THE ONLINE DATING EXPERIENCES OF AN OLD WHORE

For the first time in quite awhile, yesterday I put an ad on Craig's List yesterday. And I was surprised by the large number of responses. I guess some guys still find me sexy--in 15 year old photos. Of someone else much prettier. Which have been heavily photoshopped. I like guys of all ages, but I've never been one to specifically seek out younger guys. I've generally preferred older gents.The only problem is that at my age, if they're older than me, they probably want to skype me from their damn nursing homes. And I'm not getting in my award-winning Trolly Parton/Barbara Been Eden/Sally Struthers/Crusty Springfield drag so some old geezer can diddle his limp noodle underneath hospital gown during a horribly lit cam show.

So you end up dealing with a younger bunch because they're the ones online and they're the horniest. I had to giggle at a young guy who was trying to be all no-nonsense-impress-the-"ladies"-as-a-man-of-few-words, strong silent type. Or maybe he was just dumb--clearly he has awful taste in "women." So he was typing quick sentences like "where u live at" and when I told him Rikers Island he wrote back "me too." KIDDING! We asked if that was near the 1 train and I felt my street credibility returning as I typed the response to a 19 year old "straight-identified" black guy:

"Near the 1, 2, 3, A, C, E.
Come give some of that d(ck to me.

Did I forget to tell you that I was a rapper, son?"

Didn't hear back from that one, but with an inbox full of potential new boyfriends...

Then a young latin stallion was texting me romantic sonnets. Trying to keep it current--LOL--I aked him in a text with granny tranny resding glasses on- if he was going to Talk Dirty 2 Me like Jason Derulo. He responded that he was going to make me beg for his c@ck while IT WAS IN my throat. Now that is creative! Had he heard my excellent Terry Schiavo impersonation somewhere before? We all know I've got a big mouth, but I'm not sure I can suck and talk at the same time. Then I remembered--of course I can! I do it every week onstage at la Escuelita in my dynamite 1&1/2 wo-man show called Clowns Syndrome. It's every Tuesday at 8. Wait! That means tonight! Is it that the dirt cheap ($19.95 + 1 drink minimum) drag review from Time Out NY's # drag queen of NYC? The one which Michael Musto called "the funniest town? The one with only three Tuesdays left in July before it must close? IT SURE IS! Please visit LadyBunnyTix.com for more info/tix.