CATCHING UP

I've been "working" at a whirlwind of parties for 2 weeks including DIFFA's Dining by Design in NYC, a dj gig in Atlanta attended by my almost too fun mom Lady Becky, a whole week in Mijami, Florida including cuban gods, drag queens galore and the Winter Music conference crew--including the Paris Hilton (yikes!) record release party. All with my trusty camera. I haven't had i'net access so I've got a lot of uploading to do. But I'm just going to start backwards from last night and give it all to ya!

Tuesday was insane. I know I bitch and moan about CNN yet I'm constantly glued to it. Well, not for the last two weeks on the road I haven't been. But now my vacation starts and woo hoo! the TV comes on! And just what is CNN featuring? A 15 minute interview with Adrienne Barbeau! I recall having a mild fascination with the sexpot who played Maude's daughter, and I'm glad she has a role on Broadway in that new Judy Garland play which the NY Times gave an awful review--though the clips from it indicated that she plainly hasn't got the chops to play that fag hag supreme--but wait a minute! Did she ever have the chops for anything? Did she even have the fucking chops to assay the role of the romantic lead in SWAMP THING, for chrissakes? No offense, Adrienne, and maybe I'm remembering it a little wrong cuz I was a little on the young side (don't laugh--I was!) at the height of your popularity, but did you ever have anything but a big set of knockers and a great agent? She was sitting there grandly discussing her career, even saying that her performance as Rizzo in the original GREASE fooled some credible actor into thinking she wasn't an actress at all, but some street chick. And you believed them? The soundbite of your singing, which just thrilled the badly calico-highlighted anchor Kyra Phillips sounded like Broadway 101 to me. (You can listen to it on Adrienne's site and judge for yourself at www.adriennebarbeau.com.) But let's just imagine I'm wrong and that SWAMP THING rivals Shakespeare--a 15 minute Q & A for some T & A whose 15 minutes of fame were over more than 15 years ago??? Maybe on an entertainment show but NOT on the goddam news! On a day when a memo is uncovered which proves Bush had always intended to declare war on Iraq, with or without the presence of WMDs? (http://news.nationaljournal.com/articles/0330nj1.htm ) On CNN, Adrienne Barbeau's first stage role in 15 years (and a well-timed book release) easily trumps that. You know what? Adrienne seemed charming and sweet. A little grand considering her body of work was really just a body....

So why don't I just turn off CNN? It's a train wreck I can't avert my eyes from. It's the propaganda machine at work and I feel obligated to dissect how it works. We all do, so that we aren't ever in the same sinking boat that we're in now, in an impossible to win unpopular war with a man we voted in because why?--he had the bigger and better propaganda machine/ election swindles. Did you hear about the trial of the phone company which was alledgely hired by Republicans to jam democratic headquarters phone lines during the last election? Only for a second on CNN, cuz the programmers had to clear plenty of time for the nation to hear Adrienne crowing in a thirty-year old musical.

Another thing CNN was buzzing about as Bush's trip to Mexico. Let me clear this up once and for all. If you go to the site of a problem and spout the same garbage you've been spouting at home, IT ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING! From Bush to Condi, This administration has made more state visits and surprise drop-ins than any I recall, and they are nothing but photo ops which amount to zilch. Of course, the surprises do help cut down on the massive "Bush is the world's greatest terrorist" welcome wagons like the one which met him in India recently."

TURN OFF THE TV AND ENJOY YOUR VACATION, WHORE!



Miami's a perfect place to be on the Atkins diet due to the abundance of tempting cuban-style meats and cheeses. But for Pepper Mashay's annual cook-out, I simply HAD to break my diet!



Remember the scene in TRANSAMERICA where Felicity and her son stopped off in Texas at the tranny party hosted by Bianca Leigh--the real NYC tranny? Well, I was transported to just such a party in Fort Lauderdale Tuesday night, so they really do exist. Well, it wasn't all transies, cuz there was a dance music gang there too, including one of the nicest gals, terrific soul-singer and throwown soul food chef by the name of Pepper Mashay, who had a dance smash with DIVE IN THE POOL a few years ago. But this evening was more like DIVE INTO THE DROOL than POOL. As a testament to her cooking, the two flanking her below weighed only 150 pounds when they walked in!



At least they got in! Poor Superman was left standing behind the velvet ropes all night! Actually, if you'll notice the plaster marks near the railing (You can click on the photo to enlarge, I believe. But don't ever try this with the nostril area of any of my late night party pix, you cunts!), the ropes were to protect Superman, who normally resides inside his own custom-made phone booth, which was out being repaired!



