NEW DRINKING GAME

This lame president and the state of this union could drive anyone to drink. (Supposedly, even the president himself!) This drinking game may help take the edge off of Bush's address this evening.

DRINKINGGAME

ALITO'S CONFIRMATION

Well, it looks like the Senate voted down Kerry's proposed filibuster, so Alito will likelily be confirmed and become a jewel in the tarnished crown of King George at his Mis-Stake of the Union address today. It looks that way, but I tell you there is still hope! It did feel awfully good to phone Chuck Schumer's office and hear that he was supporting the filibuster--Hillary's line was busy. I intend to email both to thank them--there is probably a lot of pressure on them to not be viewed as a few far-left kooks. Who knows, maybe they have struck some secret deal on "The Hill" which trades Alito's confirmation for Bush's impeachment.

But until the second Alito is confirmed, there are certain unorthodox methods of getting things done outside of the legal system. We have our own secret deals and it's time to pull together and go into overdrive!



WITCHES AND RADICAL FAERIES: I know it's short notice, but see what you can do.

DC PROSTITUTES: Have your cellphone cameras ready to snap Alito the moment he disrobes. We'll make his wife cry, alright.

TAXI AND LIMOUSINE DRIVERS OF DC: Be prepared to lose your job to ensure that Alito is late for each appointment. If you can take a detour and "break down" so that he misses or is late for his actual confirmation, it's a touchdown. And with the press you'd get you could probably start your own DEMOCRATS ONLY car service in the capitol.

DC HAIRDRESSERS: Could you "mess up" on his next appointment and send him to court with a bright new color, patchwork bleach job or mohawk? International press would pick up on the humiliation.

DC TAILORS/ROBE CLEANERS: Have lice and scabies specimens on hand.

FOOD SERVICE WORKERS: I would hate for anyone to get food poisoning and miss work, but....

BERLUSCONI'S COJONES

from www.editorandpublisher.com


NEW YORK In a new kind of "campaign promise," Premier Silvio Berlusconi has promised Italian voters he will refain from sex until the April 9 elections, his brother's newspaper reports Sunday.

Il Giornale, a conservative Milan daily owned by Paolo Berlusconi, reported that the abstinence vow was made during a campaign rally in Cagliari, Sardinia, on Saturday.

A popular TV preacher on the island, Rev. Massimiliano Pusceddu, had hailed the twice-married premier for opposing gay marriage and defense of so-called family values, and promised that his followers would support the conservative leader because "if the left wins it will be the moral end for this country."

Berlusconi, 69, replied: "Dear Father Massimiliano. I thank you a lot. I will try to meet your expectations, and I promise from now on, 2 1/2 months of absolute sexual abstinence, until April 9."

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ABSTINENCE WILL ACHIEVE? I'M JUST GLAD THAT WE'RE NOT THE ONLY COUNTRY THAT PANDERS TO RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES IN EXCHANGE FOR VOTES.

Berlusconi has had a facelift and a hair transplant in recent years. He has often been criticised by feminist groups for his use of sexual innuendo.

In June he sparked a diplomatic incident with Finland when he said he had used "playboy tactics" to persuade its female president to change her mind about one issue.

THE REAL DIPLOMATIC FLAP SHOULD BE DIRECTED TOWARD THE FINNISH PRESIDENT WHO ALLOWED HERSELF TO BE PERSUADED BY PLAYBOY TACTICS. MAYBE THIS IS THE ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE CONAN? STILL, YOU DO HAVE TO KINDA LAUGH AT THE STEREOTYPICAL ITALIAN MACHISMO OF BERLUSCONI. AND AT THE LOVABLE FOOL CONAN FOR PUTTING FINLAND BACK ON THE MAP.

VALENTINE'S GIFTS?

Shopping for that special someone for VD day? Here are some unique gift items which definitely won't be "regifted".

SKIDDZ BRIEFS



AND BROWN IN BACK! LOOK MA, I'VE FINALLY MADE MY MARK!

SKIDDZ


PEE & POO TOYS



A FEW WORDS FROM THE DESIGNER OF PEE & POO

The concepts I worked with are "pee" and "poo". My objective was to find out whether these two words could act as a starting point for creating soft toys with a sense of soul, of life. By letting the fabric be my source of inspiration, I used a reverse process to achieve something unexpected and unique, asking myself where the material might lead me - and what could I make from it? It led to two cuddly toys, Pee&Poo.

I wanted to explore whether these, in many eyes, taboo-charged body functions could withstand being translated into the form of cuddly toys.

And I wanted to find out what it took to breathe life into inanimate objects like pee and poo and, at the same time, create cuddly toys that do not disgust or shock people, but attract and tempt them.

I also put a great deal of thought and effort into the way they were to be made into a pair, belong together, in terms of design and shape.


PHOTOGRAPHIC SHOWER CURTAINS BY PATRICK MCMULLAN, CHRISTOPHER MAKOS, FAILES, AND MORE. You won't find these at Bed, Bath and Beyond! This site also features a great oversized zebra print and picturesque views of Rio, Paris and Venice.

PATRICK'S STUDIO 54 SHOWER CURTAIN


A FAB DESIGN BY FAILES


IZOLASHOWER


JIM BAILEY CD





Jim is the legendary femle impersonator who appeared on The Lucy Show, Carol Burnett and in concert halls around the world. He's famous for heart-stoppingly accurate vocal impressions of Judy Garland, Barbra Streisand, but I didn't realize until checking his site that he impersonates several other divas, including Peggy Lee and Phyllis Diller. His cd's $20 and the backing tracks sound like they're a full orchestra, not some cheap karaoke. Listen to samples here:

JIMBAILEYWEB




BUT REALLY, WHAT SAYS "I LOVE YOU" MORE THAN A HOMEMADE GIFT?

