A BIG BIG LOVE
I interviewed "Big Bill" for Genre's last issue on Health and Fatness--I mean Fitness.
A Big Big Love
I first met “Big Bill” at WIgstock, as oversized drag queen Jennifer Snackwell. He delighted audiences by bouncing around the stage in a psychedelic mini mumu with his nuts swinging out gaily underneath, but, offstage, a fat queen receives a much chillier response, and is often at bottom of the gay cruising totem. We sat down over rolls with butter (High carb! High fat!) to “gut” some of the issues faced by a self-proclamed, fat fag.
BUNNY: It strikes me as odd that the gay movement asks straights for tolerance, yet we are so intolerant of physical attributes that vary from the “himbo,” white, muscle god image. Why do gays have such an intense dislike of heavy people?
BILL: (Sarcastically) Uh, maybe self-loathing? The key is diversity. It takes different people of all shapes, sizes and colors to turn different people on and I'm a big man.
BUNNY: After working with a bunch of gorgeous strippers recently, I realized that these guys were so physically desirable that they didn't need to bother developing any people skills, and were mostly selfish, stuck-up assholes. (In other words, they wouldn’t let me blow them.) But for people who do think outside the stereotypical box, is there a certain type of person who is attracted to bigger people?
BILL: Yeah, there is a type—there is a non-type. For the people I let into my life, I qualify no image. I'll take anyone in my bed. As long as they take me out to dinner first! Or afterwards.
BUNNY: Amen, sister! As long as they have food. Is there a preconceived notion about what sexual role heavier people will play?
BILL: Many people expect me to be a bottom, but it's the complete opposite. I'm a top.
BUNNY: They' d better have strong backs! I have a theory about why people expect heavy-set guys to be bottoms. The gym culture is all about striving for this hyper-masculine, chiseled, not-found-in nature physique…
BILL: A lot of them are big bottoms, Bunny.
BUNNY: Not to mention they often have no dick and shriveled up nuts! There’s this idea that many guys feel inferior because they're bottoms, so they need to bulk up in the gym to overcompensate for the fact that they throw their legs up at night to get plunged. Senselessly, gays look down on bottoms, too!
BILL: A lot of times, you notice that muscle gods are looking for someone more masculine than they are to screw them. All that masculinity just folds right up when they're gettin' it in the ass.
BUNNY: Do you think that bigger people are considered bottoms because their softness hints at an ineffectual and therefore passive male?
BILL: A lot of times when I'm having sex, men will grab my fat. They wanna touch it and feel it. And I'm like, “OK, you're a chubby-chaser”, but that's alright because I'm fucking them. Do what you want, because I get to get what I want, too.
BUNNY: You pig!
BILL: But you really hit on something with the idea of this overcompensation. Some gays are so controlling and self-absorbed with their weight that in bed, they want to feel the complete opposite, which is fat. They’re being so obsessive about their own image that they feed on their obsessiveness by grabbing my gut. It's like aversion therapy. Their brain is telling them to constantly monitor their appearance and then in bed, their brain rebels and tells them to grab what they spend their lives avoiding--a big gut. People look at me in either two ways: either disgusted or they're a little frightened. I'm a big man. 6 feet and kind of wide.
BUNNY: When they are disgusted, how does that manifest itself? You summer in Provincetown, which for those of you who don't know, is a very white, muscular and wealthy.
BILL: Well, I struggle there for a lot of attention from gay men. Why should they go with some big fat guy when there is so much eye candy? But I kind of like being there because I'm different.
BUNNY: What would you say to someone who questions your ability to be healthy and so large? Doesn't carrying a lot of weight stress the heart and have other health problems associated with it?
BILL: I manage my blood pressure. My cholesterol is ok. I work out a lot and a stress test has proved that my heart is ok. If anything, it's my joints that might be a problem. But that happens to everyone with age.
BUNNY: You don't have to tell "Lady Bunion".
BILL: I'm still working towards a goal and that's to stave off death. We all have to enjoy our journey and age gracefully. The best revenge is living well, and those gym queens who are suffering are depriving themselves the pleasure of the journey. Would you like one of my rolls?
BUNNY: Bill, you're drooling!