OSCARS SCHMOSCARS!

Someone asked me if I wanted to host an Oscar party this year. I started off by saying that I hadn't seen many of the nominated flix so I wasn't sure that I was qualified to discuss them or the stars. But then I realized that I simply hate the Oscars. I don't need an award to help me decide which films I like. Nowadays, news programs regularly show the week's box office takes. I don't recall this happening when I was growing up. In what way is that news or appropriate unless it's Entertainment Tonight or some such fluff? But viewers must like the statistics cuz now every channel now includes them. Are people really so ignorant that they pick their movies by what is #1 at the box office or what wins an Oscar? Host Chris Rock made some interesting points in an EW interview, like calling the notion for giving awards to art "idiotic." I agree. He called the film SIDEWAYS a "vision" but called another film a "consensus", where 30 people agree on a concept based upon marketing research on what the most folks find appealing. And Tina Brown, who I don't hate like so many seem to, mentioned an interesting new book about Hollywood which claims that moguls are no longer interested in making good films since they've found other ways to make their $ like product placement and merchandising.

I admit that there are some cute gowns on display, but I actually think the Oscars lost their glamour when they stopped having them at night. Celebs in the daylight with sunglasses and evening gowns does not make a very glamorous entrance, dahlink!

FAYE DUNAWAY GETS REAL?!?

Trainwreck approaching! Make sure to catch the WB's new reality show STARLET, which premieres 3/8. Actresses will compete for a spot on One Tree Hill (whatever that is) and a management deal and the judges will include Vivica A. Fox and FAYE DUNAWAY!!??!!! It's difficult to believe that Faye would submit herself to reality ANYTHING, but I can't wait to see her newest surgical procedures! Plus, she is spouting complete nonsense from another time and place in press interviews which explain why she, one of Hollywood's last true screen goddesses and legendary monster bitch, is taking part in this hot mess. (Check out www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/a29665-2005jun22-html.) From Entertainment weekly--EW: Why do the show? DUNAWAY: One can't ignore what my friend (Donald Trump) has done. There's a fan base out there I'd like to reach, because I'm producing, writing and directing my first feature. EW: Is there a reality show you were a fan of coming into this? DUNAWAY: There's an AMERICAN IDOL parallel, I think. The model parallel is there.... I think she did a nice job, Tyra Banks. EW: Are you more of a Simon or Tyra? DUNAWAY: I have no idea. I don't watch those shows very much. EW: Do you think you're scary, or more of a nurtur-- DUNAWAY: No, I don't, next question. EW: What's the feature that you're working on? DUNAWAY: I really don't feel I want to speak anymore about it right now. EW: That's fine. I really appreciate you giv-- (Dunaway hangs up. Huh. I guess that means she's more of a Simon.)

I'm not a fan of reality TV--I consider "real" reality tv to be the footage of the dead American soldiers which the government does not allow the news to show--but at least they have been picking some truly entertaining nuts like Charo, Brigitte Nelson, Anna Nicole Smith and the Osborne clan. What I hate are the "ordinary people" reality shows, which feature fascinating topics like how the ordinary people's dates go or how many worms they can eat. But if you start with a truly extraordinary (if not extra-terrestial) personality like Faye, I'll tune in.

POO ON BUSH!

Police in Germany are hunting pranksters who have been sticking
miniature flag portraits of US President George W. Bush into piles of
dog poo in public parks. Josef Oettl, parks administrator for Bayreuth,
said: "This has been going on for about a year now, and there must be
2,000 to 3,000 piles of excrement that have been claimed during that
time." The series of incidents was originally thought to be some sort of
protest against the US-led invasion of Iraq. And then when it
continued it was thought to be a protest against President George W.
Bush's campaign for re-election. But it is still going on and the
police say they are completely baffled as to who is to blame. "We have
sent out extra patrols to try to catch whoever is doing this in the
act," said police spokesman Reiner Kuechler. "But frankly, we don't know
what we would do if we caught them red handed." Legal experts say there
is no law against using faeces as a flag stand and the federal
constitution is vague on the issue.

LOOK MA! I'M IN A PORNO MOVIE!

But don't worry, it's a non-sexual role as a glamorous extra in Michael Lucas's sexed-up take on DANGEROUS LIAISONS. Michael Musto, Amanda Lepore, Boy George and Rupaul were also typecast as glamorous stars ariving at a club scene. Ru cracked me up referring to his favorite porn titles A FIST NAMED WANDA and ANNIE GETS YOUR CUM. (How about a casting me in a remake of TRANNIE GETS YOUR CUM?) I am not so into porn, but I did purchase EDWARD PENIS-HANDS as a joke cuz I couldn't resist the cover, an EDWARD SCISSORHANDS take-off with two dildos grafted onto each of the star's hands and that ghoulish make-up. A real turn-on, right?

Musto wrote it up in the Voice: http://www.villagevoice.com/nyclife/0508,musto3,61328,15.html

More photos (Amanda LeWhore looked SENSATIONAL in a glittering, nude-colored get-up) at http://ambrel.net/shoot2005/0213-michaellucas/

"DISCO'S LASTING LEGACY" PANEL

Well, I was on my way to Lincoln center to catch a panel on Disco featuring Studio 54's pr goddess Carmen D'Alessio, sweetheart promoter Michael Fesco (Flamingo/Sea Tea), disco dj pioneer Nick Siano, Mel Cheren (of Paradise Garage/West End Records) and Chi Chi Valente of Jackie 60 fame (didn't know she did the door at the Mud Club!) and Kervyn Micheals, who made the dj culture film MAESTRO, which is NOT the one that interviewed me--that one is LIQUID VINYL! Writer David Noh made a charming moderator. Here are a few tidbits.

