CAN YOU SAY OSCAR BUZZ?

INCREDIBLE WORDS OF WISDOM FOR 2011

As we get older, sometimes we begin to doubt our ability to make a difference in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other seniors who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberman is such a person.



I've often been asked "What do you old folks do now that you're retired?" Well, I'm fortunate enough to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, scotch, margaritas into urine.

Harold is an inspiration to us all!

TEENA MARIE ON THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES AGE 8!

A VERY LIZA CHRISTMAS

How was this ever considered good? I love it because it's wacky, but is it actually enjoyable on any other level or just crazy with a Z? In a rare perk or on a rare percoset stolen from mommy's handbag?

EFFECTIVE SNOW REMOVAL

FAT AND PROUD!

DON'T USUALLY POST CUTE PET VIDEOS, BUT...

SNOWED IN?

Don't feel too bad if you're missing a day at work due to weather conditions. Whitney Houston, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Grace Jones have all been forced to cancel lucrative gigs due to "extremely heavy snowfall." Even though they're all in sunny Las Vegas!

BEN LERMAN

FILE THIS UNDER WTF?

A REDNECK CHRISTMAS

A SONNY AND CHER XMAS

THE INTRO SONG IS AWFUL SO JUST SKIP TO 1:42 CUZ THE MONOLOGUE IS FUNNY>

CHRISTMAS WITH PATTI LABELLE

I've had a lot of errands to run right before the holidays and several times I noticed couples arguing bitterly with lots of packages in their hands. Of course I didn't eavesdrop--in NYC that might get you killed--but I couldn't help but wonder if holiday stress hadn't been upped a notch this year due to the recession. It's kinda hard to focus on the perfect gift for everybody when you're losing your home!

My parents were never big gift-givers. I don't mean "gift-givers" as in the code word for gay internet hook-ups who have HIV and want to spread it to so-called "bug-chasers", because the internet didn't exist when I was a child. Who knows? Maybe my parents are organizing an Xmas bare-backing orgy right now on Craigs List in Chattanooga as I type this.

But when I was a kid, my parents never focused that much on giving elaborate gifts. They might capitulate to that one thing that I thought I just had to have and throw in some candy. Remember those books made out of every flavor of Lifesavers? I got those every year. But when it came time for show and tell with the other neighborhood brats, the gifts that my sister and I got always came up short. Other kids' parents seem to lavish money on them. Not just the latest must-have brand name and "it" toys, but some actually got jewelry and even cars!

Ooh, how I bitched and whined about this to my folks. I really hated them at these moments. "But the other kids got this! And they got that!" My parents would always smile and say "But you're not those other kids." That line really made my blood boil. I knew I wasn't those other kids because they received fancy gifts which made me feel inferior. My folks weren't poor, but gifts just weren't a priority to them for some infuriating reason.

It took me decades to realize it, but I get it now. After seeing those couples arguing with gifts in their hands, I realized what a priceless gift my parents had given me. It's a real freedom when you don't need something. And I don't need material things to make me feel complete. Oh sure, I fork out cash for my wigs and costumes and stuff that I use for work. But it's a recession. And if I can't afford a designer label or a deluxe new coiffure this year, I'm totally fine with that. I'm still me. I've noticed that gays and people of color often seem obsessed with designer labels. I'm not sure why, but I imagine that it's because both groups have been looked down on by society at large, so attaining some status symbol which everyone recognizes as expensive puts an extra spring in our step to compensate for times we've been made to feel less than.

But if your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks less of you because they didn't find an enormous ring under the Christmas tree, you don't have a very loving relationship with him/her to begin with. And if your kid melts down because you just couldn't swing that pricey new model of the X-box or whatever other toy is the must have of the year, maybe you can teach them what I'm very glad my mom and dad taught me: that you don't need expensive gifts to make you happy. You just need booze, cocaine and giant donkey dicks crammed into every one of your orifice. Seriously though, I wouldn't trade my momma's cornbread sage stuffing recipe and the smiles all around the table as she served it for anything they sell at Macy's. Well, except maybe one of their girdles cuz I've been oinking that recipe since Thanksgiving.



And speaking of girdles, this subject reminds me of one of my favorite songs by my favorite entertainer, Miss Patti Labelle. Bring on Patti and you bring on the tears! Of course, If You Don't Know Me By Now had already been a hit for Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes featured Tedd Pendergrass, who also hail from Philly. I couldn't find her 8 minute version from the album Patti on youtube, so I posted this one instead. Her bizarre wig is proof of crack's popularity during the 80s since her hairdresser simply had to be on it. During the album version, Patti lays down an incredible rap which made this song a choice number for drag queens to lip-synch to in Atlanta, GA when I was coming up. See, Patti's man still doesn't trust her after 10 long years. Somehow, she turns this scenario into a message of self-empowerment which I hope will come in handy to anyone who might be feeling less than because their stocking didn't get stuffed too full this year.

