June 07, 2005

WHAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

WHAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

--------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


//////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

#####################################
Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


*************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


///////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ...

let's say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

=================================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.


)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

13 Comments:

Blogger David said...

My vote goes to the ugly baby card.

3:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I've seen half of these on other horrible-joke sites, but the other half were new to me, and thus, fabulous. Keep up the good work.

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've seen it before, but I still love the "Please take the knife out of my back" promotion card. How often I could have used that!

I laughed hardest at the "ugly baby" card, though...

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another vote here for the ugly baby card!

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the cat card ist's the best

7:15 PM  
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