Acid Reflux Redux--Poor Ashlee!

Now Ashlee Simpson is blaming her SNL lip-synch fiasco on a bad case of acid reflux. That must be going around, cuz Madonna, Janet Jackson, Britney Spears and J-Ho seemed to have pretty bad cases of it at all of their cuntcerts, too. Ashlee, I lip-synch in my own act, so I can forgive you for that, but wassup with that oom-pa-pa jig you poor-formed after you were goofed on SNL? Horrible! It was worse than her lip-synch.

Mary Kay

Call me a freak--I'm sure many of you already have--but I see the Mary Kay Le Tourneau's criminal under-age romance as sweet! As the genius S.O.S band once said, TAKE LOVE WHERE YOU FIND IT. It's love, dammit! And that sweet teenager Vili waited 7 years for that bitch to get out of jail! So stop "Vili-fying" them.That's true love, sugar! All the changes that boy must have gone through from the time they met, and he still wants her? And now he wants to support their kids and get married? That ain't puppy love, so quit doggin' em. When love is that perfect, you would have to ignore the laws of any land. I'm not suggesting that people should go out courting toddlers, but this gal obviously realized that despite his youth, this boy had the qualities which she wanted in a husband--and she was right to ignore laws, public opinion, or anything else which stood between them. It's not like Mary was a pedophile who regularly sought out underage nookie. I think it's touching, not scandalous.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating child molestation or being insensitive to the devastating, long-term effects it can have on it's victims, and rape is clearly wrong whatever your age. (And rape is never funny, unless you're being raped by a clown, that is!) But this was consensual sex between two loving, if different, people. I think it's a perfect example of a unique case which forces us to re-examine a long-standing taboo. And besides, I had sex before I came "of age". Did it screw ME up as a person? OK, bad example. Butcha know what I mean. And if you don't, feel free to post YOUR opinion on YOUR OWN site. Thiss'uns mine!

Cojo

Freaks Rejoice! A huge victory has been won for transgendered community with a regular transgendered male on it's very own regular segment on the TODAY SHOW alongside milque-toast Katie Couric, hunky Matt Lauer and a deflated Al Roker. I'm not sure if fashion gossip Steven "COJO" Cojacaru knows that he is transgendered, but he sure looks like it to me. Is s/he brushing his hair forward to hide fallen cheek implants? Methinks so. Miss Thing is ill! But you gotta hand it to this bitch, who is so popular that ads for his segments began weeks before they started and it's mug was even plastered on the sides of buses in NYC. See, there are still a few trannies workin' the streets of a sanitized NYC!

Marygate

I am trying to decipher the lunacy surrounding "Marygate". No, I don't mean the attitude-y queen who works the door at many large NYC gay clubs, but rather the non-controversy surrounding Kerry's reference to Dick Cheney's lesbian off-spring, Mary. It all started with a question at the last presidential debate "Do you believe homosexuality is a choice?". Kind of a weird question, since THAT was an issue a decade or two ago. The issue at hand NOW is gay marriage, so why not ask what the candidates about that? Anyway Bush's simple answer was "I don't know". (Unfortunately, "I don't know" would also have to be Bush's answer to "How do you spell Iraq?" and "What is 2 + 2?" and "Is Cheney human?")

But Kerry made an example of Cheney's lesbian daughter Mary, saying he felt she's being "who she was born as". Then the controversy began. Having lost all 3 debates and seeing the gap in the polls between the 2 candidates closing, the republicans began a desperate, senseless (though inexplicably effective) spin to distract voters from Kerry's more solid vision for the nation. Lynne Cheney lashed out against Kerry with "this is not a good man" and republicans cried foul because Mary was a "private person", even though she works for her father's very public campaign! Kerry then issued a typically mealy-mouthed statement to patch things up. At least some newscasters brought up the fact that in the vp debate, Cheney had thanked John Edwards after the senator mentioned the fact that Mary was gay, so this should NOT be creating fireworks now.

