PETA'S NEW FORESKINFURTERS!

PETA HAS CONTACTED BURNING MAN VENDORS WITH AN INTERESTING NEW PROPOASL:



We have an interesting proposition for you! People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is developing a rather sensational new food that we'd like to provide exclusively to Empire Distributing to offer travelers on their way to Burning Man next year: Foreskinfurters. Wait, don't blanche! Human foreskin cells are already used in anti-wrinkle creams and stem cell research, but now PETA has come up with a way to spare animals from slaughter by putting circumcision cast-offs to another use: have the surplus flesh sterilized and made into hot dogs. After all, flesh is flesh—the difference here is that no one died for the foreskins. The animals used for regular hot dogs, on the other hand, were killed, and chances are, they suffered a painful death.

Fifty-six percent of all newborn males born in U.S. hospitals are circumcised, and most of the flesh goes to waste, so we plan to recycle it. With so many "variety meats" on the market and the number of people looking for cheap food rising, people who want to keep on eating flesh might just give these babies a try. It's no more revolting than cow lips, pig spleen, and the other slaughterhouse body bits and excreta that make up "regular" hot dogs.

If anyone's shocked by the suggestion of munching on a hot dog made from the foreskin of newborns, consider that most of the animals slaughtered for food in the U.S. are also babies. Pigs, calves used for veal, and turkeys are only a couple of months old, and cows are only a few years old when they are slaughtered. All these babies are crammed into trucks bound for the slaughterhouse, hung upside down by their still-fragile legs (which often crack), and have their throats cut, often while they're still conscious. Our video "Meat Your Meat" on PETA.org shows all of that.



Empire Distributing would be the perfect place to launch our new Foreskinfurters in 2010, given the huge number of customers bound every year for Burning Man. After all, flesh is flesh, no matter how you slice it. Please contact me to discuss this idea further. Thank you for your consideration.


AND THAT LEAVES ME TO THIS ROTTEN JOKE FOUND ON FACEBOOK:


A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out ...of the window and landed at the girl's feet. "What's this, "she asked. "Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"Read More