January 21, 2009


OK, I don't want to take anything away from the historic inaugural ceremony which swore in our first African-American president. But I spotted a big problem at that inaugural ceremony.

It wasn't the Supreme Court justice's flubbing of the oath.

It wasn't that dreadfully dull poem.

It wasn't Pastor Rick Warren's immediate turn-off line of some shit like "We thank thee oh lord for all of the things we can and cannot see"?

It wasn't even Barack.

It was Michelle--and that horrible dress! Am I shallow to even mention it when I should be focused on the significance of a black president about to enter the White House, which was built on the backs of slaves, ending Bush's 8-year reign of error which left this country in tatters?

Probably, but where else are you gonna read this but from a drag queen? I voted for Obama, think Michelle's inspiring and I'm happy to play along with the press's love affair with the new administration. But honey, the emperor's new clothes are just that-whether they're hanging off the back of an emperor or a first lady-elect.

First, you can call that hot mess any color you like--but to me it's vomit. And vomit I did. Was it gold? Was it green? If I'm asking, then it certainly wasn't much of a statement. (I will admitsurely recognize the color of puke by now.) And that brocade shot with glittery thread can look rich at night, but the overcast daylight removed all of it's sparkle making it dull and flat. Possibly classy, but definitely blah. For a woman who's known for her fashion statements, this was a whisper.

And speaking of flat--what happened to Michelle's boobs? I'm not going to fault a gal for her lack of a rack, but there are ways to complement any figure. You know that horizontal crease which stretches from boob to boob when a woman is wearing an ill-fitting top or dress? Michelle was featuring that unfortunate look on this historic occasion! The sad thing is that it drew attention to how little bosom she has. I guess her taters were further flattened by the weight of the stiff brocade.

I've known Isabel Toledo for years and she always looks immaculate herself. So I don't know if this failure is from the designer's weird concept/bad cut, not knowing how to dress Michelle's figure, or some quirky "Jackie O" notion of the first-lady elect. But Michelle has alway struck me as thin--this outfit managed to give her a tummy. In fact, her stomach appeared to stick out further than her boobs. Wait a minute--the bitch stole my look!

I loved the built-on necklace, but what were those pitiful hanging bits of chiffon? A free-form bow? Pew! Is it tied now? Untied now? Waaay too complicated! A big crowd calls for a bold statement--no messy little details. And then to top it off by a boxy coat with too tight sleeves which made her arms look huge? And then add another flat line in front to squash down the bosom some more? The one thing it did do is take the eye off her buffalo butt. But I agree with most black women--accent the curves you do have, even if they're behind you.


Now I realize that it was freezing cold and it must have been tough to pick the right ensemble for the weather, much less the occasion. I'm surprised Michelle wasn't trembling by the end of the ceremony. Maybe she was forced to wear long underwear and that's what flattened the boobs and plumped the arms. Whatever it was, the overall effect definitely left me cold.

Is this important? Not at all. But as someone with a difficult to dress figure myself, I'd like to think that I can clock an unflattering silhouette. I also have a very distinct color palette which suits me and I rarely vary from it. Although, I don't care for it, I'm not even saying that this ugly shade was a bad one for Ms. Obama in particular. Your husband's getting sworn in as commander-in-chief and you're wearing the color of a dishonorable discharge? Like the kind you get from gonorrhea? (My mom once showed me hers.)

Is anyone out there in agreement? I'm scratching my beautifully-coiffed head while all of the press rave over this dud.

(PS: I didn't have a problem with the evening gown Michele wore to the balls, but it seems others have. SOUND OFF!


Blogger bradnatl said...

I didn't mind the green drees too much, but I was soooo disappointed in the ball gown. it look like one of those old chenille bedspreads. She is so pretty and i expected so much more. Just me opinion.

5:40 AM  

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