Again, these words are NOT in the youtube clip below but the emotion AND WIG are.
Patti's genius rap from the album:

"You break your back, you break your neck and you break your face trying to get these people to know you in life. And somehow they just don't wanna try, too. So you say to yourself "Is it somethin' I said? Is it somethin' I done? Is it the way I look? Is it the way my clothes come unfastened? And if that turns you off, baby you ain't worth me anyway.

So you fasten your clothes, you check your speech, your drag and everything else, your face and you find out you're still in trouble. And then you say to yourself, 'Self, is it worth it?' Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh NO!"

OH NO THEY DIDN'T!

JESSE HULTBERG FOUND THIS "XMAS PIC OF ME AT THE PTYAMID CLUB IN THE MID-1980'S. THE PATHETIC GARLAND TRIM INDICATES THAT IT WAS THE HOLIDAYS (I HOPE.) I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE ACID WASH DENIM SKIRT AND GLUED ON RHINESTONE TRIM EARRINGS INDICATE--EXCEPT THAT I WAS A BUSTED BOOGER. AND I'M WORKING MY OWN HAIR!

WANDA WISDOM AS SCROOGE!

THIS IS 1/2 LONG SO IT'S ONLY FOR THE LONELIEST AND SADDEST AMONG YOU. I MEAN AMONG US!

WHAT A LINEUP!

Hosting the Wednesday grand opening of South Beach's new gay hotel, Lords South Beach, is a colorful crew, including designer Richie Rich and former socialite turned reality-show participant Tinsley Mortimer. Soundtrack will be provided by legendary drag queen Lady Bunny and DJ Tracy Young, no stranger to reality shows herself after a dalliance with Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak. Last but not least, Miami Mayor Tomás Regalado will host the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

Read more: MIAMIHERALD

CHILD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT PRESENTS!

THE POOR THING JUST WANTS TO SLEEP!

A JAN TERRI XMAS!

MEET SENORITA CONEJITA!

THAT'S LADY BUNNI IN ESPANOL> I'm so honored that my video, Santa Claus Is Cumming To Town has beenn translated into spanish! I'm ready for my tour of Latin America! Or at least Sapnish Harlem!

SANTA CLAUS--NOT MY LOVER

MARY POPPINS SCEEN TESTS

DREAMING OF A WHITE XMAS?

INSANE!

GRANPA LIKES HIS NEW TOWEL

TALK ABOUT A CHEAP DATE!

SEASON'S GREETINGS!

HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY AND ENJOY MY NEW XMAS VIDEO!

ORIGINAL HAIRSPRAY TRAILER

LOVE THE WIGS!

MAYOR DOOMBERG ON EDUCATION

Did anyone just see the shocking figures on NY1 which proved that Bloomberg's educational "improvements" have been a complete failure with a marked drop in grades in 1 year? The biggest losers? Black and latino kids. And Bloomberg is now fighting to appoint a head of education with so little experience that Bloomie had to agree to appoint a helper for her. Unheard of!

Is this simply an accidentally failed policy? Or is an "elected" official trying to keep us in the dark so that in the future, we won't know who to argue with or how to ever win. Think it's just a NYC oddity? Then why are Republicans all over the country battling science in favor of religion? Is your party battling science? How do you stand for up ignorance? Could I repeat the question?

DOOMBERG TRIES TO APPOINT CATHI BLACK

HAVING A COCK LIKE THIS IS A CRIME!

I'M JOINING THE POLICE FORCE!

ADELE IS MAJOR--CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S WHITE

IT'S BEGINNING TO SMELL A LOT LIKE FISHMAS

OUR VALUES CHANGING WITH AGE

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.

I just bought this hat yesterday!"

BEST XMAS VIDEO EVER!

THE WORST NOEL

I really love Mariah Carey's voice. She and Whitney are two whose riffing I usually always love. And I go nuts for Mariah's bird notes. HOWEVER, her riffing on this classic is ridiculous! What is she trying to prove with the gymnastics? Proof that not every song is for every voice, no matter how accomplished that voice may be. The goal should never be obscure the words.

SO DEMENTED!

HOW PRETTY!

Now I might watch Glee if they'd cover a song like this on the show instead of butchering songs which were currently on the pop charts. But I guess that would require imagination.

MEET LITTLE MARCY!

AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT...

THE MIST INTELLIGENT BEING THAT EVER DANCED TO WILLOW?

OMG! SHRIEKING OVER THIS ONE!

AT LEAST THERE'S 1 THING HOT ABOUT P DIDDY'S ALBUM!

TEEN SUICIDES ARE HORRIBLE!

