EULOGY TO JUNE ALLYSON

By a myspace buddy named Michael Loris:


Did you hear? June Allyson has left this world to be in that big diaper TV commercial in the sky. . .we'll miss her husky plum voice and her emphatic smile, standing in some kitchen, telling us all so joyously to "Get back into Life - with Depends" whilst full-well knowing that she herself needed a good changing from out of those soft but crinkly puff pants she was sporting . . . shooting commercial after commercial after commercial for several years, just wishing for once someone (preferably that young hot Hungarian cameraman who shot her in take after take whom she'd been eyeballing the mighty bulging package of for oh-so long) would lay her back on one of those solid oak kitchen islands she stood in front of when she said her famous line to incontinent America and undo her heavy load . . .she never got her wishes fulfilled. She was deprived of having her dreams come true . . . just think what a grand and glorious moment it would have been for June Allyson to have been seen on TV by millions of viewers, lain proudly, legs in air, all our eyes transfixed on her octagenarian buttocks as some stud wiped her gently, then tenderly, and only to have her spill forth those famous words which encouraged so many and filled so many senior citizens with hope. Sigh. Poor ol' Soggy Bottom will be sorely missed . . . sadly she'll never be able to get back into Life with Depends because she's . . . well, the poor dear is dead! And that's that.

THE AUTHOR'S MYSPACE PAGE: MYSPACE