July 01, 2006


I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

-Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
-Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
-Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
-Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries.

Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guarandamnwelltee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out sh*t advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the sh*t in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.

The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including at the point of purchase.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your a**. (Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it!)

Ovarily Yours,



Blogger DivineLavender said...

Since I don't use pads....I don't the "luxury" to read those shit as tips. Who's "wonderful" idea was that?

9:24 PM  
Blogger Sharon said...

Stick with tampons, they can't write that crap in the strings. ;-)

7:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please make sure you credit Susie Sunshine of underpaidkeptwoman.blogspot.com for your "Dear Kotex" post, as she's the original author.

2:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok lady's pull the pads out of your ass and calm down I think its a wonderful idea and just because you can't control your raging hormones durring your menstural cycle doesn't mean the rest of us can't. I mean who doesn't want to know what could potentially ease their life durring such a sensitive time? And did it say cut out chocolate and coffee altogether? and yes you should drink that much water it helps to flush your system, or are you that absolutely dumb that you didn't know that.

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I admit periods aren't fun, but our periods define us as women. As we all know, women have always had the short end of the stick with everything such as jobs, econonic/ educational choices.

I suggest that we stop complaining about our periods and how crappy we feel during this time because this is what young girls are listening and reading negative stuff obout our feminity.

Instead we should thank a brand like Kotex who are willing to support women during this difficult time. Afterall, Kotex "rocks."

Pad user!

2:27 PM  
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