BLAWG BLAHS

Hey people! My apologies for letting my blog slide a bit with irregular entries. But I have several explanations:

Bitch been workin'!

Bitch done had computer and blogger.com issues which computer illiterate bitch couldn't figure out!

Bitch now addicted to myspace.com--more on that genius time-waster later.

Bitch's reefer gone.

Also, I realized how depressing scrambling to weigh in on current affairs regularly can be. A few things in my personal/work life were unsettling enough recently (jury duty!), and I really didn't feel the need to be telling anybody what needs to be done when my own ass was not together! One day, I found myself scribbling notes while listening to Randi Rhodes on AIR AMERICA thinking "This will make a great blog entry!" then chastizing myself with "Whore! Is your rent paid? Does your landlord give a fuck if you have a vital blog?" So here's my attempt to play catch up, not with an essay-length piece on anything in particular, but a schizophrenic hodge-poge which touches on anything which caught my eye in the last few weeks. Ok, months.

BEYONCE'S CHECK ON IT

Beyonce looks incredible in this video. As Billy Beyond put it, "She's a robot. A very beautiful robot." But I despise this song with it's two note melody which actually considers

You got to be patient
I like my men patient

to be a rhyme. What about Haitian, Asian, or even raisin? Ok, not too many songs rhyme raisin and if you ask me, that's what's wrong with today's pop music! There no rhyme nor raisin to it. Seriously, the melody of this line is so infantile that it actually reminds me of the childhood taunt "Nah nah nah nah nah nah". Ghastly. However, you cannot take away the girl's hotness. In that blonde wig with bangs (She robbed me!) against that pink polka dot background? And in that short flirty flared skirt with all that bootyliciousness jiggling? Talk about "junk in the trunk", which I thought until just recently meant constipated! That robot is pretty sensational and I don't want pussy. I can only imagine the video's effect on hetero men. But I'll be glad to screen it for them while I blow them. Oh, and I love the scenes from the PINK PANTHER in the video which swirl by projected on a...FRYING PAN? That's so off that I have to love it! But somebody should have known better than to start with the sensuous sax line of the unforgettable PINK PANTHER theme which segueways into this crappy excuse for a "song".

MICHAEL MUSTO ON MSNBC LAST NIGHT

When dicussing the upcoming reality show to star Osama's niece, Michael poo-pooed possible objections with "We all have a wacky uncle in the family" and stoked the John Travolta gay rumors by hinting that though he's been cast in the Harvey Fierstein role in HAIRSPRASY, "Winnie Barbarino" can't come out of the closet because his association with Scientology won't permit it. It could turn, according to Musto, into "A WAR OF THE GIRLS" with Tom Cruise! Hee hee! Even more so if John looks more appealing in drag than Katie. MEOW! Michael also quite rightly pointed out that the Divine role is owned by Harvey. With his gruff voice and queen-sized figure, Harvey made the role grotesque. Is grotesque in John's acting repetoire? I doubt it, but please prove me wrong. Otherwise, this will be one of those classic cases of casting a box office draw instead of the deserving Broadway royalty who brought the character to life.

CORETTA'S FUNERAL

This was the funeral that MLK never got to have--the Nobel prize winner was snubbed by the Georgia governor and not allowed to lie in state--so it was a momentous occasion. As much as I slam CNN, they aired a lot of it and I was riveted. I misse Stevie Wonder but that female horn player tore it up! So many great performances--even Bush senior killed 'em! I do wonder how Bush Jr had the nerve to attend or why any black person would tolerate his presence there, but I suppose that his attendance was respectful and it was a time to put politics aside to honor the dead. Still, I was waiting for the Kanye West moment. Maya Angelou did turn around and look at Bush when she said "weapons of mass destruction were never found", but Carter was the one who came closet to Kanye's "George Bush doesn't care about black people" when he said something to the effect of "Look at the color of the faces of the people effected by Katrina." Black audiences tend to be very vocal, and they roared over Clinton, who is a natural-born orator and comedian. I did hate his BS about "I'd like to look at Coretta as a woman." I was hoping he'd get his speeches confused and follow with "And I did not have sexual relations with THAT woman." Bill! Lemme know if you need a new speech writer--I'll have you out of those stuffy fundraisers and on the Chitlins Circuit in no time! Hillary's set bombed, and she lost out on a huge opportunity to send the message "I'm as entertaining and forceful as my husband and like him, I can be president." I guess that's a good thing cuz no one is too ecxited about Hil right now.

