ON THE ROAD AGAIN

I'll be on the road until 11/5, and one of the benefits of travelling is that it forces you out of your habits. For example, I haven't blown any homeless men sucked off since I left town weeks ago! In addition, I took a break from watching the news while in London. The earthquake had just devastated Pakistan and India--now they're saying there's greater damage from the quakes than Katrina and it's getting cold there!--and I know this sounds shallow but it's true: I could not handle any more large scale tragedy after being glued to the telly for over a month watching Katrina and Rita. I do feel for the many victims but I also feel that I need a vacation from tragedy. So I turned off the news and covered all my mirrors!

This allowed me to quit railing against the world and focus on some things that I actually like.

I LOVE Alicia Keys new song UNBREAKABLE. Spell-binding chords kick it off and then Miss Keys does a cute name-check of famous couples like Oprah and Sted-woman. I worship Alicia. She's unbelievably gorgeous,sexy and talented with a hot style that you can't help but feel emanates from her personality, not whatever some stylist plucks out. And she writes and plays her own music--seeing her jam on her Unplugged concert (which UNBREAKABLE is from), you know that she loves performing and is just a super-talent jamming onstage with back-up singers who clearly love her! It's a joy to see. I may have o buy the dvd. She's the antidote to the empty-headed, can't-write-a-note, pre-packaged, overly-choreographed, mass-marketed bimbos like Britney. Sing this. Wear this. Move this way. Now that way. It's not an artist, it's robot!

Of course, you can coast on your looks if you're hot enough. Saw that Charlize Thieron on Larry King last night. Can someone please explain his appeal? He's like the nerdy dullard you try to ditch at a party--not witty or clever and he's a card-carrying republican who changes the subject whenever a guest slams Bush. Plus, the so-called "King of Talk" launched the career of shrewish legal expert Nancy Grace by having her as a frequent guest during the hunt for Natalee Holloway. But Charlize! She is an all-American goddess. The refinement of Grace Kelly with a more bewitching, slanted eye. She has so many looks! I've never even seen one of her films but was impressed that she gained 30 pounds for that one role. I did that too once, but I never got the part and never lost the weight back.

Don't you think Charlize could play the hell out of DARK SHADOWS' Angelique?



I had to giggle at Saddam's day in court. His defense? "Who are you?" to the judge! Claiming he's still president, the former dictator refused to acknowledge a court which he'd never appointed. This reminds me of Michael Alig's KING AND QUEEN OF NEW YORK pageants in the 80's. I was the first queen and in mock-delusion, my last "proclamation" was to render the appointment of all future queens null and void. Of course the title meant nothing so the decree meant nothing, but it did kind of irk subsequent queens (like RuPaul, my roommate at the time) when I constantly, obnoxiously reminded them of it.)

You're like, "Oh. Comparing herself to Saddam Hussein is what this fool does in it's happier moments on vacation?" Well, though not a fan of his work, I do admire Saddam's insane magnetism. He was manhandled by security guards on the way out but jerked himself free and stared them down, leaving unescorted. STARED THEM DOWN? No weapons needed. Incredible.

I love how horny NYC is. I got back from London and performed that night at Stonewall, leaving about 3:00 am. I decided to walk home, and even on a rainy night, I was beating off the studs all the way home. I'm not bragging cuz I don't attribute this to any special powers of attraction on my part, but especially after 11 days with reserved Londoners, I was delighted to be back home at Dick Central. Within a block of leaving the club, a cute black homeboy walked past me and asked, from underneath his hooded parka, if I had a big dick. Thinking I'd misheard him I said "Hungh?" and he repeated the question. I asked him if he had a big dick, but decided to pass cuz he took too long to answer! See how I am!

Then a young mexican cutie started walking beside me trying to strike up a conversation as he walked beside me, though he spoke NO english whatsoever. I was really not in the mood, so I tried to repeating "SOLO". He asked if I was going to "mi casa" and I tried communicating that I was going alone, but realized afterwards I'd been saying "Vamanos solo" which means "Let us go alone." As if the drag wasn't sending enough mixed messages! Chuckling at the ridiculousness of the situation, especially after plucking no trade in London, a young puerto rican guy then pulled up in a snazzy car and turned the light on to show that he was playing with himself for my approval! Feast or famine! My waistline will tell you that I rarely pick the latter. And all this after opening a club night named UNCUT.

Much has changed for the worse in NYC, but thank goodness the smokin' NYC guys still have that "I'm interested, you're interested, let's go" attitude.

I felt I could ignore politics for a minute cuz things look like they're finally turning against the republikkkans, with Bush's approval way down and Frist, Cheney and Rove under investigation. And Delay's busted! As one friend put it, Christmas in October! Here's the bastard's mug shot.



Of course this is heavily doctored. (Imagine doctoring a publicity photo! Unheard of! Ahem...) Here's the actual mug shot before photo-shop.



Aretha Franklin's THE ONLY THING THAT'S MISSIN' is a gem which will perk you up on your darkest day! Check it out, Tom.