THE REDNECK ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH


THE DOMINICAN COMPUTER

IN NYC?

LET'S ALL GO!

Bush Step Down - January 31st
Massive protest to demand that Bush step down and take
his program with him. As Bush gives his Mis-State of the
Union, the country is in a State of Emergency. Join
thousands of others as we drown out Bush and let the
world know we demand he Step Down NOW!

When: Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Where: Times Square
Time: 8:00PM - 9:30PM

Bring noisemakers, pots, pan, posters and, most
important - FRIENDS & FAMILY. How bad does it have to
get before you speak up?

WORLDCANTWAIT

FLYER

INTOLERANCE TO GAY/TG YOUTH

By Mona Gable

Adults could learn a thing or two about tolerance from the 15-year-old and his “cross-dressing” friends. As one reader sweetly posted after I described my son’s enviable fashion sense and his penchant for girls’ jeans. I’m glad my son and his friends don’t care about such petty things and aren’t hung-up in the least about gender.

If anything they’re gender blind. One of his friends has such feminine features he’s almost pretty. Like many teenage boys he also--brace yourself--dyes his hair and has a knack with a flat-iron. I feel neurotically protective of this friend. Because of his looks I’m always worrying he’s going to be jumped on the way to our house or get cornered in the quad at his big rowdy high school.

We always forget the changing whims of fashion. Think back now. Way back. Remember the long, Jesus-like hair? Tie-dyed T-shirts? Headbands? And I’m just talking about the guys now. During the sixties my Republican father constantly harangued my two youngest brothers about their hair. “YOU LOOK LIKE A GODDAMNED HIPPIE!” he’d roar. He really had no need to worry. Both brothers evolved into fervent Republicans with country club memberships and short hair.

I’ve been obsessing over teenage boys and fashion because of two disturbing incidents involving transgender and gay teens this week. The first has to do with five high school teachers in San Leandro, California. The teachers got their religious panties all in a bunch when they were asked to put a poster in their classrooms. The poster was quite nicely designed with a rainbow and pink triangles and a warm and fuzzy slogan that read “This is a safe place to be who you are.” But the teachers didn’t like it and refused to display it. Why? Because the poster was part of a school district program to promote tolerance for students who are--oh, let’s just stop beating around the bush and say it--homosexual!

I guess there’s just no pleasing everyone, is there? The teachers, being the big-hearted souls they are, felt the poster violated their religious beliefs. Or something like that. I say hogwash. If your religious sensibilities are so offended by gay or bisexual or transgender teens, then go teach at Pat Robertson High School for The Intolerant and Bigoted. Whatever. Don’t do it on my dime. Or the public’s. Obey the law.

WHOLE POST: HUFFPO

KINKY COURTROOM DRAMA

(AP) A dominatrix was acquitted of manslaughter Monday in the death of a man who prosecutors say suffered a fatal heart attack while strapped to a replica of a medieval torture device.

The device, known as Lypsinka, performed it's entire repetoire which left her victim gasping in horror. Reached for comment, Lypsinka offered "Many have died from boredom at my shows, but this is the first heart attack to my knowledge." KIDDING!

The jury in Norfolk Superior Court deliberated for eight hours over two days before finding Barbara Asher, 56, not guilty of involuntary manslaughter and dismemberment.

During his closing argument, prosecutor Robert Nelson re-enacted the bondage session that allegedly killed Michael Lord, 53, of North Hampton, New Hampshire, in July 2000.

Donning a leather mask and speaking to the jury through the zippered mouth, he said Lord flailed about and died while strapped to the rack in a makeshift "dungeon" in Asher's Quincy, Massachusetts, condominium. Nelson said Asher did nothing to help him for fear authorities would find out about her business.

"She did nothing, nothing for five minutes," Nelson said, his voice muffled through the mask.

Then she summoned her boyfriend, who chopped up the body of the 275-pound retired telephone company worker before they dumped it behind a restaurant in Augusta, Maine, Nelson said. Police searched an Augusta landfill, but his remains have never been found.

READ THE REST: CBSNEWS

EARLY GAY WARNING SIGN

image courtesy of of Robert Maldonado via Harmonica Sunbeam

DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS

FROM YAHOO NEWS

Republican lawmakers urged President George W. Bush on Sunday to release records of White House contacts with convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, the center of a mushrooming probe into influence peddling.

But the White House stood firm that the records, including photographs of Bush with Abramoff, are irrelevant, and that federal prosecutors have not even asked for them.

In making the case for disclosure, Sen. Chuck Hagel, a Nebraska Republican, said, "Get it out."

"Why give -- if you want to talk about it in strict political terms -- why give the Democrats an opportunity, or the press to keep this story going?" Hagel told ABC's television show "This Week."


MORE: YAHOONEWS

"In strict political terms--why give the Democrats an opportunity, or the press to keep the story going?"

The press should keep the story going because it's important. Whether I agree with them or not, a lot of people trusted Bush and felt safe because of him. They're developing a sneaky feeling now that they were wrong. And it's not "strict political terms" or any other kind of sanity-based terms which cause you to respond to "Release the photos to clear your name" from your own party with gibberish like "the photos aren't "relevant"? They are THE MOST RELAVENT evidence in the case! The clearest proof of whether you do or do not know Abramoff. Why not clear your name by producing the photos! Unless those pix would have the opposite effect......I guess we'll see if and when the federal prosecutors get around to asking for them.