But what really makes Mary Cheney fair game for discussion is that just by existing, she clearly demonstrates the heartlessness of the republican position on gay marriage. While professing to love her, Cheney would deny his own flesh and blood the right to marry! Unfortunately, the core of the issue got lost, again, in the spin. And it's the republican's typical game of manufactured outrage over nothing to cloud the real issues. We've seen this when newscasters ask democrats (usually in a mildly shocked tone) questions like "Are you suggesting that President Bush would send American troops to their deaths needlessly in an unjustified war?". Well, what is worse, SUGGESTING that he sent them, or actually SENDING THEM??!!! Here's an example in drag terms: RuPaul tells me "Bitch! You stole my eyeliner!" and I answer "I can't believe you would accuse me of that, sista-gurl!" to shift the guilt to her for daring to accuse me---INSTEAD OF ANSWERING HER ACCUSATION with "I have my own eyeliner--and here it is as proof", "I don't wear your cheap brand, hooker!", or "Are you on crack again, beeyotch?", etc. And when it comes to gay marriage, make no mistake that the real issue is that Bush was so scared by the recent inroads towards legalizing gay unions in California, Massachusetts and New Paltz, NY , that he has proposed a constitutional amendment to ban it--a measure which even many of his fellow republicans denounced as extreme and unnecessary.

And speaking of unnecessary, for a giggle, please check out an excerpt of Lynne Cheney's hilariously schmaltzy, soft-porn novel SISTERS from 1981 (http://www.whitehouse.org/administration/sisters.asp) with a bi-sexual heroine. Here's a sample: "The young woman was heavily powdered, but quite attractive, a curvesome creature, rounded at bosom and cheek. When she smiled, even her teeth seemed puffed and rounded, like tiny ivory pillows." Yucch! Since when do dykes (or anyone else, for that matter) get turned on by puffy pillow-teeth? Elizabeth Edwards said in a radio address that Kerry's mention of Mary shouldn't be causing such outrage, unless the Cheneys were ashamed of their daughter's sexuality. This rotten book by Mary's mom suggests that perhaps they are ashamed of it's author's homosexual tendencies too. As well as her bestiality, cuz that Dick Cheney is a toad!

Something "Fishy" about Basil Twist's Symphonie Fantastique

When your birth name is as nutty as Basil Twist, you may want to consider puppetry as a career. And after seeing Basil's SYMPHONIE FANTASTIQUE at The Dodger Stages, I'm so glad he did. Set to Berlioz's--no honey, I didn't know who he was either!--symphony of the same name, aquatic puppets dance and swirl insde a 1,000 gallon fish tank to the dramatic, explosive movements--that kinda sounds like the bowel movements you have after eating curry--with such a creative use of textures, lighting and "choreography" that the mind is truly boggled! (A joint helps.) I'll tell you one thing--I will never wash my hose out in the tub the same way again! Now I put on a classical cd, make a grande entrance into the salle de bain and whisk away the sweat, urine, knee-dirt, vomit and cum in an artful, fanciful style! (Oh, did I forget gerbil-juice?) I went with San Francisco drag legend Heklina of Trannyshack, who was in town shooting the new Scissor Sisters video which, by some freak-ish oversight, I wasn't contacted about appearing in. (Maybe they were only featuring busted booger-queens, which would explain why Mona Foote was also cast.) Anyhoo, at one point during the SYMPHONIE, the lights were dimmed for a set change. When they came back up, the audience discovered that I was so moved by Basil's craft, that this old ham was attempting to "get in on the act" by wiggling my sweater high in the air for a few short but very important seconds. Needless to say, Heklina and I convulsed with laughter for 10 solid minutes at my pathetic attempt to help out my friend's show with my very own "flair".

The show reminded me of Chattanooga, Tennessee, where I grew up. There's a famous aquarium there, and I recall visiting it and causing quite a sensation. I'm sure you're all thinking "Bunny, you're so modest! I'm sure you cause a sensation wherever it is that you go."

Check out www.basiltwist.com.

Go Out and Buy Jill Scott's New Album, Beautifully Human!

