October 31, 2006


Before you "digest" this article, you may enjoy watching The Beat Boxing Turd.


Transport police are hunting for an "exceptionally antisocial" man who has been defecating on trains across the country, causing tens of thousands of pounds-worth of damage.

The vandal, who strikes by smearing excrement inside the carriages, appears to wait until he is alone before committing the offence but investigators can discern no other pattern to his behaviour. Police say the man has soiled at least 30 trains since August, mainly in the south-east.

His foul play has caused a total of £60,000 worth of damage and cleaning bills, while some affected carriages have had to be withdrawn from service.

British Transport Police today warned that the man's unpleasant and costly habit also posed a risk to public health, and released CCTV images of a man officers want to speak to in connection with the investigation.

Detective Constable Donna Fox said: "The man has struck at least 30 trains since August, causing approximately £60,000 in damage and cleaning costs and resulting in many carriages been taken out of service, causing disruption and cancellations to the train services and serious inconvenience to the travelling public.

"This is obviously a serious public health issue as well as being exceptionally anti-social. We need to locate this man as soon as possible."

She added: "There is no particular pattern as to when he appears. He travels to various areas and at different times of the day and different days of the week and basically waits to be in part of a carriage by himself before he commits these offences.

"We have been trawling through CCTV images to try and track the man and remain hopeful that members of the public may know this man and more importantly know where he lives.

"On at least one occasion CCTV footage shows the man being disturbed by a passenger walking through a train. We are appealing for this man or anyone else who may have witnessed this man committing offences to contact us.

"If anyone sees this man travelling on the railway network, they should not approach him, but call the police or alert train staff immediately."

· Anyone with information should call the British Transport Police witness appeal line on 020 7391 5275


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to look forward to a long train journey. Travelling to London to visit friends, and to do a bit of christmas shopping, it was an event I really looked forward to. A bottle of gin in one hand and a women's own in the other, plugged into my mp3 player listening to Doris Day, singing Sentimental Journey, while lazily watching the countryside race by, or I would enjoy a little snooze, arriving at my destination refreshed and on time. I realise now that these are the nostalgic recollections of a romantic fool and bears no resemblance to the living hell that the rail travel is today. How many people with tons of luggage and christmas presents can you cram on a train? Screaming bastard kids everywhere, annoying idiots talking loudly on their mobile phones, and horror of all horrors the woman sat opposite is trying to strike up a conversation,can't she read my body language I'm like a coiled spring! there's no buffet facilities anymore,(but then thats no great loss considering the overpriced muck that was on offer)the heating is usually turned on to maximum, passengers standing up in the aisles dressed in layers of clothes wilt and faint in the stifling atmosphere like the Calcutta express. I think British Rail has got off lightly with some nutter shitting everywhere I can understand his frustration. Nowadays after a train journey I'm fit to kill!

Laydeez and Genlemen welcome to Kingscross station. - Oh fuckoff!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

That sounds like Chicago transit everyday! How will I know when it's Christmas?? :-)

12:12 PM  
Blogger Raci and Eddi said...

I sometimes envy those who have gone totally MAD and have been labeled "antisocial". Just once I'd like to poop in the middle of a crowded Boston subway train and write poetry with it. That would surely gaurantee me a seat during rush hour for life.

7:11 PM  
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