SPIES, LIES, AND WIRETAPS

NY TIMES EDITORIAL 1/29

A bit over a week ago, President Bush and his men promised to provide the legal, constitutional and moral justifications for the sort of warrantless spying on Americans that has been illegal for nearly 30 years. Instead, we got the familiar mix of political spin, clumsy historical misinformation, contemptuous dismissals of civil liberties concerns, cynical attempts to paint dissents as anti-American and pro-terrorist, and a couple of big, dangerous lies.

The first was that the domestic spying program is carefully aimed only at people who are actively working with Al Qaeda, when actually it has violated the rights of countless innocent Americans. And the second was that the Bush team could have prevented the 9/11 attacks if only they had thought of eavesdropping without a warrant.

Sept. 11 could have been prevented. This is breathtakingly cynical. The nation's guardians did not miss the 9/11 plot because it takes a few hours to get a warrant to eavesdrop on phone calls and e-mail messages. They missed the plot because they were not looking.


WHOLE ARTICLE: NYTIMES

TRY NEW WIZAGRA!

STOP ALITO NOW!

Or at least fucking TRY! The news reports that Alito's confirmation to the Supreme Court is likely. But there is still a little hope. You can never lose hope. Just look at Rosa Parks! She was a solitary black female who stood up and said NO. ENOUGH. THIS IS WRONG AND I DEFY YOU. With no political party behind her and facing the specter of the discrimation, jail, or even the attack dogs that were sicked on other African-American freedom fighters, this ballsy bitch really "rosa" to the occasion. Ok, I apologize for the cheap joke, but face it, we're still reaping the benefits of her boldness today. At her memorial, Al Sharpton criticized today's youth for having a home phone, two cell phones, two pagers and an email account, so many different ways to communicate, and yet they aren't using them to speak up for themselves and demonstrate the same courage and righteousness that this lady had--decades before any one even knew what a cellphone, pager or email was! Maybe Rosa's still teaching from her grave! Are we listening to her? I think we'd better get a jump start on Black History Month and pay attention before all of our rights are history!

Senator Kerry, speaking more forcefully than usual, announced just a few days ago that he would try to filibuster Alito's hearings. He was the only democrat with this position on Thursday. Now, 10 senators support the filibuster. But 10 is a long shot from the 41 needed for the motion, so there's work to do, fast. Bush and co. want Alito confirmed so that their camp can have one bit of good news when Bush makes his state of the union adress on Tuesday. So they're pushing. Let's push back! Let's meet every one of their thrusts! (Ooh! Sounds kinda kinky!)

If you aren't familiar with the issue Alito's confirmation or any other Supreme Court nomination, I can dig it. Until this hearing I'd never heard the legal term "stare decisis". But I do know this. A filibuster is just a delay, to discuss this important appointment in more detail. The Bush administration is afraid the truth may come out about Alito if more in-depth hearings crack his robotic, well-rehearsed answers. That's why republicans pay for commercials which urge for an "up or down vote"--in other words, a vote with as little discussion of their not-so-moderate candidate as possible. Look. Those commercials aren't being run for the 100 Senators. Or the states' representatives. They're being run to alter public opinion and the republicans can afford a lot more than moveon.org can. And I bet those well-organized conservatives have sent out plenty of letters to their senators and representatives urging a vote for Alito. So it's time for ours.

For a different point of view, here's a way to inform yourself on this complex and dry issue in a passionate, very entertaining broadcast by AIR AMERICA's Randi Rhodes.

Go to RANDIRHODESSHOW.COM

Click on her 1/24 broadcast "Samuel Scalito" and prepare to gag at this fiasco. I've been intending to write an in-depth love letter to Randi and her incredible AIR AMERICA broadcasts for months and have spent many afternoons giddiliy scribbling notes for a blog post which I can't read afterwards. But there is no time now for love letters. We all have to write a different kind, TODAY. I wish Randi's Friday show was archived on her site, but it isn't , so I'll attempt to decipher/paraphrase my dictation of her brilliant words. If this doesn't goad you into action, you're either dead or republican. (Or is that being redundant?) Isn't democracy supposed to be government by the people? Well, then start governing yourselves and take a stand, motherfuckers! Some nominations are a tad more important than the OSCAR nominees, people!

Opinion polls show the president's approval rating at the lowest ever. It took 9/11, Iraq, Katrina, a decrease in our standard of living, top republicans stepping down amidst scandal and impeachment proceedings over Bush's illegal spying to get the message into our heads, but we ARE waking up. Maybe Bush will wind up being impeached and jailed. At the very least, once he's out of office and his propaganda machine is turned off, without a doubt he'll be remembered as one of America's most irresponsible, incompetent and corrupt leaders. But even after Bush is disgraced, his judicial appointments will continue to affect all of our lives for decades. That's why it's so important to act now. To those women who may need an abortion, or who may have a daughter who'll need one. To gays, blacks, latinos, miners, the poor, transsexuals, handicapped folks who wants to get into Princeton or just onto the damn bus, unjustly accused folks on death row, families who want to retain the right to pull the plug on their own Terri Schiavo--anyone who can't afford to hire lobbyists to fight for their rights/bribe congressmen. And anyone who enjoys the benefits of the sexual revolution and doesn't want to turn back the moral tone of this country to the 1950's. Or anyone who doesn't want to be spied on, held without charges, or tortured.