And speaking of Kanye, a VH1 round-up of the year's most embarassing moments included his Bush comment on live TV. Good job, VH1. Sent the message that unfilterd truth is embarassing. It was embarassing to Bush, not Kanye, you idiots!

TRANSAMERICA

See it now! They handled a difficult subject beautifully. I've never been able to sit through DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES so I wasn't familiar with Miss Huffman, but she totally nails the part of an awkward, nervous change. The wardrobe, make-up and hair really transformed her and I thought the fake nails a little too wide for her nail beds was a genius touch to make her hands look bigger and more masculine. Kevin Zeger as Felicity's son was excellent too, and so gorgeuous! Doesn't he look like a male Brooke Shields?

In the scene when she and her son pop in on a trans-y party in Texas, I was delighted to see my friend (and real life transsexual) Bianca Leigh as the soiree's host. Wasn't that scene fantastic? A long, anxious road trip to self-awakening puntuated with a kooky tranny get-together in Texas? Nuts! I was so thrilled by the film that I interviewed Bianca for my blog. Too bad I didn't remember to turn on the tape recorder properly and wasted Bianca's great interview! Graciously, she agreed to redo it. So be on the lookout for that within the next 5 years.

RANDI RHODES ON AIR AMERICA

I have never listened to the radio and pumped my fist in the air while crying and laughing simultaneously. But, hey, I'm a sucker for RADIO DISNEY. (That was an attempt at a joke--ok, so I'm a little rusty!) AIR AMERICA has several great hosts. I love Jerry Springer in the morning slot and Sam Seder does a fine job of dissecting the issues form a liberal standpoint. (This is a standpoint which is rarely heard because the fabled "left-wing media" doesn't exist except for the WASHINGTON POST and NY TIMES. And they're pretty safe. As far as national TV, Kanye West blurting out something anti-war and anti-Bush on live TV is the closest many people get to even hearing the truth and that was an accident, for chrissakes!

RANDI GETS HER MAKE-UP DONE FOR RADIO!


For those of you who, like me, only read the NY Times when someone forwards me a particular article or the daily must-read Huffpo links it, Randi is an unbelievably entertaining way to get your news. Not only is she hilarious, but unlike the other AIR AMERICA jocks who all have a firm grasp of the issues, Randi delights ripping the administration a new asshole, with her own jewish Borscht Belt catty flair. Some of AIR AMERICA's other hosts are a little too dry for me. And the research she does! After a presidential video conference on Katrina was recently unearthed by AP, she and her staff spent 6 hours combing through every word to rebutt it the next day. Not many of us have time for this but I'm so glad she does! I continue to hear rumblings about AIR AMERICA going under and I'm pretty sure that they lost/ are losing the use of WLIB in the NY area. I guess there is a limited # of strong-signalled stations, but you can always listen online at AIRAMERICA or if outside NYC find a station near you which airs it. It's on live from 3-7 Eastern time on WLIB and rebroadcast from 4-6 AM. Trust me, if you don't have time to sift through long newspaper articles and you like to laugh, USE HER OR LOSE HER! She's on vacation until 3/13 but please tune in to welcome this dynamo back! Or, if you want a quick fix right now, here's a podcast of one of her past shows: WILEM.COM OH, and Randi offers free ringtone downloads of bawdy 1960's comedienne Rusty Warren's "hit" BOUNCE YOUR BOOBIES at RANDIRHODESSHOW