CAN WE PLEASE GET THEM TO START AT THIS AGE?

POPE ENJOYS HIS 1ST PUBLIC MALE STRIPTEASE!

AND HOW HOT IS THIS STRIPTEASE?

SEE BEA ARTHUR IN 1943

WHEN SHE WAS A MARINE CORPS TRUCKER WITH PERSONALITY TRAITS LISTED AS ARGUMENTATIVE AND OVERLY-AGGRESSIVE!

NYMAG

DIVINE DAVID'S XMAS MASTERCLASS

AND HERE'S A HOLIDAY RECIPE!

RE-POST WITH PART 2

WALMART NATION

NEW STUDY: FOX NEWS MAKES YOU STUPID

I WONDER IF FOX WILL RUN THIS STORY?



NEW RESULTS OF A POLL OF FOX NEWS WATCHER PROVE THAT FOX DOES THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT NEWS SHOULD DO--INFORM YOU AS OPPOSED TO THE MISINFORMATION FOX DELIBERATELY SPREADS. AND WHY BOTHER WITH THE TRUTH WHEN YOUR VIEWERS ARE SO IGNORANT THAT YOU CAN FORCE FEED THEM SO MUCH RIGHT WING PROPAGANDA THAT, ARMED WITH FOX NEWS "FACTS" THEY'LL LITERALLY VOTE AGAINST THEIR OWN INTERESTS. PITIFUL! Obama tried to discredit them as a proper news organization but backed down from that, too.

91% believe that the stimulus legislation lost jobs.
72% believe that the health reform law will increase the deficit.72% believe that the economy is getting worse.
60% believe that climate change is not occurring.
49% believe that income taxes have gone up.
63% believe that the stimulus legislation did not include any tax cuts.
56% believe that Obama initiated the GM/Chrysler bailout.
38% believe that most Republicans opposed TARP.
63% believe that Obama was not born in the US (or that it is unclear).

MORE: NEWSCORPSE

MY XMAS GIFT SELECTIONS

NEST GAY CITITES ASKED ME FOR 5 NYC-BASED GIFT IDEAS SO HERE YA GO!



GAYCITIES

HOE HOE HOE!

WALL OF PENIS

TO PARAPHRASE PINK FLOYD: ALL WE WANT IS JUST ANOTHER DICK ON THE WALL.

WALOFPENIS

SALSOUL CHRISTMAS JAM

THANKS, CHUCK SCHUMER!

I don't usually return gifts. OK, I don't usually get any! But for those who do, have you heard about this restocking fee for returning items of up to 25% of the price? NY Senator Chuck Schumer is trying to force retailers to at least make this charge known at the point of purchase.

MORE: WWW2

MARGARET CHO'S BEST WORK TO DATE!

PHONE-IN FILIBUSTER TODAY

A feisty old man named Bernie Sanders spoke for 9 hours on the senate floor last week. 9 HOURS! In addition to the stunt making him a perfect spokesman for Depends adult diapers, Bernie's dedication is much appreciated. He spoke about the foolishness of Obama and the Republicans wanting to give tax cuts to the wealthiest 2% in a recession. For 9 hours! Can you please make 2 quick calls to your senators to let him know you agree with him?

FROM MOVEON.ORG:

Later today, the Senate is expected to vote on the awful White House tax deal—and no one knows how this vote is going to come out.

Opposition to the deal has been growing by the hour ever since the deal was announced. And now's the time for progressives to demand that our voices be heard—just like Bernie Sanders did on Friday when he spoke on the floor of the Senate for an incredible nine hours in opposition to the deal.

CALL NOW: MOVEON.ORG

I'M DREAMING OF A BROWN CHRISTMAS

THE STORY "BEHIND" IT

AND YOU GOTTA LOVE SHERRY VINE AND GREG SCARNICI RHYMING AVE MARIA WITH DIARRHEA!

BECAUSE HOLIDAYS CAN BE A GAS

The Flatulence Deodorizer ™ activated charcoal cloth pads can resolve your condition safely and help you regain your self-confidence and dignity.

KIM WAYANS IS A GENIUS

CRAZY!

SO SICK!

THAT DOLL LOOKS LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER! from EIT! on Vimeo.

CRAP IS CRAP

It doesn't matter who's selling it. I guess Obama thinks we're so dumb that if he sends out a president from more prosperous times to hawk his mess, we'll buy it. Dream on.

Why Bill Clinton's Favorable View of Obama's Tax Deal Should Be Disregarded by Robert Reich

"Continuing the Bush tax cuts of 2001 and 2003, including a sharp cut in the estate tax, violates these core principles. Doing so in the midst of an economic emergency that demands bold measures to rescue America's vast middle and working class adds further insult. For President Obama and former President Clinton to tell America there's "no other choice" or that "this is the best we can do" -- when Democrats remain putatively in control of the House, Senate, and the presidency -- is misleading."

