REV. CARL BEAN WAS "BORN THIS WAY"

(Edited version originally appeared in Genre magazine)



I've been on my knees in front of many older black men, but usually not in a
church environment. However, the soul-shaking singing voice of Archbishop
Carl Bean has brought entire dancefloors to their knees--I knew that's a
cheap "knees" segueway, but I have to draw in my readers with my first line
and let's face facts: you guys are probably cruising the back pages for
slutty underwear ads! So whether as a dj, songwriter, or as a just plain
gay, I was thrilled to kneel--I mean sit--down at his Unity Fellowship
Church in Los Angeles with the man behind the legendary 1977 gay anthem I
WAS BORN THIS WAY, which is being re-released on Mel Cheren's equally
legendary West End Records. Though it didn't achieve the chart success of
other gay anthems like MIGHTY REAL, IT'S RAINING MEN, I'M COMING OUT, I AM
WHAT I AM or PRIDE (A DEEPER LOVE), compared to to Carl's bold out message,
those anthems are still in the closet! Sample lyrics:

"I'm walking through life in nature's disguise
You laugh at me and you criticize
Cuz I'm happy, carefree and I'm gay
Ain't no fault it's a fact, I was born this way

Now I won't judge you, don't you judge me.
We're all the way nature meant us to be."

Gomi's excellent remix simply updates the drums and lets the glorious
original instrumentation by Philly legend Norman Harris do the rest. The
drummer on the original track is Ron "Have Mercy" Kersey, who, playing on
disco hits by groups like First Choice (DOCTOR LOVE, ARMED AND EXTREMELY
DANGEROUS) and the Salsoul Orchestra, laid the foundation for house music
and back-beat heavy songs like Madonna's VOGUE. So girls, put down your
tired, mass-marketed Britney and Jessica SImpson "songs" and check out a
truly gay artiste, with a fascinating life story. And it's just so
refreshing to hear an openly gay preacher with an inclusive message of "God
is Love" as opposed to hateful religious misleaders Pat Robertson who blames
everything from 9/11 to Katrina on gays.

Bean grew up in the 1940's Baltimore and claims "I couldn't come out of the
closet. I was never in it." Hanging out with femme queens, he mixed
baton-twirling with bible studies and glee club in a generally supportive
environment where even as a queen, he always felt a part of the community.
"There was never a sense of 'Get out!' Maybe because of segregation, there
was nowhere for us to go. We couldn't go to the white community, so there
was a sense of we're in this together and we must protect each other." But
when puberty hit, Carl's gayness became a threat to his family and suddenly
the dad tried to butch him up with sports gear. It didn't work (surprise,
surprise) and at the situation's ugliest moment, his family forced him to
eat out of a tin cup and plate, his mother saying "You know what THEY
do. He can't eat off of the plates, forks and spoons that we eat
out of anymore." Carl went from being "a super-supported kid who was smart
in school, had a voice in glee club to absolute lack of support all the way
around. I didn't know how to handle that. So I went upstairs one night, took
every pill in the medicine cabinet and went into my bedroom and pushed the
dresser up against the door. I left a little note that said "Mom and Dad, I
love you, but you don't love me anymore and I'm sorry for hurting you."

The suicide attempt failed and luckily Carl had a young doctor who did not
consider homosexuality a sickness. "The hand of God was clearly at
work". To recuperate on suicide watch, "I went to a place where only rich
kids would have gone in downtown Baltimore in one of the research hospitals
with tennis courts on the roof and swimming pools. It wasn't the poor
people's crazy house. This was pre-integration, so my little chocolate face
wasn't supposed to be in there, either. I was assigned a German doctor and
the Europeans had already said that homosexuality was a natural phenomenon
and was not a mental illness, so again, God stepped in." Affirming this idea
that being gay was ok, an orderly and another patient on suicide watch
"ended up having me". (Don't tell me, Carl. God sent those guys to have sex
with you in the psych ward? Ok, God, please deliver Matthew Rush and a
bottle of Rush at once--make it a rush order! Hallelujah!)

Carl felt the call of Greenwich Village-- "the beatniks, the poetry reading
and the beating of bongos and the Square! The Sloan Street YMCA opened my
world like I had never dreamt: the showers, the halls. They're's a lot of
me!" but Bean wound up living in Harlem where he came up with singers
Dionne Warwick and Whitney's mama Cissy Houston and appeared in early
productions of gospel musicals like YOUR ARMS TOO SHORT TO BOX WITH GOD,
hob-knobbing with the likes of Langston Hughes and Leonard Bernstein.
"Harlem was not homophobic", Bean recalls and cites the sell-out family
crowds of the drag Jewelbox Revue, which featured a young Dorian Corey, the
mesmerizing star of Paris Is Burning, as evidence.

Wanderlust overcame Carl's show biz aspirations and he left a hit show to
travel the country via Greyhound bus. His money ran out and he learned what
it is to be humble, which gave Christ's teachings new meanings. "I learned
what it is to stand on the corner with a man who had nothing but a bottle of
wine and offered me some." (I learned that too, Carl, but RuPaul's bottle was
empty and she was too drunk to realize it.) He wound up in South Central LA
where he worked at May Company department store and waited on Ella
Fitzgerald, Sarah Vaughn, Shirley Bassey and Diana Ross. The phone rang one
day and the caller identified themselves as Motown Records, then the biggest
black music label. Thinking it was a prank call from a friend, Carl cursed
at and hung up on the caller 3 times until Motown begged to send a messenger
with a letter on company stationery to verify their identity. They did, and
Berry Gordy boldly signed Carl to sing I Was Born This Way, to capitalize on
the popular disco market. Motown had also had success with The Dynamic
Superiors, a 70's soul group with a flaming false eyelash-wearing male lead
singer, but 1977 was before even Sylvester's hits, so Carl was truly
breaking gay ground here.

All of Carl's friends warned him that the song would be a career killer. But
Carl had learned early on to tune out dream killers who'd recommended that
despite his high grades, postal worker would be the best career choice for a
black boy. After meditation, "I heard from THE voice. And I knew, this is
not just a message song. This is the message song that YOU need to sing."
The recording session was equally spiritual."When I walked up to the mike, I
knew. This was beyond just singing for a hit. I stepped out of myself and
into the music. The spirit of God just began to sing through me." The
powerful anthem immediately climbed the charts. "I'm amazed at what this
song continues to do. This song has blessed my life and I've been able to
bless so many lives with it that it's like a fairy tale." (Pun possibly intended)

Horrified by the onset of AIDS, Carl asked to be released from his contract
in 1982. He felt his calling was to warn his people that AIDS was not a
white thing they could avoid. Though not formally trained, church officials
were so impressed by his dedication that after passing the oral and written
exams he was was ordained and started his Unity Fellowship Church. "I had
one shirt and one collar and I went to Aardvark's, a second hand store and
found a black jacket that was raggedy on the inside, but gorgeous on the
outside. So here I am in the heat of the day. People are asking me, 'Rev,
would you like to take your coat off?' And I'd say 'No, thank you.' Soaking
wet, but it was so raggedy inside." Fundraising was difficult and soon Carl
found himself ducking the landlord at his apartment and makeshift office. In
'86 Motown calls again, in the nick of time, to let Carl know that I Was
Born This Way has become a cult classic for a new generation of househeads
and that the original single is selling for $100 a pop. Plus, Next Plateau
Records has remixed the track and wants him to perform it on the East Coast.
"I said fine, as long as they paid me $1,000 every time I sang that song.
And they said fine." A white limousine was waiting at the NY airport and a
string of sold out club gigs (one had strippers in g-strings backing up the
Rev who was "in collar") enabled him to pay his debts back home and keep his
ministry going. An NAACP Image Award and almost 20 years later, the song is
popping up on not only as the West End remix, but also a compilation called
the Best of Motown Disco and the Pet Shop Boys' collection of favorite songs
in the Back To Mine series. "Amazing things have come from this song. I
still get letters from all over the world saying 'I was in the club dancing
and you came through the speakers, and I decided I wasn't going to kill
myself or I felt that God did love me and I felt connected to my sense of
church again."

Now 61, Carl says "I felt I needed to do music now because of the horrible
backlash of homophobia. Since the Bush administration we've had to lay off
3/4 of our staff. We're down to practiacally bare bones and asked to do more
than we've ever done. It's the ugliest thing. The youth in my church--black
kids, poor white kids, latin kids not yet 25 and full-blown. This
proliferation of meth leads to ferocious sexual appetites. And the
horrendous idea that there should be a constitutional amendment against us
having the freedom of celebrating our unions and being honored by church, by
family, by God! The idea that we would become the scapegoats for all this
horrible stuff that is happening in our society. That now the covers are off
because of Katrina, in many ways. You know you don't get by. You may think
you do, but it all comes out in the end. So this song coming back again?
Every time this song comes to me when God needs me to do something. I have
nothing to do with it." I dare to interrupt the Carl's sermon briefly to interject
"Well, your voice did make the song great." "Well, thank you, but the thing
is, at the time when God wanted me to respond to AIDS, this song came back
and provided money. Now there is a new era of young people coming down with
it, homophobia so strident, right-wing politicizing, hateful, ugly messages,
very un-American things taking place in society, and this song comes back to
me again so I know there must be some new challenge on the horizon. My
life's purpose is the liberation of gay and lesbian people and thereby the
liberation of all people. Because as Dr. King said, "Until all of us are
free, none of us are free.'" Amen, Rev Carl! You're an amazing human bean.
And could we ever use your uplifting message right about now!