BAILING BOND



I'm loving the controversy over the new James Bond. There's a website which denounces him as not handsome enough for the part, and poor Daniel Craig has received tons of hate mail from loyal Bond fans who feel that the producers are trying to economize by casting an unknown. Now the actor has said publicly that he didn't even want the role! Breaking a tooth while shooting in the Carribean and having trouble driving the Aston-Martin didn't help the situation. Everyone from Judi Dench to Nicole Kidman to the other Bond actors have defended his acting, but it can't change one thing: he's ruggedly handsome, but with his Cockney boxer's mug, he lacks the suave, sophisticated looks of an international playboy. I don't ever recall this much outrage over an inappropriate casting, but Bond producers have usually gotten it right and in so doing, created a series with an image so powerful that the public's crying foul. I think it's an insistence on maintaining the quality of the past in a world of cheap trash. I agree that Bond films ahould be slick, dazzling affairs with swoon-over-me leading men like Roger Moore and Sean Connery, so that cheap trash like me can escape our sordid lives for 2 hours at a cost of $25 for tickets and the over-priced snacks which add unneeded pounds which raise our--oh, must I go on?

THE FLAVOR OF LOVE

Has anyone stumbled on this monstrosity? I couldn't take my eyes off of the one episode I caught. Basically, several girls are set up in a reality TV-style "funky" house where they attempt to compete for the love of a moron with wall clocks worn as medallions. I guess it was an attempt to cash in on the "success" of whatever horrible reality show paired Flava up with that drunken Scandinavian bombshell whose name I can't recall. One girl who gets elimanated hurls a wad of spit into one of the finalist's face. They looped the clip to show the hurling over and over. Isn't that a great message? Spit in people's face? Yet that spit is ratings gold. They were so pleased with the spit that they looped it. So when something awful happens, you've won. There needs to be an Omarosa bitvhy/evil moment or there's no conflict. I love bitchy characters when they are well-written, well=acted and well-shot fiction. But to watch a bunch of fame-hungry trolls in a compete for a man none of them actually want in the first place is garbage. One of the reasons I despise reality TV. Though I did think it was interesting that the current crop of fat celebs (Countess, Bruce Vilanch, Chastity Bono, etc) on that weight loss competition show are either black, gay, or IV drug users--the 3 high risk group for HIV infection! I guess it wouldn't be as entertaining to have AIDS victims fight to try to keep their weight on in a real reality show. I guess I noticed the high risk parallel trying to make some sense out of these shows, which I view occasionally at the gym. OKAY, OKAY! Very occasionally! When there are real controversies to address like whoops! there goes your right to privacy with the passing of the Patriot Act, how could anyone be rallying around the TV to watch a spitwad. Pretty shameful.

IMPEACHMENT IS YESTERDAY'S NEWS

It's been a depressing couple of days with Alito's confirmation and Bush's clueless SOTU speech. Equally sad was the turnout at the World Can't Wait call for impeachment rally in Time Square. I don't know whether the crowd of only 300 was due to the windy, damp January night or the feeling that we were preaching to the already converted democratic New Yorkers so the protest was not as necessary here. They were a spirited bunch, and I love the way the percussion instruments sound with yelling--it's a tribal ruckus which transports you to another time before there were bullhorns or any other forms of amplification. Rollerena, the exquisite rollerskating drag star of Studio 54, attended out of drag except for a rhinestone peace symbol. She's a divine creature who also happens to be a Vietnam veteran. I did enjoy the sign with an illustration of W as a chimp which read Banana Republican. I did not enjoy the speaker who was quoting the prophet Isaiah, who is really neither here nor there, so I fleeced, gurl. But not before screeching in a heart-felt if nonsensical "PUT AN END TO PARMESAN POLITICS!" Don't worry, they didn't get it at the protest either.

BANANA REPUBLICAN


Is there another reason for the poor turnout? In NYC, there aren't more than 300 people to call for impeachment? Delighted that there may be legal recourse to get this monster out of the White House and possibly into a Jail House? I was floored by this. I started to ask myself if I've beenbrainwashed by the liberal lefties. I can't decipher legal issues regarding impeachment or the signifigance of the 1978 law Bush supposedly broke. If only 300 are showing up, maybe this impeachment is a farfetched impossibility hatched by wishful thinkers who don't have much of a case. Wouldn't democratic senators be joining the impeachment rally if it were truly feasible? Not really, since they've fallen down on so many fronts from Alito to voting us into the war in the first place.

