THANKSGIVING

I love this holiday and wanted to take a minute to reflect on why. It's not connected with any religion, and anyone from muslim jihadist suicide bomber to "Dominionist" christian--that's the hateful kind George W is--has something to be thankful for. And we all take some of them for granted so they deserve a day of appreciation for even the small things.

And of course I love Thanksgiving's menu. I went to a pot luck at Willie Ninja's home in Flushing, Queens (humming that great theme song from THE NANNY) and made my mom Lady Becky's famous cornbread stuffing. Like a fool, I waited until the day of to shop for ingredients, and went into shock when I realized that no grocery in my area had Jiffy brand corn muffin mix, which makes this holiday comfort food extra sweet. And every dish from the cranberry sauce to the yams has to be a dessert on Thanksgiving! I ain't one for a savory stuffing. So I prepared the 4 boxes I had and went on a hunt for more, which I finally found by London Terrace in Chelsea. As a testament to the delicious taste of the mix, several mice were enjoying the batter made from the first 4 boxes by the time I returned. I chuckled heartily and shooed them away with a cheery wink only to realize that I was out of Crisco. (Don't ask why!) What to use as shortnin'? Here's a reason to give thanks--I remembered those 6 dozen promotional LOGO TV chapsticks and just scooped them right out of the tubes. Worked great. By the time I realized I was out of eggs, every store was closed. Fretting all the way home, I heard a familiar cooing sound from the garden in my back courtyard. I peeked back and a pigeon was nervously keeping her eggs warm. Sorry, mama, but I gots stuffin' ta make! And Martha Stewart couldn't give ya a tip like this: if you ever run out of sage, a tablespoon of poppers (brown bottle) has a similar aromatic flavor!

So to take a break from my usual bitterness, there's quite a few things I'm thankful for..............................................................................................uh, unfortunately a good memory ain't one of 'em!

























1. I'm thankful that I'm self-employed. Yeah, sometimes I wanna fire myself, but if I don't feel like posting a fucking Thanksgiving entry until a week later, I don't have to, dammit!

2. I'm thankful for the recession of my hemorrhoids. They had really blown up and were quite long at one point. I wear short minis and I was sick of braiding and tucking them. Talk about 'rhoid rage!

3 I'm thankful for delightful neighbors. I see Nicky and her husband Sean daily outside their restaurant Tea and Sympathy (or their fish and chip shop A Salt and Battery--get it? I ain't never been in there cuz I don't need a fuckin' fried fish emporium on my block which also stocks deepfried, battered Mars bars?!?!? But they are both hialrious and stop me daily with a salty joke or fiery political update. Neighbor Sandra Bernhard finally recognized me in my day look and came up for a chat. Another neighbor mans a nearby store and pulls his extremely thick cock out on occasion--usually on a day shortly after I've dyed my eyelashes. I have a very special thanks I'm saving for him. We love a horny, young, horse-hung neighbor! And we don't exactly frown on an old one!

4. I am VERY thankful that I have completed my dvd RATED X: FOR XTRA-RETARDED!). You may now view the trailer:

TRAILERTRASH

Watch it or die instantly. Flotilla DeBarge did the voiceover for it and she really nailed that "Chitlins Circuit" 70's comedy album-style vibe! My PayPal account will be set up in a day or so, so you can actually buy it if you like whatcha see! Making the dvd was hard work, but very fun, and I learned a lot about video editing.

5.I will also be finally sending out my SHE-MAIL NEWSLETTER, so sign up quickly on my home-page or you'll miss it. If you read my blog regularly, many items will be familiar to you, but if you don't, then you probably aren't sifting through this dull, self-congratulatory bullshit Thanksgiving/self-promotionary blog post! Hee hee!

6. I am VERY thankful that you guys keep my blog going with your comments during the few times I haven't had time to post anything. I've laughed out loud at some of your insanity. Some of y'all wronger than I is!

7. I'm glad I've reconnected with Miss RuPaul. She's asked me to do a cameo in her upcoming guerilla-style film--she's playing the gorilla, not ME! I also interviewed Miss "Sashay Shante" for my next Genre article and she gives very good interview. We had a great chemistry and hopefully Genre won't edit out too much of the filth. Speaking of Filth, DO NOT MISS my interview in the next issue of Linda Simpson's fabled 'zine MY COMRADE. This whore is too hilarious!!!!! Remind me to kill her. But wait until after her Xmas shows in NYC--more on that later but they always sell out!

8. I haven't written many political posts lately, because I basically agree with Mr. Fish (see Mr. Fish's genius post below). Now that even republicans are doubting the war and a new scandal brands another top republican every damn day, it seems like the peaceniks are finally being vindicated. I am very sorry that it took the country so long to question something as ugly as the Iraq war, but at least they're doing it now. In defense of America's slow realization of what a sham the war is, the republicans have very effective brain-washing techniques which encompass every news channel and a lot of pulpits. I am disheartened to think that gas prices, as I suspect, are one of the main reasons people starting questioning this administration's effectiveness. But looking on the bright side, if I'm correct, maybe highest-ever heating bills this winter will really rile us up against Bush.

I have to believe that if the brainwashing techniques weren't in effect, the average person would be horrified to learn of the falsified evidence, torture, and true motives of our government. Maybe I'm dreamin' in my liberal NYC bubble, but surely evangelicals themselves have been discredited to some extent, with their ridiculous pronouncements like "Assassinate Chavez!" and "Ellen DeGeneres the dyke caused Katrina!" No matter what the extent of peaceniks victory, some shift has thankfully occurred and republican-hunting season is ON. Hallelujah!

So I'll keep up the outrage after my moment of thanksgiving. But it's so rewarding to bask in it for a sec after years of shouting WHY CAN'T THEY FUCKING SEE??? Many are still so blind. One man who was interviewed on CNN had lost his son in Iraq. The dad was pro-war, the son anti-war, but he went to serve anyway. The father's take on Iraq after he'd lost his son? "I don't want to feel that my son died in vain, so we need to stay and finish the job."

a) He did die in vain.

b) Name the fucking job he died for, you idiot! Name it! What is it? You'd give up your son's life for something you can't even comprehend, something which was based on lies, and which was poorly planned! Wow! You're in such deep denial and your desire to "feel" your son's life wasn't wasted is preventing your head from accepting the sad truth. You and your attitude and your elected officials and your tax dollars KILLED HIM. And Cindy Sheehan's son. And countless others, American and Iraqi. Anyone's murder is wrong--must I kill you to make you understand? You are a murderer, more intent on defending some faulty, incomprehensible principle than protecting your own kin. Too bad you probably don't believe in Darwin's theory of evolution because your lack of survival instincts will probably extinct your ass.


AND FOR ALL THAT, I'M GRATEFUL!

Oh yeah! And

9. At least my toilet's inside my apartment.