download on itunes but even if not, it's worth $.99!

Bright Eyes rocks The Tonight Show with a scathing attack on the President.

The Lyrics in Question:

When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?

When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends

When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God

When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?

I doubt it

RIDICULOUS INFOMERCIAL REVIEWS

Have a favorite? You'll probably find it here: http://infomercial.tvheaven.com/rejuvenique.htm Mine is REJUVENIQUE, a shocking face mask which, well, shocks you into looking younger. I wonder if it can give you that deer-caught-in-headlights-look? I much prefer IT to the I'm-a-bored-stupid-rich-charm-free-slut-on-a-cell-phone look which is so "hot" today.

ONE PUSSY I'D EAT

PORN BREAD??? You gotta check out: http://www.porn-bread.com/bukkake.htm

CAMEL-TOE ALERT!

An entire website devoted to the unsightly crotch bulges known as camel-toes can be found at: http://ctoe.bolt.com/mens03.html. Pix include hilarious commentary. Sample post below.


Elvis Toe
Toe Factor: 2 (yes...he has two)
Seen: Vegas.... where else.

This is disturbing on so many levels, I scarcely know where to begin. The image of Pelvis here will forever be burned into my memory; and I am not pleased. The problem is that his gut is so pendulous that he can't even see that his scrotal luggage is not going to fit in the overhead bin. Did his room at the Sahara have a mirror? I hope he isn't one of those Flying Elvises that skydive. Can you imagine looking skyward and seeing this pair of doodads coming down toward you? Worse yet, can you imagine waking up next to him at the Heartbreak Hotel? Some poor woman probably has. But the saddest part is that if he hadn't died on the crapper, the real Elvis probably would have looked like this by now. Now, that is a stamp I would love to lick and put on an envelope. This guy is truly a Hunk a Hunk of Burning Love.

BILLY BEYOND"S BLOG

The ridiculous Billy Beyond now has a blog at: http://billybeyond.blog-city.com

An avid photographer, naturally his site features pix of "le crum de la crum" of downtown club royalty like Sister Dimension, Amanda LeWhore, Loretta Hogg, Gina Varla Vetro and Tickles (above).

Billy and I bonded years ago over a bottle of poppers on the Pyramid dancefloor. And a bag of coke at Bassline. And a few hits of acid at the Copa Cabana--on our way home, the cab got blocked by a garbage truck in front of us so we got to watch churning garbage juice while "peaking". For those of you who don't know him, Billy is a dj, stylist, jewelry-designer, make-up artist, photographer, and rim-aholic (that explains his breath)--basically one of those fags with an incredible eye who can do anything from styling Sex and The City to impersonating 70's country star Bobbie Gentry at Wigstock to his current project, art-directing Amy Sedaris's cook-book. Billy also modelled for Todd Oldham in fishy drag for a couple of years in the eighties--remember when fashion was fun? One year Todd even designed dresses named after the Pyramid queens--I know there was a Hapi Phace, a Lady Bunny, and probably a Tabboo and a Sister Dimension. Prissing into that fashion show to see dresses we'd inspired by the most buzz-worthy designer in New York--in front row seats, no less!--we really thought we'd made it! (Boy, were we ever wrong.) The Jeannie C. Riley soundtrack didn't hurt, neither.

I FUCKED ANN COULTER IN THE ASS, HARD

By BACHEM MACUNO

Sunday, April 24, 2005

The Farmer’s Market on Fairfax and 3rd is a Los Angeles landmark, attracting tourists and everyday Angelinos alike, as well as many famous faces. Among the celebrities I have seen there are Muhammad Ali, Terri Garr, Tyra Banks, Laura Linney, Keenan Ivory Wayans, the guitarist for The Cult, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Weird Al Yankovic.

But Ann Coulter is the only celebrity I’ve ever spotted at Farmer’s Market that I wound up fucking in the ass, hard.

