June 13, 2005


01. Constipated People Don't Give a Shit

02. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself

03. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People

04. Who Lit the Fuse On YOUR Tampon?

05. If you Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth

06. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite to Point

07. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could
Drive A Little

08. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant

09. Thank You For Pot Smoking

10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing

11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone
Else And Seek

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer

14. Horn Broken...Watch For Finger

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put
The Boogie

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking
To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening
To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From
The Next Exit

30. I Refuse To Have a Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand

34. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It

35. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

36. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over
(Seen Upside Down,On A Jeep)

37. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are
Also Timed For

38. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My
Mailman Look Like
The Hut?

39. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack
Open A Cold One

40. Ax Me About Ebonics

41. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

42. Boldly Going Nowhere

43. Cat: The Other Other White Meat

44. Caution: Driver Legally Blonde!!!

45. Don't Be A Sexist - Broads Hate That

46. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His
Animal Friends

47. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car

48. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He
Admits He Is Lost?

49. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle
Them With Bullets

50. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids
In Touch

51. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

52. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

53. Grow Your Own Dope --- Plant A Man

54. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

55. Some People Are Only Alive Because It Is Illegal
To Shoot Them

56. I Used To Have A Handle On Life, But It Broke

57. WANTED: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

58. BEER: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

59. So You're A Feminist... Isn't That Precious

60. I Need Someone Really Bad... Are You Really Bad?

61. Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beer Holder.


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