HAROLD FORD WANTS TO RAPE ME!

Well, who doesn't. And it's tough to rape someone as willing as I am. Anyhoo...


Have politics always been this nasty or I am just more in tune with it now? Or both? I know that republicans really can't do much bragging about their current record, so they're blasting democratic candidates with personal attacks full of lies. Rush Limbaugh even claimed that Michael J. Fox was faking his Parkinson's disease shakes in an ad for Missouri democrat Clare MacCaskell. I will admit that I hadn't realized that Michael's condition was so intense. He was really movin'! Maybe they should have put some peppy music underneath the ad and it would've seemed more natural. Like SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL, perhaps? A talented, well-loved actor, I hope that his condition hasn't cost him roles. If so, I bet he could still do a mean Katherine Hepburn impersonation! But the sad thing is that while these ads are universally slammed as over the top, by constantly discussing them on the news (which includes airing them), the inappropriate or outlandish or inaccurate ads reach a wider national audience, even after they've been yanked locally for being tasteless. It's free advertising. The national republican party pays for them so that when they are pulled, the local republican candidate can distance him/herself from the ads' backlash. What a rotten, rotten game.

THE NATION'S SEXIEST SENATORIAL CANDIDATE, HAROLD FORD



I'm particularly interested in the anti-Harold Ford in Tennessee ad for a few reasons. This man is even more gorgeous than Bareback Obama and I secretly fantasize about seeing them tag-team it as pres and VP in the White House. Hell, I also fantasize nightly about them tag-teaming it as skull-fucker and ass-rammer at MY house! (Or rather, my apartment. Yes, I'm still renting!) Also, I grew up in Chattanooga, Tennessee and though I was glad to get out, I retain a passing interest in their local politics. (It's all about passing, gurl!)

Of course I want the democrats to win, but I'm certainly not aligned with Harold's platform. In a necessary if disgusting attempt to siphon the evangelical vote away from his opponent, Bob Korker, he's made faith (ie: fairy tales) a central issue in his campaign. Listen to this garbage he spewed at an Alabama stadium recently: "I serve a big God"--Honey, I serve a big god too, whenever possible!--"he gives me strength every day, and I go to work. I am not that smart. I don't try to outsmart him. I just go to work every day." Just what this country needs: a hick who takes strength from a mythical figure and admits that he's not that smart. Hey, sounds like presidential material to me. Oh well, I guess you win points by telling the contents of an Alabama stadium that you aren't smart. Duh, he's like me. I'll vote for him. Worked for that moron Bush.

I also don't approve of a Ford ad which plays the class card and mentions Korker's growing fortune. Like the disapproval of Teresa Kerry's millions, who cares how much money somebody has if it's honestly come by? And how can anyone run in our corrupt system without the millions in campaign finances which one needs to spin to win? I guess Harold's peeps are trying to paint Korker as rich and therefore out of touch with economic malaise. It's a shitty tactic.

But not as shitty as Korker's ad--what a corker! Wal-mart has even fired one of the ad's producer as a result. Another producer is a Rove protege. From cbsnews.com:

"The ad, in which a white woman with blonde hair and bare shoulders looks into the camera and whispers, "Harold, call me," and then winks, was produced by Scott Howell, the former political director for Rove's consulting firm in Texas.

The RNC ad doesn't mention that "Harold" is black, but the NAACP and others have complained the commercial makes an implicit appeal to deep-seated racial fears about black men and white women."


"Deep-seated" as in "all up in yo bootay" deep-seated? As a white woman I share these fears in reverse--that I WON'T get any black men to seduce me. (Seduce means stick your dick through a hole in a men's room at the bus station, right?) But Harold is so light-skinned that black barely applies to him. Not to mention that his southern accent is more honkified than even the reptilian blactress Jasmine Guy as Whitley on A DIFFERENT WORLD. Anyway, this ad was yanked, only to be replaced by one which claims that he wants to give abortion pills to schoolchildren. How horrid! Even to the boys? Is there any estrogen in them? Where can I find out?

HAROLD, SHOWN HERE PROBABLY THINKING: "I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT LADY BUNNY'S CUNT!"



Sorry! Side-tracked again! As a former Tennesseean, I really don't believe that fears of interracial couples are still that strong. I wasn't raised to be be racist, so maybe I'm just blind to it. I mentioned the ad to a straight , while male friend and he agreed that there was a fear of black men taking their white women away from them. In this day and age? I guess I don't worry enough about who gets the white (or any other color) pussy to have this fear register as widespread. And speaking of a wide spread...



Queen Latifah, in a telling interview she gave to a California lesbian magazine--yes, LA is that boring that I sometimes read dyke rags--claimed that there was a fear among the powers that be (ie: straight white men) of "big black dicks swinging". Does that include the giant dildo that butch uses on her female lovers? Craving them as I do, I just can't fathom any paranoia surrounding black donkey dicks. Maybe I'm out of touch. (I also happen to be out of Magnums XL and lube!) But could Queen be right in that the negro's superior endowments be the primordial "root" of anti-black prejudice? Perhaps so, and some weird survival instinct just kicked in with me that subconsciously said "Girl, if you can't beat 'em, EAT 'EM!"

So hard to focus on politics when penis size is woven into the issue at hand. In hand? In mouth? In ass? Shoot, there I go again! What I find so ridiculous is the lookist angle of the ad, which claims "Sure, he looks good", as if a pretty boy candidate is coasting on his looks, never did his homework and might be a promiscuous playboy and therefore too unethical to vote for. This is a really cheap, low blow.

I actually don't know Ford's marital status, but I have a suggestion should he win his term as the first black Senator elected since the Reconstruction. What if he were to settle down with a stunning, if mature showgirl who'd seduced the entire world with her amazing talents but who has roots in Tennessee to sort of tie it all in. I'd add a little glitz and glamor to his homespun charm, and together we'd soon ascend to the presidency as the first interracial couple to ever grace the White House! PRESIDENT HAROLD FORD AND FIRST LADY BUNNY! I know, it's a pipe dream...but what a pipe I'll bet that motherfucker has!