Hopefully, this is all of you. So what fight are you waiting for? Unless you are ready to drop dead before Tuesday, Alito's appointment will affect you all gravely. Alito would give the office of the presidency MORE power. Does this sound like a plan? The rogue in the White House now has practically run this country into the ground, so is the answer backing a Supreme Court justice who'll enhance this madman's and his successors' strength? Do you really want to aid the breakdown of our Constitution's system of checks and balances between the executive, legislative and judicial branches? As Randi cleverly put it, "Does this president have the Constitution printed on his doormat so you can wipe your feet on it before entering?" Though Bush acts all "traditional values" and "patriotic" for the cameras, in truth, he ignores the very contract that our nation is built upon.

A vote for Alito, a corporate lawyer, also means placing the interests of big business over that of the individual. Are you enjoying your exorbitant cost of your health insurance? Loving higher gas prices? Thrilled that you have no job and that you can never compete with greedy corporations who can outsource your jobs to foreign workers who'll glady work for a fraction of our minimum wage? (Or hell, just sick of having to translate the heavy accents of these foreign workers every time you phone a credit card help-line?) Does it fill your heart with joy to hear that Dick Cheney's "former" company Halliburton is given no-bid contracts to quench american soldiers' thirst in the desert with shit-tainted water which sickens them? (How's that for "supporting our troops?) If so, do nothing. But if any of these things bug you, now is the time to speak up. There's one thing that every senator has in common--they require your votes to be re-elected. If they aren't hearing from you, then they are only hearing from lobbyists. Just because you aren't accustomed, as I admit I'm not, to voicing your concerns to the people who you elected, DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY WON'T BE HEARD. But they CAN'T BE HEARD if you never voice them.

SO HERE'S WHAT YOU CAN DO ON MONDAY

1. PHONE OR EMAIL BOTH OF YOUR SENATORS. If you are unsure what to say, simply say that you have called to urge your senator to support the filibuster against Samuel Alito. When calling, you may be asked whether or not you voted for this senator. If yes, mention that you'd withdraw your future support from the senator unless they filibuster. If you did not vote for this senator, simply admit it and say that by filibustering, the senator would gain your future support. (In other words, LIE LIKE A POLITICIAN TO A POLITICIAN!) Do not fall into the trap of thinking "I live in a democratic state so I'm sure that plenty of other people will be calling. My call/email won't make a difference." WRONG! Liberal-ass NY senator Hillary Clinton didn't even support the filibuster until a few days ago and she represents one of the most liberal states in the country. We got to her, people! But opposing factions could be typing their pro-Alito emails now! Your voice counts, even if both of your senators are republican!

If you're in NY, I'll make it easy for you. Contact both:

Clinton, Hillary Rodham- (D - NY) Class I
476 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-4451
Web Form: clinton.senate.gov/contact

Schumer, Charles E.- (D - NY) Class III
313 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510
(202) 224-6542
Web Form: schumer.senate.gov/SchumerWebsite/contact/webform.cfm

If you are outside of NY and unsure of who to contact or how, the Senate's site makes it a cinch to do, with all the necessary contact information. Even if you don't know your senator's name, for chrissakes, you can find them by party or location.

SENATE.GOV


2. GO ONLINE AND SIGN JOHN KERRY'S PETITION. We need every bit of ammo we can get. If you see an online poll regarding the filibuster on your news channel, sign that shit too!

JOHNKERRY

You can add your own message as to the online petition, but this is what Kerry's says.

"Judge Samuel Alito Jr., whose entire history suggests that he holds extreme views about the expansive powers of the presidency and the limited role of Congress, will almost certainly be a Supreme Court justice soon. His elevation will come courtesy of a president whose grandiose vision of his own powers threatens to undermine the nation's basic philosophy of government — and a Senate that seems eager to cooperate by rolling over and playing dead.

It is hard to imagine a moment when it would be more appropriate for senators to fight for a principle. Even a losing battle would draw the public's attention to the import of this nomination."


3. CRUCIAL: SPREAD THE WORD! Forward this email or find one on moveon.org or johnkerry.com. But after Monday, it, like your constitutional rights until Alito dies possibly 30 years from now, may be a dead issue.

I found Randi's Friday rant on how this country is descending into fascism particularly interesting. One reason is, that though I have a vague notion of what fascism means, I'm a little ashamed to say that I probably wouldn't feel confident using it in a sentence. Just on the off chance that you may need to bone up on your political science too, I'll let Webster's handle this one.

fascism: a system of government characterized by rigid one-party dicatorship, forcible suppression of the opposition (unions, other, especially leftist, parties, minority groups, etc.), the retention of the private ownership of the means of production under centralized governmental control, belligerent nationalism aand racism, glorification of war, etc,:first instituted in Italy in 1922.

Well, Bush certainly seems to be heading towards an elite form of leadership favored by time-honored winners like Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini. But there are warning signs manifested by developing fascist states, which Randi pointed out. There is actually a wonderful explanation of the Bush administration's fascist tendencies in this article, with great illlustrations of their 14 POINTS OF FASCISM. Like this one:

Powerful and Continuing Nationalism: Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

EXAMPLE (as if anyone in this country needs an example of flag-waving):

American Nation Brainwashed: I spoke to some 2,000 students during their annual lecture at a Baptist college in Pennsylvania. After a short prayer service for peace centered on the Beatitudes, I took the stage and got right to the point. “Now let me get this straight,” I said. “Jesus says, ‘Blessed are the peacemakers,’ which means he does not say, ‘Blessed are the warmakers,’ - With that, the place exploded, and 500 students stormed out. The rest of them then started chanting, “Bush! Bush! Bush!”

