HAMDERSON COOPER

Anderson Cooper is CNN's new golden boy. He's cute, hip (for a newscaster) and rumored to be a closet case. He is the son of Gloria Vanderbilt, and after all--she had one of the best hairdos ever! And his slot even features edgy rock cuts and nutty humorous bits geared toward snaring the younger market.

Anderson gained popularity with his non-stop, supposedly hard-hitting coverage of Katrina. But how pathetic it was to see him on the beach bracing against Wilma's on CNN with some other guy who says something like "The sand is taking a layer of skin off." I was delighted to think of Florida women, fags, trannies, seniors and a metrosexuals risking their lives to run out into the storm for a free dermabrasion. I know I would, gurl! (I've got combination skin--it's a combination of pizza and sandpaper!) But we know what a storm looks like and CNN showed this "dramatic coverage" over and over again for 2 whole days. You know what? They'rere just trying to capitalize on the ratings jump Katrina gave them. CNN even revived the ominous Katrina theme song which I noticed they skipped using on Rita. Possibly to linking Katrina and Wilma in people's minds? I'm not impressed. If it's that fucking dangerous, go indoors. And if you really wanna do some hard-hitting coverage, investigate the link between the hurricanes' increased severity and global warming. Today's hurricane is named Beta. I think this is the first time we've had so many storms that we've had to use the Greek letter names. A signal to anyone with sense? Self-preservation kicking in leading to little investigation before you lose your life and home, perhaps? Oh, that's right! Don't worry about it. No need to think about it cuz Anderson has your back. I'm not suggesting "Don't cover Hurricane Wilma because it's not as serious as Katrina." I'm just suggesting that news is entertainment which relies on ratings and I don't want issues clouded by perceptions which the networks craft to boost their ratings. And that I'm a bitter hag.