January 12, 2007


Someone forwarded me this:

Beyoncé ... listen.

If you're going to play a legendary diva, then you better get schooled in ... um ... divadom. Your Deena Jones is no Diana Ross.

We break down 10 personality traits that divas tend to share:

1. A modern-day diva must conquer more than one media. We assume she can sing, but can she act?

2. She must raise being flinty/bitchy to an art form (she does not share the stage easily or gracefully). Look for bruised background singers or chorus members tossed headfirst into the orchestra pit. God help you if the billing on the marquee is wrong.

3. She has a string of powerful men as former lovers. You call him "Svengali;" she calls him her personal ATM or sometimes simply "man-puppet."

4. A diva has tons of gay fans. They are devoted and will never leave her. Gay men and Las Vegas are a diva's "pension plan" and "social security."

5. A certain sense of camp. Here's the funny part: She has no idea what you're talking about here. Divas may have a sense of humor, but never about themselves.

6. Divas own the room. No matter where, no matter when, no matter who else is there. They can't help it. It's been that way since Zeus lowered them from the heavens.

7. At the very, very least, a diva must be fashion literate, if not an out-and-out fashion icon. She doesn't listen to stylists ... she commands them.

8. A diva must have personal tragedy and career mishaps. Songbirds can't always soar.

9. She has a palpable need to hear applause ... for her and her alone. If they don't, divas lose their glow. That's right, just like Tinkerbell.

10. Hair and makeup are like water and air to her.


Blogger Friendlier said...

What midwest dynasty queen made this crap up? *snore*

7:29 AM  
Blogger Scottie said...

BunBun: Add some recreational drugs to that and you have your grocery list..

8:12 AM  
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