"ADDS FURTHER INSULT." Why is he insulting the people who elected him and licking th @ss of those who despise him?

MORE: HUFFPO

ADRIAN ARPEL XMAS ORNAMENT

COULDN'T THEY EVEN BRUSH OUT IT'S WIG?



HERE ARE A FEW MORE SENSIBLE XMAS GIFT IDEAS FOR NEW YORKERS:


1) Tickets to The Pee-Wee Herman's Show on Broadway are from $67.00. It's so silly and fun that it would lift Scrooge's spirits. It ends on January 1st.

2) Afternoon tea for one at Tea and Sympathy on Greenwich Avenue. At $35 this toasty treat is a great way to pamper yourself with a three-tiered platter piled with yummy cakes and finger sandwiches on the best brown bread I've ever eaten. (And I've eaten quite a lot.)

3) Get your back dug out by a young in shape guy for only $50 an hour. You have dirty minds--I'm talking massage. It's cheap and you never need an appointment. Yours-Spa is at 235 West 18th Street in Manhattan between 7th and 8th Avenues. It's the same block as the Post Office so drop in tho soothe your nerves after that long line to mail gifts.

4) Charities have been especially hard hit by the recession. If we don't have enough to pay our own bills, then we aren't donating much to the extremely needy. If you can't donate cash, give of your time and volunteer to an organization close to your heart.

5) My comedy dvd Rated X for Xtra-Retarded is on sale for only $20 including shipping and manhandling. It's the perfect way to offend stuffy relatives--pop it in and they'll split in a jiffy. Watch the trailer here: http://ladybunny.net/loader_flash_trailer.html

YOU KNOW YOUR PUSSY STINKS WHEN...

BERNIE SANDERS DAY!

BERNIE SANDERS IS THROWING DOWN! He basically just told everybody to stop acting like the Republicans had conceded anything with their/Obama's tax cut proposal. Anytime unemployment has gone above 7.2% BOTH parties extended benefits for the past 40 years. "This is America." Maybe it still is.



To show my support of Vermont senator Bernie Sanders standing up to the Obama/Republican tax cut "compromise", I'm gonna eat pancakes with Vermont maple syrup in his honor for a week. OK, so I already do that daily. But I'll be thinking of his courage.

ANOTHER PUZZLING GOP MOVE

The nation was in shock after 9/11. Some brave worker bees risked their health to aid in rescue and clean up. They got sick breathing fumes but carried on. Some were lied to about the degree of health risks. Republicans are the first to beat their breasts and use 9/11 to justify anything from the Patriot Act to torture to raising threat levels to war. Yet they will gladly vote along party lines to deny medical aid to 9/11 rescue workers. Please explain this position to me. They clearly won't budge on anything as popular as medical aid to 9/11 rescue workers. If you can understand this, please let me know.


Republicans block Bill that would pay for 9/11 rescue workers'healthcare by The New York Times

WASHINGTON - Republican senators yesterday blocked Democratic legislation that sought to provide medical care to rescue workers and others who became ill as a result of breathing in toxic fumes, dust and smoke at the site of the 9/11 World Trade Centre attack.

MORE: TODAYONLINE

XMAS BUTT PLUGS

TIRED OF GIFTS THAT DON'T GO DOWN WELL? THEN TRY ONE WHICH GOES UP!




BUTT, SANTA!



MORE ON THIS FINE SCULPTURE: CHRISTOPHERFOUNTAIN

A NEW LOW

EVEN I CAN UNDERSTAND THIS!

THIS ONE IS NOT QUITE AS CLEAR TO ME.

A WORLD WITHOUT TWEETS!

This story was swiped from popbitch.com's great, bitter newsletter. (You can subscribe to it by entering your email at POPBITCH.COM.) I don't usually reprint entire articles but the newsletter version has more juicy details than the link on their site. Also in this issue: hating Willow Smith, who has just gone #1 in the UK.

Celebrities' social suicide

Neatly proving just how ineffective social media actually is, 18 celebrities (and Jay Sean) sacrificed their "digital lives" for charity last week, vowing to stop updating their Twitter and Facebook feeds. Social network silence from Lady Gaga, Alicia Keys, Justin Timberlake and others until their fans donated a million dollars to the Keep A Child Alive campaign to help fight AIDS. With six days gone, donations were still under $300k. The celebs got restive - Usher just plain gave up and started tweeting - so a billionaire patsy, and longtime AIDS funder Stewart Bahr, was drafted in to pay it off.

It would have cost the celebs' 35 million combined followers less than 3 cents each to buy back their lives and get them tweeting again, so it appears their fans are staunchly pro-AIDS, or no-one really cared very much about what they had to say in the first place.