I urge you to check out this site here 14POINTSOFFASCISM
, but for now, here are a few of Randi's signs of oncoming fascism in the US.

Fear is used to keep us in line, obsessing over national security.

Church and state intertwine, making it unpatriotic and even sacreligious to disagree with the state.

Corporate interests become paramount.

There is no curiosity. Thinking and the arts are frowned upon.


LET YOUR SENATOR KNOW THAT YOU ARE THINKING. YOU ARE THINKING, AREN'T YOU? You're probably thinking that this is an awfully long post and some one may have emailed your sex ad or myspace account by now. Well, check it! After you buzz you're senators, please. NOW!


4. TREAT YOURSELF. YOU'VE JUST HELPED RESTORE DEMOCRACY. Randi is on Air America daily from 3-7 (Eastern) and she's on CNN'S Larry King for the hour on Monday night! Enjoy a taste of this intelligent, forceful and hysterical gal. But don't wait til then to contact your senators!

CREATIVE TOURISTS

BUSH FAILING N.O.

From the Washington Post

Louisiana officials who are working with the president say that he is committed to help but that his administration has had to be pushed by Congress, and is failing to lead because its attention is focused on Iraq, the domestic spying debate and producing a new budget.

"This great city will rise again," said Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.). "The question is whether the city and the region will be doing it alone, dragging the federal government with us every step of the way, or will this administration get in gear and put their mind to the task at hand."

WASHINGTONPOST

Other reports indicate that 80% of the black population won't return to N.O., along with 60% of whites. Who'd wanna go through that again? And with the next hurricane season a few months away? But Bush's restoration efforts aren't as shocking as the warnings he ignored. New documents indicate that Bush's office was warned of Katrina's severity two days in advance, but Bush was on vacation. I still like Bill Maher's take on it on 9/2/05:


"Finally today convoys of troops and aid started to arrive along the Gulf Coast. Five days after the hurricane hit. Kind of makes you miss the innocent days when Bush only sat on his ass for seven minutes. It only took him four days to make a plan, but finally today he said he had a plan. Unfortunately it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat.

"He could have started planning on Saturday when the radar showed that a hurricane was going to hit the city, but Bush thinks that the jury is still out on weather forecasting. You know, there's one big difference between George Bush and Marie Antoinette, and that is when Marie Antoinette said 'Let them eat cake,' they had cake…Oh, I kid the president. President Bush was on the ground all day today, you saw him there hugging the starving and touring the devastated area. His quote was 'New Orleans is more devastated than New York on 9/11.' Then he grabbed a bullhorn and vowed that we would get Mother Nature dead or alive."

Take a look at US, the super-power's levee system contrasted with other lowlands in The Netherlands, UK, and Italy.







And let's hear it for the good ol' USA! Here's our high-tech system in N'Awlins!



I just hope New Orleans can restore the magic it once had (as seen below) but with more "chocolate".

PSYCHEDELIC SPAM

Am I the only one who gets this crap? Not regular spam, but spam that makes no sense whatsoever. I want online pharmaceuticals but their idiotic link doesn't even work. (Anybody know a good one? Not that I'm jonesing in a panic or anything, but I Tijuana's not exactly a day trip from NYC.) I was willing to overlook the fact that they can't even spell the drugs that they prescribe--I thought that might be their way around a legality--but ending with a gibberish haiku? Unforgiveable!

Vlixagra - $3.3
Levitrra - $3.3
Cialkis - $3.7
Imitrnex - $16.4
Fxlomax - $2.2
Ultrpam - $0.78
Viopxx - $4.75
Amxblem - $2.2
VaIiwum - $0.97
Xanxax - $1.09
Sotma - $3
Meriedia - $2.2

visit our website

Best regards,
Online Pharmaceuticals

dfgfhwpre XVNXTVdEXF1NdV1TV01XRFxdTRtfV0c=

An old lion is better than a young ass.
An old cat laps as much as a young kitten.
Come live with me and you shall know me.

DEAR DOCTOR RUTH

PRESIDENT JONAH

A Dig led by Gore Vidal


While contemplating the ill-starred presidency of G.W. Bush, I looked about for some sort of divine analogy. As usual, when in need of enlightenment, I fell upon the Holy Bible, authorized King James version of 1611; turning by chance to the Book of Jonah, I read that Jonah, who, like Bush, chats with God, had suffered a falling out with the Almighty and thus became a jinx dogged by luck so bad that a cruise liner, thanks to his presence aboard, was about to sink in a storm at sea. Once the crew had determined that Jonah, a passenger, was the jinx, they threw him overboard and—Lo!—the storm abated. The three days and nights he subsequently spent in the belly of a nauseous whale must have seemed like a serious jinx to the digestion-challenged whale who extruded him much as the decent opinion of mankind has done to Bush.