READ MORE AT:

http://ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com/

RARE ROSS PIC ON EBAY

(copy from EBAY)
Here for auction is a RARE PHOTOGRAPH of the singer DIANA ROSS sitting on the bar at the famous STUDIO 54. This is a never before seen photo of Diana ross sitting on a bar with DJ THEODE next to her. The song that was playing at that time was "MONEY" by FLYING LIZARDS. RARE!!!!!! You will never see another like it. From "souvenirs...of Studio 54", a collection of photographes by the busboy Miestorm. Not For Reproduction!! Private collector must secrifice due to terminal illness. Disclaimer: The sign at the entrance read "Entry into the premises constitutes permission to be photographed" Studio 54 Studio 54 was a Manhattan based nightclub that is possibly the most famous nightclub of all time. Studio was owned and operated by Ian Schrager and Steve Rubell, and was famous for its wild theme parties and famous clientele. The key to Studio was the music, the enormous amount of coke, and the door policy. The door policy was that Rubell always wanted, ?the perfect salad.? Just because you were a celebrity did not mean that you would make it through the door. There were nights where eyewitnesses say Cher was waiting outside the door just like the seven hundred other people who were trying to get in. What made the club so popular was that it broke all the rules. If you can dream it, it was happening at Studio 54. dancing all night on drugs and natural high, and rubbing elbows with celebrities. The philosophy was that mechanics could mix with movies stars and everyone would be on the same page. There would be people walking around naked except for a critically placed feather they had glued on. There was birthday party for Bianca Jagger where she rode in on a white horse, at one theme party the had cars imported from an automobile museum in New Jersey that were parked all over the dance floor. Thing fell from the ceiling and people had the time of their lives. There is much mystery and myth sounding the club, and we can now only relive the experience through stories and photographs. Rare find!!

YOU BETTER "WASH" OUT!

The Great Pretender

Someone call Martha Wash! Zelma Davis, dance music's most notorious impersonator, has apparently struck again! Most know Davis as the svelte model who was sued by Wash for lip-synching to Wash's vocals on the C+C Music Factory hit 'Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now).'

Davis' culprit this time is Sylver Logan Sharp, lead vocalist for the disco group Chic. Sharp had been riding high off her solo dance single 'All This Time,' which was recently No. 1 on Billboard's dance singles chart and on the WKTU radio station in New York City. Then after returning from some dates in Gstaad, Switzerland, the singer began receiving horrible feedback from fans regarding her live shows.

"I started receiving calls and e-mails from irate fans complaining about shows I never performed," Sharp told us. "Then a local club owner saw me advertised online for a gig the very night he'd hired me to perform."

Sharp and her team started to investigate the issue and discovered one evening, only an hour before she was scheduled to perform at Club Shelter in New York City, that the other "Sylver" was booked to perform in Newark, N.J., at the XL Lounge. They went to the venue and after Davis performed to a prerecorded version of 'All This Time,' Sharp's assistant Angela Kennedy approached her.

"I introduced myself, and she identified herself as Sylver," recalled Kennedy. "I then motioned for the real Sylver to come over. I said, 'May I introduce you to Sylver Logan Sharp, the artist you're impersonating tonight?' Her jaw dropped and then came the denial, denial, denial."

Davis attempted to explain. "No, I said the group is Sylver," she lied, before being reminded that she was the only one on stage. Davis then went on to say that she was lip-synching to her own version of the song, but according to Sharp, the version heard that night was clearly Sharp's vocals.

Since confronting Davis, Sharp and her team are in the process of taking legal action. "We've discovered information online about numerous venues where she has misrepresented herself and used booking agents to make money, defraud club owners and bill herself as Sylver or Silver," explained Sharp.

If you want to make sure you're dealing with the real Sylver Logan Sharp, visit her Web site at www.sylverwear.com for images and contact information.

In other Chic news, band founder Nile Rodgers won a lawsuit he issued against three ex-members of the group. Rodgers alleged the Chic name was being used without his permission by Alfa Anderson, Norma Jean Wright and Luci Martin, vocalists for Chic from 1977 to 1982. A Manhattan federal judge awarded him $250,000 in trademark damages.

CZECH THIS OUT!

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/ghengis_khan.mpeg

DO IT NOW AND PASS IT ON!

You will recall that Jerry Falwell claimed that 9/11 was brought on us as the result of gays and abortions in our country. (!!!) Now televangelist/Porky Pig impersonator Pat Robertson comes with this bullshit: the threat posed by liberal federal judges is "probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings." I happen to think that these born again right wingers are as backward and dangerous as fanatical muslims. Please understand that with a republican president and congress, the judicial branch is the last hope of any voice of reason in the US. You want your rights? More conservative judges will enable repubs to pulverize civil rights for decades and it may take decades to reverse the damage. Express your outrage and get involved by signing this petition and passing it on. NOW, fuckers!


