WHO THE FUCK GOES TO THE ZOO ON XMAS?

HI, TIGER!



So sorry about those kids who were chewed when a tiger at a San Francisco zoo escaped, but what kind of Xmas tradition is going to the zoo? Please tell me that they don't rope those animals into a stinking nativity scene in heathern San Fran! Or could the culprits be Siegfried and Roy impersonators?

Now the news coverage is asking if the tiger may have been taunted by it's victims, since a shoe and some blood were found inside the beast's cage. Child! No one told me that Flotilla was performing at the San Francisco City Zoo! Please tell me that shoe wasn't a size 13 Payless pump! Cuz that bitch Flotilla really puts on a really big shoe--two of them, in fact! I hope she wasn't executing her eye-popping routine on her "audience's" eyeball--the one that landed her ass in jail recently!



On the phone with that Flo last night, I mentioned Bhutto's assassination and was getting ready to tell her about the former Pakistani prime minister's last words in a posthumous video message courtesy taped for CNN's Wolf Blitzer, when a trick beeped in on the other line. I guess Flotilla, who hadn't realized that I'd clicked over, had just kept yakking, so when I clicked back over, she was spouting this gibberish: "I want my dick sucked by a toothless moose." Turns out she was propositioning me, but in my shall we say, "enlightened" state, a moment of hilarity ensued as I mistakenly thought that Flo was suggesting the moose pick-up line were Bhutto's last words. If, only if! Can you imagine the instant, earth-shattering worldwide enlightment which would have ensued had Benazir begged "I want my dick sucked by a toothless moose?" as her epitaph? Flotilla must be shipped to Pakistan immediately to calm them. She wouldn't be the first whore in Lahore.

Actually, her message was (paraphrasing) "If I'm killed, blame Musharaf", who she had been asking for beefed-up security. And nobly, that she knew there was a risk, she loved Pakistan enough to take that risk for it's democracy. What a contrast in Bhutto and our nation's leader! We've got a spoiled, draft-dodging frat boy who will gladly sacrifice soldiers's lives while purporting to spread democracy--ie military occupation--through a gun-barrel.

How dare Bush issue a condemnation of the Bhutto assassination, when he himself is an assassin--remember Saddam Hussein an the chaos his fall plunged Iraq into?--who is condemned around the world as a military aggressor whose actions continue to destablize the Middle East?

Confused by my own country's politics, I won't pretend to be an expert on Pakistan's. But the fact that a woman rose to power in a muslim nation is extraordinary. And with such dramatic eye-liner! Sometimes uner Chanel glasses! In fact, at one memorial, they participants carried one poster with glasses an one without. I'm sure that her make-up rates up there with most alarming of new concerns caused by her assassination, but not only was she a voice for moderation and democracy in a troubled region, she also featured immaculately applied liquid eye-liners, and mama gurl had some peepers. Such a shame that one rarely sees war-paint on the lovely, exotic ladies of the Near East. I don't wanna build her up as an angel. By the end of the day of her demise, the news was already reporting that she was bounced from the office of prime minister twice for corruption. Her father was hung in the 70's, with two of her brothers shot as well. Since she came out of exile this fall, there had already been one attempt on her life. Unfortunately, since the party was family-run, there's really no one to replace that much needed voice of moderation. Well, at least a voice of moderation and corruption.

But the republican candidates are already crying "terrorism," since protecting us on that front is their strong suit. No one believes that a democrat has the backbone to battle the terrorists, and who could deny that backbone isn't their strong suit? "America's Mayor" Giuliani is already pointing to the assassination's terrorist ties as the reason that only a mayor who allowe 9/11 to happen can protect her. Click here to watch an pretty incredible tale of his inability to provide the fire department with working radios since 1993, the year of the first WTC attacks. Yeah, the World Trade Center, where the brilliant strategist decided to house the emergency response center for the towers. But Rudy, what if there's an emergency? Oops! Yet somehow, this flop of a man is thought better able to battle terrorists better than his presidential opponents.

MSNBC rebroadcast Keith Olbermann's blistering anti-Giuliani rant tonight.



THIS TRASH ACCEPTED AN ENDORSEMENT FROM BEWIGGED CHEESEBALL CHUCK NORRIS. IS THIS IS ARKANSAS/IOWA THING OR IS--AS I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT--CHUCK IS THE MOST REVOLTING STAR EVER?



One of Giuliani's opponents, Mike Huckabee, is such a dumb-ass that he referred to Pakistan's eastern border with Afghanistan. Mike, Pakistan borders India on the east. I'm no geography scholar, so I may not have known this myself, but I'm not running for president. I'm running for vice president. Of either party. But that pales in comparison to Huckabee's first mis-step with the Bhutto murder. His office initially sent out a letter of apology to Pakistan for the assassination, then realized their error and changed it to a letter of condolences.

For that last bit of info, I thank Rachel Maddow's Air America broadcast 6:00-8:00 M-F--and I mean Monday through Friday, not male to female transsexual. Though she is a slightly butch dyke. OK, well not exactly butch, but her hair's short and she wears no make-up and nary a dress. Anyway, she also made another interesting observation today. Since Bhutto was taken out while the Bushes were holidaying in Crawford, Rachel reminded us that the Bushes inhabit a ranch. A ranch without livestock--well, unless Barbara Bush is happens to be visiting. And today, Ms. Maddow broadcast that the Bush family home where George grew up fell victim to arson. The entire of the unique library's books were burnt--and he hadn't even finished coloring them yet! OK, sorry! There's a writers' strike on!