To listen/purchase I Was Born This Way go to IWASBORNTHISWAY

US: HOSTILE TO SCIENCE?

We're getting stupider by the minute and damn proud of it!

from Yahoo News

By Alan Elsner Fri Oct 28,10:13 AM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A bitter debate about how to teach evolution in U.S. high schools is prompting a crisis of confidence among scientists, and some senior academics warn that science itself is under assault.

In the past month, the interim president of Cornell University and the dean of the Stanford University School of Medicine have both spoken on this theme, warning in dramatic terms of the long-term consequences.

"Among the most significant forces is the rising tide of anti-science sentiment that seems to have its nucleus in Washington but which extends throughout the nation," said Stanford's Philip Pizzo in a letter posted on the school Web site on October 3.

Cornell acting President Hunter Rawlings, in his "state of the university" address last week, spoke about the challenge to science represented by "intelligent design" which holds that the theory of evolution accepted by the vast majority of scientists is fatally flawed.

Rawlings said the dispute was widening political, social, religious and philosophical rifts in U.S. society. "When ideological division replaces informed exchange, dogma is the result and education suffers," he said.

Adherents of intelligent design argue that certain forms in nature are too complex to have evolved through natural selection and must have been created by a "designer," who could but does not have to be identified as God.

AT ODDS WITH BUSH

In the past five years, the scientific community has often seemed at odds with the Bush administration over issues as diverse as global warming, stem cell research and environmental protection. Prominent scientists have also charged the administration with politicizing science by seeking to shape data to its own needs while ignoring other research.

Evangelical and fundamentalist Christians have built a powerful position within the Republican Party and no Republican, including Bush, can afford to ignore their views.

This was dramatically illustrated in the case of Terri Schiavo earlier this year, in which Republicans in Congress passed a law to keep a woman in a persistent vegetative state alive against her husband's wishes, and Bush himself spoke out in favor of "the culture of life."

The issue of whether intelligent design should be taught, or at least mentioned, in high school biology classes is being played out in a Pennsylvania court room and in numerous school districts across the country.

The school board of Dover, Pennsylvania, is being sued by parents backed by the American Civil Liberties Union after it ordered schools to read students a short statement in biology classes informing them that the theory of evolution is not established fact and that gaps exist in it.

The statement mentioned intelligent design as an alternative theory and recommended students to read a book that explained the theory further.

Brown University biologist Kenneth Miller believes the rhetoric of the anti-evolution movement has had the effect of driving a wedge between a large proportion of the population who follow fundamentalist Christianity and science.

"It is alienating young people from science. It basically tells them that the scientific community is not to be trusted and you would have to abandon your principles of faith to become a scientist, which is not at all true," he said.

On the other side, conservative scholar Michael Novak of the American Enterprise Institute, believes the only way to heal the rift between science and religion is to allow the teaching of intelligent design.

"To have antagonism between science and religion is crazy," he said at a forum on the issue last week.

Proponents of intelligent design deny they are anti-science and say they themselves follow the scientific method.

AMERICANS DON'T ACCEPT EVOLUTION

Polls for many years have shown that a majority of Americans are at odds with key scientific theory. For example, as CBS poll this month found that 51 percent of respondents believed humans were created in their present form by God. A further 30 percent said their creation was guided by God. Only 15 percent thought humans evolved from less advanced life forms over millions of years.

Other polls show that only around a third of American adults accept the Big Bang theory of the origin of the universe, even though the concept is virtually uncontested by scientists worldwide.

"When we ask people what they know about science, just under 20 percent turn out to be scientifically literate," said Jon Miller, director of the center for biomedical communication at Northwestern University.

He said science and especially mathematics were poorly taught in most U.S. schools, leading both to a shortage of good scientists and general scientific ignorance.

U.S. school students perform relatively poorly in international tests of mathematics and science. For example, in 2003 U.S. students placed 24th in an international test that measured the mathematical literacy of 15-year-olds, below many European and Asian countries.

Scientists bemoan the lack of qualified U.S. candidates for postgraduate and doctoral studies at American universities and currently fill around a third of available science and engineering slots with foreign students.

Northwestern's Miller said the insistence of a large proportion of Americans that humans were created by God as whole beings had policy implications for the future.

"The 21st century will be the century of biology and we are going to be confronted with hundreds of important public policy issues that require some understanding that all life is interconnected," he said.

BUNNY: ATTACKED!

And it wasn't an angry mob wanting their money back after one of her shows--this time!

(originally in Genre magazine)

One boiling hot July evening I walked to the grocery store yakking on my cellphone. Before I entered, three young guys with cigarettes dangling out of their mouths and the body language of someone who's been boozing, sneered "Why the fuck you wanna dress like a woman?" (I wasn't even in drag--just a t-shirt and shorts--OK, so they WERE pink lame!) But I was focused on my phone conversation so I made like Stonewall legend/ club kid foremother Marsha "P." Johnson--the "P" stood for "Pay it no mind."

When I hung up and started to enter the store, they started in again with "Faggot!" and "Keep walking!" Now aside from the occasional tussle with my sister, I am a confirmed sissy who has never been in one fight in my life. But it was just too damned hot that day to take ANY shit from anyone and I snarled "You don't tell me what to do." When they said "Step outside" I actually did! I don't know what I was thinking, but the argument heated up and the manager of the store came over to separate us. I got my groceries and left the store, looking both ways to see if they were still around. They weren't, so I crossed the street. When I looked back again I saw them chatting with the manager in the service entrance, which confirmed my suspicions that they worked there in some capacity.

I dropped off my groceries and returned to the store half an hour later to talk with the manager, who has seen me shopping there frequently for 10 years. (Please insert the Bunny fat joke of your choice here.) He confirmed that the men were drunk and that they worked for his air-conditioning repair service. I asked him for his name and told him that I would be filing a police report. He mentioned that they explained their actions by saying that I'd come on to them, a complete lie. (Honey, I've had my desperate moments, but drunk, sweaty workmen aren't my type. I prefer drunk, sweaty, unemployed homeless men, ok?)

I went home perplexed. Dealing with the police is never a picnic. I suppose that law enforcement agents have to be somewhat imposing by definition. What I encountered there was even more perplexing.

The first officer I spoke with told me that I didn't even have the basis for a complaint. "It's a first amendment issue. You can say anything to anyone as long as there are no weapons or physical violence." I wanted to tell him "OK, then let me tell you that you are a moron who doesn't know your job." Instead, I told him that a few years prior I had filed a harassment complaint based on a threat so I knew that such a thing existed. He asked "Did you see SILENCE OF THE LAMBS?" (I wanted to say "Yeah, and I also saw THE MATTHEW SHEPARD STORY.") "That guy Lechter said 'I'm going to cut out your liver and eat it for dinner' and that's ok to say." I asked for this idiot's supervisor.

The supervisor tried to turn shift the guilt to me and ask "Why didn't you call 911?" I told him that I'd rather reserve that for fires and other such emergencies. The incident was scary but it didn't leave me running down the aisles waving my arms and screaming with my teeth chattering like a tina queen listening to a Junior Vasquez mixed cd. "Well, why did you wait a day to come in?" I explained that since the guys were identifiable and contactable by the store's manager, I didn't see the need to hurry. (Don't laugh, but I actually had to make a potato salad for a barbecue the next day and no southern showgirl would dream of showing up with an unchilled potato salad!) Then I got angry. In no way had I provoked these 3 goons. They clearly were threatening me because of what they perceived me to be and 3 belligerent drunks threatening someone is a clear cut case of aggravated harassment, with an anti-gay bias. Who I reported this to or when I reported it did not change the fact that they had harassed me. And if a queen can't feel safe in Chelsea, the gayest neighborhood in "Girl-hattan", where can you feel safe, for chrissakes?

The officer then asked me if I was going to press charges. Unless I was, he told me, they would not be able to allocate an officer to investigate at all. I had been there for an hour and a half debating them on whether or not I had a valid complaint--which I clearly did because in the end they took the complaint--and now they tell me that they don't have the time to make one phone call to the grocery store, find out the a/c company's number and let them know that their employees's are drunk on the job and threatening sweet, innocent transvestites--or me? I'm so glad that my taxes pay their f*#@ing salaries.

Pressing charges is a whole 'nother matter. Appearing in court brought up so many issues: like that library book I never returned, every time I'd ever jay-walked, those earrings I "borrowed" from mom, the fear of authorities scraping around my house for "party favors residue" and most importantly, WHAT ON EARTH WILL I WEAR TO MAKE MY GRAND ENTRANCE AT THE COURTHOUSE? Let's see. A well-cut suit in a somber color which says "I mean business" and a matching picture hat to rival any worn by Lana Turner or Joan Collins, but with a frilly hanky to show my sensitive side when dabbing my eyes underneath gigantic Chanel sunglasses, which may be removed to wink coquettishly at the jury from time to time.

