THINKING TOO MUCH

WWW.LADYBUNNY.NET should really be called Zhana_Saunders.com. Half of the stuff I post from the web is forwarded by her. She's the dynamic, sexy, vital songstress who is best know for her Kult records club hit LOVE DOMINATES (which Victoria Lace always lip-synchs to) and her newer hit WAITING FOR ALEGRIA with Tony Moran, which just hit #5 on Billboard Club charts. Anyhoo, thanks Zhana, and here's the latest:


It started out innocently enough. I began to think at cocktail parties.
Now and then - just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led
to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to
think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned
off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime
so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied
and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If
you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
confessed, "I've been thinking ..." "I know you've been thinking,"
she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But honey, surely it's not that
serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as
much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if
you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I
said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration,
but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the doorI
headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into
the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up othe big glass
doors...

They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe
that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for
Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining
your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from
the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am
today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was
"Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking
since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the
road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.