Originally, God wanted Jonah to give hell to Nineveh, whose people, God noted disdainfully, “cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand,” so like the people of Baghdad who cannot fathom what democracy has to do with their destruction by the Cheney-Bush cabal. But the analogy becomes eerily precise when it comes to the hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico at a time when a president is not only incompetent but plainly jinxed by whatever faith he cringes before. Witness the ongoing screw-up of prescription drugs. Who knows what other disasters are in store for us thanks to the curse he is under? As the sailors fed the original Jonah to a whale, thus lifting the storm that was about to drown them, perhaps we the people can persuade President Jonah to retire to his other Eden in Crawford, Texas, taking his jinx with him. We deserve a rest. Plainly, so does he. Look at Nixon’s radiant features after his resignation! One can see former President Jonah in his sumptuous library happily catering to faith-based fans with animated scriptures rooted in “The Simpsons.”


READ THE REST: TRHUTHDIG

1 FOR THE STRAIGHTS

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER:

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants open presents and expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner 9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil 10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry 12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe 12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds 1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 3:00 Nap 4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer 4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body 5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror 7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers 10:00 Hot shower (alone) 10:50 Carried to bed . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen) 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM:

6:00 Alarm 6:15 Blow job 6:30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section 7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler 7:30 Limo arrives 7:45 Several beers en-route to airport 9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet 9:30 Limo to Rancho Mirage Resort Golf Club 9:45 Play front nine - 2 under 11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon 12:15 Blow job 12:30 Play back nine - 4 under 2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons) 2:30 Fly to Bahamas 3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers 4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs) - on light tackle.

5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson 6:45 Shit, Shower and Shave 7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; 7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak 9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch football game 9:30 Sex with three women 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer 11:30 A night cap blow job 11:45 In bed alone 11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room 11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

GLOBAL ALARMING

FROM THE NY TIMES:

The top climate scientist at NASA says the Bush administration has tried to stop him from speaking out since he gave a lecture last month calling for prompt reductions in emissions of greenhouse gases linked to global warming.

FULL ARTICLE: NYTIMES

ALSO ON THIS TOPIC

An excerpt from WASHINGTONPOST :

Now that most scientists agree human activity is causing Earth to warm, the central debate has shifted to whether climate change is progressing so rapidly that, within decades, humans may be helpless to slow or reverse the trend.

This "tipping point" scenario has begun to consume many prominent researchers in the United States and abroad, because the answer could determine how drastically countries need to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions in the coming years. While scientists remain uncertain when such a point might occur, many say it is urgent that policymakers cut global carbon dioxide emissions in half over the next 50 years or risk the triggering of changes that would be irreversible.

DON'T ASS, DON'T TAIL

Army to investigate gay porn allegations

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) — Army officials are investigating allegations that members of the celebrated 82nd Airborne Division appear on a gay pornography website, a spokeswoman said Friday.

(BUNNY NOTE: Well, dammit! What's the friggin' web address? We want to support our troops in all that they do. Maybe that will shed a little light on why this division is so "celebrated.")

Authorities at Fort Bragg have begun an inquiry into whether the paratroopers' actions violated the military conduct code.
Division spokeswoman Maj. Amy Hannah declined to say how many paratroopers are involved or identify their unit within the division. A defense official speaking on condition of anonymity said up to seven soldiers are involved.

Maj. Todd Vician, a Defense Department spokesman in Washington, said the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy states that "homosexual orientation alone is not a bar to service, but homosexual conduct is incompatible with military service."

(BUNNY NOTE: So is common sense, considering the military's current mission.)

"We define homosexual conduct as homosexual acts or verbal or non-verbal communication that a member is homosexual," Vician said.
The 82nd Airborne is one of the most celebrated units in the military. Its 15,000 troops are trained to deploy anywhere in the world within 18 hours.

(BUNNY NOTE: Ooh, I bet they cum on command, too.)

NYC DRAG UPDATE

CARRIE ON, SHERRY!



Sweetheart of the drag community Sherry Vine (aka "Scary Swine") is back from her 4-year stint in Berlin. She's rejoined forces with Erik Jackson, the resident playwright from Theatre Couture, the mad-cap ensemble of thespians which delighted '90's fags with productions like THE BAD WEED '73 and CHARLIE. After a 5-year hiatus, the teams hard at work with their latest project: creating a new stage version of CARRIE with Sherry in the title role. Stephen King, impressed by the quality of Erik's treatment of his classic flick, greenlighted the new version himself! (I guess the shame has subsided from the extremely short-lived CARRIE the Broadway musical which closed immediately after it's opening night, didn't it?) Rumor has it that Jackie Beat is being wooed for the juicy role of Carrie's mom, and I can't imagine anyone I'd rather see chew the scenery in that demented role than Jackie. She has quite an appetite, so the scenery budget will be enormous. Rumor also has it that although she's CARRIE's biggest fan, Jackie is hesitating to commit to the role and return to NYC for the extended off-B'way run, which will begin this spring. Jackie fans! Contact this whore and insist that she pour her rolls into that demented role! And make sure you tell her "They're all gonna laugh at you!"

SHERRY'S SITE: SHERRYVINE




I AM NOT MYSELF THESE DAYS

James Frey endorsing your upcoming book is kind of a mixed blessing. Of Josh-Kilmer Purcell's somewhat fictionalized autibiography, I AM NOT MYSELF THESE DAYS, the author of the controversial A MILLION TINY PIECES has said, "A wonderful book, a ridiculous book, a sad and beautiful book, a book I'll read again, a book I highly recommend. I went to jail for 87 days for stealing it and I girlfriend hung herself when I wouldn't lend it to her." I added the last bit, but hopefully Mr. Frey was telling the truth when he wrote this blurb for Miss-ter Kilmer-Purcell! Anyhoo, Josh cut quite a smashing figure on the '90's club circuit as his drag persona Aqua, in a dishevelled blonde mane and a Barbarella-looking costume with goldfish swimming inside of lucite tittie globes. To quote the advance copy's back cover:

"Josh-Kilmer Purcell lived a double life. By day, he was a successful young advertising executive. But by night, he wouldtrade in his corporate universe for high heels and sequins, performing in downtown nightclubs as a drag queen before returning to the uptown penthouse he shared with his crack-addicted male escort boyfriend. In this powerfully written, emotional roller coaster of a memoir, Kilmer-Purcell blends the tawdry and highly dramatic world of drag with a soulful and ironic perspective on his journey through life and love."

