October 05, 2012


Apparently, a "scandalous" new video shows Obama talkin' all black and stuff to a crowd in New Orleans a few years ago. Is this dangerous in any way? Don't all politicians regularly drop their "g"s on words ending in "ing" to sound more down home? I immediately revert to a thick, southern drawl the second I reunite with my extended family from North Carolina. But that doesn't mean that I own a klan hood.

A professor on race relations on The Young Turks tonight noted that there are mountains of research proving that black men are regarded as dangerous even before they open their mouths, so there is a real and justified fear of being perceived of as an angry black man. This expert, who is black, suggested that Obama may have been looking down a lot to avoid making a combative, angry expression. Another expert disagreed, saying that Obama didn't seem this tired and defeated debating anyone else besides Mitt. And Obama was on fire Thursday in his post debate comments. So maybe the normally charming guy just had a rough night. Too bad that so many tuned in to view it. Could Michelle possibly have laid some anniversary lovin' on her man that knocked him out before he even entered the ring?

I wish Obama had been a bit more of an angry black man--he's running against someone so dangerous that fighting fire with fire might've worked better. Even throwing in a few humorous jabs here and there just for fun. Here's a few points I wish a more aggressive Obama could have made to Romney Wednesday night:

My compliments to your acting coach. You almost seem human.

You just said "Maybe I need a new accountant." I guess so, since it took you ages of begging from every major news outlet to release incomplete tax returns for just a few years.

Why on earth did you strap your dog to the rooftop off your? Weren't you afraid that Anne would get hurt up there?

And with all of your money, why is Anne's hair so stringy and flat? Michelle's hair looks smoother and she has to straighten it! I know that your campaign has very little support from blacks and latinos, but have even gay hairdressers turned their backs on you and they are now pranking her with these not-ready for prime-time hairstyles?

You want to create jobs? YOU? (laughs) Since when? You made your fortune downsizing corporations' employees and outsourcing jobs overseas. I laugh in your smug face, turd!

Could you please inform your fellow Republicans in Congress about the importance of creating jobs? They campaigned jobs, jobs, jobs  in the 2010 mid-terms but when they won, all we got were abortion bills. Ain't nobody got time for dat!

You say you'd get rid of PBS, Big Bird and any other program which forces us to borrow money from China. Well if your party (and mine for that matter) would stop outsourcing jobs to China, then China might not have that money for us to borrow. And we might not need to borrow it because Americans would be earning money working those outsourced jobs which stayed here!

As president, you plan to to kill Obamacare immediately? Yet as governor of Massachusetts you passed a similar--if not more "socialist" health care plan. Explain why you've never had one firm position. Oh, Mr. Wrongney, a check with Koch Brothers just fell out of your back pocket. HA HA! Made you look!

What's a legitimate rape and should any rape victims be forced to bear their attacker's offspring? And which twisted religion legitimizes any rape? Oh that's right--evangelicals! The extremists who frown on your mormon faith as a scary, non-Christian sect.

10 times you've claimed that I'd cut $716 billion from medicaid. Liar! Liar! Magic Mormon underpants on fire!

There have been deep cuts to extremely expensive NASA programs. The USA has never before had a serious candidate whose religion involved space travel. Are you planning to refund NASA to attempt to reach your mormon deity on star base Kolob?

Shut up with your "facts" and figures! How's this for a figure--you just slapped the 46% of the country who depend on some sort of government aid in the face when that video was released. Care to apologize to almost half of the American people while they're watching now? I'm sure the veterans, elderly, students, handicapped would love to hear it from you since your comments were very stinging and snobbish.

Rich people generally eat well. You lick there asses constantly. So I imagined before meeting that you'd you'd have better breath.

I'm sorry that all five of your sons repeatedly try to trick you by repeating falsehoods to you, as you've just claimed. My two lovely daughters are sweet, honest and not devious at all.

Americans of both parties are sick of wars and anyone with a brain knows that we were tricked by Bush into the long, expensive and possibly illegal Iraq war. You complain about big government and government spending, yet you want $2 trillion more in your defense budget than the greedy Pentagon is even asking for? So you can stir up another hornet's nest in Iran? We're broke and sick of war! Even Republicans!

Speaking of Bush, why isn't anyone speaking of him? Two terms of that dunce ran this county's economy in the ground and your economic policies mimic his. So how could you improve the economy in any way except to enrich the tycoons you plan to give tax cuts to?

And Shitt, I wasn't looking down at the podium a lot in tonight's debate because I felt inferior because you'd beaten me with your pack of lies. I was looking down on you because unlike Hillary, McCain and anyone else I've ever debated, I've never dreamt that anyone would cook up and introduce a new personality, policies and set of "facts" which contradict their policies of the last 18 months right before a debate. I realize that Colorado is known as the Mile High City and that the elevated altitude can produce a variety symptoms from dizziness to head ache to vomiting. (Looks at Mitt and vomits.) But no medical sources connect altitude sickness with a tendency to tell bold-faced lies on basic policy issues. I now understand the depth of your scumminess and why your own party passed you over as their front-runner in the primaries, preferring clowns like Donald Trump, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich and secessionist Rick Perry until they fizzled out and you were the only one left with enough money to run.

And Michelle, though it's our anniversary, I must now publicly proclaim my deep love for Lady Bunny. Your cooking has suffered as a result of your healthy eating platform and Bunny clearly doesn't have one of those. OINK!