HAITI LIVE RECAP

I'm watching the big Haiti relief concert. I know I should be touched and donating but I'm dishing instead. Of course all of the stars should be thanked for their contributions but that said...

Is Madonna asian now? Either her eye liner or those new alpine cheekbones make it look like she's moved on from Italian to hebrew to english to asian. OK, fags, before you start crying, I'll admit she DOES look pretty and youthful. Just asian. And what was that weird crouching move? Still, it's one my favorite Madonna songs--because a black choir does most of the singing!

As usual, Rihanna looks GORGEOUS. Is this song from her new album? If so, it's the only good thing I've heard from it. Everything else I've heard is CRAP.

I love Alicia Keys! She was reaching for some high notes which she didn't quite hit, but it was very emotional and I cried. I just love her. She seems pure, somehow. No easy task in the music biz.

Jennifer Hudson always makes every song her own and took us to church with her version of Let It Be. Odd wig, though. Was it pulled back or just very short?

Kid Rock sounded passionate and soulful on Lean On Me but Sheryl Crow added some very jivey harmonies which I did not care for. Why is she always treated like an icon? She had one big hit! And that was breast cancer!

Julia Roberts' unbrushed dry mange with retarded girl bangs was rotten! And no honey, it didn't make you look edgy like your stylist told you for $5,000.

Beyonce sounded great live but I hate that Halo song. Even if you like the song it would have been so much more expressive a delivery if her hair wasn't completely shielding her eyes.

I am sick of seeing Muhammed Ali wheeled out. I'm not a boxing fan but I'm aware of how handsome and entertaining he was in his day. However, now all he represents is someone who has literally had the sense knocked out of him. I think it's a sad comment on him AND the people who enjoy boxing--this is what becomes of your heroes.

Justin Timberlake's gay rumors can stop now. His closeups revealed cracked and chapped lips. No self-respecting gay is without at least one tube of lip balm at all points.

STEVIE WONDER CAN DO NO WRONG!

It was very nice to see all of the networks donating time. I'm watching from a hotel room so I thought their TV was broken. And it was nice to see Meg Ryan answering phones--where she belongs!