OK, girl, back to reality. I realize that this grocery store incident was not the crime of the century. All I had hoped to get out of filing a complaint was for the police to contact the 3 guy's employer and hopefully scare them into shaping up. In the end, since it was a bias crime, the police's Hate Crimes Task Force agreed to phone the employer and I felt that was sufficient without pressing charges. And I will say that both the Hate Crimes Task Force and the precinct's community affairs liason were very helpful in discussing my options. But what really enfuriates me is that had I not known that I was able to file an aggravated harrassment complaint, I would have shuffled dejectedly out of the precinct after speaking with the first Hannibal Lechter-quoting officer thinking, "It's ok for them to threaten me."

I also chatted with a gay cop friend who explained, after unlocking the hand-cuffs and removing his "night-stick", that "cops are just like anyone else--they don't like doing anything which generates more work." (Nice to hear from someone whose job is protecting you.) And bias incidents generate lotsa paperwork. Police departments also want to keep down the number of incidents and may urge you, as I was urged, not to report them for that reason.

But when it comes to your rights, use them or you lose them. Bush is already trying to change the Constitution to ban gay marriage. And even though a few countries have legalized gay unions recently, there have also been a shocking number of recent brutal attacks on gays worldwide, from the two teens hung in Iran (no well-hung jokes here, please) to a gay activist murdered in Mexico to a steep increase in anti-gay incidents in Northern Ireland to the routine arrest and torture of "deviants" in Saudi Arabia, whose king Bush recently held hands with. Even in Poland, thousands of members of a youth group marched in a "normal parade" to protest Warsaw's gay pride parade. (The "normal" polacks got the date wrong, but they tried. Bada-bing!) And here on our shores, a Missouri lesbian couple was attacked with a baseball bat by another woman because they were holding hands! Can someone please buy this "mad batter" a ticket to Crawford, Texas the next time Dubya is cuddling with the Saudi king?

Don't let the success of Ellen or Will And Grace fool you into thinking gayness is much more accepted. Oh, straights will let us entertain them, but just don't ask them for the same rights they have. Just like the irrational hatred felt towards jews or various races, we are despised worldwide and that hatred must be kept in check through all existing legal channels. Even with small incidents like mine. It may seem tough to stand up for yourself. You may have to dig to acquaint yourself with your rights and sift through misinformation from the very people who we pay to protect us. But if we don't speak up we may lose our voices permanen.......

VEGAS/LA GIGS

If you're in Las Vegas come on down to see me perform at a gorgeous club called Krave. Or I'm djing with Junior Vasquez on Hallowe'en at Factory in L.A which should be a mess! Boy George was supposed to spin here but he had to re-schedule because of The White Party--the one at his NYC apt. recently that the cops somehow got invited to! Djing there again 11/5 with RuPaul performing. The LA gigs are at a new night called G-A-Y geared to the young twinks. I'd better to bring my ID, but christ! that stone tablet birth certificate is so fucking heavy to lug around! Can you throw a littltle GHB in my Geritol shot, sonny?

And also, since I usually wait until the last sec to post my schedule, I'll go ahead and tell you that I'll be djing at NYC's Capitaleat for the OUT 100 bash, and opening for Margaret Cho at the Hair Ball in Minneapolis on 11/12. Gonna get to do a podcast with Wanda Wisdom of Lucky Bitch Radio while I'm out there!


BUT ASIDE FROM ALL THAT, HAVE A CRAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C'MON AND FUCK ME IN THE ASS!

VIDEO

OCTAVIA ST. LAURENT

Ever wonder what this stunner from PARIS IS BURNING was up to? Well, for a start, she's now known as HEAVENLY ANGEL OCTAVIA ST. LAURENT BLAHNIK. Just try chanting that over LOVE BREAK during a runway fantasy. Don't worry, I'm sure emcee Selvyn "Kool Aid" Givenchy will find a way. Anyhoo, soon after P.I.B was released on dvd, a new documentary on ball culture has been unleashed and oy vey, do I know about balls being unleashed! It inlcudes interviews with many of the same, still fascinating creatures who lit up Jenny Livingston's infinitely quotable masterpiece. The new doc's called HOW DO I LOOK, and you can check out the stars or purchase the dvd at:

HOWDOILOOK?

If Octavia's interview on Body Positive is any indication, she's still infinitely quotable:

"My name is Heavenly Angel Octavia St. Laurent and I would like to express myself to you as an individual of the Utopian society. Although I've been categorized as a transsexual or pre-op, I am afraid this is not the proper definition for me. I am called in medical terms a "unic" or "unicorn."

I would like to tell you why this project is so important to me. I see the world through Angel eyes. Let me explain. My whole life I have had to fight to keep my dignity, my morality, my self-respect, and my faith in myself and God. In spite of all odds, I wanted more in life than what society and my peers thought I should have and expect. I was always told that because I was born different that my choices in life were limited. I went to school every day to absorb all the knowledge that I could, in spite of the fact that I had literally to fight every day defending myself from harm, because I was born biologically a boy but look so much like a girl.

Nevertheless I was determined to have an education, to be intelligent and articulate. I should not have had so much pain and suffering physically, mentally, and emotionally. I refused then and now to subject myself to prostitution. I fight drug dealing or anything else that would make me lose my self respect. I have no desire now or ever to have a sex-change. I learned that I must except myself as normally as any man or woman. I am so proud of me. I have never tried or wanted to be a woman, just beautiful.

No matter what choices I make, the truth will never change. Unfortunately there are others like myself as well, such as pre-ops and transsexuals, who are fighting a battle with themselves, that they will never win. I want them to understand that because they are man-made different or naturally born different, that is what makes them special. Also I tell women the secrets and powers they possess and that no woman should be abused. Also about society and the true cruelties that are only seen through Angel eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you to help me, my kind, and yours."


Alright, miss muthafuckin' unic! (Does she mean eunuch?)

The voguing scene has been hard hit by AIDS, and HOW DO I LOOK seems to be a bit like a WHERE ARE THEY NOW?-type follow-up to P.I.B. At one point there was a riveting trailer online which I caught befoe it vanished. Now you know what to get me or anyone else who worships the ball scene for Christmas!

MAMA JANET?

Janet with James Debarge

Janet Jackson has supposedly been hiding her child for 18 years. From Michael? No need--it was a girl! Anyhoo, there's no proof that the her bastard child with James Debarge exists, but Janet does like a little mystery and secretly married Rene Elizondo and possibly Jermaine Dupri as well. She isn't always so secretive cuz a nude sunbathing video has just surfaced on the web. Young Debarge mentioned his "niece" on a radio interview recently. Seems Young has an album coming out. (Warning: scandal hasn't translated to record record sales for Miss NASTY GIRL.)

But those Debarge men have a "gorgeous gene" and I hereby gladly offer to let El Debarge, James Debarge, Chico Debarge and Young Debarge impregnate me with their butt babies. And I sure hope that Young finds, as I did when googling "Debarge", photos of plus-sized NYC drag queen Flotilla Debarge sprinkled in with the group's cheesy 80's album covers!

Hunkalicious Chico Debarge

CRONYISM REVEALED

I'm a little blue to hear that Rove may not be under indictment today but it seems they will get Libby, who's on crutches? And I am buoyed by Harriet's withdrawal. Senator Kennedy was griping that the withdrawal signalled Bush was caving to his right-wing base. I don't know what the best way for dems to get mileage on this is, but I'm just glad that Bush caved. It's not like him and it proves that he's weakened and he needs to rally his base as the rest of the country turns against him. That's good news, isn't it?

Now Harriet will go back to being the president's legal advisor and "vetting" the new appointees. I don't know what vetting means, but if this crone is doing it, then good luck to the appointees cuz she couldn't even get herself through the process. She failed to impress anyone and was said to not have a grasp of constitutional issues. Having failed civics, I don't have the fullest understanding of the judiciary. But to me, the immediate signifigance seems to be that Bush was happy to ignore what's best for the country and force through an unqualified, secretive, evangelical candidate who'll do what he says. Or even worse, follow what she thinks she hears god saying and further blur the already faint line between church and state.

Bush also didn't want the legal advice she'd given him to be disclosed. Can you imagine what this was? Harriet, ol' gal, how far can I trump up evidence of WMD without being impeached when the truth comes out, perhaps? What are the proper legal channels which will enable the White House to pass the buck on Katrina's failed response? What are the legal implications of people finding out about that box I was wired with in the debate against Kerry? And how can I conceal my draft dodgers' service record as I send everyone else to die? Oh shit! And Jenna's been picked up on public drunkenness again!

HAMDERSON COOPER

Anderson Cooper is CNN's new golden boy. He's cute, hip (for a newscaster) and rumored to be a closet case. He is the son of Gloria Vanderbilt, and after all--she had one of the best hairdos ever! And his slot even features edgy rock cuts and nutty humorous bits geared toward snaring the younger market.

