INTERVIEW WITH JACKIE BEAT

One of the funniest people I've ever met, Jackie interviewed me for In Weekly magazine in conjunction with my appearance at Pride. I am so glad they printed the really retarded stuff! Having lunch with Jackie and East Village legend Ebony Jett tomorrow!

Mothers, lock up your sons! The towering, gorgeous Southern peach with an oral fixation known as The Lady Bunny is once again blowing into town! Best known for her many TV credits (America's Most Wanted, Cops, What Not To Wear), Bunny is coming to the city of angels to help us celebrate Pride de la Gay. I'm not sure why CSW has to fly in drag talent since I live right down the street, but I'm not bitter. I spoke to Bun-Bun through a little speaker box and a thick piece of PlexiGlas as she once again waited for her business manager to post bail.

JACKIE BEAT: First off, welcome back to beautiful Los Angeles! Tell us what you specifically enjoy about the West Coast.

LADY BUNNY: Well, I just love hanging out with all my L.A. sister-girlfriend drag queens! They're such ego boosters! Chi Chi LaRue aka He-She Magoo makes me feel so slim, Vagi-Mule Davis makes me feel petite, Mister Roma makes my makeup seem understated, Candy Ass and Jazzmine make me appear so sober, Alexis Arquette makes me look real, Holly Woodlawn makes me look like a schoolgirl, and you, Jackie, make me seem so fresh-smelling!

Tell us what Gay Pride means to you. And what was it like being at the original Stonewall Riots? (note to readers: Lady Bunny was celebrating her 40th birthday on that historical night in 1969!)

Well of course I could never forget my 40th birthday which coincided with the historic Stonewall riots! Aside from the landmark events of that evening, a touching personal story unfolded. Celebrating in a sex club after all the madness of Stonewall, I noticed an 80-year-old obviously homeless sexpig who was chained into a bathtub imploring the clubgoers to urinate and defecate in his scabby mouth. Not attractive in any way and morbidly obese, the poor fellow was attracting little attention so he began insulting the clubs patrons with such an insane barrage of gibberish that I approached him and helped him out of the tub. (I wanted to get in it.) I took him aside and asked, "Why are you talking so much shit?" He quipped "I eat shit so I talk shit." Laughing, I told him to stop debasing himself in this manner and to take advantage of his gift of gab and develop his natural comedic skills as a career. And whadaya know -- that hideous, ancient, obese sexpig went on to become Jackie Beat. (Though he never took my advice about developing his comic skills.) But seriously, Gay Pride day is a great moment when we all band together and get laid and wasted, er, I mean reaffirm our gay agenda. But I think we need to push our agenda more than once a year. The fantastic spirit of pride that day should swell our hearts as well as our sexual organs and livers. We need to harness that spirit and keep it going year round until we can get married and anything else we deserve.

You're a singer, dancer, actress, writer, DJ, and prostitute. Is there anything you can't do -- other than a halfway decent makeup job, obviously?

Yes. I can't comprehend your act or "look," Jackie.

The blog on your Web site (www.ladybunny.net) is hysterical. What inspires you to "go off" on a particular subject?

Nuts forward me retarded e-mails and links all the time. So I just post them if they make me laugh. But often, the dire political situation this country is in ticks me off and I start to spew. We all know that the news is just Bush propaganda so to get the real story (or at least a more liberal view) the Internet has become a valuable source of real news and opinions. I think it's my duty to express mine. Even though I'm primarily known as a cum-edienne, I've gotten a great response from my political postings and Web sites like gay.com, gaywebmonkey.com, queerday.com, papermag.com and a few European sites have begun to syndicate me, as well as a new monthly print column in Genre.

We share a common attitude regarding comedy that is, "Nothing's sacred!" What do you have to say to all those easily-offended,oh-so-touchy PC types out there?

Well, it's a tough line to draw. Many people enjoy child abuse, racial, tsunami-related, or gay-bashing humor in private. Look at the slew of gruesome dead baby jokes we've all heard and probably told. But onstage, you're not dealing with just your friends. And so unless you actually have AIDS, are a member of the minority you're poking fun at, or died in a tsunami, it's best for you to tread lightly near these issues in public. What's a punchline to you and your friends in private might be something someone in your audience suffers with daily. I wish this were different, because humor is a great defuser of hot button issues. So sometimes off-color humor releases tension surrounding a taboo subject. In the same way that a fat comedian will open with a set of fat jokes, it sends the message, "I know I'm overweight and it's OK to laugh at me" -- before the audience yells, "You aren't funny, you fat pig!" at the person. But I don't have to tell you about that, do I, Snackie? Look at how Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg were criticized for their racial humor towards each other when they were dating. There are very disapproving people in this country. I mean, Ted introducing Whoopi to his party guests as the maid? Pretty hilarious! These two were obviously comfortable enough with their relationship to "go there." They are comedians and after all, a good joke is a good joke.


