June 04, 2010


Want those seductive "Hollywood" plumped up lips but can't afford costly collagen injections? Here's a way to achieve the same results for free!

Place a personal ad on Craigslist.org. To ensure plenty of responses use a 10 year old photo which is heavily photoshopped. (For maximum results, use ...a photo of someone else who is more attractive.) Suck 5 black c@cks. Or 10 white ones. Or 20 asian ones. Make sure to really wrap your lips around your teeth so that the boner is grinding the delicate lip tissue into your dentures. Wake up the next morning and VOILA, you're poutier than a trout without spending one thin dime.

Trust me--I tried this last night and it works wonders! Repeat procedure nightly or you'll quickly revert to your natural grim white trash snapping turtle razor lips.

Oh! And if your teeth are bleached as mine are, those curly black pubic hairs in your teeth are going to be extra noticeable. Well, I have a solution for that, too! State in your ad that you are seeking only men over 70 years old. Their grey pubic hair is much less likely to spoil your sparkling smile.