Anderson gained popularity with his non-stop, supposedly hard-hitting coverage of Katrina. But how pathetic it was to see him on the beach bracing against Wilma's on CNN with some other guy who says something like "The sand is taking a layer of skin off." I was delighted to think of Florida women, fags, trannies, seniors and a metrosexuals risking their lives to run out into the storm for a free dermabrasion. I know I would, gurl! (I've got combination skin--it's a combination of pizza and sandpaper!) But we know what a storm looks like and CNN showed this "dramatic coverage" over and over again for 2 whole days. You know what? They'rere just trying to capitalize on the ratings jump Katrina gave them. CNN even revived the ominous Katrina theme song which I noticed they skipped using on Rita. Possibly to linking Katrina and Wilma in people's minds? I'm not impressed. If it's that fucking dangerous, go indoors. And if you really wanna do some hard-hitting coverage, investigate the link between the hurricanes' increased severity and global warming. Today's hurricane is named Beta. I think this is the first time we've had so many storms that we've had to use the Greek letter names. A signal to anyone with sense? Self-preservation kicking in leading to little investigation before you lose your life and home, perhaps? Oh, that's right! Don't worry about it. No need to think about it cuz Anderson has your back. I'm not suggesting "Don't cover Hurricane Wilma because it's not as serious as Katrina." I'm just suggesting that news is entertainment which relies on ratings and I don't want issues clouded by perceptions which the networks craft to boost their ratings. And that I'm a bitter hag.

BREAKING (WIND) NEWS

RUN-BY-FARTING-YES-I-KNOW-IT'S-STUPID

VERY WELL-HUNG!

Check out this Hallowe'en swinger!

swinger

SCARRIET MIERS

This fell through my radar.

Today, the woman who Bush is trying to appoint to the highest court in the land, is re-submitting her questionnaire/job application. Why? The last one was rejected for INNACURACY! Isn't that a quality you'd hope for in a judge who was trying your case? Just another rotten skunk in Bush's posse.

ODD 'CASTING

By me, originally published in Genre Magazine


FOX IN THE CITY'S RAGAN FOX--this image doesn't click!

I'd like to spotlight a trend so white-hot and hip that just casually
throwing it into your conversation can shave 5-10 years off you age. No,
it's not bare-backing, the trend that will shave years off your actual
life: It's podcasting, an eargasmic, new form of audio entertainment with
it's own emerging superstars.

Now before you think "Uh oh! Bunny's gone computer geek on us!" trust me,
nothing could be further fro the truth. I'm certainly no technical whiz and
have often viewed technological advances with a suspicious eye: the
invention of fire scared me half to death and I thought I would never get
used to that darned wheel thing! But podcasting is simple to enjoy and I
don't even own an iPod. (As if I need an expensive gadget small enough
to lose or fit into a tricky trick's pocket!)

In case I've lost you and you are thinking (as I mistakenly thought about
Compact Discs) "What's the appeal in this silly new trend?" let me break it
down for you a little further. It's free! If you're sick of repetitive
playlists and spastic jocks on commercial radio but too cheap to spring for
Sirius or XM, podcasting offers a huge variety of audio files on demand--it's
like TIVO for radio. But best of all, since it isn't technically
broadcasting, the FCC has no power here, so the content can be truly
outrageous with candid discussions of all things gay (yup, you'll see), that
no commercially supported radio station would support.

Though not technically a podcaster, Internet star Shirley Q. Liquor must be
considered the godmother of the 'cast since her online sound bytes have
queens nationwide mimicking her trademark greeting "How you durrin'?" But if
Shirley's the godmother, Madge Weinstein's surely the queen. Though her deep
voice and hormonally-challenged appearance have led many to suspect that
"she" is in fact a transvestite, Madge insists she's an overweight Jewish
lesbian with a yeast infection. Madge also has a prolapsed uterus, which is
so distended that she's become an advocate for female glory holes. (Guys,
stop masturbating and read on.)

A podcast can also be an online video and my introduction to Madge was her
brilliant Cuntcession Speech, after the deep sorrow of Dubya's
"re-election". The raw footage of Madge angrily berating America for its
ignorance jumped right off the computer screen as an honest and powerful
political voice. The fact that she peppers her observations with pointless,
rot-gut, bottom-of-the-barrel jokes about yeast infections makes Madge even
more delightfully insane. Like many lesbians, Madge admits she's "a total
geek" who is "good at spotting trends"‹though also like many lesbians, the
trends she's good at spotting are not related to clothing. She saw
podcasting as a way to reach a wider audience than live performances, and
without the crowd's loud booing. Hey! Maybe Ashlee Simpson should get into
'casting!

Madge also spearheads the movement by fostering new talent like Arizona
State University's Ragan Fox, a self-described "power-bottom", whose show
Fox in the City is an instant hit. One of his recent podcasts deals with black men
always negotiating during sex. "They haggle, saying 'Let me just put the
head in." Yeah, just do the part that will spray semen up my butt and give
me AIDS", he said during a recent 'cast. His fans tune in for the humor,
but says Ragan, "it gets them talking about the reality of AIDS again.²

So does popular podcast Feastoffools.com, which is broadcast from the AIDS
ward in which TS Victoria Lamarr is in, accusing the nurse of stealing her
pain-killers. Feastoffools.com's Fausto has a natural on-air
personality whose fresh take on pop culture is enlivened with frank,
in-depth interviews with celebs (of course you have to imagine all this
coming from her AIDS ward). Most TV and radio interviews are only a few
quick sound bytes about whatever the stars are currently selling. So where
else besides a podcast, like Feastoffools, could you catch a lengthy
interview with John Waters or a chat with Holly Woodlawn.

I've sat mesmerized by the brainlessness of the short podcasted films of
Minneapolis dragster Wanda Wisdom, including I Like Chicken, in which Wanda
repeats the title until she cracks herself up. Wanda's audio podcasts are
less esoteric--plus she has a great face for radio‹and as her tag-line states
"I'm a single, sober, drag queen with a mic and nothing to lose." Offering
wake-up calls last Memorial Day to "give back to the universe", Wanda
created a cyber-oasis of sobriety amidst the large party hardy gay scene and
serves, as Madge puts it, as "a spiritual guru" whose listeners relate to
her tales of everyday highs and lows like job-quitting and boyfriend
trouble. "I'm on my porch at 2:00 am talking into an iRiver recording device,
I post it on my computer and in a couple of hours I have feedback from
people all over the world.

And the trend is catching on. iTunes recently added a podcasting page but
³gay" was not listed as a category, so amidst all the commercial podcasts,
you'll have to do a gay search to find podcasters like these, who are
inexplicably buried in headings like "Health". But a new site, qpodder.com,
lists around 100 gay shows ranging in content from A Gay in the Life by
Eddie Perez, an 18 year old gay boy in Houston, to gaysexcapades.com, which
records the sexploits of a well-hung top. As Wanda Wisdom puts it, "It's the
realest gay content you can find anywhere and everyday there is a new voice
showing up." Are ya listening?

a coupla noteworthy podcasts for you to check out:

Madge Weinstein's yeastradio.com
Ragan Fox's FOX IN THE CITY foxinthecity
Fausto's FEAST OF FOOLS feastoffools.net
Wanda Wisdom's LUCKY BITCH RADIO luckybitchradio.com
And all 4 team up for a power hour on eatthishotshow.com

REMOTE CUNT-TROLL

CAN THEY MAKE ME EXERCISE? I TRIED CRYSTAL AND IT JUST MADE ME EAT FASTER!

By YURI KAGEYAMA, AP Business Writer Wed Oct 26, 7:28 AM ET
ATSUGI, Japan - We wield remote controls to turn things on and off, make them advance, make them halt. Ground-bound pilots use remotes to fly drone airplanes, soldiers to maneuver battlefield robots.

But manipulating humans?

Prepare to be remotely controlled. I was.

Just imagine being rendered the rough equivalent of a radio-controlled toy car.

Nippon Telegraph & Telephone Corp., Japans top telephone company, says it is developing the technology to perhaps make video games more realistic. But more sinister applications also come to mind.

I can envision it being added to militaries' arsenals of so-called "non-lethal" weapons.

A special headset was placed on my cranium by my hosts during a recent demonstration at an NTT research center. It sent a very low voltage electric current from the back of my ears through my head — either from left to right or right to left, depending on which way the joystick on a remote-control was moved.

I found the experience unnerving and exhausting: I sought to step straight ahead but kept careening from side to side. Those alternating currents literally threw me off.

The technology is called galvanic vestibular stimulation — essentially, electricity messes with the delicate nerves inside the ear that help maintain balance.

I felt a mysterious, irresistible urge to start walking to the right whenever the researcher turned the switch to the right. I was convinced — mistakenly — that this was the only way to maintain my balance.

The phenomenon is painless but dramatic. Your feet start to move before you know it. I could even remote-control myself by taking the switch into my own hands.

There's no proven-beyond-a-doubt explanation yet as to why people start veering when electricity hits their ear. But NTT researchers say they were able to make a person walk along a route in the shape of a giant pretzel using this technique.

It's a mesmerizing sensation similar to being drunk or melting into sleep under the influence of anesthesia. But it's more definitive, as though an invisible hand were reaching inside your brain.

NTT says the feature may be used in video games and amusement park rides, although there are no plans so far for a commercial product.

Some people really enjoy the experience, researchers said while acknowledging that others feel uncomfortable.

I watched a simple racing-car game demonstration on a large screen while wearing a device programmed to synchronize the curves with galvanic vestibular stimulation. It accentuated the swaying as an imaginary racing car zipped through a virtual course, making me wobbly.

