VAGINAL SHOTS?

No, it's not the latest menu addition at Hooters, it's what Suzanne Somers administers to herself as part of her health and beauty regime, along with hormones and 60 pills a day! Read more at HUFFPO. She may still look as ditzy as her Chrissie on THREE'S COMPANY, but she's parlayed that one hit role into a lucrative if questionable position as a health and diet expert, hawking a variety of merchandise which she admits is geared to the housewives in middle America. Here's how Suzanne describes her target audience: "“They look like my mother. I grew up with these women. And I think they sense it. This is my mission in America. It’s not the coasts. It’s not the super-hip people." Yeah, because the coasts and the super-hip aren't stupid enough to fondly reminisce about the one hit role you had and be conned by you! I guess these gals have never seen a sex change, because Suzanne's real beauty secret is constant plastic surgery, some of which she even admits to. If there were on more transsexuals in these areas, these housewives might recognize that unmistakeable trout pout.

More from Suzanne on her followers:

“That picture is so telling to me. I know that they think about the prices of everything. I know that they don’t get the kind of attention from their husbands that they want. I give it to them… . I’ve been told I’m the best friend they’ve ever had. I get it. I just think I speak for them and I give them hope. That you can look good, feel good, have energy, have fun, be in love, have a family, have a great time with your family.”

Now while ludicrous to claim that she's giving women attention that they don't get from their spouses (if they pay) it is somewhat true that many women DON'T feel that they have a right to "feel good, have energy, have fun, be in love, have a family", etc. That's sad. But it's even sadder to pinpoint it and hijack their emotions in order to sell a device which delivers electronic pulses to your face to supposedly restore your youth. And claim that you are giving them attention while ripping them off! I'm not saying that all of Suzanne's diets and devices are crap and she does look good for her age, but isn't this kind of despicable? I guess it's not that different from what anyone else is doing, though.

SOMEONE SHOULD TELL SUZANNE THAT THIS HORRIBLE BLUSH IS NOT A FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.



AND HERE'S A FASCINATING ARTICLE ON THE PERKY SNAKE OIL SALESMAN FROM THE LA TIMES.

THE UNSINKABLE SUZANNE SOMERS.

Somers continued virtually without pause for about 40 minutes, and then I stopped her. The point of this profile, I said, was to get to know the real Suzanne Somers, her world, her life, her personality. She nodded vigorously, taking it in.

“Got it,” she said.

Then Somers began again. There was no hesitation. No apparent contemplation. Somers knew where to take this. She recalled a lecture she had delivered in 2004 at Ernst & Young’s Entrepreneur of the Year awards in Palm Springs. Somers explained that she never speaks with notes, but rather devises an opening line and a thread of an idea and then knows where she’ll end up. At this lecture, however, the idea didn’t hit her until she was in the wings.

“Then it came to me,” she said. “I sell my problems. I’m a woman with problems. I’ve had problems since the day I was born. And I have found a way to turn my problems into assets.”

And then Somers told a story that could wring tears from the most committed cynic. It took place in the early 1960s, in her hometown of San Bruno, the night before her first prom. It was the time, as Somers remembers it, that she thought she’d killed her alcoholic father. She spoke as if onstage, giving each detail a dramatic flourish.

MORE: LA TIMES