June 06, 2006


Freehold, Iowa - A number of panicked Christian ladies across America are scheduled to give birth on June 6th, 2006. This date raises concern among church members since the numbers of that day also identify the son of Satan, the "Beast" from the book of Revelation. No decent, Christian family wants the little red bottom of the devil's spawn perched on a limb of their family tree, taking a dump on the branches below, much less sitting in a high-chair at the dinner table listening in on family prayers while quietly finalizing plans to sodomize mommy with the family vacuum. As such, Landover Baptist Creation Scientists have put together a checklist of recommended actions one should take if their baby is being born or was born on 06-06-06.

Is My Child The Devil's Son?
A Checklist for Christian Mothers

1. Ladies, keep your legs crossed until after midnight. A True Christian™ lady always keeps her knees together -- and June 6 is no time to stop. As your demon child willfully pushes and kicks, causing your lady hole to dilate to the size of a drainage pipe, keep your knees locked together at all times. This will give your demanding child a wonderful, early lesson that he can't always have his way. To underscore this valuable disciplinary message, as the devil child flops around, trying to claw its way out to the human world to do Lucifer's bidding, continue to warble in a loud voice, "La la la la la la la I CAN'T FEEL YOU!"


Also on the site, the Betty Bowers review of THE DA VINCI CODE which includes this delirious tidbit:

This man (on the left wearing a fabulous vintage chiffon-lined Dior gold lamé gown over a silk Vera Wang empire waist tulle cocktail dress, accessorized with a 3-foot beaded peaked House of Whoville hat, and the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of Oz) is worried that The Da Vinci Code might make the Roman Catholic Church look foolish.



Blogger Aaron said...

Betty Bowers is the greatest! The irony is so thick you can cut it with a chainsaw...the whole concept of a fundamentalist Baptist church in Manhattan, where all the ladies wear Dior and Givenchy, just makes me heave with laughter

10:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bunny, please no!!! Don't make such mistakes!!! The fucking red shoes the pope is wearing are Prada's!!! Miuccia herself sent the item to the Pope (or maybe he's been filling his basket recently). The whole story about the Pope's shoes is quite demented and it made many people laugh in Italy. Well, he may not like PACS (same-sex unions), but he surely is very trendy!

3:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On 9-12-2001 a stunned me emailed Betty Bowers asking if she thought the Demoncrats were responsible for the attacks and she said Definitely religious zealots are behind these attacks but they were not our religious zealots

1:31 PM  

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