Another program had the electric current timed to music. My head was pulsating against my will, getting jerked around on my neck. I became so dizzy I could barely stand. I had to turn it off.

NTT researchers suggested this may be a reflection of my lack of musical abilities. People in tune with freely expressing themselves love the sensation, they said.

"We call this a virtual dance experience although some people have mentioned it's more like a virtual drug experience," said Taro Maeda, senior research scientist at NTT. "I'm really hopeful Apple Computer will be interested in this technology to offer it in their iPod."

Research on using electricity to affect human balance has been going on around the world for some time.

James Collins, professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, has studied using the technology to prevent the elderly from falling and to help people with an impaired sense of balance. But he also believes the effect is suited for games and other entertainment.

"I suspect they'll probably get a kick out of the illusions that can be created to give them a more total immersion experience as part of virtual reality," Collins said.

The very low level of electricity required for the effect is unlikely to cause any health damage, Collins said. Still, NTT required me to sign a consent form, saying I was trying the device at my own risk.

And risk definitely comes to mind when playing around with this technology.

Timothy Hullar, assistant professor at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, Mo., believes finding the right way to deliver an electromagnetic field to the ear at a distance could turn the technology into a weapon for situations where "killing isn't the best solution."

"This would be the most logical situation for a nonlethal weapon that presumably would make your opponent dizzy," he said via e-mail. "If you find just the right frequency, energy, duration of application, you would hope to find something that doesn't permanently injure someone but would allow you to make someone temporarily off-balance."

Indeed, a small defense contractor in Texas, Invocon Inc., is exploring whether precisely tuned electromagnetic pulses could be safely fired into people's ears to temporarily subdue them.

NTT has friendlier uses in mind.

If the sensation of movement can be captured for playback, then people can better understand what a ballet dancer or an Olympian gymnast is doing, and that could come handy in teaching such skills.

And it may also help people dodge oncoming cars or direct a rescue worker in a dark tunnel, NTT researchers say. They maintain that the point is not to control people against their will.

If you're determined to fight the suggestive orders from the electric currents by clinging to a fence or just lying on your back, you simply won't move.

But from my experience, if the currents persist, you'd probably be persuaded to follow their orders. And I didn't like that sensation. At all.

US: ONLY 17% EVOLVED

I wonder if these evolution pollers included the question "How do you morons explain the many different types of human skeletons whose timeline links up with Darwin's theory? " Or "Why does your ignorant ass see fit to question decades of extensive scientific findings when the only rresearch you have access to is a book of fairy tales?" I can't believe we are the most ignorant developed nation but here's more proof. You'd think that primitve life forms like these evangelicals would be more in touch with their close relatives--MONKEYS, who lack the power of reason!

from Aol News

Majority of Americans Reject Theory of Evolution

Charles Darwin's theory of evolution is most accepted by those respondents who identify themselves as liberal.

NEW YORK (Oct. 23) - Most Americans do not accept the theory of evolution. Instead, 51 percent of Americans say God created humans in their present form, and another three in 10 say that while humans evolved, God guided the process. Just 15 percent say humans evolved, and that God was not involved.

These views are similar to what they were in November 2004 shortly after the presidential election.

This question on the origin of human beings, asked both this month and in November 2004, offered the public three alternatives: 1. Human beings evolved from less advanced life forms over millions of years, and God did not directly guide this process; 2. Human beings evolved from less advanced life forms over millions of years, but God guided this process; or 3. God created human beings in their present form.

The results were not much different between the answers to that question and those given when a specific timeline was included in the final alternative: God created human beings in their present form within the last 10,000 years.

Americans most likely to believe in only evolution are liberals (36 percent), those who rarely or never attend religious services (25 percent), and those with a college degree or higher (24 percent).

White evangelicals (77 percent), weekly churchgoers (74 percent) and conservatives (64 percent), are mostly likely to say God created humans in their present form.

Still, most Americans think it is possible to believe in both God and evolution. Sixty-seven percent say this is possible, while 29 percent disagree. Most demographic groups say it is possible to believe in both God and evolution, but just over half of white evangelical Christians say it is not possible.

Opinions on this question are tied to one’s views on the origin of human beings. Those who believe in evolution, whether guided by God or not, overwhelmingly think it is possible to believe in both God and evolution – 90 percent say this. However, people who believe God created humans in their present form are more divided: 48 percent think it possible to believe in both God and evolution, but the same number disagrees.

This poll was conducted among a nationwide random sample of 808 adults, interviewed by telephone October 3-5, 2005. The error due to sampling for results based on the entire sample could be plus or minus four percentage points.

KERRIED AWAY

Kerry, go away! You are as wishy-washy as your republikkkans victors claimed you were. You were never anybody's first choice anyway--your watered-down vision was only ever a fill-in for Dean. Kerry's appeal-to-everyone (Christians! Pro-war! Anti-war!) new idea is bringing home 20,000 troops at Christmas if the parliamentary elections are a success. From yahoo.com news:

"Defeated by Bush last year and a potential candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2008, Kerry called for a "reasonable time frame" for pulling back troops rather than a full-scale withdrawal advocated by some Democrats. He said it could be completed in 12 to 15 months."

Great idea, Kerry! Make the party you're in turn it's back on you by fundamentally disagreeing with them on the war. What do you think that achieves? I guess a Machiavellian way to make you more palatable to disgruntled republicans looking to switch bases. Too bad you'll be losing your actual party for by catering to those war-mongering idiots. Maybe you're just more concerned with winning a race than ideology. This is what's happening with the our democratic "leadership." The repubs were right, Kerry--you're a spineless flip-flopper who stands for nothing! AND YOU LOOK LIKE THE SNOW MEISER FROM THAT RANKIN BASS XMAS SPECIAL!

How did you get the 20,000 troops at at Xmas idea? Multipy the number of soldiers who've died by 10 and then connect it with a popular religious/marketing holiday? Puhlease, gurl!! It's going to take a lot more than that to put you on top. Where is the voice for peace in the democratic party??? It's not enough to just take jabs at the republican party during a scandal, we have to hve an ideologically sound plan and with the most of country against the war now, STAND UP or fragment the gains you've made!

Arianna Huffington says it better on huffingtonpost.com:

The Democrats Blow It On Iraq… Again!

With Plamegate dominating the day, the table is set for the Democratic Party to seize the moment. The scandal has reignited a national debate about the White House lies and deceptions that led us to war in Iraq, public support for the president’s handling of the war has hit an all-time low, and the 2,000th soldier killed in action has put the human cost of the war back on page one.


So how have the Democrats reacted?
You be the grand jury (Warning: have some Xanax or other suitable anti-depressant handy):

Exhibit A is the story NPR ran on Tuesday in which Senate Dems were asked if they regretted their votes to authorize the war in Iraq. Ben Nelson was among those who defended his vote, saying, “You just don’t look back.” Really? Why not? Afraid you might actually learn something from your mistakes, Senator?

Hillary Clinton refused to even address the question, telling reporter David Welna, “I really can’t talk about this on the fly, it’s too important”. As with everything Hillary says and does these days, you could hear her and her consultants doing the math: Expressing regret = too soft for the Oval Office. Continuing to express support of the administration’s Iraq policy = risking being overtaken by the post-Plamegate reassessment of the war. (So would offering a glowing assessment of progress in Iraq, as Clinton did during her visit there in February when she explained that suicide bombers are “an indication” of the “failure” of the insurgency, and that much of Iraq was “functioning quite well”).

Clinton and Nelson should get a copy of the NPR segment and listen to the responses of Sens. Dodd, Feinstein, Rockefeller, and Harkin who all said they would not have voted the way they did. They should also listen to the speech John Kerry gave today in which he said that “knowing what we know now” he would not have voted to give the administration the authority to go to war.

Exhibit B was Chuck Schumer’s disheartening appearance on Meet the Press last Sunday. When Tim Russert asked him if he regretted having voted for the war, Schumer replied: “No, Tim, because my vote was seen -- and I still see it -- as a need to say we must fight a strong and active war on terror” (a ludicrous response he echoed on NPR). The senior senator from New York really ought to have gotten the memo by now that the Iraq-al Qaeda connection was just a Bush fantasy. Until we invaded Iraq, that is. And far from leading to “a strong and active war on terror”, his vote has helped turned Iraq into a breeding ground for terrorists while making us far less safe here at home.

Exhibit C was the report I got from the intimate Democratic strategy session held at Ron Burkle’s house in Los Angeles to discuss the Dems’ need for a united message. Those present included Hillary Clinton, Harry Reid’s chief of staff, Susan McCue, pollster Doug Shoen, Haim Saban, Rob Reiner, Steve Bing, and Warren Beatty. Among the highlights was the Hollywood unveiling of the Dems’ new slogan -- “America Can Do Better” -- a soulless and vacuous phrase that sums up a party that’s become pathologically risk-averse. The discussion also included the latest report from Democracy Corps, run by James Carville and Stan Greenberg, which is calling for an agenda focused on “heath care, education and energy, followed by a top end tax cut repeal and homeland security”. In other words, let’s party like it’s 2004!

Have Democratic leaders completely forgotten that we are at war? A war that’s going very badly? A war Plamegate has brought to the forefront of national consciousness? A war the majority of Americans now feel was a mistake?

