NEW YORK SUCKS NOW PART 5,693

WWW.NYPRESS.COM | APRIL 20, 2005 
 
THE NEWS HOLE 
 
This may well be the last summer to experience Coney Island in a form 
that even vaguely resembles what we've all come to think of as "Coney 
Island." It's looking as if by summer 2006, much of it will be gone, 
and gone forever. (AND GURL, IT WAS ALL ABOUT MEETING THOSE DRUNK STRAIGHT BOYS "UNDER THE BOARDWALK"!)
 
To be honest, it's been a long slow death, though not without the 
occasional signs of remission. Twenty years ago, primarily through 
the efforts of Dick Zigun, a nearly abandoned and crime-ridden 
Boardwalk really started looking as if it were turning around. It was 
smaller than it once was, but it was cleaning up. The Mermaid Parade 
was inaugurated. There were new attractions. And even with the 
annoying hipster appeal, it was still Coney the gyro and fried-clam 
stands were still there, Ruby's was still there, the rides were still 
there. It still felt right. 
 
Then the Giuliani administration arrived. McDonalds appeared on the 
Boardwalk. The sideshow was forced out of its location onto a 
sidestreet. Construction on the minor-league baseball stadium aka 
KeySpan Parkgot underway. The old vine-choked Thunderbolt, on the 
verge of receiving landmark status, was torn down in a blitzkrieg 
move early one morning because it was an "eyesore" for those people 
coming down to the baseball stadium. The parachute drop was likewise 
threatened, and there were rumors that the city was in dealings to 
sell Coney to the Disney Corp. 
 
Things looked grim, but apart from a few annoying cosmetic additions 
(the view-blocking bathrooms, those annoying "palm tree sprinklers" 
on the beach), Coney hung on. Last summer there were even a few new 
games like "Shoot the Freak." (WHICH GAINFULLY EMPLOYED JOEY ARIAS FOR MONTHS LAST YEAR. TOO BAD EVRYONE WAS SUCH A BAD SHOT!)And the venerable old Boardwalk 
attractions seemed to be doing well by doing what they've always 
done. Even if it was a bit more corporate than it used to be, at 
least the Disney talk disappeared, and the stadium was "over there," 
and could be ignored. The parachute drop was dismantled, but only for 
a restoration. The plan was to get it back in working order as soon 
as possible. 
 
Then, last Thursday, the Daily News reported that Coney quite 
unexpectedly had been given the last rites. 
 
It was revealed that a real estate development corporation by the 
name of Thor Equities (make of that what you will) had purchased a 
major chunk of the Boardwalk. Several business owners along the 
stretch have been told that they need to be out of there by the end 
of the summer. That includes the go kart track and Joey Clams' gyro 
stand. 
 
Other Boardwalk landmarks, like Nathan's and Ruby's, are facing 
impossible rent hikes, and will likely to be forced out. 
 
Thor's plan is to tear it all down and build a shopping mall. When 
that happens, even if the Wonder Wheel and the Cyclone remain, Coney 
Island will be dead as the pope, and it won't be coming back. 
 
Part of us wants to ask, "How could such a thing be allowed to 
happen?" Then we remembered what the current and previous 
administrations have done to the rest of the city over the past 
decade. We've said it beforepiece by piece, everything that made New 
York what it is is being taken away from us, mostly out of simple, 
stupid greed and allowed by an astonishingly oblivious and apathetic 
public. The mayor and his developer cronies are doing a hell of a 
better job destroying New York than al-Qaeda could ever dream of. 

I LOVE TO HEAR PEOPLE BASHING GIULIANI. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T LIVE IN NYC, THIS 9/11 ''HER0'' WAS A REAL ZERO, WHO TRIED, AMONG OTHER THINGS TO BAN THE QUINTESSENTIALLY NEW YORK-Y HOT DOG VENDORS, LEGISLATE MANDATORY SCHOOL UNIFORMS(!!?!), AND HE ALSO REDUCED THE NUMBER OF TAXI DRIVERS BY 1/3RD BY ENFORCING RESTRICTIONS WHICH MADE IT TOUGH FOR THEM TO MAKE A LIVING. AND DANNY GLOVER, YOU THINK BLACKS HAVE A HARD TIME GETTING A CAB? GET YOUR ASS IN DRAG AND TRY IT! THE ONLY THING GIULIANI DID WAS ACT COMPASSIONATE AFTER 9/11--WELL WHAT ELSE WOULD ANYONE DO? AT LEAST I TAKE HEART THAT HE'S JUST TOO REPULSIVE WITH THAT LISP AND THAT COMB-OVER TO REALLY BE CONSIDERED FOR PRESIDENT, EVEN BY LOATHSOME REPUBLICANS!