AIR AMERICA'S RACHEL MADDOW



I'm so glad this huckster Huckabee is being exposed. For a moment, he surged to the lead among the republican candidates. Finally, the evangelical community had found a candidate conservative enough for them. A former Southern Baptist minister, I'm not sure if he's had an unchanging position on abortion, but I know he once advocated quarantining AIDS victims. The bug-eyed freak set Iowans at ease with his sense of humor, as well as managed to combine two major (if conflicting) policy issues essential to those charming born-agains: love of the Lord and love of guns! Not only did Mike take out a pheasant in an Iowa shoot-out to prove his prowess, he's let it be known that he feels God is with him when he's shooting, and an angel guides the bullet to the duck, killing it. How blessed! Rachel asked why the duck didn't have an angel to protect it. But look on the bright sie. If Huckabee wins, he can just shoot a few bombs up in the air and have Go direct them to Osama an the rest of the terrorists.

Rotted-ass Romney claimed to be lifelong hunter, and then diappointed Iowans when forced to admit that he'd misrepresented himself: he's hunted only twice. Sheesh! And that's right after he was forced to admit that in fact he had not watched his dad march with Martin Luther King. And that liar really needs to lose the hair-grease. I know it's Reagan-esque, but it ain't workin' for him, and he is a handsome liar. But how could you be so sorry that you actually look back to the Reagan years and see that Alzheimer's-riddled greaser as inspiration to model yourself after? Pew!

Of course, I did love to see Huckabee go after Romney, snarkily asking in some interview that didn't Mormons believe that Satan was Jesus's brother? Uhm, someone who has never existed may not actually have any siblings, can they? I'm so glad that duck-hunting and Satan's geneaology are the core issues that men vying for the presidency concern themselves with.



I concern myself with the presidential dose of glamour worn by Miss Ross at the Kennedy Center Honors. The bitch looked Diana-mite in a strapless white gown with rhinestone-studded nude illusion sleeves, complete with built-on bracelets and collar! In her phony way, she actually seemed to be having fun, trying to whoop it up with brain-dead co-honoree Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys. And I couldn't help but notice that Diana's daughter Tracee Ellis Ross was among the first to leap to her feet to start the standing ovulation for her the musical tribute to the Supreme one. Maybe she's a more loyal than she is band member. And honey, Diana's boys are so such mini-studs that I'm renewing my N.A.M.B.L.A. membership.

AN EARLY VENTURE INTO RHINESTONE-FLECKED NUDE ILLUSION ON THIS INSANELY TITLED ALBUM



Why on earth would they give a medley of I'M COMING OUT/ UPSIDE DOWN to Ciara? Her silver outfit was Diana-ish, but Miss ONE TWO STOP doesn't have the chops for those heavenly songs. Or the beauty! Wasn't Beyonce available or is there friction now that Beyonce portrayed the Diana character in DREAMGIRLS? Yolanda Adams is ridiculously pretty, and really turned out the REACH OUT AND TOUCH finale. How on earth can George Bush not cringe while hearing lyrics like "Reach out and touch somebody's hand/Make this world a better place if you can." Even though Yolanda's voice has way more power than Diana's, there is something so irresistible and expressive about Diana's thin voice. It's so damned womanly! And she often chose incredible songs. She was the Beyonce of her day. Sorry kids, y'all have been cheated!

THOUGH BEYONCE CERTAINLY SHOWED SHE COULD ROCK A RHINESTONE OR TWO ON THIS HOT COVER!



H.R.H. PRINCESS DIANDRA FAITHFULLY RECREATED THIS LOOK TO SYNCH "LOVE CHILD" AT WIGSTOCK 88?



Diana, who I love to death but she is at her phoniest in this Xmas medley and working her malnourished marionette look, and the back-ups are barely seen. However, the first glimpse of Flo does offer a surly glance and maybe later a missing tooth? And then the whole show explodes into a swirling chiffon caftan version of MY FAVORITE THINGS.

SUPREMES CHRISTMAS MEDLEY




Diana's early look is so extreme that it's odd to imagine that she was even considered pretty, especially since black guys tend to look like curvier shapes. Not a wacky stringbean in a short, boyish wig! I've read that initially, the softer, more bootylicious Mary Wilson was considered the group's fox. Luckily for her, as Di moved further into the spotlight as the group's front woman, the later 1960's ushered in the age of skinny beauties like Twiggy. So her waifish figure kin of came into it's own. Last night, I watched a few Supremes/Temptations specials--in an attempt to add crossover appeal to their artists, Berry Gordy put them on Broadway singing popular showtunes, many with dreadful arrangements. Mary was really moving--man, she really had it. But I guess "Diane" wanted stardom more, and so she's really "giving", too. Giving her pussy to the boss, that is! The wild thing about her looks is that like Dolly Parton, Diana started off wiggier with more make-up, wearing much less as she aged. And looking fantastic in every phase! In the clip below, her bouffed bob with oversized beaed paisley prints is major!

DISCO DIANA IN LESS MAKE-UP--20 YEARS LATER! A MARVEL! AN SHE'S DOING THAT MOUTH THING!



She's not exactly beautiful, but man, was she ever magical! Conratulations to her for her honor and thanks for the music!

THE SUPREMES AND THE TEMPTATIONS FROM THEIR TCB (Taking Care of Business) SPECIAL