Cindy Sheehan hasn’t.

She’s making it clear that “any candidate who supports the war should not receive our support”. Including Hillary Clinton, about whom she blogged: “I would love to support Hillary for president if she would come out against the travesty in Iraq. But I don’t think she can speak out against the occupation because she supports it.”

Sheehan and Clinton met last month to discuss the war. “She said she has to make sure our sons didn’t die in vain,” Sheehan said this week. “That is a totally Republican talking point.”

Indeed it is. During his speech at Bolling Air Force Base on Tuesday, President Bush said, “The best way to honor the sacrifice of our fallen troops is to complete the mission.”

So George Bush and the Democrats’ leading contender for 2008 are reading from the same script. Tells you all you need to know about why the Democrats continue to flounder.

Maybe the Dem’s message team is on to something after all. When it comes to having an opposition party willing to actually be in opposition, “America Can Do Better”.

ME 50 POUNDS AGO

OK, OK, 60 pounds! Click on link for a review of the 1988 Wigstock in the Village Voice 50th Anniversary issue. Back when I used to work my own hair! And I'm modelling a vintage Zandra Rhodes kaftan. I was taking the moo-moo, a pair of shoes and a wig to lend to another hefty heifer and left the shopping bag it was in on a train--right after 9/11! I would love to have seen the bomb squad gingerly poking around it. Of course, the musty "theatre" smell might have easily been mistaken for chemical warfare!



villagevoice.com

WERE-RABBIT

Unfortunately, WALLACE AND GROMIT only has about 1/3 of the magic of CHICKEN RUN. I do love the way they've juxtaposed the claymation-looking critters with real objects/scenery--very ill-looking. And the female lead is a dead-ringer for Sister Dimension with a Regina Fong hairdo. But the laughs are few and far between. The heartiest chucklke is from a testicle joke and I'm glad they worked in other adult themes like a bogus, money-grubbing priest and pro-veggie and wildlife themes, including a quick diss of genetically-engineered produce. But before you think "Oh, you forward-thinking Brits!", the villain is queeny (though after a girl), wears pink hair and is quelled by a spritz of Pansy Spray. NOT WORTH $10 in the rain. Rent CHICKEN RUN instead.

NEW USA EMBLEM

Official Announcement:

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

CRAPPY HALLOWE'EN!

Thanks, Jan for sending this. The candy corn in the shit is such sweet touch!

crappy

HUSTLABALL

Berlin is a magical city steeped in history where you'll find sensational architecture, a thriving art scene, top-notch museums, and world class shopping, all within a stone's throw from each other.

BUT I KNOW YOU WHORES DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT. YOU WANT SMUT!



Well, Berlin is also one of the world's capital's of kink, and lordy! was I ever plunked down in the middle of it as a featured performer at Hustlaball, a sort of fairground for male prostitutes catering to every imaginable taste--or lack thereof! My "comedy" was largely lost in translation on a semi-english speaking crowd. I had thought that a "clever" sight gag like pulling a brown-tipped banana out of my ass to the tune of Gwen Stefani's HOLLABACK GIRL and then sniffing and pointing to the banana as if verifying "Mmmm Mmmm, that's my shit, that's my shit" would appeal to non-english speakers, scat enthusiasts and anyone wanting to lampoon that dreadful tune. I guess I'm just too kinky for Berlin!

But then I got to introduce porn star Jeff Stryker, who was filming for a reality show. Hey, he's a lot better looking than Ron Jeremy ever was and just as hung so why not? He and I shared a dressing room and he could not have been sweeter, although one of his eyes was swollen and bothering him quite a bit. "Don't worry" I reasured him, "ain't nobody gone be lookin' at your eye, Jeff!" This gave rise to all sorts of sad "sight for sore eyes", "Jeff, are you winking at me?", etc type of tomfoolery. He was supposed to have his "anatomically correct action figure" doll, but hadn't brought one so we couldn't do our skit in which I asked him about the doll, he asked me a la one of his pornformances "Yeah, you wanna see that big doll?" and then pulled the doll out at his crotch level while I deepthroated it. So poor, poor me had to fake it with his legendary 9 inch cock! Jeff's still sexy, but I didn't manage to get any good pix with his face in it. Oh well, his biggest asset is still in plain view.

HUSTLABALL

Jeff's show as followed by a variety of other sex shows. I'm no prude, but I had never witnessed fist-fucking before--outside of my immediate family, that is. All I have to say is: THAT FIST-FUCKING TAKES GUTS! About 2 feet of 'em! The most demented part was not the fist-fucking itself or the man-juices that spilled all over the stage as the audience roared their approval, but rather the demented nun/clown/drag who sweetly presided over the ram job. I guess maybe that ups the humiliation ante for the bottom? I didn't know there was a Berlin chapter of The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the nun/clown/drag coven from San Francisco.

"Hey! You got chocolate in my peanut butter!"



Marlone (right) did a sexy strip which included a self-suck. Here he is backstage with an unidentified hottie.

HUSTLABALL

Not many black guys in Berlin, so some hotties were imported from all over, including my old friend Roy from London on the right and his friend with a pretty smile who is actually posing underneath a sign for XXL hot dogs! Yum!



What kind of teeth bleach are these guys using? Some black market European variety that isn't yet approved in the US?

HUSTLABALL

Please forgive my rotten photography, but this was the most gogeous guy there and I couldn't deprive you of him. I actually think the red eye effect adds a more devillish quality to his perfect face.



But of course, a drag queen will bring out the nelliness in any stud, no matter how butch they are with the guys!



That's why the leathermen bars in the states often don't allow drag in. Cuz they're all trying so hard to be manly and they know if a queen falls through the joint they might blow their cover. I know those leather daddies are listening to Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand while they are getting into their chaps! At least the leathermen and drags can exist peacefully in Berlin. And this girl's make-up is flawless!

HUSTLABALL

I couldn't figure out what scene this go-go dancer was into. But he was nice enough to offer me a beer. Completely flat and sour, it was the worst brew I'd ever tasted! And he howled with laughter at every sip I took!



I couldn't possibly spell all of the Hustlaball staff's names, but a hearty thanks to them for inviting me to Berlin and if this looks like your cup of AZT, there's another Hustlaball in Las Vegas on 1/6. Whew! Finally I found a way to make hustlers pay ME!



Hustlaball: THE END

CHRIST, THESE CHRISTIANS!

An Indiana family upset by an anti-Halloween church flier filed a complaint with police.

For the second time this year, an Atlantic hurricane is forcing the postponement of a popular homosexual event filled with "unthinkable debauchery." The annual Fantasy Fest in Key West, Fla., had been slated to kick off today, but the threat of Hurricane Wilma is putting a damper on the festivities, delaying events until after the storm passes.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

I'll be on the road until 11/5, and one of the benefits of travelling is that it forces you out of your habits. For example, I haven't blown any homeless men sucked off since I left town weeks ago! In addition, I took a break from watching the news while in London. The earthquake had just devastated Pakistan and India--now they're saying there's greater damage from the quakes than Katrina and it's getting cold there!--and I know this sounds shallow but it's true: I could not handle any more large scale tragedy after being glued to the telly for over a month watching Katrina and Rita. I do feel for the many victims but I also feel that I need a vacation from tragedy. So I turned off the news and covered all my mirrors!

This allowed me to quit railing against the world and focus on some things that I actually like.

I LOVE Alicia Keys new song UNBREAKABLE. Spell-binding chords kick it off and then Miss Keys does a cute name-check of famous couples like Oprah and Sted-woman. I worship Alicia. She's unbelievably gorgeous,sexy and talented with a hot style that you can't help but feel emanates from her personality, not whatever some stylist plucks out. And she writes and plays her own music--seeing her jam on her Unplugged concert (which UNBREAKABLE is from), you know that she loves performing and is just a super-talent jamming onstage with back-up singers who clearly love her! It's a joy to see. I may have o buy the dvd. She's the antidote to the empty-headed, can't-write-a-note, pre-packaged, overly-choreographed, mass-marketed bimbos like Britney. Sing this. Wear this. Move this way. Now that way. It's not an artist, it's robot!

Of course, you can coast on your looks if you're hot enough. Saw that Charlize Thieron on Larry King last night. Can someone please explain his appeal? He's like the nerdy dullard you try to ditch at a party--not witty or clever and he's a card-carrying republican who changes the subject whenever a guest slams Bush. Plus, the so-called "King of Talk" launched the career of shrewish legal expert Nancy Grace by having her as a frequent guest during the hunt for Natalee Holloway. But Charlize! She is an all-American goddess. The refinement of Grace Kelly with a more bewitching, slanted eye. She has so many looks! I've never even seen one of her films but was impressed that she gained 30 pounds for that one role. I did that too once, but I never got the part and never lost the weight back.

Don't you think Charlize could play the hell out of DARK SHADOWS' Angelique?



I had to giggle at Saddam's day in court. His defense? "Who are you?" to the judge! Claiming he's still president, the former dictator refused to acknowledge a court which he'd never appointed. This reminds me of Michael Alig's KING AND QUEEN OF NEW YORK pageants in the 80's. I was the first queen and in mock-delusion, my last "proclamation" was to render the appointment of all future queens null and void. Of course the title meant nothing so the decree meant nothing, but it did kind of irk subsequent queens (like RuPaul, my roommate at the time) when I constantly, obnoxiously reminded them of it.)

