MOMMY, SHE'S BACK!

Don't ask me to explain what happen to my site--it just vanished due to a godaddy.com error and repeated attempts to correct it failed. I was on the road with no access to the fucking lost original credit card number so I couldn't even find out what the trouble was if it weren't for my web designer hacking in. I had recently posted those pix of Jeff Stryker's dong dongling in my face, as well as an old Genre column (Bunny: Attacked) in which I had mentioned a woman who beat two hand-holding dykes with a baseball bat. Remembering George Bush holding hands with that Saudi official in Crawford, I wondered what this batty homophobe would do if she caught sight of the two leaders cuddling, and I even went a little further--though this passage has now been removed. I was scared that my wishing the president physical harm could be construed as treason, which, though it sounds medieval, they do still come after you for it. At one paranoid point, I entered my hall and the light bulb was on the fritz and blinking. I whirled around thinking it was a police siren! Then in an especially tragic moment, I boarded a plane for LA and while attempting to stow my carry-on in the overhead bin, it came crashing down on an old man's face and shoulder who immediately said:

"MY NECK!"

I chimed right in with "MY NECK, MY BACK, LICK MY PUSSY AND MY CRACK" and other lyrics from Khia's hit. Every passenger looked on with an expression of combined horror and "Lynch Miss Thing!" Needless to say, I was sweating bullets throughout the long flight, expecting to be greeted by his lawyers and the FBI for the treason charges.

Praise the lord for Tijuana's thriving prescription drug scene--a shopping trip there considerably calmed my mood. I was even steady enough to laugh at one funny sombrero vendor's greeting of "How may I rip you off today?"

Anyhoo, it's great to be back. Thank you soooooooo much to those of you who wrote concerned notes and even offered to help get the site back on track. I think I am going to remove the fisting photos from Hustlaball and clean up my blog a little to be on the safe side. In fact, right this very minute,

I'M GOING TO WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP...



...IN MY BRAND NEW SINK!