ALITO'S CONFIRMATION

Well, it looks like the Senate voted down Kerry's proposed filibuster, so Alito will likelily be confirmed and become a jewel in the tarnished crown of King George at his Mis-Stake of the Union address today. It looks that way, but I tell you there is still hope! It did feel awfully good to phone Chuck Schumer's office and hear that he was supporting the filibuster--Hillary's line was busy. I intend to email both to thank them--there is probably a lot of pressure on them to not be viewed as a few far-left kooks. Who knows, maybe they have struck some secret deal on "The Hill" which trades Alito's confirmation for Bush's impeachment.

But until the second Alito is confirmed, there are certain unorthodox methods of getting things done outside of the legal system. We have our own secret deals and it's time to pull together and go into overdrive!



WITCHES AND RADICAL FAERIES: I know it's short notice, but see what you can do.

DC PROSTITUTES: Have your cellphone cameras ready to snap Alito the moment he disrobes. We'll make his wife cry, alright.

TAXI AND LIMOUSINE DRIVERS OF DC: Be prepared to lose your job to ensure that Alito is late for each appointment. If you can take a detour and "break down" so that he misses or is late for his actual confirmation, it's a touchdown. And with the press you'd get you could probably start your own DEMOCRATS ONLY car service in the capitol.

DC HAIRDRESSERS: Could you "mess up" on his next appointment and send him to court with a bright new color, patchwork bleach job or mohawk? International press would pick up on the humiliation.

DC TAILORS/ROBE CLEANERS: Have lice and scabies specimens on hand.

FOOD SERVICE WORKERS: I would hate for anyone to get food poisoning and miss work, but....