You're like, "Oh. Comparing herself to Saddam Hussein is what this fool does in it's happier moments on vacation?" Well, though not a fan of his work, I do admire Saddam's insane magnetism. He was manhandled by security guards on the way out but jerked himself free and stared them down, leaving unescorted. STARED THEM DOWN? No weapons needed. Incredible.

I love how horny NYC is. I got back from London and performed that night at Stonewall, leaving about 3:00 am. I decided to walk home, and even on a rainy night, I was beating off the studs all the way home. I'm not bragging cuz I don't attribute this to any special powers of attraction on my part, but especially after 11 days with reserved Londoners, I was delighted to be back home at Dick Central. Within a block of leaving the club, a cute black homeboy walked past me and asked, from underneath his hooded parka, if I had a big dick. Thinking I'd misheard him I said "Hungh?" and he repeated the question. I asked him if he had a big dick, but decided to pass cuz he took too long to answer! See how I am!

Then a young mexican cutie started walking beside me trying to strike up a conversation as he walked beside me, though he spoke NO english whatsoever. I was really not in the mood, so I tried to repeating "SOLO". He asked if I was going to "mi casa" and I tried communicating that I was going alone, but realized afterwards I'd been saying "Vamanos solo" which means "Let us go alone." As if the drag wasn't sending enough mixed messages! Chuckling at the ridiculousness of the situation, especially after plucking no trade in London, a young puerto rican guy then pulled up in a snazzy car and turned the light on to show that he was playing with himself for my approval! Feast or famine! My waistline will tell you that I rarely pick the latter. And all this after opening a club night named UNCUT.

Much has changed for the worse in NYC, but thank goodness the smokin' NYC guys still have that "I'm interested, you're interested, let's go" attitude.

I felt I could ignore politics for a minute cuz things look like they're finally turning against the republikkkans, with Bush's approval way down and Frist, Cheney and Rove under investigation. And Delay's busted! As one friend put it, Christmas in October! Here's the bastard's mug shot.



Of course this is heavily doctored. (Imagine doctoring a publicity photo! Unheard of! Ahem...) Here's the actual mug shot before photo-shop.



Aretha Franklin's THE ONLY THING THAT'S MISSIN' is a gem which will perk you up on your darkest day! Check it out, Tom.

DJ Robert Renk made me a compilation of popular mash-ups. I'm late in appreciating them though I did play the one with MILKSHAKE vox on top of MJ's BILLIE JEAN. They're big in trend-conscious England, and Mylo even had a # 1 with DR. PRESSURE/DROP THE PRESSURE, a mash-up of Gloria Estefan's DR. BEAT--and some groove I don't know. It totally works on the dancefloor and the video works in 80's video footage of when Gloria wasn't so muzak-y. (I've always thought she lost it after CONGA when she went cheesy with those awful ballads and then butchered Vickie Sue Robinson's (R.I.P.) whole catalogue--TURN THE BEAT AROUND and EVERLASTING LOVE.) Some mash-ups aren't as danceable but interesting to listen to. One crazily pairs a sample of SIMPLY HAVING A WONDEFRFUL CHRISTMAS TIME with J-Lo's JENNY FROM THE BLOCK. If you wanna a check them out a coupla good sites are:

gohomeproductions.com

masmix.com

PILL POPPERS WHO ARE VISITING ENGLAND ALERT: Paramol is sold over the counter. It's a pain killer with tiny amounts of codeine and will have you gliding. Highly recommended for long shifts in heels. I've never tried heroine--despite my mom's constant offering of her stash--but I can see why it's so addictive.

I love my job! I've had some really fun gigs lately, including djing at a bar mitvah at the gorgeous Angel Orensanz foundation this past Saturday. Quite a different vibe from the UNCUT night at Stonewall, but hey, I like a little HAVA NAGILAH from time to time. The folks hiring me couldn't be nicer, and their 13 year old boy floored me by requesting The Grateful Dead, Led Zeppellin's BLACK DOG, and Bob Marley. And here I am thinking that young kids have no taste for older music--this earnest young gentleman certainly did. Of course I didn't have any of his requests except ROCK LOBSTER, but you should have seen those kids enthusiastically hit the floor during the "DOWN, DOWN, DOWN" section. Adorable. And toddlers were running through the smoke machine's clouds squealing--I guess they don't normally hang out in clubs so it was all new to them. They also weren't aware of how bitter djs generally are, so once they realized that I took requests, they started coming fast and furious. "Go to DJj school!" "Go home!" and "Commit suicide!" are a few requests I remember.

The Manhattan Swing Band played and were amazing. It turned out I knew the singer, Mitch Matlock, from the Winter Music Conference. This showstopper with a powerhouse voice like Thelma Houston has sung back-up for Miss Keys, Mary J. and with Barbara Tucker on the club smash BEAUTFUL PEOPLE. I looked down and she had on one sneaker and one pump. Having broken my toe this summer, I recognized the look--someone suggested that I wear one stilletto and one flat while recuperating. I asked her if she was opening with GET ON THE GOOD FOOT, AIN'T NO HALF-STEPPIN' or HOW CAN I EASE THE PAIN? Turns out Mitch was just in the middle of changing into her show shoes.

I also love my blog. Writing it has been cathartic for me because it forced me to articulate my opinions which until now, I've only bored friends with in spoken form. I also love the stuff you forward and reading your comments--and yes even the feud between duelling divas Star Queen and Bodega Vendetta--and feel that I have managed to attract some interesting, intelligent and witty people to the site. I howled over the debate spawned by the CATCHING BIRD FLU picture I posted, which received the most comments in recent months. Were the birds flying in or out of my "vagina"? Completely preposterous and it cracked me up.

October 16, 2005
CATCHING BIRD FLU

IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE
posted by Lady Bunny at Sunday, October 16, 2005
13 Comments:

Pollyfilla said...
Tippi Hedren - a - go go!!!

8:04 PM
Richard John said...
Are you a drag queen or have you had a sex change?

Sorry if not I'm not trying to be offensive, just wondering.

10:18 AM
Anonymous said...
weren't you afraid one of the birds would get stuck in your hair, or even worse pull it off or poop on it??????

3:57 PM
Mike Degen said...
Were you trying to remove the birds from your vagina?

5:06 PM
Lady Bunny said...
Richard--I'm a drag queen and no offense taken.

Mike--I was trying to keep the birds IN my vagina! --B

5:28 PM
naoko said...
The birds look like all running away from your vagina. Why???

10:40 PM
Raci and Eddi said...
Richard, Bunny is a cherished Drag Deity!

10:47 PM
Raci and Eddi said...
This post has been removed by the author.

10:48 PM
Raci and Eddi said...
Naoka, the birds are afraid of being chewed up. It's a VICIOUS vagina. Kinda like a power chipper.

10:49 PM
Lady Bunny said...
I give you bums fine art photos and you focus on my "vagina"? What would my father do in in such a crisis? --B

3:02 AM
Dad said...
Its about time you cleaned out that thing!

So... what are you doing friday?

12:47 PM
Anonymous said...
All these years I never realized the cooing was coming from your cooter! Bats in the belfry and pigeons in the punana. Bless.

6:21 PM
PHILLIP RAMIREZ said...
These Pigeons are from Bunnies private well trained homing Dept. and she is sending them to the white house to inform them that the new "commander in chief" should be the illustrious drag Diva from New York our "Lady Bunny" herself!

10:42 PM


Y'ALL IS CRAZY! Better run! I'm off to luncheon with a german drag named Gloria and in effiecient Deutschland, even the drag qveens are punctual!

BACHARACH'S BACK!

Peace songs by the legendary composer with Elvis Costello on vox and a hip-hop beat?

Thu Oct 20, 8:15 AM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) - It could be just what the world needs now -- Burt Bacharach writing lyrics.

The legendary, 77-year-old composer has found his voice in a politically charged album "At This Time" that features his first lyrics ever in a nearly 50-year career creating some of pop music's best-known love songs.

"You could say, 'How does a guy who has written love songs his entire life suddenly decide to rock the boat?"' Bacharach says about the album that will be released internationally on October 24, with a U.S. release on November 1.

"I had to do it. This is very personal to me," he said of his first solo album in 15 years.

Challenged by his producer to take risks, Bacharach responded with songs set to hip-hop beats with lyrics, co-written with Tonio K., expressing nostalgia over bygone days and frustration with U.S. political leaders.

Bacharach, an icon of swinging 1960s sophistication and winner of three Oscars and six Grammys, poured out catchy music for over 50 Top 40 hits including "What The World Needs Now Is Love," "Walk On By," "Make It Easy On Yourself" and "Alfie."

He had left the words to his collaborators, most notably Hal David and his own former wife, Carole Bayer Sager.

With young children, Oliver, 12, and Raleigh, 9, from his fourth marriage, and college-aged son Cristopher from his union with Sager on his mind, Bacharach said he was inspired to speak out.

"I thought that I had to speak lyrically this time as well as musically," he told Reuters, sitting in an easy chair in a Park Avenue hotel suite. "I thought that was very important because I couldn't have somebody else write these lyrics."

