BRUSH YOUR LIPS!

This was a comment on a recent blog entry. I thought it was so funny (and informative) that I thought I'd post it as it's own entry. Thanks, Mitzi X!

I simply shape my eyebrows using tweezers, always pluck the hairs inside the lower eyebrow area as this will widen your eyes giving you a more youthful appearance. Here are a few beauty tips passed on to me from my grandragmother Lily Savage.

Foundation
'Peach princess' a warm natural tint in a panstick form, is ideal for a daytime make-up use your fingers or a sponge(not the one you clean the car with) for a smooth professional finish.cover with a dusting of translucent face powder, removing any excess with a brush.

Blusher
Pink or a warm terracotta only, don't go piling on the brick red you'll only look like a victorian whore.

To Achieve Cheekbones
Get your back four teeth removed and smoke low tar fags sucking these really pulls the cheeks in.
Have an injection of silicone for the chubby cheek look!(madonna take note!)

Lipsticks
Either red or pink. Never use a blue or purple lipstick unless you want to look like a cardiac arrest victim. Brown lipsticks are ridiculous. who the hell ever had brown lips? Its not natural! Blood red lipsticks make teeth appear startlingly white. An insipid pink lipstick can make teeth appear yellow. Blot with tissue after appling the first coat of lippy and dust carefully with some face powder to seal it. Reapply another coat and voila your lipstick with stay put all night you can even eat a kebab! A cheap red lipstick will stain your lips a permanent red - good! isn't that what we want? so buy cheap lippys. the ones that come free on magazine covers are best, its like gloss paint and won't come off even with a brillo pad.
When you brush your teeth, brush your lips as well, it gently exfoliates them and will plump them up giving you a fashionable parisian pout.

FOR THE ELDERLY DRAG QUEEN
Beat an egg white and paint a thin coat over your entire face and neck and allow to dry. Watch what happens, it tightens the skin so you can barely speak or blink and then after a while it cracks giving our skin the appearance of an elderly dinosaur's.
An elasticated knee support, worn on your head, will give you the most amazing instant facelift.You need to be wearing a wig or a turban to do this.There! twenty years younger, it pulls the skin tight as a drum, facial expressions are impossible but you'll look fantastic.

Love Mitzi X