TRUE DOC STORIES

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her  baby in
the  cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the  lady's
dress,  and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were  several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark  MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and 
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I 
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr.  Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her 
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes   later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a   "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.  I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right   eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your  left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
There was  silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I
turned and  discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there  with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish  the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he  informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his 
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on
a   new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had   him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see . .
. Yes,   the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions  include removal of the old patch before applying a
new  one.
Dr.  Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have  you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered...   "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."
Dr.  Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast  this morning?" "It's very good! , except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I  can't  seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I
then asked to  see the  jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
"KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
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A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with  purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
and  wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
  patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery.   When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed   that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it
there was a tattoo   that! read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed,  the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said,  "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
and finally...

A new,  young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing  female  pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed  a habit  of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom he was  performing this  exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further embarrassed  him. He looked up  from his work and sheepishly said,
"I'm sorry. Was I  tickling you?" She  replied, "No doctor, but the song
you were whistling was,  "I wish I was an  Oscar Meyer Wiener".
(Dr. wouldn't give his name)