MAHER, MAHER, MAHER!

By Roger Smith

I know that smart-ass late night cable television does NOT represent the thinking of the mass of Americans. Nor does it represent the height of sophisticated political thinking, however brilliant I personally may think Jon Stewart is.

But...tonight's HBO showing of "Late Night with Bill Maher" proved, I think, some sort of leading indicator of the impact of Katrina on Bush & Co. Nearly an hour of total anti-Bush ridicule and tirades by Bill and such guests as George Carlin was only slightly offset by half-hearted attempts by the evening's guests from the Right, James Glassman and Joe Scarborough at spreading the blame beyond Bush . And every anti-Bush remark was greeted by riotous applause by the studio audience. (Yes, I know this is NOT a scientific poll.)

But the real caper was Bill Maher's closing--presented as an open message to George Bush in deep tones of mock-serious. I think you'll have almost as much fun reading this set piece by Maher as I did listening to it. Here it is:

"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.

"Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.' "

Yes, it's just late-night humor. But it's hard to imagine Bush recovering his ability to govern with any success once this sort of ridicule becomes widespread--and totally acceptable. Bless you, Bill Maher.