FYI Serena Williams inadvertently summed up the campaign's biggest problem in her last tweet and testament: "[It means] no more news about me winning more Grand Slams, selling books, winning gold medals, owning AMAZING football teams or pioneering fashion until we raise some serious cash". Is it any wonder people wanted her silenced?

LIVING LAR

SOME HIDEOUS NAMES ALL BEGINNING WITH LAR.

JOEY HEATHERTON'S XMAS SPECIAL

THE WIGS AND COSTUMES ARE ACTUALLY BETTER THAN THE HUMOR.

DOUBLE DREAM HANDS

OK, I'm a too fat to be making fun of anyone exercising. But if I wasn't, I would have quite a chuckle at Mr. Double Dream Hands. I guess someone re-edited the video with stock footage on a green screen behind him. But at 2:16 this footage seems to include a boy on top of another boy with some kind of blade. Fans of the Planet Rock by Afrika Bambaataa may take offense to this soundtrack.

VIOLENT? OF COURSE!

BUT AT LEAST THERE'S NO MENTION OF KILLING BATTY BOYS!

ISN'T THIS CAROLYN JONES AS THE VILLAINESS?

She also played Morticia Addams.



Tallulah Bankhead as Black Widow makes herself up as Robin. Robin then runs around with her voice coming out of him. Some make-up kit!

JUST LOOK AT HIM!

BOLLYWOOD CONDOM COMMERCIAL

MAYBE SHE'S SAVING UP FOR COLLAGEN LIPS?

Chick Makes Same Dumb Face in Every Pic - Watch more Funny Videos

TAXATION BLUES

ARIANNA NOT PLEASED WITH OBAMA'S PLAN:




WHY CAN'T WE BE THE JOB CREATORS? by CENK UYGUR for HUFINGTONPOST.COM:

AN EXCERPT:

"How about instead of giving the money to the rich and hoping that they create jobs, we just create the jobs! Imagine what we could build and how much good we could do for the country if we used that extra $700 billion to actually hire people directly. Imagine how many jobs that could create."

MORE: HUFFPO

LAST NIGHT'S OPENING OF INDUSTRY

Had such a blast at Industry's opening. Bob and Steve, who are responsible for (the original East Village) Crobar, Barracuda and popular eatery Elmo, have done it again with their stylish new Hell's Kitchen gay bar on 52nd Street between 8t...h and 9th Avenues. Sherry Vine, Mistress Formika, Oscar from the Eurovision Song Contest and The Ones performed with Shequida and Peppermint emceeing. There were a ton of sexy guys but my pics kinda make it look like a drag bar cuz I love the ladies. I don't know everyone's names so I didn't tag anyone but I'm sure you'll recognize most of them!



LINK TO MY FACEBOOK ALBUM FROM THE NIGHT: FACEBOOK

SPEAKING IN TONGUES

I don't go to church so it's always interesting to see what today's preachers are talking about. I know that many like the crazily named millionaire Creflo T. Dollar, a real life version of the preacher-pimp played by Richard Pryor in Car Wash, base their careers on teaching their congregations how to make more money. (Forgetting that finding a rich man in heaven is harder than finding a needle in a haystack thing.) I also know that preachers must not be talking about the horrors of war. Because an unpopular unpatriotic anti-war message might lead to empty donation plates when passed around to confused churchgoers who spout contradictory gibberish like SUPPORT THE TROOPS and THOU SHALT NOT KILL simultaneously. So here's what today's preachers are talking about. I'm so glad to see that they're making more sense than ever.

JACKIE BEAT: ALL YOU CAN EAT XMAS

JACKIE BEAT'S ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT CHRISTMAS! December 16-19:

Laurie Beechman Theatre, 407 West 42nd Street.
Everyone's favorite drag Grinch JACKIE BEAT returns with a comedy and music smorgasbord of deliciously blackened holiday classics mixed with a heapin’ helpin’ of hammy new material. The forked-tongue drag superstar carves up sacred holiday standards and current pop turkeys with her knife-sharp wit and serves them up with style at this buffet of tasteless entertainment. Thurs. & Sun. at 7:30 each have a handful of tix left. Fri. & Sat. at 7:30 are SOLD OUT. But we have added a 10pm show on Sat. Dec 18. Tix $20 - $22 plus $15 food/drink minumum at OVATIONTIX.COM

THIS OFTEN SELLS OUT SO DO RESERVE!