First Choice once performed at Studio 54 and entered through a specially built tiger's mouth brandishing switchblades--it's the "cutting up", sugar!--while singing DOUBLECROSS. "Love-stealin', double-dealin', two-timin', low-down son-of-a-gun!" Heaven! Why can't club promoters think of anything impressive like that today? The boring chi-chi dumps popular now have never dreamt of changing decor, much less costumes with switchblades. These bores make former uber-promoters Michael Alig and Suzanne Bartsch look like complete geniuses! They are too busy worrying about bottle service, which these panelists all booed. (And I ain't talkin' about a bottle of poppers, neither! God it used to be enough to sell you a few over-priced drinks--now you're pressured to buy a ridiculously-priced bottle for 10/15 times their retail value? I've brought plenty bottles to clubs before, but I didn't buy 'em there, ok?)

Nicky, who seems like such a hoot, mentioned that all the djs used to share records or if there were only a few left, purchase them for their dj friends. Now, he said, djs blot out the labels so that no other dj can scoop what they are playing. (I guess that's what happens when there is a much larger paycheck at stake.)

Someone mentioned the famous DISCO SUCKS movement when tons of disco records were burned at a football game. Why did straight guys react so strongly against disco? Nicky said that their wive/girlfriends would ditch the husbands (who couldn't dance) and go out with their gay friends (who could). So the poor straight guys felt left out. I think it also has to do with the essential fagginess of disco music's soaring strings, wild, hedonistic, latin percussion, grandiose crescendos and dramatic breakdowns. With the Village People and Sylvester topping the charts and queeny confections like LAST DANCE and IT'S RAINING MEN (written by Paul Jabbara, who did bridal drag on one of his album covers) ruling the dancefloors, the gay sensibility came so far to the fore that I think these straights wanted to smack it down. Then they could escape the swirling disco strings and black female vocalists and return to their pump-your-fists-in-the-air masculine, aggressive rock songs. I recall the palpable disappointment/betrayal of rock fans when even Kiss went disco with I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU. Of course, I will admit, as the panelists did, that when everything became disco disco disco, there were a lot of shitty jump-on-the-bandwagon disco records. DISCO DUCK was mentioned in this context.

A pig that was in a cage as part of an installation at Flamingo died due to the drugs that party-goers had shared with it. (Note to toay's party-goers: this HERE pig can handle her drugs so please share!)

In the disco days, djs "broke" records in the clubs and made them hits without mass-marketing, payola to radio, slick videos, etc. So you actually could experience music on the radio which was hand-picked by music-lovers, not the marketing exec's who see only $ signs. I know one multi-platinum recording artist from back then who claims that MTV killed music, cuz it placed the focus on how a song looked as opposed what the focus should be--how it fucking sounds. (Close your eyes during the next Britney or Enrique Iglesi-ass video to test this theory.)

This panel was in conjunction with the Lincoln Center Disco exhibit which featured outrageous costumes by Amii Stewart, Gloria Gaynor (Norma Kamali fringe!) and Labelle (Larry Legaspi!). I'm going back and will give you a full report. It's up until May 14th and she's free.

FUCK "THE GATES"--THAT'S WHAT I CALL ART!

And you can eat it too! I was on my way to Lincoln Center and popped over to Central Park to check out the famed "art installation" THE GATES and thought it poor. For once I have to agree with Andrea Peyser (the bitch from the NY Post) and say that it was ugly as hell. The (con) artists responsible for it call it's color saffron, but Andrea prefers "vomit orange". It's gotten very mixed reviews, and there was a general air of "Whatthefuckisthis?" (Or is there always that feeling in NYC? Or is "Whatthefuckisthis?" people's response to me personally, wherever I go? OK, that's one for the therapist.) One friend said they loved it because of the large scale of it and they were impressed that it took the artists 26 years to "realize their dream". But if something is ugly and not overly creative, then why does the size matter? (And you've never heard those words outa this size queen before!) And after seeing them, I now know why it took 26 years. I suppose any ornamentation is better than none, right? And I was told that if you made it into the center, it all made sense. But it was cold so I didn't!

GIVE SHARON STONE THE OSCAR!

I have never been a fan of Sharon's Stone's acting, yet her performance at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland brought me to tears. And it was totally unscripted, with no flattering lighting, no make-up artist and that she was still sporting that hacked dyke-y do she's worn for a decade. (Note to Sharon and Halle Berry--sex symbols don't wear secretary hair for a whole decade!) With the embarassed Tanzanian president looking on via video monitor, Sharon grabbed the mic and hijacked the conference by pledging $10,000 for mosquito nets (which guard against malaria infection) and urged anyone who cared to join her in contributing. The bitch raised $1,000,000 in 5 minutes! The Tanzanian president's shock and delight as this Hollywood queen stood up for him was a joy to behold. Of course, from the stage, the republican (sorry, I can't capitalize it republican) Senator Bill Frist tried to regain control of the event but Miss Stone was on the rampage. She kept repeating "today"--people are dying TODAY, they need our help TODAY, and who will join me TODAY, and wowed by her fire, one by one the stodgy businessmen stood up and pledged $. Brava to Stone for stealing that scene! Was it broadcast on the news here? I saw it on BBC World during a fun 7 hour layover at Charles de Gaulle.