Subject: Tell your friends: Frist and DeLay Should Reject Pat Robertson

Dear friend:

On Sunday morning, Christian Coalition founder Rev. Pat Robertson told TV viewers nation-wide that the threat posed by liberal federal judges "probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings."

Robertson's statement is only the most outrageous example of a growing effort from the extreme right to whip up an intense fear and hatred of American judges. The strategy is designed to build support for the Republican "nuclear" scheme to break the rules and stack the courts - and it is poisonous to our democracy. Republican leaders must reject these comments and end the intimidation now.

Please sign the MoveOn PAC petition today demanding that Sen Bill Frist and Rep. Tom Delay publicly condemn Robertson's comments and stop intimidating judges.

http://www.moveonpac.org/robertson/

THINKING TOO MUCH

WWW.LADYBUNNY.NET should really be called Zhana_Saunders.com. Half of the stuff I post from the web is forwarded by her. She's the dynamic, sexy, vital songstress who is best know for her Kult records club hit LOVE DOMINATES (which Victoria Lace always lip-synchs to) and her newer hit WAITING FOR ALEGRIA with Tony Moran, which just hit #5 on Billboard Club charts. Anyhoo, thanks Zhana, and here's the latest:


It started out innocently enough. I began to think at cocktail parties.
Now and then - just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led
to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to
think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned
off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime
so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied
and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If
you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
confessed, "I've been thinking ..." "I know you've been thinking,"
she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But honey, surely it's not that
serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as
much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if
you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I
said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration,
but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the doorI
headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into
the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up othe big glass
doors...

They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe
that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for
Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining
your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from
the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am
today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was
"Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking
since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the
road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.

IF I EVER GET TITTIES...

I sure don't want no cancer in 'em!



NEW STAMP FEATURING WOMEN OF COLOR

Breast cancer stamp ... it's gorgeous!

ALRIGHT EVERYONE, lets do this! We need you who are great at forwarding information to your e-mail network. It will be wonderful if 2005 is the year a cure for breast cancer is found! This is one e-mail you should be glad to pass on. The notion that we could raise $35 million by buying a book of stamps is powerful!

As you may be aware, the US Postal Service recently released its new "Fund the Cure" stamp to help fund breast cancer research. The stamp was designed by Ethel Kessler of Bethesda, Maryland. It is important that we take a stand against this disease that devastates many of our mothers, sisters, and friends.

Instead of the routine 37 cents for a stamp, this one costs 40 cents. The additional 3 cents goes to breast cancer research. A "normal" book costs $7.40. This one is only $8.00. It means so much. If all stamps are sold, it will raise an additional $35,000,000 for this vital research.

Just as important as the money, is our support. What a statement it will make if the stamp outsells the lottery this week. What a statement it will make that we care. I urge you to do two things:

1. Go out and purchase these stamps.

2. E-mail your friends to do the same. We all know women and their families whose lives are turned upside-down by breast cancer. It takes so little to do so much in this drive.
Please help & pass this on.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

Doesn't this queen from SORORITY BOYS look just like a pre-surgery Kathy Griffin? Maybe it's just the retarded girl/Mamie Eisenhower short bangs which they both favor with long eighties Suzanne Bartsch-style corkscrew perms. I'm sorry if that is insulting--to the drag queen!

FAGS! SHAPE UP!!!

As the Genre "Health and Fatness" issue (in which I begin a monthly column) prepares to hit stands, I've uncovered a remarkable new fitness booster, courtesy of an email from San Francisco's own Fudgie Frottage! I've already ordered the device and something tells me that the pounds are about to start melting off! Cue up the Wizard of Oz's "Wicked Witch Cycling Theme" and away we go! bike_ride_1-1.bmp bike_ride_2-1.bmp

TALKING TRASH WITH WWW.EDGEBSTON.COM

Lady Bunny: Of wigs and wisdom
by Rick Dunn
EDGE Community Editor

What can one say about The Lady Bunny that hasn’t been said – or read off a bathroom wall – before? No one ever said she was polite. And thank God. The Wigstock founder is not just one of the most recognizable drag icons on the planet – you can see that meringue of blonde hair from the moon -, but she’s is also one of the most outspoken. Now that she’s conquered film, TV and music, Bunny has launched www.ladybunny.net, the home of perhaps the funniest blog I’ve ever read on the net. I checked in with NY’s first lady of drag earlier this week, and with the help of a little smelling salts, she came to long enough to talk about her new site, Donatella, barebacking, crystal meth, Michael Jackson and how she really feels about reality TV.

