SATURDAY NIGHT IN NYC

I went with Lypsinka and Xavier to see Morrissey sing at Madison Square Garden tonight. Unfortunately, he cancelled, but that gave us an excus to sit at SOY LUCK CLUB on Greenwich Avenue and swill their delicious sugar-free soya frost shakes. I love the smoothies at Jamba Juice, but I recently read that a medium (or large--I can't recall--smoothie from Jamba contains as much sugar as a dozen doughnuts! No wonder I like them so well. From now on, I'm going to cut back and only have 1/2 a dozen doughnuts with my Jambas. Anyhoo, who should pass but B'way singer Billy Porter, who I've never really gotten to hang with. I'm now so sorry that I missed his run at Joe's Pub--he is a scream and can sing his ass off.

BILLY PORTER PICTURED SANGIN' ON OPRAH



Speaking of B'way, we also bumped into an acquaintance of Lyp's named Sondra Lee. I noticed her great look from behind and Lyp recognized her. She was in the original production of HELLO DOLLY with Carol Channing, and played Tiger Lily in the Mary Martin-starring version of PETER PAN before that. She had a fantastic knowing New York vibe and it was delightful to chat with her for a bit.

SONDRA LEE WITH CAROL CHANNING IMPERSONATOR RICHARD SKIPPER



Being the theater buff she is, Lyp had a few tales about Sondra. Apparently, she was so fantastically talented that a competitive Mary Martin cut her 3 musical numbers down to one. And when Sondra was flown to London as a dancer for an Ethel Merman TV special, Ethel asked her upon arrival "Aren't you that girl who appeared with Mary Martin?" Answering in the affirmative, Ethel snapped "You're fired!" and she was paid and shipped back to the states. She must really have had something to have even threatened the powerhouse Merman--and still does, since I noticed her presence just passing her on the street.

This is my favorite time in NYC. I have never understood the summer trips to the Hamptons or Fire Island. I can't afford a vacation home, so it isn't even an option for me. But it takes 3 hours to get to both spots--I could be in Miami in that time, sampling a different culture and seeing different people. Who wants to go on holiday with a bunch of New Yorkers? I guess if the weather is soup-y NYC can be vile, but that wasn't the case last night.

You have to love a bleached blonde slut in heels seated on three cases of brewski on a street corner.!



And though there's been a drug clean-up in effect since Giuliani's reign of error, at least you can still buy a bong on the street corner, including a gas mask with a bowl for weed!



Then it was off to work at LA ESCUELITA, the gay latin club. To my surprise, no other drag queens except Angel Sheridan were performing last night. And hanging out with those trannys is my favorite part of the job--Angela Carrera, Daesha, Harmonica Sunbeam, Viki Lace and Barbie Crawford, The Dominican Barbie. One of the girls has a kid from before she was transitioning! My dad, the showgirl! Fascinating!

Well, there was a new Dominican Barbie working last night, a bona fide Dominican pop star from the Bronx named Anais in the house to sing her hits. What a fun fag hag! She had three tres gay assistants fiddling with her hair and outfit, meticulously brushing on glitter and readying her costume change into a leopard mini. One told her of her black sequin mini, "If you were a real faggot bitch, you would have put rhinestones on it!" Her body was serving the buffalo booty common among latin sex symbols and her lovely face is coming for Rihanna, who I find unbelievably gorgeous.

ANAIS, WHO HAS CHA-CHA QUEENS WORKING OVERTIME ON HER HAIR AND MUG! LOVE THIS HAIR AS SCARF LOOK!



I was so jealous! Imagine the prime meat that a Dominican pop princess commands! I'm surprised the heifer ain't in a wheelchair! I immediately broke the ice by confiding to her in my butchest baritone, "It's so nice to finally be working here with another real woman." All of the queens behind the scene think I'm out of my mind, but I'm the only white girl that they book and I'm fatter--I'm mean flattered. I've even created a special medley based on the r&b parodies which they know. One gorgeous boy doing Anais's make-up told me that I'd squirted milk out of my boobs to the tune of Kelis's MILKSHAKE when he was 18. Hook 'em young, I always say!

In an innocent way which undercuts their thuggish fashions, the young audience, who eats up the show, sits on the floor. I can not wait until Tuesday, The Mr. Escuelita Pageant. I promise to sort out my camera by then. But I warn you, the sights might make you wanna move to NYC. I brushed up against one 6' 2" go-go man last night and his aura was that of a bull--sweaty, nostrils flaring, and smelling like that Drakkar Noir cologne which I find irresistible when a top note of head cheese is added. It's the reason I'll never leave Manhattan! From a missed Morrissey to Sondra Lee to Billy Porter to Anais. Lypsinka and Xavier, NYC's still worth the rent in my book!