JOSH KILMER-PURCELL AS AQUA AT WIGSTOCK 1997



Aqua hung up her heels and banged out her autobigraphy, I AM NOT MYSELF THESE DAYS, which is published in February by Harper Perennial. Josh will do a reading at:

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 07:00 PM
BARNES & NOBLE/Chelsea
675 6th Avenue, New York, NY 10009

I'll be attending with my new boyfriend (Josh's ex). And please, no tacky fish jokes!



CASHETTA'S VANISHING ACT



Beloved drag magician/comedienne Cashetta has left Manhattan for the sunny shores of Fart Lauderdale. But she's locked in for a season at the Crown and Anchor in P'town this summer, so make sure you catch her act if vacationing there. Her magic tricks have become so polished, but she still can't make that pesky Adam's apple disappear!

CASHETTA'S SITE: CASHETTA.COM


LOOK OUT, LAS VEGAS!

HRH PRINCESS DIANDRA IN ROSS-INSPIRED KIMONO COUTURE



Vegas is still recovering from the onslaught of NYC drag royalty Joey Arias and Raven O relocating there for Cirque Du Soleil's ZUMANITY a couple of years ago. But watch out! Now that asian-themed drag restaurant Lucky Cheng's is opening a similar establishment in Vegas, and they're flying in HRH Princess Diandra, one of the world's greatest lip-synch artistes, to get the party started on the right calloused, heavily bunion-ated, hammer-toed, aching foot. Between Joey and Diandra, Vegas had better stock up on the liquor, cuz this "Twat Pack" could drink the Rat Pack under the table and then blow them while they're down there. (I know that the Rat Pack is dead, but that's never stopped Joey before. He has sex with a corpse every time he masturbates!) You've all heard the oldest drag saying "The more you drink, the prettier we look." Well it's a good principle, since with Joey and Diandra, the more they drink, the uglier they get. So it all balances things out. Joining Diandra at Lucky Cheng's is the legendary Hot Chocolate. They're incredible old school entertainers and they both impersonate Patti and Tina. Uh oh...........Catfight approaching.



IF YOU THOUGHT ALAN CUMMING'S PERFUME "CUMMING" WAS CHEAP...



Alan Cumming has tapped into talents the downtown drag community for his upcoming production of THREEPENNY OPERA, and dancing fool Edie, The Empress of Large Flotilla Debarge, and Pyramid/Wigstock founder/Jackie 60 goddess Hattie Hathaway have all nabbed parts. Wow! With hags that cheap in the show, maybe he should consider changing the title to TWOPENNY OPERA? Fortunately, Cyndi Lauper and SNL's Ana Gasteyer will tone up the cast. It opens March 24th at the Studio 54, a perfect setting for the "deliciously dark satire of respectable society" featuring "dashing thieves" and "saucy prostitutes". I hope Hattie isn't playing one of the "saucy prostitutes". "Sauced", yes. Prostitute? Well, this IS New York, so I'm sure there's somebody out there with a Mrs. Beasley-on-steroids-fetish and a pocketful of change. Hattie also appears in the soon-to-be-released autobiographical film on Diane Arbus, FUR, starring Nicole Kidman. Hattie is typecast as one of the legendary photog's freakish subjects.


THE INIMITABLE HATTIE HATHAWAY (left) JUST LOAFS THE THEATRE!



3PENNY






MIKE ALBO JOINS PU-PU PLATTER





Comic genius/author Mike Albo join the deliriously rancid comedy troupe PU PU PLATTER, every Wednesday at Starlite. 9:30 PM (10:00 in reality and it's free! (Except for on 2/14, when they went and got their fancy butts a gig in LA.)



FRIGHT OF 1,000 CLOWNS








The elaborate preparations are well underway for the 20TH ANNUAL NIGHT OF 1,000 GOWNS, a chi-chi affair which will draw hundreds of well-heeled, heavily-tiaraed and ball-gowned heifers fromThe Imperial Court to the Marriott Marquis on Saturday, April 1st, 1883. T.M.I.S.M. (What does this mean?) Emperor HIV--I MEAN XIV--Tony Monteleone and Empress XIX Robin Kradles, shown here in her 2005 coronation gown, will graciously bestow the crown, scepter and customary back-stabbing to the Emperor XV Fantasia and Empress XX Gefil Tefish. The $200 ticket price goes to benefit GOD'S LOVE WE DELIVER and to renting a hotel ballroom swanky enough to host these haughty ho's, many of whom even book suites at their host hotel--how on earth could a bona fide empress ever be seen hailing a taxicab? Enjoy a 5-hour open bar and "Viennese buffet" with co-chairs Whoopi Goldberg and Joan Rivers and Blaine Trump. Last year Deborah Cox sang fuh them faggots.