HERE'S A DEMENTED COMEDY VIDEO WITH JACKIE DOING ROSEANNE BAR'S MAKEUP:




ALSO:


ANGELS WE HAVE TWIRLED ON HIGH

David Ilku As Tallulaj Bankhead



Neither the JACKIE FACTORY nor its online community THE MOTHERBOARDS had done a holiday gathering for a few years, and we were determined to correct that this year. Since we'll be out of town for New Years, we really felt like seeing our club families, performers, beloved audience members, even our messiest friends, for one more 2010 blowout. The 19th, which is also the two year anniversary of the SUSANNE BARTSCH/ KENNY KENNY extravaganza VANDAM, seemed the perfect night to do so. So, if your taste in seasonal music runs to DUELLING BANKEADS performing FROSTY THE COKEWHORE, if Butoh, booze and Blessed Bes are personal holiday traditions, or if you just want that Auld Jackie Feeling, please DO stop by! This is a festive newsletter that takes us through Christmas - look for one more year-end edition announcing the 2011 NIGHT OF 1000 STEVIES date, more details of the Motherboards move and whatever else happens before then. For now, wishing you a Magickal season wherever you may be spending it.

SUNDAY DECEMBER 19THE JACKIE FACTORY & THE MOTHERBOARDS NYC HOST THE WINTER SOLSTICE HOLIDAY CELEBRATION VANDAM @ GREENHOUSE 150 VARICK STREET @ VANDAM
10 PM - MIDNIGHT, SHOWS BEGIN 11 SHARP
FREE ADMISSION mothernyc.com/holiday2010.html



The many and varied tribes of the JACKIE 60 and MOTHER club dynasties past, present and future gather downtown for a pagan/wiccan tinged holiday celebration, on the eve of the Winter Solstice. JACKIE FACTORY eminence CHI CHI VALENTI MCs performances by much-loved Factory collaborators VANGELINE THEATER, HEATHER LITTEER aka JESSICA RABBIT DOMINATION and DUELLING BANKHEADS. JACKIE 60 founder and DJ JOHNNY DYNELL provides the soundtrack for everything from trannie trot to pagan twirling (after all, NIGHT OF 1000 STEVIES is also a JACKIE FACTORY production) and there are FREE VODKA DRINKS for the first hour. Directly following, the gala 2nd anniversary of VANDAM unfolds, and Dynell segues into to his award-winning Sunday night soundtrack. Make this your last Big Messy Night Out before leaving town, and you'll be nursing your hangover for days.. we promise!

PEE-WEE HERMAN ON BROADWAY

I was thrilled to be invited to The Pee-Wee Herman Show on Broadway. Though we've never met, I've been on his Christmas card list for decades. (He says that he's "obsessive" about it.) 70's talk show legend Dick Cavett was in the audience the night I attended and we snapped a pic in the Green Room. What a wacky trio! I was very nervous for some reason but Paul couldn't have been nicer. When offered the tickets, I watched the show out of costume and then dragged up a day or two later to meet the legend after his show. I explained this by saying that a) no one can see over my wig and b)I'm an evil reviewer when I'm in drag and seated upon my nasty nelly nuts! There was some nervous laughter but I'm not sure how this went over. I guess I'll see if I get a card this season! At any rate, I had a blast meeting the folks behind the scenes.



Heading into our most expensive holiday of the year in a dire recession, it’s safe to say that a lot of folks could stand to have their spirits lifted a little. Pee-Wee Hermans’s Broadway offering does the trick—at least until you get your credit card bill for the tickets. Aren’t Broadway tickets astronomical these days? It seems like they’re geared only to tourists nowadays. Most New Yorkers I know are too busy hustling to pay rent to cough up $200 for an evening’s entertainment. For that amount, Michael Lucas would screw you.

DICK CAVETT WITH A TURBAN-LESS JAMBI THE GENIE.




This show will not. Pee-Wee’s character is still so recognizable that one of his pr efforts was simply to show up in public and get mobbed. He had to work a little harder in the Big Apple. He never even had to advertise this show in LA. The audience at the performance I saw fondly remembered his gags like the Tequila Dance with applause and enthusiastically joined into childish call and response routines. The original actors who played in the original series like Jambie the Genie, Cowboy Curtis and Miss Yvonne were welcomed back like the cult superstars they are.



I’m a little different from his average crowd. I loved his movie, but I never watched the TV show once. We didn’t have Tivo in the 1980s and I didn’t own a vcr. Besides, at that age I was messing around with anybody that wanted it and age 20, everyone did! But you don’t need to know Pee Wee’s original show to love the new one. It’s so silly and colorful that you’re immediately sucked in. There’s a marvelous set and typically genius puppets by the outrageously talented Basil Twist.

Pee-Wee’s cartoon character is hard to explain. Is it a child? A man? Paul Reubens originated the ageless character with The Groundlings, the LA comedy troupe from which Elvira and SNL’s androgynous Pat also hatched. And he has one other thing in common with these characters—they wear the same outfit throughout their careers! Pee Wee is bratty and selfish like children we are taught not to be like, which is perhaps why we identify with him. But the character’s also good-natured enough to see the error in his ways. And when he’s not, a little show biz magic to save the day is never far away.

