GOT MY MOM'S XMAS PRESENT ALREADY PICKED OUT!

This year, she's getting boogers, freshly picked out! She enjoys those every year, but this time I wanted to give her one practical gift, too. So imagine my delight when I spotted these platforms designed for hookers with an alarm built right into the shoe! Now if she comes home with a black eye and broken teeth, I'll just have to assume that eithe she likes it, or is imitating Amy Winehouse.

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