How did you conceive the Lady Bunny site?
“I lucked out with the designer, who has never met me or seen me perform, isn’t gay or even from this country! But I gave him a few pointers and he whipped it up in a very stylish way. From a convenience angle, it’s fab to just email someone a link to watch my performance or download a press pic, instead of snail-mailing an actual video or photo. And at some point Bunny merchandise will be available like a CD, comedy DVD, used Depends, etc. Also, it’s great to spew on my blog. I started writing around the heated time of the last election and got a good response to my ramblings. So many things disgust me that I try to make sure that I write some positive/humorous entries so that it’s not all fire and brimstone. And as a result, Genre magazine has offered me a monthly column!”

How Internet savvy are you?
Well, I now know enough not to log on to German animal porn sites cuz they’ll pop you on their email lists and embarrass you with constant emails. I just forward them to mom.

Have you ever found romance on the Internet?
“Yes, Jimmy James showed me how since he has AOL. (Jimmy, that "whale of a talent,” also showed me how to get desserts on the Internet.) The guy was cute and didn’t lie about his "shoe size" but unfortunately his profile could not convey smells, and I assume that garlic is very, very popular in Ecuador. I gagged, and not in the good way, either!”

What is going on with “Wigstock?”
“We are now produced by the HOWL festival (howlfestival.com), whose mission is to celebrate the East Village as the cultural hotbed it has traditionally been, as opposed to the rep it has now: a place for NYU students to get drunk and vomit in doorways. So once a year in August we queens get together and show those clueless young whippersnappers the right way to vomit in doorways! Artfully, with purpose! And not just in any doorway! Sometimes leaving a little in several doorways! We are actually taking Wigstock one year at a time but are probably confirmed for this August. (Updates from www.wigstock.nu) Last year it rained and yet we had a huge turnout. And the new two-hour format is much easier on Lady Bunion’s hooves. So I think we should continue it. Wigstock keeps a little "gritty" in the city, and NYC has become so expensive that the kind of fun freaks/artists who gave birth to Wigstock could now never afford to move here. NYC is overrun with “Sex and the City” wannabes with cell phones, Cosmos and fake Prada.”

What is the status of your recording career?
“I’ve got a song out now called “I Get High,” which is actually DJ Disciple featuring Lady Bunny. He’s a fantastic producer with whom I’ve collaborated on six tracks. I’m also shopping a song called “Let’s Get Jumpin’” (produced by Warren Rigg, who did Deborah Cox’s “Easy as Life” with Tony Moran). There is a free download on ladybunny.net and they have just licensed both “Let’s Get Jumpin’” and “I Get High” to “Big Gay 40” on VH-1, a round-up of gay events in the past year which airs in March. And I love to write for other people. Dee-lite’s Lady Miss Kier and Lonnie Gordon have recorded songs of mine. I’ve written and produced music for a while now (like the track behind my Laugh-In skits) but it’s something new I’ve been focusing on. It’s a rough time to try to break into the ailing music biz, but it’s what I love the most. Time to get dance music back on track and get back to some real songs! Let’s get rid of this pots and pans drugged-out music and keep the drugs!”

What would be the ideal Lady Bunny reality TV show?
“Honey, I am many things, but real ain’t one of ’em. I don’t know. A camera follows me as I fluff at a strip club in Puerto Rico, maybe?”