Yeah, but what would you know about a good joke, dear? Speaking of jokes, you're infamous for your outrageous fashions and hairstyles. Who are your stylists and/or designers and who, if anyone, inspires you?

Hair by Weed Eater, makeup by Sherwyn Williams, costumes by Stevie Wonder, and choreography by the late Christopher Reeve. Actually, you've taught me so much, Jackie. On what not to do!

Hardy har shut up. You are the co-creator and hostess of the world-famous annual drag fest Wigstock. Every year you tearfully tell us queens and the gullible public at large, "This is the final one!" and then next thing you know you're begging me to fly to NYC again on my dime to essentially save the show -- for free! Honestly, you're worse than Cher or The Rolling Stones (and almost as old!). What's the current status of Wigstock?

Wigstock is happening this year on Saturday, August 27th. We are just taking it year by year. And you bitch, I did think it was the last one in 2001 and that was the only time it was billed as such! But a group named FEVA (Federation of East Village Artists) offered to put us back in business in our original home, Tompkins Square Park, but only as an abbreviated two hour show. Check www.wigstock.nu or www.ladybunny.net for more info. It rained last year, but we still had a capacity crowd with performers like RuPaul, Boy George, Holly Woodlawn, and Graham Norton. And Jackie, we really need you again this year. Your act is like magic! Except that it's the crowd that disappears! So you're essential for crowd control!

Just in case there are any eligible young men out there reading this right now -- OK, looking at the funny clown pictures -- tell us if you are single and what kind of gentleman turns you on.

Horse-hung Hispanic drug dealers! Except for [Hot Dog and Big Fat Dick promoter] Mario Diaz.

You've met so many fabulous celebrities over the many, many, many years. Tell us who, other than me, was your favorite and why.

Definitely Patti LaBelle. I introduced her at a fund-raiser and I tried not to gush, but she is the greatest entertainer that I've ever seen. When she came offstage I said "Patti, I saw you on a TV interview where you got a little teary-eyed because of your lack of mainstream success. And I just wanted you to know that regardless of what the numbers add up to, the people that you have touched you've touched so deeply that you will always be a part of their lives." She looked back at the still cheering audience she'd just left and said, "You know, it's true." This woman has given me so much inspiration that I was floored to think that I may have touched her in some way too. A year later, we performed at a MAC event in Toronto. I walked into the room and she said, "Bunny?" To think that I would register in that goddess' consciousness because of some word of encouragement I'd given her blows my mind. Deeply touched, I even returned the pocketbook I'd stolen from her at that prior event.

How touching. Thank God I'm wearing waterproof mascara. And the least favorite? And give us some dirt, bitch. You ain't on Oprah!

When I first moved to NYC, I waited on Tina Louise and another even older sour prune-face who I assumed to be her mom. They were both snotty as hell and didn't tip! Tina, the dunce, hates to embrace her incredible performance as Ginger on Gilligan's Island. But what else did she have? You don't ignore your one hit.

What's next for you? Other than a much-needed facelift and some lipo, that is.

Well, I'm performing and DJing at L.A., Chicago, NYC, and Montreal Pride festivals. You can catch me on VH1's Big Gay 40 in June and while in L.A. for Pride. I'll be taping a comedy skit with Andy Dick's production company for a Pamela Anderson Comedy Central Roast which I think airs in July. I'm also editing a comedy DVD to be sold on my site and at gigs. Proceeds to benefit the MNPSF -- the Much Needed Plastic Surgery Fund.

Finally, I will ask you what I asked the drop-dead gorgeous Debbie Harry. What is your number one beauty tip for any aspiring "ladies" out there?

PhotoShop!

Lady Bunny will perform on the Main Stage at Christopher Street West on Sunday, June 12 at 3:40 p.m. For more information, visit www.lapride.org. For more information on Lady Bunny, visit www.ladybunny.net.

NOTE FROM BUNNY: Just got word from VH1 that Big Gay 40 was cancelled! Boo! Maybe they'll run it on their new gay channel LOGO, otherwise it was a complete waste of time! My fave line was when they asked me to comment on Alexis Arquette's plans to have a sex change and I said "Just what the Arquette family needs! Another aging, out-of-work actress."