No, don't burn a copy from a friend. Don't download it for free. Buy her. Give this girl every penny she deserves for this fab cd. I jumped when I saw her video air on MTV2. The first single, GOLDEN, takes Jill back to the same winning formula of A LONG WALK on her last album: a pretty, happy, ample goddess strolling through the hood with a smile for everyone she passes. (Of course, a passing mean spirit inside of me wanted to parody the video and depict Jill taking a long walk with so many stops at fast food joints that she is loaded up with McDonald's and Burger King bags and her face smeared with ketchup and crumbs by the time she makes it home, but I came to my senses.) Jill is just so damned appealing! She sounds like she is singing with a smile, and she gives you one, too. Especially on GOLDEN, which pairs an upbeat hip-hop/jazz groove, stankin' funky-ass bassline and positive message about appreciating the life you have--which is so fitting in these sad times when just turning on the news can sour your mood.

Jill's lovely instrument is both playful and emotive, and her melodies often meander along creating so many different hooks that she doesn't always have to rely on traditional song structure or even rhymes. Very unusual harmonies. She really connects with her listener, making you giggle when she has to calm herself down when singing on BEDDA AT HOME about a man who really turns her own. Or getting your toe tapping to the neo-soul big band number TALK TO ME. Or making you reminisce about yours during the rambling, adorable FAMILY REUNION. Or raking you over the coals with the sad tale of RASOOL, a drug dealing friend who gets shot. I defy you not to cry when cut hearing this last cut. Really powerful.

And to use a very over-used expression which seems to usually mean nothing, Jill "keeps it real". You feel that you are listening to an album artist of stature who has something to say besides "Let me write something which sells". So she's not afraid to veer into odd lyrical choices like the goddess-y "I am not afraid to create my queendom" or the down-home "But somebody turned Frankie Beverly on the stereo/ Cousin Ruby starts rockin'/ Shakin' her good hip and body". Not many people can sing lyrics like "I want fresh foods, clean water" and sound cool. I even like her excursions into spoken word, which is not my fav genre by any means. A couple more upbeat tracks would have equalled perfection. But Jill has cemented my initial opinion of her as a lady who I will be listening to for years.

"You're the kind that turns my head and makes me look, wooh, wooh,wooh You're the kind that makes me pull single dollars out my pocket-book, ooh baby Your sexiness and vivacity make me wanna cook my favorite recipe and place it on the table, baby* You're intoxicating and so divine you're the kind who stays on a sister's mind and I know you'll think this is crazy but...

I-I-I-I-I-I got something bedda at home." Excerpt from BEDDA AT HOME

*And probably eat it all yourself! (Sorry, couldn't help myself!)

Check Out Madge Weinstein's "Cuntsession" Speech!

Go to http://insanefilms.com. It's much more relevant (and funnier) than Kerry's dull concession.

R.I.P. Izora

A hearty goodbye to Izora Rhodes Armstead, better known as one half of the Weather Girls, whose early 80's smash IT'S RAINING MEN became the ultimate fag anthem. She and uber-diva Martha Wash began as Sylvester's back-up singers. You may remember that stop in the music during DANCE (DISCO HEAT) when Izora bellows "Get on your feet and dance to the beat and dance!"--certainly one of disco's most stirring vocal performances in just that one line. She and Martha went on to record a couple of albums as the Two Tons of Fun, which yielded downtempo underground classics like JUST US, I'VE BEEN DOWN and NEVER LIKE THIS, as well as the insane uptempo DO YOU WANNA BOOGIE, HUH? which was remixed by MAW a few years ago and they just looped Izora's verse--it's so strong that you WANT to hear it twice! Now we all know that Martha's voice is heavenly and almost impossible to compete with, but when Izora blew---watch out, now! Izora lived out her final years in Germany, still recording. The fab cd shoppe in San Francisco (Medium Rare Records) sold me a recent album of disco covers by Izora and her daughter.
And you just have to give points to anyone of Izora's size who covers AIN'T GONE BUMP NO MORE (WITH NO BIG FAT WOMAN)! Attention, Flotilla Debarge and Suggapie Koko! You finally have a new lip-synch number! Izora, you will be missed! With the queenius Sylvester and you both gone, Martha will just have to CARRY ON!