HARE LIP

To celebrate it's 50 year anniversary Hasbro is releasing a scent based on Play-Doh. Called Eau de Play-Doh, it targets "highly-creative people, who seek a whimsical scent reminiscent of their childhood." It sounds pretty horrible to me, since Play-Doh's ingredients include flour, water and salt. But then again, the perfume's created by Demeter, who managed to make Dirt and Tomato Leaf into fantastic scents. (Their tomato leaf incense covers pot smell very effectively, I'm told.) From Demeter's site:

"When you open a can of PLAY-DOH compound, you are instantly transported back to childhood. What better way to celebrate the 50th birthday than by bottling the scent for adults everywhere to enjoy as a reminder of their youth."

Yeah, one whiff and you shit yourself and start crying. What's next on Demeter's roster: Eau de SUPER ELASTIC BUBBLE PLASTIC? At least that could get you high if you sniffed on that tube of toxic goo hard enough.



Finally saw that SURREAL LIFE with it's new cast. I can't figure out why MTV and VH1 must bleep out drug references in videos, yet they seek out obvious drug addicts like Tawny Kitaen and Jeff Conway to rule VH1's airwaves with obviously drug-induced melt-downs. (At least they have drugs as their excuse for melt-downs, Alexis Arquette!) It deeply pains me to watch Sherman Helmsley and Florence Henderson, stars of the genius classic shows like The Jeffersons and The Brady Bunch, now forced to be a part of this travesty. It's so sad that reality TV is the outlet bonafide stars have if they wanna work nowadays. Hey, I'm not saying I'd turn a role on one down if it were offered, but I'd much rather appear on a well-written show with great characters like The Jeffersons. Remember the complete pandemonium which erupted every time George's prune-faced mom walked in front of that camera? Heaven!

And it's so pitiful when SURREAL LIFE tries to build in a mini-plot, like this group's POISON competition or the gang which included Jane Wiedlin, Peter from The Brady Bunch and that dwarf trying to make a pop song. And acting like they really care! Throwing a bunch of people into a "cool-looking" house and hoping their interactions would be entertaining wasn't enough, so they add some good old fashioned all-American competition to keep people's interest up--give 'em a little of the same factor that makes AMERICAN IDOL a hit. Rubbish! At least IDOL showcases some actual singing talents. The only people who I think you could sling up in a house and satisfy my curiousity would be Zsa Zsa Gabor, Grace Jones, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Rip Taylor, and since I'm down with hip-hop, that new guy Kanye East.

DAVID BLAINE, WE DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR DICK SHRIVEL UP IN A TANK OF WATER. WE WANNA SEE IT GROW! HOW'S THIS FOR A DEATH-DEFYING NEW TRICK? FUCK EVERY WHORE IN NYC! ME FIRST!



"Magician" David Blaine is unfortunately at it again. C'mon, honey! Houdini got out of things. You just stay in them? What a snore! The real endurance test is us having to put up with his pointless exhibitionism. At least he has on a skimpy bathing suit in the tank. I think he's adorable, but I'm with the English, who coolly greeted his last stunt hanging over the Thames. Here are some comments from BBC.com concerning his last appearance.

I am scandalized that such a non-event could become news. There are millions of people starving in this world. I am ashamed, as a human being that this can happen in the 21st century and receive such media attention. 
Judith Wuarin, Switzerland

There are millions starving around the world. If David Blaine had undertaken this stunt to high light their plight and raise sponsor money he would be respected. Sadly David is obviously incapable of thinking outside the box. 
Steve, London, UK

I couldn't care what David Blaine has "achieved". He has made a lot of money out of starving himself, something that is forced on far too many people around the globe. If he wants any admiration from me he should donate that (and any other profits) to help people who are really starving. I hope he pays for his hospital bills too and doesn't lump the cost on the NHS. 
Paul, UK

Despite all the people saying they aren't interested in it, there are a huge number of comments here. He has succeeded in getting people to flock to watch him doing nothing, for days. That is magic. Any corporate sponsors for my "live paint drying" show? 
Steve, England

What a waste of time. Another American lasted longer in the original version of this stunt and that was 50 years ago. And recently a woman was trapped in a box for 60 days without even water - she survived - goes without saying that Blaine with his massive support team would have. Let's hope his next trick is a disappearing one. Give me a rabbit out of a hat anytime - That's magic. 
Rick, UK

PLAINLY A SUPERSTAR:MISS JENNIFER ANUSTON



I'm mystified by this new-ish trend of the "top" stars not having any hits, but being on the cover of every magazine. And not just tabloids, either. Has Jessica Simpson had a hit recently? Dukes of Hazzard was a flop as well as was that ghastly version of THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN'. Jennifer Anuston has yet to score a hit film and she's been off of FRIENDS for ages. Brad and Angelina don't seem to have any smash hits either. What's Lindsay Lohan done except lose and gain weight? They are considered A-list stars, but with C-list products. Like Sharon Stone, who's been considered A-list for decades with only one big movie, and it was decades ago. I don't get it.

I understand that certain celeb's personal lives excite the masses and they don't need a hit every second--that's nothing new. Zsa Zsa Gabor, who I absolutely adore, is a perfect example of a Hollywood star with hardly any films--she simply WAS. Just the other day I was observing how a star can be very talented, but without some drama in their lives or personality make-up, the public can't really connect with them the way they can when they're hungering for any news about Whitney's drug habit, Britney's baby or husband, Nick and Jessica's split, or Jennifer vs Angelina. Take Toni Braxton, for example. She's pretty, can sing well, has had some great songs (though not recently), and a successful run on Broadway. Except for her bankruptcy tale years ago, there isn't really much personal news about her to hook you in to care about her when her product tanks.

