PUN INTENDED
Alexandra Von Raisin sent me these dreadfully corny puns. GET READY TO CRINGE AND GROAN!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"!
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't – I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"!
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't – I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
posted by Lady Bunny at Wednesday, May 10, 2006
11 Comments:
Well, let's us see here, hun, with the exception of the familiar "one was a salted bit", number one through six really did make me laugh out loud, oh, sorry, for Bunny's vistors who only speak chatese, LOL, but the rest got progressively wurst.
Number nine was alright but, i'd drop the "either" and just leave it at "nothing to look at"
"Seen Juan, seen Ahmal" and Ghandi were clever but too verbose to elicit and shnort-n-shnikle out of this Gag Harbor Gal.
Any hope of seeing a Bunion style Laugh In tribute featuring any of these?
And it's off the topic but what the hell, I recently read where Bun referred to itself as clown drag or something along them lines and something about how no one would read her blog if it was "nice" and I just want to say that I have always considered the "Lady" Bunny as a knock out fashion plate with style and wit to beat all and I'm hooked. I don't care if you started posting pussycake recipes only, I'd always stop in to see what's going on in the world of the one and only Lady Bunny, naughty or nice.
Seismologists captured by a tribe of cannibals but spared because the cannibals were waiting for meteorologists.
I still love that one about Ron will have the fish as well
Yes, that's right, Tuna
And they can wear paper sacks on their faces to protect the innocent onlookers, work!
OK, OK, these jokes are HILARIOUS! Thanks for the laughs!! One for the road- Hilarious I tell ya!
Great article! Thanks.
Thanks for interesting article.
Nice Blog!
Thank You! Very interesting article. Do you can write anything else about it?
Very interesting site. Blog is very good. I am happy that I think the same!
Excellent website. Good work. Very useful. I will bookmark!
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