They fell again by choosing Senator Kaine to make a rebuttal speech. Candy Crowley commented on CNN that he was chosen because he would willingly talk about his faith. Separation of church and state is officially dead if that's true. His relationship with a myth would recommend him to make such a crucial speech though he was unknown and has only been in office for 18 days. I'll give anyone a chance. If he has faith and his hearts in the right place nd his priorities are intact, I'll hear him out. Who says an unknown can't be a rousing speaker?

I realized immediately upon hearing Kaine why they'd picked him. The senator from Virginia drops his g's an says "workin'" instead of "working". To the morons in this land, that inspires trust. A well-spoken man with no accent wouldn't appeal to their simple, down-home minds. And Kaine received good marks for his speech. He got a couple of decent points in. I hated his weak "There must be a better way" tagline. For one thing, it plays right into the hands of everyone who claims, quite rightly, that dem's have no plan. If there's a better way, what the fuck is it, then? Now's your chance to wow us, doll! You've got so much ammunition against the president and his ridiculous assertions and you blew it. There must be a better way. Maybe with some emotion, some outrage, calling the president on his lies, SOMETHING REAL???

SO HERE'S MY REBUTTAL SPEECH:

Can you name 10 or more people with AIDS?

Can you afford health insurance?

Can you say that you're working steadily enough to save money the money you need to retire?

Can you afford the gasoline you need?

Can you say that you think your kids are getting a decent education?

Can you say that Bush handled the Katrina disaster well, either before or after?

Can you say, with 2005 being the deadliest year in Iraq since the invasion of that country, that the war is going well?

Can you say that you say that democracy is taking root in the Middle East with the victory of a terrorist regime in Palestine, muslim protests around the world over a cartoon and civil war erupting in Iraq?

Can you say that these soldiers are in Iraq for a reason you understand, since there were no WMDs found and Iraq is not safer as a result of our efforts?

Can you say that you aren't bothered by Bush's outward message of "Support the troops!" when the troops are actually in poor spirits with new recruits way below the Army's quotas, in need of body army, being given feces-tainted water to drink by Halliburton while veterans' benefits have been cut throughout Bush's presidency?

Can you say, even if you support the war, that you haven't been dismayed by the constant reports by military experts who claim Bush's plan in Iraq is faulty or even non-existent?

Can you say that you feel secure--security supposedly being Bush's strong suit--that Bush did not even know about the UAE ports deal which all 50 states' governors protested before it was voted down 62 to 2 as a security nightmare?

Can you say that you aren't aware of the many crooks in the Bush administration who've been forced to step down or are under investigation from Abramoff to Libby to Rove to Delay to Claude Allen, Bush's top domestic policy advisor, who was arrested this week for defrauding Target and Hecht's store for $5,000?

WELL THEN YOU CAN'T SAY YOU SUPPORT AN INCOMPETENT CROOK LIKE GEORGE W. BUSH!

But I temporarily tuned out my self-doubts when I tuned into the last half hour of the last State of the Union speech. I got a creepy, back-sliding notion. What if Bush was not the devil I've been painting him to be? Am I locked in a hopeless liberal NYC bubble that has me believing there are legal grounds for impeachment when they don't actually exist? I know that his policies are destructive, but could this whole hall of people giving him standing ovations at every other sentence all intend to be as corrupt, greedy, hawkish, ignorant and blind? I'm always puzzled by this. If they are so religious, how do they sit in meetings and say we're going to falsify information to send our troops to their death because we need Iraqi oil? How can they all manage to trick themselves and the majority of voters, most of whom consider themselves christian?

Well, regardless of how, they have. Thankfully, their tricks seem to be wearing thin and now Republicans are scrambling to distance themselves from Bush because of the Dubai ports fiasco, which plainly demonstrates how Bush values $ over our safety and Bush's sinking poll numbers. Tales of Bush's incompetence are finally hitting the airwaves regularly. It remains to be seen if his incompetence will get any "traction", which means will the "Amurican people" care enough to raise a stink about his gross injustices and flop policies this time. Uh oh! I feel another Osama Been Forgotten tape coming on.