October 25, 2006


Wait...do you think that Paul Lynde might have been....nah!

Excerpts from this ridiculous article on an ex-gay workshop.


That's how the founder of a gay conversion program explained his policy on wit to Ohio State University professor Tanya Erzen.

Erzen recounts the year she spent inside the New Hope Ministry in her book "Straight to Jesus." New Hope, based in California, offered a residential program to turn gay men into "ex-gays."

While it may come as something of a revelation that sarcasm is gay, New Hope's list of banned activities has some more familiar entries. Also forbidden are tight pants, tank tops, spandex, biker pants, half shirts, short shorts, "gay terms and mannerisms," the Internet, smoking, hair coloring, going to a health club, and watching the television show "Will and Grace."

BUNNY NOTE: WOO HOO! No mention of a ban on meth, poppers or gerbils, girls! And I guess you can still play with your Billy doll. Just don't use Billy as a dildo. (Carlos is bigger and therefore more satisfying. Uh, I'm told.)

Erzen explained that ex-gay training combines evangelical teachings, psychology, self-help and a healthy dose of stereotypes.

BUNNY NOTE: I'd love to see how they combine the diametrically opposed disciplines of psychology and evangelical teachings.

"They have a very stereotypical, monolithic view of homosexuality," Erzen told The Other Paper last week. "They see gay as a lifestyle, and they try to break the link between you and everything they associate with that lifestyle."

While the list of rules is lengthy, it is not necessarily scrupulously followed.

Masturbation, for example, is banned. But, Erzen said, "Everybody there masturbates."

BUNNY NOTE: Is it still called masturbation if a man's hand is replaced by another man's mouth or asshole?

"To cultivate masculinity, New Hope encourages participants to go camping, play basketball and attend "Straight Man Nights" to study the habits of heterosexuals.

BUNNY NOTE: Culminating in a therapy session in which the fags, posing as bullies, bash each other to a bloody pulp!

Erzen said that for many of the men in the program, straight men are "of another species," and masculinity "is just unfathomable."

BUNNY NOTE: Here, here, my good queer!

Participants soaked up all the information they could, asking straight men questions ranging from the practical ("What do you say when you sexually harass a woman?") to the existential ("Can a man ever fully understand a woman?").

BUNNY NOTE: to the desperate ("Can I please suck you off one more time before I become straight like you?")

Still, some participants rebelled against the format of the classes. "There's a lot of things I could teach straight men," one said, "like how to dress.

BUNNY NOTE: ...how to dress...like a nelly fag! If there are so many benefits to being gay, why the fuck are you in this stupid-ass workshop?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

if I gave up all my sarcasm, there would be like nothing left of me.

I remember a few years ago seeing a movie aboout these places, they had all these hispanic queens trying to mow the lawn and stuff. The sincerity of those pathetic young queens trying to change themseleves was heartbreaking. just leave 'em alone and let them dance as nature intended

10:35 AM  
Blogger ayeM8y said...

Camping? Isn’t “camping” the code word for man on man activity? At least that’s where most straight men have homosexual experiences in porno movies.

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This all makes me want to be MORE sarcastic.

1:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to dress up Tanya Erzen as a clown,then chop her fucking head off, gun fuck the ouzing wound, and stream it on Youtube!

She ignorantly views homosexuality as a disease, treatable with psychopharmacology claptrap and religious shit. She is mentally abusing and ridiculing these poor people who are so far in the closet they are practically living in Narnia.

I can't believe ex-Gay workshops still exist in this day and age. In the victorian era they were known as lunatic asylums,
patients were given mind controlling drugs, hypnosis, electric shocks when shown explicit pictures of naked men and a host of other extreme ways to try and cure our disease, it didn't work of course, just drove most of them to suicide.

I can't even think straight let alone be straight. How on earth would you get a vagina up your bum hole?

10:03 AM  
Blogger Lady Bunny said...

Mitzi! I've tried and you're right. You can't. Unless, of course, it's Madge Weinstein's distended. prolapsed uterus. But Madge is a dyke! -B

12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought "camping" involved fingers in the arse.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Hair coloring is gay? Oh my God, somebody tell George Hamilton, fast!

Smoking is gay? Oh, Lord, somebody call Denis Leary! (I mean, it, please: we don't want him on our team!)

Speaking of Madge, why don't we have her pay a little visit to Tanya Erzen...? I'm sure Tanya would be queefing a different tune in no time! :-)

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor old Madge, she could do to use a big cock, if only to shove her uterus back in.

5:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mitzi and Aaron, you seem to have Tanya mixed up with the people who run this program. Read what she says about it.

"Erzen, who teaches courses on religion in Ohio State's Department of Comparative Studies, came away from the program sympathetic to people who struggle to integrate their lives and their religious beliefs. But she remains skeptical about the intent of the ex-gay movement.

She thinks the religious right's commitment to ex-gay training is fueled by a political desire to label homosexuality a choice. And if it's a choice, it doesn't need the protection of our laws or the respect of our culture.

Pretending to accept homosexuals only to try to convert them is "hate in the language of love and compassion," Erzen said."

8:42 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Good catch, Dany...thanks! So maybe we should just have Madge give James Dobson a good one instead. I bet he'll queef even louder...

11:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just see some movies (in case you haven't yet, which I doubt...): But I'm a cheerleader (with RuPaul), and also Latter Days.
Concerning vagina up the ass?!!? What the fuck is it you're talking about? I have a vagina up my ass! With all of those cargoloads of cock I've had it only lacks natural wetness but it really feels the same. Honey, vagina sucks (and so does my ass).

6:04 PM  

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