Bacharach's words may not match the quality of his music, with urbane melodies and orchestrations that mark this work and his past triumphs. Yet the lyrics are heartfelt and direct.

"As I wrote, I wrote musically. Then I started hearing words. These were things I heard, they grew out of the music," he said.

Vocalists on the album include Elvis Costello and Rufus Wainwright. Rap impresario Dr. Dre provided some drum loops.

"It's very streety, as streety as I can make it," Bacharach said about the hip-hop influence.

'STOP THE CLOCK'

Titles include the opening track, "Please Explain," that laments "Where is the love, where did it go;" the second cut, "Where Did It Go?" urges "Stop the clock, make it stop. Where is that world, where did it go?" and the most stridently political number, "Who Are These People?" sung by Costello.

That song, expressing disillusionment with the war in Iraq, forcefully asks, "Who are these people that keep telling us lies and how did these people get control of our lives and who'll stop the violence 'cause it's out of control? Make 'em stop."

"Stuff just kept going more wrong and more wrong here as I was writing," explained Bacharach, still looking youthful in a blue sweat suit accentuating his bright blue eyes.

Bacharach, who projected an image of the Hollywood good life in the 1960s and '70s during his marriage to glamorous actress Angie Dickinson, told of a political turning point that sparked his anger.

"I heard (then U.S. Secretary of State) Colin Powell tell the United Nations there are weapons of mass destruction. I totally believed him. I love this guy. He's like a hero. This was such a bad, bad blemish mark on his life, that he was so wronged.

"Then we go into Iraq. It looked like the heroic, right thing to do. It was the wrong thing to do. There was fabricated information. There are no weapons of mass destruction."

During the throes of 1960s antiwar activism, Bacharach was a political bystander.

"I never was a political person in my life. I wrote songs during Vietnam, not about Vietnam. I was just writing love songs. Leading my own life in my own insulated world."

Bacharach branched out musically, writing film scores for "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" (1969), which had the hit "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head," and the 1981 movie "Arthur" which also featured a hit song.

In recent years, Bacharach teamed up with other artists. His 1998 collaboration with Costello, "Painted From Memory," earned him a Grammy for "I Still Have That Other Girl." In 2003 he hit Billboard's top R&B/Hip-Hop album chart with an album he made of his songs sung by Ronald Isley.

In the new CD, Bacharach sings about his personal reflections on "Where Did It Go?"

"It's not like your normal, 'I am angry, I protest' song. There's a groove going on. It's kind of cookin' along on a nice groove. And I'm saying like 'Wow' in the middle, a little bit of a surprise for a statement I wanted to make. It became very heartfelt," said Bacharach, who said he cried doing the vocal.

"Who knows how this will be accepted or not accepted," he said. "Is it the best album I've ever done? Maybe.

"I hope it has the impact of making some people think and feel. Because I do believe a lot of music that's out there is like ear candy and you don't necessarily feel too much."

SUCK THE MAGIC DRAGON

MIERS MAKEOVER

A team of 20 has been hired to re-launch Bush's Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers to make her more acceptable to the public. I guess they didn't consider aligning her abortion policies with the 21st century or getting her to tell the truth about the business interests she omitted in her questionnaire, but as a measure of goodwill towards the troubled republican party, I thought I'd offer a couple of helpful hints based purely on her looks.

Ditch those Mamie Eisenhower bangs. Yes, I know I've sported them in the wee hours of several drunken mornings when my wig slips back a few inches, but what's your excuse, Scarriet? The shorty bang is normally reserved for retards, medieval oafs with bowl cuts and kids whose parents want their hair stay out of their eyes.

And speaking of eyes? What's with that thick liquid eyeliner? I'm glad you are painting heavily, but eyeliner that drag-queeny needs a similarly heavy lip, rouge and false eyelashes. And a little lash would really help turn up those sad, down-turned eyes.

Get some rest. Being thrust into the national spotlight with your big promotion on the line must be nerve-wracking. But what an opportunity! You have a real chance at helping Bush fuck up our lives with his backward policies--even long after he's crawled out of the White House with his tail between his legs. Dumplin', you look tired. How about a relaxing vacation? May I suggest an extensive tour of Chinese, Turkish and Romanian bird farms? Or how about throwing on a long blond wig and partying down in Aruba? Hiking in Pakistan, perhaps? Or how about a thrilling hunt for the eye of hurricane Wilma?

Happy to help, sweetness!

In fairness, I will say that huffingtonpost.com must search for the most unflattering photos. Check out these shots of Delay with his 70's newscaster hair blowing in the wind and of our nation's leaders looking fat, sad and defeated. Hee hee! Kick 'em while they're down, why doncha!

POWELL AIDE BLASTS BUSH & CO

from The Financial Times

Cheney 'cabal' hijacked US foreign policy by Edward Alden in Washington October 20 2005

Vice-President Dick Cheney and a handful of others had hijacked the government's foreign policy apparatus, deciding in secret to carry out policies that had left the US weaker and more isolated in the world, the top aide to former Secretary of State Colin Powell claimed on Wednesday.

In a scathing attack on the record of President George W. Bush, Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson, chief of staff to Mr Powell until last January, said: “What I saw was a cabal between the vice-president of the United States, Richard Cheney, and the secretary of defense, Donald Rumsfeld, on critical issues that made decisions that the bureaucracy did not know were being made.

“Now it is paying the consequences of making those decisions in secret, but far more telling to me is America is paying the consequences.”

Mr Wilkerson said such secret decision-making was responsible for mistakes such as the long refusal to engage with North Korea or to back European efforts on Iran.

It also resulted in bitter battles in the administration among those excluded from the decisions.

“If you're not prepared to stop the feuding elements in the bureaucracy as they carry out your decisions, you are courting disaster. And I would say that we have courted disaster in Iraq, in North Korea, in Iran.”

The comments, made at the New America Foundation, a Washington think-tank, were the harshest attack on the administration by a former senior official since criticisms by Richard Clarke, former White House terrorism czar, and Paul O'Neill, former Treasury secretary, early last year.

Mr Wilkerson said his decision to go public had led to a personal falling out with Mr Powell, whom he served for 16 years at the Pentagon and the State Department.

“He's not happy with my speaking out because, and I admire this in him, he is the world's most loyal soldier."

Among his other charges:

■ The detainee abuse at Abu Ghraib and elsewhere was “a concrete example” of the decision-making problem, with the president and other top officials in effect giving the green light to soldiers to abuse detainees. “You don't have this kind of pervasive attitude out there unless you've condoned it.”

■ Condoleezza Rice, the former national security adviser and now secretary of state, was “part of the problem”. Instead of ensuring that Mr Bush received the best possible advice, “she would side with the president to build her intimacy with the president”.

■ The military, particularly the army and marine corps, is overstretched and demoralised. Officers, Mr Wilkerson claimed, “start voting with their feet, as they did in Vietnam. . . and all of a sudden your military begins to unravel”.

Mr Wilkerson said former president George H.W. Bush “one of the finest presidents we have ever had” understood how to make foreign policy work. In contrast, he said, his son was “not versed in international relations and not too much interested in them either”.

“There's a vast difference between the way George H.W. Bush dealt with major challenges, some of the greatest challenges at the end of the 20th century, and effected positive results in my view, and the way we conduct diplomacy today.”

BERLINDA SIMPSON?

Just arrived in Boylin, Germany and was shocked to discover Linda Simpson's fetching-as in "Fetch, Rover!"--mug plastered all over the city. Looks like she's been appearing here for a few centuries and has really developed a loyal following. Too bad that hasn't happened in NYC, where she lives!



That's the stunning German dome of the Gendarmenmarkt in the background. Look out! This bitch now has a camera and will be taking it to Hustlaball on Friday night to hopefully snap pix of lotsa international studs! But I'm sure you'd rather see Linda! Don't know who she is? Check out the site of her hysterical drag 'zine My Comrade at: mycomrade.com

HURRICANE SURVIVAL KIT

With global warming wreaking havoc on the weather, we can expect more and worse storms. Are you prepared?

HURRICANE SURVIVAL KIT

Toilet Paper.................................check
Bud Light....................................check
Keystone Ice...............................check
Budweiser...................................check
Red Dog.....................................check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol........check
Piece of plywood to float your chick and booze on ...check

Hopefully, we can all be more prepared next time.

BRINI'S GOT A NEW SITE!

And it's beee-autiful, so do pop by and visit her today. Miss Maxwell's a simply divoon hostess! I wish I had a little more of that clean gene. My idea of Spring cleaning is throwing away the Thanksgiving dishes. And my place is really a mess right now. I came home from London to discover that my apartment was flooded. I guess I forgot to clean up that vomit and diarrhea before I left. And the rats all in it! I've got to remember to chew better.

Anyhoo, slim, demure and understated, Brini and I are almost exact opposites, but I always appreciate her exaggeratedly tasteful approach to drag. She's a frighteningly exact interpretation of an overaccheiving 60's homemaker, with the chic-est vintage looks ever! Like a young Martha Stewart--on steroids! So check out her site for info on her Style Network show, the dvd of the first season and her new book!

brinimaxwell.com

COSTUME IDEAS FOR GAY XMAS

Wonder Woman is actually my wig designer, Chris March. His site is gr8bighair.com