September 28, 2011


I posed with some of Escuelita's resident hunks who'll serve as cocktail waiters at my upcoming show, That Ain't No Lady! at Esco every Tuesday night in October. I must apologize because my wig is blocking the view of one of the most bulging package of meat imaginable. Oh well! The "interview" I conducted with myself about the show is below.


I regularly write a column for Odyssey. But if you can remove your eyes from the crotches of the Escuelita hunks for long enough, you'll notice that I'm also gracing the cover of this issue. So the editor asked me to write up my new show That Ain't No Lady! every Tuesday in October. It's been a decade since my last full-length night club act--so why now?

First off, I need the money! When I hit 29 last year, my modeling jobs vanished overnight. I can't run for political office until I'm 35. And it's tough holding onto your escort clients when you're known to have bed bugs. The effective, citywide anti-meth campaigns have virtually shut down my side gig as a drug dealer, especially after regular clients like Kevin Aviance and Jackie Beat skipped town. Whoops! I'm supposed to be pretending that Jackie's dramatic weight loss was the result of some surgery. Since Sarah Jessica Parker, Cameron Diaz, The Olsen Sins and Baked Apple Paltrow moved into my Greenwich Village neighborhood, grocery prices have sky-rocketed. So I'm literally going to have to start singing for my supper. And as you can see, I hate to miss a meal.

For years, I've been the only white queen who’s regularly worked at Esco's. Since it mainly caters to a black and latino crowd, not everyone's aware that the space has the perfect stage for a sizzling night club revue. The roomy stage is ideal for dancing--on the off chance that I should learn how to dance by 10/4.They've also put in new cabaret seating with tables and which all have good sight lines. I learned of the new seating when I visited Hunk-o-mania, a strip show for females several nights a week. But don't worry--I don't plan on stripping, even though that would be so a hilarious that it'd be worth my weight in gold--or at least the price of admission. Speaking of which…

I've been to a few shows lately with a $25 cover and a 2 drink minimum. By the time you take a cab and pay tax and tip, you've spent $60 for a drag show. This recession isn’t improving, so I'm charging a price that's as cheap as my humor--$14.98--with only a 1-drink minimum. However, since my singing has been known to drive people to drink, there will be a strictly-enforced 25 drink maximum. And since Escuelita's waiters put the cock back into cocktail, and I know I'd surely order a second round if my waiter was young, hung, next to naked and enjoyed getting groped for a generous tip. And since they're uncut, do try Esco's selection of vino--nothing goes better with wine than a fragrant cheese!


This fall, I'll have performed at gay pride events from Hawaii to Atlanta, so I must be doing something right. I’m always hearing about the need to celebrate diversity. OK, well I happen to represent the trashy and fun-loving segment of our community who loves raunchy, un-PC humor. I love performing my act in clubs, but this show is a more of a full-length theatrical venture. Of course, I'll do some of my classics, but I've updated my act with new pop parodies from Cee Lo to Ke$ha to and a very climactic Firework by Katy Perry. My new Laugh-In style joke skit rips on everyone from Beyonce to Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga. A spoof of Cher (aka Scare) in Burlesque (aka Grotesque) is not to be missed. And there's a timely if tasteless tribute to Amy Winehouse which just had them howling recently at San Fran's Folsom Street Fair. Since my act is full of parodies of current hits and other pop culture references, it's perfect for the younger gays who don't want to snore through the sappy show tunes and self-indulgent monologues typical of cabaret.

Some of my fans from Wigstock days are older now and aren't going out to clubs or likely to wait until 1AM to see a drag show, so the 8PM slot is perfect on a work night. And one thing I hear a lot is that people over 30 don't go out now because they hate the music. To remedy that, immediately after the show I'll spin a classic set of music that people miss: Whitney, Deee-Lite, Crystal Waters--the sound of NYC from the days of the Roxy when entire dance floors sang along to anthems like Peace In The Valley and Pride (A Deeper Love). Drink prices will drop to 2-4-1 for the hour after the show to loosen up some of those backbones that need it. So let's see if this group who complains about contemporary music--and trust me, I'm one of you--will dance when they do finally hear music they like. At any rate, $14.98 and 1 drink minimum is a recessionista-friendly deal to see a performer who Time Out called a "demented, delightful and hilarious queen" as I brings a little trash back to the Disney-fied Times Square area. It’s the chinese Year of the Rabbit so it’s the perfect time to catch me in That Ain't No Lady! At my age, if I wait another decade to do another next one wo-man show, I may not be alive!

Tuesdays in October at 8PM at Escuelita 301 W. 39 St between 8th and 9th Aves. Seating is limited so reservations are strongly suggested. Cash only at the door or purchase online tickets at .