The zany, party decor theme doesn't stop there. You'll notice the gumball machine in the foreground of the Superman pic--a light-up gumball machine, no less!--but the funky and fabulous pad also features a vintage coke machine. Get this...it's free AND it holds alcoholic beverages! Kind of like my asshole!



And an 1890's style popcorn stand! But dancing to the sounds of the world's greatest dj's in Miami all week, "Lady Bunion" had had quite enough of popped corns! I couldn't believe my "ears"! (Apologies--I'm a little rusty at blogging at this point!)



Actually, it's sort of an annual event, when we head to FTL to take a break from the conference and I consider myself lucky to be invited the last coupla years. Sheila makes a wonderful hostess, though her normal gig is a purveyor of transsexual erotica on her popular site FOXYANGEL, which I urge you to check out. Sheila and I are sisters, so I'm not sure that I need to pay to see her shemale cock dangling beneath her sizeable bust when I can see my own, dangling beneath my sizeable gut, for free. Besides, it might spoil our friendship. But you guys go right ahead! Quite the entrepreneur, Sheila shoots her own porn, complete with a webcam before which a number of chicks with dicks writhe continually and I assume provocatively. She demonstrated her set-up and the bitch even has different playrooms to cater to any scene! Including this jail cell with an autographed wall



which (sorry about the quality of this photo) was temporarily occupied by singer/label head Georgie Porgie and his Chicago crew, booker Shawn Manning, gay porn star Frederick Ford, record promoter Harry Towers and some very entertaining folks whose names I could not quite make out over my loud, constant chewing.



and right around the corner, a spartan, splattered-something-dark toilet and cot scene which almost had me re-tasting Pepper's fine vittles. Looks just like a real jail cell! Uh, I mean from what I've seen in the movies...



The props are stored near the locker room backdrop (shemales in high school?) set.



A closer shot reveals a black latex fetish gloves next to a black 1970's Dianne Keaton-style hat atop a suitcase--please tell me that somebody out there orders pay-per-view fetishistic TRANNIE HALL road trip scenes! Besides my dad, that is!



I give Sheila "props" for the variety--a longhorn skull, beach ball, football, bales of hay and if that white-tipped stick is either a showbiz cane or an over-sized wand, I'm going to lose my cotton-pickin' mind--AGAIN!



I did lose my mind when I got home-what the fuck is WONDER SHOWZEN on MTV 2? How long has this been on? Am I just totally out of it, is this new, or did it just turn fab? You must check it out! Not only did one skit feature the genius Amy Sedaris (who must be involved in the show somehow--the credits went by too quickly and I was snorting poppers trying to cum) but other skits got away with really demented shit because they are narrated with innocent kids voices saying outrageous stuff like "I pulled some corn out of my bottom and sold it to a factory." Hungh!?!? Also a recurring # 2 shit skit and an out there chicken factory segment which I think may have contained a veiled vegetarian message. Was it the joint or is this show brilliant? I slam TV so much that I feel compelled to highlight anything good and this was great and totally unexpected. Season 2 starts this Friday on MTV2: MTV2

Earlier that evening, the cook-out guests took a break to watch American Idol and I sat in for a minute. One 7 foot tall fag entered the room and literally gasped when he realized that he'd missed the first few moments of it. But the other girls reassured him that they it was being Tivo'ed. Why? Isn't it on 3 times a week? I despise that emblem of sanitized mediocrity Ryan Seacrest. And why the fuck do they even have judges if Ryan is going to argue with them and then the audience decides anyway? Paula looked beautiful with more make-up and a darker mane than usual, but definitely had that tight drugged jaw. And what is wrong with that black queen judge? Isn't his foundation, which is packed on up to his eyeballs, a few shades too light and super-waxy? What a weird-ass show.

Speaking of weird, one of the guests at Pepper's din-din was a tranny who at last year's shindig, was accompanied by the real girl she was dating, and had impregnated. This year, she is still living as a woman but phasing out the drag because she wants to be a manlier father. Amazing! Like my therapist always says, "Bunny, would eating shit out of a homeless woman's ass be considered safe sex?"--I mean--"There's a cover for every pot!" As dumbfounding as it seems, this gorgeous twenty-something, seemingly well-adjusted and tons of fun transsexual is a father to be. And "she" is a top! In fact, some of these gals purposefully avoid female hormones so they can maintain erections for their fans. That's why you'll notice some tranny ads in the back of the Village Voice which claim "no hormones". The hormones feminize the "girls", but their clients don't fancy shrivelled hormone-soaked clitty-cocks which don't ever get hard. A real snatch 22. Do you want a pretty queen with a soft cock or a harder-looking queen with a hard cock? Or a booger bottom like me--the worst of both worlds? Please masturbate while pondering that one.