TICKETS: IMPERIALCOURT


MY COMRADE RIDES AGAIN



Linda Simpson has successfully revived her fabled 'zine MY COMRADE and a new issue is fast-approaching. It's scheduled to hit newstand (there's only one that sells that crap) in mid-February. For more info, check out MYCOMRADE . There is no better guide to the NYC "in crowd" of queens, with Linda, who moonlights at TIME OUT when not hosting bingo, as befits her advanced age. The new issue includes my interview with an especially "on" Jackie Beat, an erotically-charged photo story with Milan of Da Lipstyxx and plus-sized diva Sweaty--I mean, Sweetie (Oy vey! we should charge to have to look at these two in erotic situations!), Tom Eubanks recalling the colorful drag-queen slang of the Boybar era, Sister Dimension providing a nutty tale about the mystical journey that drag queens go through when applying makeup, and a remembrance of Eddie Murphy's infamous encounter with a transsexual prostitute by Peaches Henderson aka Xavier (of Give Me The Night fame.)



LYPSINKA WITH HAIRSPRAY'S COMPOSERS MARK SHAIMAN AND SCOTT WITTMAN AND UNKNOWN RABBIT



Lypsinka is taking a wig-break while her "male" altered ego John Epperson gears up for a run of the play he's been writing for years. Called MY DEAH (to be pronounced with a "Daddy, would you mind bringin' little ol' me another mint julep onto the veranda?" accent), it draws on the greek tragedy MEDEA--get it? But it's not a tragedy, or at least not intentionally, anyway. The new play spotlights Gator Hedgepeth, a former Mississippi football star, and his plans to abandon his wife, My Deah -- an ex-beauty queen from Louisiana with a penchant for a gossip-filled bridge game -- to marry Simplicity Bullard, the daughter of the corrupt, one-armed Governor Bullard. When My Deah confronts her card-dealing friends (and Governor Bullard) and she lays out her plans for revenge. Y'all just might could die laughin'!

STARTS APRIL 21ST!
Abingdon Theatre Arts Complex
312 W. 36th St.

Tickets: 212-868-4444 $19.00

April 21, 2006-May 7th 2006


WHO'S DOWNTOWN'S NEW "IT" BOY?



According to the NY Times, it's drag king Murray Hill. You have to visit Murr's cute--I mean, fittingly masculine--site to see every which way this geezer's swinging, with everything from a regular Wednesday night gig at Mo' Pitkins to hosting an Oscar party and The Miss Galapagozango Contest at Galapagos in Brooklyn. What an ol' trooper!

His full schedule here: MRMURRAYHILL.COM



A GREASY-FACED WHORE NAMED LADY RUNNY



As for little ol' me, I'll be performing at the MAO magazine party at Sol on 2/2 along with a stellar line-up of THE WORLD FAMOUS BOB, CANDIS CAYNE, DIRTY MARTINI and KITTEN DEVILLE. On 2/3 I'll be djing at Stella McCartney's white-hot boutique in the meat market for a fashion week shindig, and my next gig is in Tokyo, spinning for a Visionaire magazine soiree on 2/15. I ain't been there for 15 years, so I'm gonna hang around for a few days and try to make it to those ancient temples in Kyoto. By the time I get back I'll probably be throwing my high-heeled flip flops in the air in an authentic geisha wig squirting out fish and soy sauce through the rice-encrusted ass-hairs which surround my newly slanted asshole!

BUSH DON'T KNOW JACK?

SAD-ONNA

Is the Queen of Pop's quest for eternal youth taking its toll?

Thu Jan 26 2006 DAILY MIRROR

SHE'S wowed the world for two decades - but even a fashion icon can have an off day.

And when Madonna arrived in Paris yesterday looking decidedly less than glamorous, fears were raised that her relentless fitness regime may be taking its toll on her looks. The 47-year-old's skin was stretched across razor-sharp cheekbones and her chin was puckered as she turned up for a Gaultier fashion show.

A fellow guest said: "Madonna usually looks so groomed. It was a bit of a shock to see her looking so ropey."

The mum-of-two exercises at least three hours a day, sometimes runs 10-miles, and eats mainly wholegrains and vegetables.


Is this just a REALLY bad photo? I'm not Madoooo's biggest fan but she looks fantastic in the HUNG UP video. Is she hung up on dieting? (Those rabbit-teeth!) Or is she hung up on tina, gurl? Or going for a Maria Shriver look?

I PUT A SPELL ON YOU

TOKYO (Reuters) - Police found a stun gun and tear gas Friday at the Tokyo
home of a man who said he persuaded 11 younger women to live with him by
chanting a spell, media reports said.

Police suspect he used the weapons to prevent the women, mainly in their
20s, from leaving, the reports said.

Hirohito Shibuya, 57, was arrested Thursday for allegedly threatening a
20-year-old woman who was reluctant to join the commune by telling her that
if she left she would be turned to mincemeat, they said.

He denied threatening the woman, Kyodo news agency said, adding that he also
allegedly told her he was a former senior officer in Japan's military with secret agents
around him.

Shibuya, a bald, rotund man with bags under his eyes, has attracted heavy
media attention this week after claiming he chanted a spell to attract the women.

He had married and divorced several of the women, who continued to live with him, the reports said.

Asked what the incantation was, he told a newspaper: "When you say it, even
unattractive men become attractive. But I won't say it because if I do, I'll die."

Police confiscated several books on hypnosis from his home, Kyodo said.

RAZORBACK MOUNTAIN?

Arkansas Razorback players Clarke Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick need to stop hanging out on the sidelines!