Pee Wee started off as a stage show and many elements of the original remain. Some of the new double entendres are a little more adult like his current audience. There’s a balloon trick which had the audience screaming for close to five minutes and was even bizarrely sexual at points. And there’s a new bit about how Pee Wee is dying to get online for the first time so that he can get on Facebook. His animated friends are afraid that they’ll to lose him to the computer. Sound familiar? I know I spend a lot more time in front of a screen social networking” than I do physically getting together with friends these days.

BUNION, PEE-WEE AND THE ADORABLE MISS YVONNE, WHOSE FAB WIG IS BY STEPHEN "PERFIDIA" KIRKHAM.



When Pee-Wee is granted a wish, he unselfishly transfers it to Miss Yvonne. Then he feels sad about the wish he’s given up. Of course, everything works out in the end because you’re in a magical playhouse. But when you see a bratty child able to display enough generosity of spirit to give unselfishly, you’re reminded of the lack of compassion in the world today. Congress just let unemployment benefits for millions expire as they contemplate tax cuts for millionaires. And we’re still fighting two countries which never attacked us. Peace on earth and good will toward men doesn’t seem to apply much in the real world this holiday season. Luckily, they’re abundant in the kooky, irresistible romp that is The Pee-Wee Herman Show. And as in a real kiddie show, you leave the theater so thoroughly entertained by the goofy characters antics that the message is never heavy-handed.

At the Stephen Sondheim Theatre through January 2nd. Tickets from $67

A DEDICATED PEE-WEE DOES A COSTUME CHANGE, COMPLETE WITH EAR MUFFS AND A MEGAPHONE, AND GREETS THE CROWDS AT THE STAGE DOOR AFTER EVERY SHOW.



AND HERE'S GRACE JONES ON PEE-WEE'S CHRISTMAS SHOW:

OK I LOVE THIS SICK WHORE!

peeking virtue from Douglas Burgdorff on Vimeo.

TROLL IN THE NEW YEAR WITH ME!

A bedraggled, c#m and confetti-speckled New Year's Day Bunion will perform in Austin, Texas after spinning in Vegas for NYE and djing for the opening of Lords Hotel in South Beach on 12/29.

TAKE A STAND!

THE TIME TO ACT IS NOW BEFORE THE EXTEND THE TAX CUTS FOR MILLONAIRES! NOT AFTER THEY PASS IT:

Last night, President Obama cut a deal with Republicans to extend tax
cuts for the richest 2% -- by borrowing billions from the next generation.
But for any deal to go through, Congress has to pass it. That's where Rep. Peter Welch, Democrat from Vermont, comes in.

Rep. Welch wrote a letter last night saying NO to this deal and asking his fellow Representatives in the House to stand with him. Within minutes, many other Representatives added their name.

Click below to voice your horro over tac cuts to millionaires. They can help you find your representative by entering your zip code.

BOLDPROGRESSIVES

HOW GENIUS!

I USUALLY CURSE THEM OUT BUT THIS GUY COULD AFFORD TO FLY TO UTAH!


Door To Door Atheists Bother Mormons - Watch more Funny Videos

RANDI RHODES ON TAX CUTS

Well, we seem to be a step closer to stepping in something pretty unpleasant. The outline of a deal on tax cuts is taking shape. This outline is like of one of those chalk outlines at a crime scene. And I think this crime scene is the one where the Democrats got run over by a truck. This tax cut deal has the potential to be the most distasteful deal since Monty Hall retired. We should have gone for the display case that Carol Merrill was standing beside. The compromise being discussed would extend the Bush tax cuts for the rich in exchange for an extension of unemployment benefits. There’s a great deal—hundreds of billions for the rich in exchange for crumbs for the middle class. It’s like they want us to buy all the rich people another Rolls Royce, and then maybe they’ll be willing to give us enough unemployment to buy a bus pass for another month. Great deal. An extension of unemployment benefits in exchange for billions in tax cuts for the rich… the Republicans will agree to do what any sane government would do during a recession, as long as we’re willing to also do the absolute stupidest thing we could possibly do during a recession.

THERE'S AT LEAST 1 VOICE OF REASON IN CONGRESS

12 REASONS PALIN CAN WIN

THE NEW TAX CUT "COMPROMISE"

Obama just announced a compromise on tax cuts. Dems want cuts for the middle class as well as a continuation of unemployment benefits. To get these, they gave Repugnicans tax cuts for the 2% highest earners. 1 is the party of the people. 1 is the party of idiots who care more about the wealthiest Americans than themselves in a recession.