DJ Robert Renk made me a compilation of popular mash-ups. I'm late in appreciating them though I did play the one with MILKSHAKE vox on top of MJ's BILLIE JEAN. They're big in trend-conscious England, and Mylo even had a # 1 with DR. PRESSURE/DROP THE PRESSURE, a mash-up of Gloria Estefan's DR. BEAT--and some groove I don't know. It totally works on the dancefloor and the video works in 80's video footage of when Gloria wasn't so muzak-y. (I've always thought she lost it after CONGA when she went cheesy with those awful ballads and then butchered Vickie Sue Robinson's (R.I.P.) whole catalogue--TURN THE BEAT AROUND and EVERLASTING LOVE.) Some mash-ups aren't as danceable but interesting to listen to. One crazily pairs a sample of SIMPLY HAVING A WONDEFRFUL CHRISTMAS TIME with J-Lo's JENNY FROM THE BLOCK. If you wanna a check them out a coupla good sites are:

gohomeproductions.com

masmix.com

PILL POPPERS WHO ARE VISITING ENGLAND ALERT: Paramol is sold over the counter. It's a pain killer with tiny amounts of codeine and will have you gliding. Highly recommended for long shifts in heels. I've never tried heroine--despite my mom's constant offering of her stash--but I can see why it's so addictive.

I love my job! I've had some really fun gigs lately, including djing at a bar mitvah at the gorgeous Angel Orensanz foundation this past Saturday. Quite a different vibe from the UNCUT night at Stonewall, but hey, I like a little HAVA NAGILAH from time to time. The folks hiring me couldn't be nicer, and their 13 year old boy floored me by requesting The Grateful Dead, Led Zeppellin's BLACK DOG, and Bob Marley. And here I am thinking that young kids have no taste for older music--this earnest young gentleman certainly did. Of course I didn't have any of his requests except ROCK LOBSTER, but you should have seen those kids enthusiastically hit the floor during the "DOWN, DOWN, DOWN" section. Adorable. And toddlers were running through the smoke machine's clouds squealing--I guess they don't normally hang out in clubs so it was all new to them. They also weren't aware of how bitter djs generally are, so once they realized that I took requests, they started coming fast and furious. "Go to DJj school!" "Go home!" and "Commit suicide!" are a few requests I remember.

The Manhattan Swing Band played and were amazing. It turned out I knew the singer, Mitch Matlock, from the Winter Music Conference. This showstopper with a powerhouse voice like Thelma Houston has sung back-up for Miss Keys, Mary J. and with Barbara Tucker on the club smash BEAUTFUL PEOPLE. I looked down and she had on one sneaker and one pump. Having broken my toe this summer, I recognized the look--someone suggested that I wear one stilletto and one flat while recuperating. I asked her if she was opening with GET ON THE GOOD FOOT, AIN'T NO HALF-STEPPIN' or HOW CAN I EASE THE PAIN? Turns out Mitch was just in the middle of changing into her show shoes.

I also love my blog. Writing it has been cathartic for me because it forced me to articulate my opinions which until now, I've only bored friends with in spoken form. I also love the stuff you forward and reading your comments--and yes even the feud between duelling divas Star Queen and Bodega Vendetta--and feel that I have managed to attract some interesting, intelligent and witty people to the site. I howled over the debate spawned by the CATCHING BIRD FLU picture I posted, which received the most comments in recent months. Were the birds flying in or out of my "vagina"? Completely preposterous and it cracked me up.

October 16, 2005
CATCHING BIRD FLU

IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE
posted by Lady Bunny at Sunday, October 16, 2005
13 Comments:

Pollyfilla said...
Tippi Hedren - a - go go!!!

8:04 PM
Richard John said...
Are you a drag queen or have you had a sex change?

Sorry if not I'm not trying to be offensive, just wondering.

10:18 AM
Anonymous said...
weren't you afraid one of the birds would get stuck in your hair, or even worse pull it off or poop on it??????

3:57 PM
Mike Degen said...
Were you trying to remove the birds from your vagina?

5:06 PM
Lady Bunny said...
Richard--I'm a drag queen and no offense taken.

Mike--I was trying to keep the birds IN my vagina! --B

5:28 PM
naoko said...
The birds look like all running away from your vagina. Why???

10:40 PM
Raci and Eddi said...
Richard, Bunny is a cherished Drag Deity!

10:47 PM
Raci and Eddi said...
This post has been removed by the author.

10:48 PM
Raci and Eddi said...
Naoka, the birds are afraid of being chewed up. It's a VICIOUS vagina. Kinda like a power chipper.

10:49 PM
Lady Bunny said...
I give you bums fine art photos and you focus on my "vagina"? What would my father do in in such a crisis? --B

3:02 AM
Dad said...
Its about time you cleaned out that thing!

So... what are you doing friday?

12:47 PM
Anonymous said...
All these years I never realized the cooing was coming from your cooter! Bats in the belfry and pigeons in the punana. Bless.

6:21 PM
PHILLIP RAMIREZ said...
These Pigeons are from Bunnies private well trained homing Dept. and she is sending them to the white house to inform them that the new "commander in chief" should be the illustrious drag Diva from New York our "Lady Bunny" herself!

10:42 PM


Y'ALL IS CRAZY! Better run! I'm off to luncheon with a german drag named Gloria and in effiecient Deutschland, even the drag qveens are punctual!