DOLLY PARTON IS A HEATHEN!
Thankfully, some christian freak has exposed her as the Satan-worshipper she really is. The first tip was her recent gospel-inflected cover of Led Zeppelin's STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN on her last album. It didn't take this fundamentalist super-sleuth long to connect The Queen of Country with...gulp...master of the black arts, ALEISTER CROWLEY!
THE DOLLY LLAMA