You don't have money and you probably never will get near the top 2%. Especially not in this recession. So for most republicans, why are you voting for the rich when you aren't and never will be? Because you're too dumb to know the difference.

RANDI RHODES ON THIS:

The compromise being discussed would extend the Bush tax cuts for the rich in exchange for an extension of unemployment benefits. There’s a great deal—hundreds of billions for the rich in exchange for crumbs for the middle class. It’s like they want us to buy all the rich people another Rolls Royce, and then maybe they’ll be willing to give us enough unemployment to buy a bus pass for another month. Great deal. An extension of unemployment benefits in exchange for billions in tax cuts for the rich… the Republicans will agree to do what any sane government would do during a recession, as long as we’re willing to also do the absolute stupidest thing we could possibly do during a recession.

THE GREAT BILL MAHER ON CNN YESTERDAY

THERE ARE 2 OTHER SEGMENTS WITH BILL BUT THE WEBSITE IS A LITTLE CONFUSING.

JOAN FOR THE HOLIDAYS

This thing is so major.

NEXT TOP HAND MODEL

I KINDA HATER HER. THIS HAND MODEL DOESN'T COOK OR CLEAN. BUT WOULD IT TAX HER TOO MUCH TO THROW ON A LITTLE MASCARA AND STOP GELLING HER HAIR?

OK, LADIES!

Don't you ever tell me to stop telling fish jokes again!

THE MISS TSA PIN-UP CALENDAR!

HERE'S MISS MARCH!



GADLING.COM

LIBERACE'S HOLIDAY SPECIAL!

CAN I BORROW YOUR ROLEX FOR A JOB INTERVIEW?

With such rampant unemployment, employers can be pickier because there are so many applicants for each position. Some employers specify in their ads that they are only looking for applicants who are currently working. The unemployed seem too desperate. So they won't hire the neediest? Kind of a mind-f#ck.

It's important to project confidence in job interviews even during economic booms. But if you were looking for a great argument against the heartlessness of capitalism, here ya go!

Employers Won't Hire The Jobless Because Of The 'Desperate Vibe'

MORE: HUFFPO

SADLY, THESE ARE NOT INTENTIIONALLY FUNNY

DUSTY MEDLEY!

THE MUSIC, HAIR, SET, GOWN, DANCERS! THIS IS TOO MUCH!

JACKO GETS STONED

HOW CRAP! Anything covered with rhinestones is gonna be gorgeous. But before you take all that time, you might wanna stone a model which actually resembles MJ? This looks more like Vivien Leigh! That nose doesn't look a thing like any of his many.

HOW ABOUT HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS?

What is with these holiday presidential trips to visit the troops? I know that if I'd been sent to fight an imaginary enemy I'd need a better morale booster than a photo-op with the commander-in-chief who had sent me there.

Obama has tripled the troop level, despite generals' confirmation that "a handful" of 100 or less Al Qaeda remain in Afghanistan. I wonder how many soldiers there are per Al Qaeda in Afghanistan? It's shocking that the US, which spends more on defense than every other country combined, can't win a war against a handful of anything. Unless our goal isn't to win...

MORE: AMERICANEWSONLINE

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED

* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Tr ees and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…

3RD ANNUAL ART JAMBOREE: 12/11 & 12/12

FIND UNIQUE, INEXPENSIVE GIFTS AND SUPPORT LOCAL ARTISTS. NO ARTWORK OVER $50!

NO RUN FOR HILLARY

Hillary is definitely not running for president in 2012. She's been seen all over Asia and apparently is not a travelling with a hairdresser. These limp, flat locks are definitely not a presidential power do. This pic is bordering n trailer park! Let's not forget that US elections are largely beauty pageants because we're too dumb to dissect the issues. But we can always dissect pretty hair. I'm so glad we have our priorities straight!

CAN I GET A WITNESS?

A new atheist billboard above the Lincoln Tunnel proclaims “You KNOW it’s a Myth. This Season, Celebrate REASON." The group calls for "closet atheists" to come out. There are a lot of people who don't believe in god and never really have. But it's easier to pay it lip service to avoid arguments with the family.

Kinda like gays coming out of the closet. You don't have to, but it sure feels good to say THIS IS WHO I AM so I'm strong enough to discard any belief system, no matter how ancient, which slams me being what I was born to be. Gay atheists are especially welcome since most objections to gay marriage are religious. If getting married is your focus, there's no stronger argument that revealing that your detractors' objections are based on a myth. Amen to this!

MORE: KANSASCITY

FRED SCHNIEDER'S NEW GROUP THE SUPERIONS

"SINGING" SANTA JE T'AIME FROM THE NEW HOLIDAY ALBUM. In case the background looks familiar, it's the same house upstate and same director Steve Willis from my video West Virginia Gurls.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD WEDDINGS IN POLAND!