Do you watch “American Idol?”
“Not regularly, though I have seen some great singers like Ruben Studdard. I can’t understand why everything has to be a competition in reality TV? Like the “Gastineau Girls,” where mom competes with daughter for dick? That’s absurd! I’d share a hot piece with my momma anyday! That’s how I met my dad! Remember, I’m southern! But at least Idol gives some folks (like Ruben) whose looks/size might otherwise prevent a record company from giving them a chance. On the whole though, reality TV disgusts me. The government will not allow images of dead or wounded soldiers to be shown on the new because it unmasks the brutal nature of war. That’s reality TV, not Paris Hilton rolling in a pig sty. Instead of the truth about war casualties, we are shown heart-warming "news" stories about how a soldier makes it home just in time for the birth of his kid. Orwell’s 1984 has arrived, baby! Another example: for weeks we were shown images of the 200,000 deaths from the tsunamis because we are so "caring.” Well, over 100,000 Iraqi civilians, not soldiers, have been killed. Do you recall seeing those images? Nope! We’re not supposed to care about dead Iraqis cuz they’ve got oil we wanna steal. It’s pure propaganda. Face it. Bush is a puppet of corporate greed and big corporations own guess what – The News! My other problem with reality TV is that we are settling for so much less because as a nation we are stupider. TV programmers are attracted to reality TV because they don’t have to pay script writers, set designers, actors, etc - not because it’s good! And we are buying it! I grew up watching genius TV like “All in the Family,” which could make you laugh, cry and address a relevant social issue in one episode. Which isn’t going to happen by turning a camera on Flava Flav, unless the social issue is the US’s poor educational system. How many insects have to be eaten before you people realize how empty this shite is? Obviously, reality TV bugs me.”

If you were one of the judges, what advice would you offer?
“For the other judges to commit suicide. On second thought, let me kill them.”

If you had to sex with one of the “Queer Eye” guys – for money of course – which one would it be and why?
“Hell, just blindfold me - and them - and send ’em all in. But if I had to pick one it would be Jai Rodriguez. He’s hispanic so he’s compatible with the Atkins diet - all meat and cheese!

If you were to present a “State of the Nation” address on the current status of drag in the USA, what would be your three biggest points?
“1. Lip-synch queens around the country generally have more polish than NYC style "alternative" queens (myself included), who sing live, do stand-up, act, DJ, etc. So we could take a few tips to polish our looks like the pageant girls, who look sensational and know every trick in the book. But they could also learn from us. Lip-synching to popular hits can be really dull unless you are a great dancer or give the number some sort of twist. And please! Don’t impersonate a celeb you look nothing like--no matter how much you like them!
2. It’s a shame that today’s divas can’t hold a candle to the ones I grew up listening to like Patti Labelle, Streisand, Dolly Parton, Gladys Knight, Jennifer Holiday, Tina Turner, Cher and Bette Midler. So many of todays top "divas" are lip-synching themselves: J-Ho, Janet, Britney, Madonna, Ashlee, so they aren’t the most bombastic stars to emulate onstage and their looks are so casual that they don’t have trademark looks like Joan River’s glasses or Cher’s Bob Mackies. I hate Celine (that spastic choreoraphy!) but at least she’s theatrical and has a diva voice.
3.Let’s take pride in ourselves, girls. It was the courage of drag and transgendered folk which sparked Stonewall and gave birth to the gay rights movement. Don’t ever listen to conservative elements in the gay community who poo poo drag as undesirable. They wouldn’t be as free as they are today if it weren’t for our efforts at Stonewall, so don’t you ever let them look down on us!”

What is the dirtiest joke you’ve ever told?
“You wouldn’t print it but here’s one that’s topical. What was the real reason Michael Jackson was dangling his baby off that ledge? He was shaking the cum off of him!”

The most offensive?
“Again, you might not print the MOST offensive one but this should offend most: Why don’t they have any Kmarts in Iraq? Cuz there’s a Target on every corner!”

What is the most scandalous thing you’ve ever seen backstage?
“Ryan Landry (a Boston "legend") shaving his back--with a lawnmower!

Who is more difficult: Rupaul or Lypsinka?
“Lypstinka.”

You’ve appeared alongside Donatella Versace. Could you tell she had a coke problem?
"No problem at all. She had plenty!”

What do you think is a bigger problem in the gay community, crystal meth or barebacking?
“They go together. Crystal fucks you up so bad that you are up for days running on empty with no food or sleep. In that delirious state, you can’t possibly be concerned with safe sex. So I think crystal use leads to barebacking. Got any? The real problem facing gays can be found in Larry Kramer’s address called “The Tragedy of Today’s Gays.” It’s coming out as a book but you can google it and read the entire Transcript - it’s a must read from this ACT-UP pioneer.”

What is your biggest beauty secret?
“Photo-shop!”
For more on Lady Bunny go to www.ladybunny.net.


Rick Dunn’s writing has appeared in The Boston Globe, The Windy City Times, Washington Blade and Bay Windows. Currently the Communications Associate for GLAD, he is also a member of Ryan Landry’s Gold Dust Orphans theatrical troupe. He was the editor of in newsweekly from 1996 to 2003.