SOME GOOD NEWS IN W. VA
The U.S. Mint is recalling 120 million new State Quarters issued commemorating the State of West Virginia. Apparently the unique design of two dimes and a nickel held together with duct tape was jamming vending machines and parking meters.
Officials say a new quarter will be issued in the standard format, using the second place finalist from the design competition. The new coin will have the familiar view of a pickup truck on cinder blocks on the front lawn of the state capital building. And the flip side will be modified to have the eagle with a bandage on its wing under the motto "WARNING: IF YOU SEE THIS BIRD, DO NOT SHOOT IT!"
In response, a southern reader who must not realize that I, myself, hail from Chattaboogie, Tennessee, sent in this
REDNECK CHALLENGE
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and we challenge any so-called "smart" Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is
16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya.... There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece....
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
Officials say a new quarter will be issued in the standard format, using the second place finalist from the design competition. The new coin will have the familiar view of a pickup truck on cinder blocks on the front lawn of the state capital building. And the flip side will be modified to have the eagle with a bandage on its wing under the motto "WARNING: IF YOU SEE THIS BIRD, DO NOT SHOOT IT!"
In response, a southern reader who must not realize that I, myself, hail from Chattaboogie, Tennessee, sent in this
REDNECK CHALLENGE
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and we challenge any so-called "smart" Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is
16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya.... There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece....
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
posted by Lady Bunny at Saturday, January 07, 2006
2 Comments:
scary, I new all the answers to that quiz. I just rote them down on a sheet of toilet patper with my Hooters ball point pen.
It is true, I went home to trick with Bunny's Dad one night here in Chattabooger and saw Bunion's high school graduation pix on the wall. -She looked just like Barbara Eden back then.
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