JEWISH HAIKU
Don't know who wrote these, but Howie Pyro forwarded them and since I'm in Miami, they appealed to my inner jew.
Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.
*****
Beyond Valium,
peace is knowing one's child
is an internist.
*****
On Passover we
opened door for Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.
*****
After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?
*****
Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.
*****
Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.
*****
Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.
*****
The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.
*****
Like a bonsai tree,
is your terrible posture
at my dinner table.
*****
Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.
*****
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.
*****
The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.
*****
Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.
*****
Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.
*****
Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.
*****
Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?
*****
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh!
*****
Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!
*****
Quietly murmured
at Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.
*****
A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.
****
Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness.
Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.
*****
Beyond Valium,
peace is knowing one's child
is an internist.
*****
On Passover we
opened door for Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.
*****
After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?
*****
Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.
*****
Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.
*****
Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.
*****
The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.
*****
Like a bonsai tree,
is your terrible posture
at my dinner table.
*****
Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.
*****
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.
*****
The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.
*****
Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.
*****
Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.
*****
Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.
*****
Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?
*****
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh!
*****
Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!
*****
Quietly murmured
at Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.
*****
A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.
****
Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness.
posted by Lady Bunny at Tuesday, March 28, 2006
12 Comments:
I, Dopsy Cinnamonstein
wipe bird flu riddled shit off
Bunny's sweet titties.
I am so glad to be back online and read your rot! I've been offline for practically a week! Plenty of pix to come. --B
Haikus for Jews, David M. Bader (Random House/Harmony, 1999)
Also wonderful and perhaps more relevant: Gay Haiku by Joel Dorfner, a Harvard Bottom (Broadway Books, 2005)
Forty-seven times
You said, "Give me that pussy."
I have no pussy.
"Youre a musician?"
"I play skin flute," you answer.
Whoops, there's my cellphone.
How is it you knew
I wasn't faithul? Oh, yeah:
Bite marks on my ass
You're cruel and petty
And you liek to make me cry
When can you move in?
It's Dorian Gray
In reverse: you aged, and yet
Your photo stayed young
"I'm coming!" you shout
As if no one had ever
Managed it before
thegaysha@memoirsofagaysha.com
Funny stuff!
Not Jewish myself, but my family is from New York. So I know a smidgin of Yiddish. And I get a chuckle out of these sort of jokes.
Jew jew jew jew jew jew jew
Jew, you are a jew
Jew jew jew jew jew jew jew
The Jewish Haiku are from David Bader's Haikus for Jews. See:
http://www.extremely.com
You've misquoted quite a few of them though.
Thank you!
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