THE AMERICAN NIGHTMARE

(THIS IS FROM THE NEW ODYSSEY MAGAZINE.)

I may be a little older than most of Odyssey's readers. In fact, there's no "may be" about it--I am. So unless senility has completely clouded my judgement, the fact that I've been around the block since before the block was even built might enable me to pick up on a trend that’s new and different. If you're just entering the work force, you might just think that this is the way things have always been.

Of course, everyone knows about the recession. Now economists are theorizing whether or not we're headed towards a "double-dip" recession. Leave it to the media to sugarcoat tough times with a tasty-sounding ice cream scoop metaphor. But to me, it seems like we never even finished dipping that first dip. And we’re going back for more?

Remember the American Dream? If you worked hard enough and applied yourself with the grit and ingenuity of the pioneers, you could really make something of yourself. Put yourself or your kids through college. And then reap the benefits of your hard work by retiring to a life of leisure at 65.

When did this dream turn into a nightmare? Now old folks can't afford to retire. People are lucky if they only work one job since many are hustling without sleep to hang onto their homes or cars. Many hang onto jobs just to maintain their crappy insurance coverage, since medical costs are the number one cause of bankruptcy. And the notion of a promotion just for doing our jobs well? Ancient history. Now our attitudes towards our bosses have to be "I hope I've completed my job to your satisfaction--how else may I lick your ass just to keep this shit job that was only ever meant to be my waiter's job until I found a position within my chosen career field?”

This is a fundamental change in how we perceive our futures. Are things going to get worse? And how long until we’re back in the black? With Republican senatorial candidates wanting to abolish social security, will that safety net even be there to catch us if we do everything we do everything we’re supposed to? Sheesh! Where do I sign up for a life of crime?

I dj’ed at Fashion's Night Out last week. Since many labels can no longer afford to stage full-scale runway shows, designers throw in-store parties to display their wares. I don't know how much merch was sold, but revelers certainly stepped out en masse to enjoy free cocktails from oodles of shops. When your rent is at stake, the first expense you cut are luxury items. These days, who can afford to buy a $1,500 belt which’ll go out of style after one season? Careful--if you do splurge on it, you might end up with the fiercest belt in the homeless shelter!

I wonder if one reason why Sex and The City 2 flopped is that people can no longer relate to four gals who parade around in designer duds? For most of us, Manolos and anything else in that price range are a thing of the past. But while we may not even be able to afford to swig cosmopolitans nowadays, at least NYC clubs have partially given up on that retarded bottle service, which “allows” you to buy booze which would cost $50 in a store for $500. I’ve even noticed a few drink specials which are complete throwbacks to the 80’s. The Cock and Splash have both recently charged $10 for all-you-can-drink beer.

So take heart, at least it’s getting cheaper to drown your sorrows! Rubbing alcohol is still only $.79 at the drug store. And Shequida still gives toothless blow jobs for $5. ($10 for unsafe.) Oh, and bed bugs are still completely complimentary and you can pick them up almost anywhere!