March 28, 2006


Don't know who wrote these, but Howie Pyro forwarded them and since I'm in Miami, they appealed to my inner jew.

Lacking fins or tail

the gefilte fish swims with

great difficulty.


Beyond Valium,

peace is knowing one's child

is an internist.


On Passover we

opened door for Elijah.

Now our cat is gone.


After the warm rain

the sweet smell of camellias.

Did you wipe your feet?


Her lips near my ear,

Aunt Sadie whispers the name

of her friend's disease.


Today I am a man.

Tomorrow I will return

to the seventh grade.


Testing the warm milk

on her wrist, she sighs softly.

But her son is forty.


The sparkling blue sea

reminds me to wait an hour

after my sandwich.


Like a bonsai tree,

is your terrible posture

at my dinner table.


Jews on safari --

map, compass, elephant gun,

hard sucking candies.


The same kimono

the top geishas are wearing:

I got it at Loehmann's.


The shivah visit:

so sorry about your loss.

Now back to my problems.


Mom, please! There is no

need to put that dinner roll

in your pocketbook.


Seven-foot Jews in

the NBA slam-dunking!

My alarm clock rings.


Sorry I'm not home

to take your call. At the tone

please state your bad news.


Is one Nobel Prize

so much to ask from a child

after all I've done?


Today, mild shvitzing.

Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.

Five-day forecast: feh!


Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.

Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah

Oy! To be fluent!


Quietly murmured

at Saturday Synagogue services,

Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.


A lovely nose ring,

excuse me while I put my

head in the oven.


Hard to tell under the lights.

White Yarmulke or

male-pattern baldness.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I, Dopsy Cinnamonstein

wipe bird flu riddled shit off

Bunny's sweet titties.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Lady Bunny said...

I am so glad to be back online and read your rot! I've been offline for practically a week! Plenty of pix to come. --B

3:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haikus for Jews, David M. Bader (Random House/Harmony, 1999)

Also wonderful and perhaps more relevant: Gay Haiku by Joel Dorfner, a Harvard Bottom (Broadway Books, 2005)

Forty-seven times
You said, "Give me that pussy."
I have no pussy.

"Youre a musician?"
"I play skin flute," you answer.
Whoops, there's my cellphone.

How is it you knew
I wasn't faithul? Oh, yeah:
Bite marks on my ass

You're cruel and petty
And you liek to make me cry
When can you move in?

It's Dorian Gray
In reverse: you aged, and yet
Your photo stayed young

"I'm coming!" you shout
As if no one had ever
Managed it before

6:22 PM  
Blogger Cie Cheesemeister said...

Funny stuff!
Not Jewish myself, but my family is from New York. So I know a smidgin of Yiddish. And I get a chuckle out of these sort of jokes.

6:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jew jew jew jew jew jew jew
Jew, you are a jew
Jew jew jew jew jew jew jew

1:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Jewish Haiku are from David Bader's Haikus for Jews. See:

You've misquoted quite a few of them though.

10:10 AM  
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