JOAN RIVERS TURNING 80!

Simon Doonan thinks Joan's 80th birthday should be celebrated as a national holiday. I agree! Here's why: SIMON: I reached out to Joan this week to find out how she was dealing with her impending octogenarianship. Sidestepping any mentions of adult diapers, she reassured me that everything was just great. She is getting used to the fact that, whenever she climbs into a limousine, “a line of black town cars falls in behind me with their lights on.” Regarding her actual birthday cake, she already has a strategy: “I don’t plan to blow out my own birthday candles, as I'm scared the plastic in my face will catch fire.” READ THE REST: SLATE.COM