December 22, 2007



Think it's a joke? Well, actually I got several replies!

Fuck Me While I Eat Linguine w/ Clam Sauce and Watch The Jeffersons

Reply to:
Date: 2007-12-20, 4:51PM

39, 4'10", 190, thinning black hair, gray eyes, bushy Hitler mustache, hairy back but smooth everywhere else. Often told I look like a handsomer Danny DeVito. Looking for a buddy to come by and fuck me while I eat linguine with white clam sauce. I will have "The Jeffersons" playing on DVD and insist you shout, "Take it, Weezie" while you fuck me. I will also have a bowl of grated parmesan cheese and hot pepper flakes nearby, which you will season my linguine with as I eat it. When you are ready to cum, you will shout, "Beans don't fry in the kitchen!"

I can host in my Q-shaped apartment on 39th Street between Delancey Street and Ninth Avenue. Please, no weirdos, druggies or African American colored black Oriental Asians of color.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


I've always wanted to fuck a guy named Weezie.

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser wallowing in an unending sea of
inert, drooping loneliness looking for 24 year old needy leech-like
hanger-on to abuse with dull stories, tired sex and Herb Alpert albums.

Me--trying to sleep on the bus station bench, pleading with you to give me a
cigarette; you--choking on myodour, tripping over your purse trying to get
away; at the last moment, our eyes meeting. Yours were blue. Can I have a

Imp and angel. Disembodied head in jar, 24, seeks pixie goddess to fiddle
with while Rome burns. You bring marshmallows. No. I make joke. You like
laugh? I like comebacks and confessions. Send photo of someone else.

I am spitting kitty. Ftt Fttttttt. I am angry bear. Grrrrr. I am large
watermelon seed stuck in your nose. Zermmmmmmmmmm. I am small biting spider
in your underwear. Yub yub yub. No mimes.

Three toed mango peeler searching for wicked lesbian infielder. Like
screaming and marking territory with urine? Let's make banana enchiladas
together in my bathtub. You bring the salsa.

Mongoloid spastic underwear model with extra limb (you guess where?) in
search of bottlenosed dolphin and extra prickly cactus juice. Soup is good

Angry, simple-minded, balding, partially blind ex-circus flipper boy with a
passion for covering lovers in sour cream and gravy seeks exotic, heavily
tattooed piercing fanatic, preferably hairy, either sex, for whippings,
bizarre sex and fashion consulting. No freaks.

I like eating mayonnaise and peanut butter sandwiches in the rain, watching
Barney Miller reruns, peeing on birds in the park and licking strangers on
the subway; you eat beets raw, have climbed Kilimanjaro, and sweat freely
and often. Must wear size five shoes.

Timber! Falling downward is the lumber of my love. You grind your axe of
passion into my endangered headlands. Don't make me into a bureau. I want to
be lots and lots of toothpicks.

Small lumpy squid monkey seeks healthy woman with no identifying scars, any
age. Must have all limbs. Recommend appreciation of high-pitched, screeching
noises. Must like being bored and lonely. Must not touch the squids, EVER.

Mmmm Pez! Rabid Wonder Woman fan looking for someone in satin tights,
fighting for our rights and the old red, white 'n blue. You look like Linda
Carter? Big plus. Know all words to theme song? Marry me.

Remember that summer you spent with your parents in Hawaii and how mad you
were that they made you go? And how you were hopelessly bored until you saw
the most gorgeous man you'd ever encountered strolling down the beach
looking at you, skilfully removing your skimpy bikini with his piercing
eyes? And how you spent the last month imagining him taking you in every
possible way, masturbating feverishly day and night, wishing he would
reappear, but he never did because you were 15 and he would have gone to
jail? That was me, andyou just turned 18.

10:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ironic he doesn't want a black man seeing as though Weezie's black?

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, I think the lyric is "FISH don't fry in the kitchen."

The BEANS didn't burn on the grill...

Just sayin'...

5:02 PM  
Blogger Star Queen said...

that craigslist is all just a hook up for sex, even if they're trying to sell you a microwave they will anticipate a little hand job or open mouth kissing

7:46 PM  
Blogger Bedazzler said...

"Please, no wierdos..."

6:14 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Blog Home