January 07, 2009


My beloved Huffingtonpost.com which I bite off of daily is becoming more and more like a tabloid. I check that site several times daily and the hard-hitting political diatribes are giving way to seductive celebrity gossip. I try not to click on these stories, because the more you click, the more prominence these stories will be given. I have no idea who Lisa RInna even is, but the headline LISA RINNA'S FILLER REGRET: I LOOK LIKE A FREAK! did grab my attention. (Especially since I just caught Joan Rivers' genius act at The Cutting Room last night. No filler in that act, but the face!) Lisa spills the beans on her botched Juvederm injections.


Is there any plastic surgery you regret?

Lisa Rinna: My cheeks. I had Juvederm put in my cheeks. That's what I overdid -- big time. I tried it because my girlfriends did it. I thought: I'll do it! I saw a photo and I was like, "Oh Jesus. That's no good. That's NOT good." What I learned is that I don't really need it. You get older and insecure and you think you need it and you don't. I learned less is more. Keep your skin good. But, I still like Botox. It's great! It doesn't change the shape of my face. When you change your face, you don't look like yourself. Looking fresher is one thing. I look like a freak!

Thankfully, Huffpo's readers' are more zingy than it's content! Several comments mentioned that her "trout pout" lip injections were weirder than her filled cheeks, but I really loved the comment below. Lagomorph?!? You learn something new every day!

How unfortunate that poor Ms. Rinna feels so self conscious. It's easy to see how anything that might tend to increase the already massive burden of her self involvement could be disabling. For someone so massively self obsessed, her current self-inflicted predator lagomorphian* look must be particularly onerous.

In the interest of supporting another human being during an especially difficult time, perhaps those of us who have absolutely no idea who Ms. Rinna is might write to her. We should reassure her that her appearance, nay, her very existence, is of absolutely no import to us whatsoever. We must comfort her with the knowledge that we cannot think ill of her cheeks because we are not thinking of her at all.

I hereby pledge not only never to look at her grotesque surgery, but never even to think about it. Not only that, but I give my solemn word of honor never, ever to think of her again once I click "Post."

* Did you know that male lagomorphs, unlike rodents, have their scrotums in _front_ of their penises, rather than behind?

Sorry if my posting this causes the commenter's association with Lisa to linger on, but I knew you'd all be dying to search WIkipedia for lagomorph so I did it for you! And rabbits are a part of that group! From Lisa's face, I'd suspected the word to refer to a frog.


And speaking of odd plastic surgery--who gave Alexis a fat lip? It almost looks as though her tongue is hanging out of her mouth!