And speaking of hooking...



There's one drugged-out slut I don't mind watching occasionally on a reality show! ANNA NICOLE WON! At least the right to progress to the next phase in claiming her inheritance. I have no idea what the all the background dirt is, but it isn't hard to imagine the old man being so smitten with her beauty that he'd leave a big chunk of his $1.6 billion estate to her. And a hooker needs to get paid the pre-arranged amount. Just like mine, that hooker's pussy IS worth millions! $474,000,000 for 14 months of marriage to be exact. She wasn't diddling around with gramp's shrivelled weiner for nothing and now she may actually get paid! If I were the son, I'd be bitter, too, but who knows, maybe the son was a jerk and the dad wanted to shaft him like he tried to "shaft" dear Anna-kins. The son, a judge cited, had "engaged in forgery fraud and overreaching to gain control of his father's assets." So maybe ol' Anna isn't as dumb as her slurred speech on her reality show implied!

I wish that case was being tried before the jury I'm on! Or at least the case of that party planner who got a restraining order against Paris Hilton in February. I only heard about it yesterday. I wonder what she did to him? I totally missed all this until yesterday. Good ol' Google!

From Eonline.com:

"The promoter, who counts Hilton beau Stavros Niarchos among his friends, has claimed that Hilton accused him of encouraging Niarchos to dump her and get back together with ex-girlfriend Mary-Kate Olsen.

In court documents, Quintana alleged that Hilton "has a drug and alcohol problem, some rather shady associates, and is known for erratic behavior." He claimed he felt he was in "imminent danger" from the celebutante's wrath."

From Defamer.com:

"In September 2004, [event producer Brian] Quintana said he became friends with Stavros Niarchos, and later became his "PR rep." He introduced Niarchos to Hilton, and they started dating.

Quintana, 37, testified his relationship with Hilton changed in November when "Paris accused me of planting unfavorable stories toward her in the press."

Hilton shoved him in the chest, he said.

Quintana testified that Hilton interrupted a conversation he was having with Niarchos -- initially out of her earshot -- about a call he had received from the tabloid Star Magazine.

"I wanted to make sure that he was aware that she might have herpes," Quintana said on the stand. Outside of court, Quintana's attorney Richard Sherman said they had no specific knowledge about any medical condition Hilton may have.

Quintana testified that if a story had been published, Hilton would have threatened him. In December, Quintana said he got a phone call from Hilton, who was in Hawaii. She allegedly said, "I'm going to put a contract out on you."

And then there's the suit against Paris by Zeta Graff. Some people really know how to have fun in a nightlub!

ZETA GRAFF



From Page Six:

PARIS Hilton was attacked on the dance floor of a London nightclub Thursday night by a jealous ex-girlfriend of the hotel heiress’ fiance, Paris Latsis.

Zeta Graff, who dated Latsis for two years before he dumped her for Hilton, went berserk at Kabaret, where she had to be restrained by security men who escorted her from the club.

Graff suddenly flew at Hilton and tried to remove her necklace. “She was screaming and it looked like she was trying to strangle Paris,” said one source.

What set Graff off was partly the music, and partly the necklace. …

Plus, Paris and Paris and some friends were dancing to Barry Manilow’s 1970s hit “Copacabana.” As Manilow sang the last verse, Graff, who is 40ish, thought they were laughing at her.

The song goes: “Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl/But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show/Now it’s a disco, but not for Lola/Still in the dress she used to wear, faded feathers in her hair/She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind/She lost her youth and she lost her Tony/Now she’s lost her mind!”

"I just said to her...she is old and should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people," Hilton said. "And just that--I just--what else did I say? Just that she is not cute at all."

She also claimed that Graff had threatened Latsis, claiming she was going to "send Mexican people to come and beat the s--t out of him," and that she was intimidated by Graff after Latsis warned her that the diamond heiress might "do voodoo" on her.



I had no clue that the brat was so interesting! Paris's private persona is sooo much juicier than her wan smile and limp-wristed wave on red carpets and bored performances on The Simple Life, which would have Eva Gabor, Paris's great aunt (?) and star of a similarly displaced glamorpuss in the sticks-themed TV show GREEN ACRES, rolling over in her perfumed, feather boa-lined, diamond-encrusted grave! God, wouldn't it be insane to exhume Eva and see that skeleton in a wig with jewelry on? OK, enough with the porn talk.

OK, I'm off to jury duty, which has actually been fascinating and I'll fill you in on that later. But the breaks give me an opportunity to catch up with my reading. I hate mainstream "entertainment" so much that I let my subscription to EW run out, but I have a few unread back issues. One yielded this review of Amanda Byne's boy drag film, SHE'S THE MAN.

From EW:

She's jut a sweet transvestite who want to play soccer



...Bynes pastes on side-burns and a shaggy bowl-cut wig and struts around in a prep school jacket attempting to pass herself off as a boy, but Bynes, with her chipmunk cheeks and goggly eyes, comes off more like some bizarre third-sex Davy Jones after an infusion of estrogen. When she tries to talk "masculine," squeaking out lines like "Hey bruthuh!" in a vaguely hip-hop patois, it's so cheesy-wrong that you stare with a mix of fascination and horror.

SHE'S THE MAN sounds like a must-see! Please DO NOT tell NYC drag king Murray Hill that Amanda Bynes has stolen her "cheesy-wrong" act which inspires "a mix of fascination and horror" or that it flopped on the big screen as much as it does in the tragic dumps Murray poorforms in. KIDDING! Love ya, Mur!