MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!

(AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

Money's short, times are hard
Here's your fucking Christmas card!
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house
everyone felt shitty, even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse Dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled in for for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter.
And out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I new in a minute it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I new in a moment the fat fucker fell
He filled our stockings with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
the son of a bitch blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"piss on you all and have a hell of a night"